Ice and I lay prone firing from an unsupported position right into a cluster of monks. The guys were really stupid, acting like an army from a Hollywood movie, sticking close together and engaging in clumps. So I took the chance to rise up and whip a grenade into their midst even as Sug continued his coaxial massacre.

It was super effective.

Then a gaggle of a dozen or so of the orange idiots came around from our flank, still mobbed together in that attack plan that Hollywood calls a “tactical act of brilliance”. Charging like a bunch of Pictish berserkers, Ice and I easily popped them again and again with our rifles. Just a single one of them reached us, a sliver of red in his health bar, and Ice put him down with the butt of his rifle.

A loud zap tore through the air, buzzing our airs and raising the hairs on our arms. What the hell was going on? I poked up to get a look but was blinded by the bright flash of an explosion, followed by the sound of its blast.

Jee-sus. The blast had come from the direction of the tank. Sug! The two of us ran to the scene.

The vehicle creaked and hissed, its front engine compartment open to the air, the 10 ton cover having been sheared off magically in the massive attack. One of the twin turbines had simply exploded while the other was pouring a thick acrid smoke into the nigh-nighttime sky.

Maybe 20 meters in front of it floating the three-eyed man, his eyes still closed. Behind him were his monks, presenting themselves in a rank and file formation that would have made any Hollywood director proud.

A voice boomed, seeming to come directly from the sky. “THE BONSAI IS PEACE. THE BONSAI IS ORDER. SURRENDER TO THE HARMONY OF THE BONSAI.”

Ice and I dropped to the ground, firing shots center mass. But the shots pinged against the man’s aura, showing a shimmery white where they struck as if the man were a starship.

“DO NOT ANGER THE BONSAI. THE BONSAI IS PEACE. SLEEP.”

A weariness drifted over me. Why were we fighting these guys again? I looked over at Ice and saw him snoring away, his face relaxed and unworried. I felt envy. Why could I sleep and I couldn’t? I could just close my eyes for a brief bit, just a minute would be enough. We always slept in the troop trucks, the C130s, the M113s . . . nothing wrong with sleeping in a combat zone . . .

The loud boom of a one-hundred and twenty-five millimeter main gun blasted me awake. I saw that Ice, too, was awake. He’d rolled onto his back and was gasping at the sky. I was so damn tired. What the hell was going on?

My eyes shot wide. “Sug! Christ, Ice, we have to help Sug! Damn bastard made his save and we didn’t.” I was just talking, getting him awake, but sure enough, in my game side panel, the words were there.

 

SAVE VERSUS SLEEP - FAILED!

 

It was a wonder that the sound of the main gun woke us. In most games I’d played, such things wouldn’t.

Ice was up, his eyes wild. “Charge ‘em?” he asked. His face was confused and there were huge dark bags under his eyes.

I shook my head. “Might be part of the plan. Sug is still in the tank and it might not be mobile but he’s still shooting. We provide support. Start popping those orange-robes in the dicks and let him trade shots with their boss.”

We fired shots into the monkish ranks, and they casually marched at us, firing as they did so. I thanked God that Deus Ex sucked up so much mass media to make its NPCs and their lines of thinking. Because these tactics were beyond stupid. They were Russians in the Ukraine levels of dumb.

The boss monk, though, was moving faster than Sug’s turret could rotate, and he was getting a bead on him. The sparkly field around the man looked much less, somehow, than I’d seen it previously. But even if he was that much weaker, it didn’t matter much if Sug couldn’t hit him.

Worse still, the monk was throwing a steady stream of flame into the other engine well. I knew Hollywood and I knew what he was going for. Enough heat and the whole tank track was going to explode, killing Sug.

Our Tanker dude didn’t stand a chance.

“I move, you cover,” I yelled to Ice. In the movies he would have stopped firing, lost his sight picture, and flipped me a thumbs up. Instead he just kept popping rounds downrange. I stood, tossed another grenade into the advancing firing ranks, taking an amazing 21 wholesome hits and a good 210 damage. My skin suit felt like a dead weight, its full 200 physical used up in my idiotic move, but the shower of dead monks made it all worthwhile. I tapped my armor’s refresh ability, watching the 200 point meter rise back up to full.

I had plenty of hit points, but I definitely wasn’t going to do that again. I sprinted as fast as I could over the cracked and cratered terrain over to the enemy boss, my mind a blur while I sorted through my inventory on the side. I needed something that would either stick him in place. Or dazzle him. Something to stop him moving.

And my eyes alit on something awesome. The fact that I had a little of both.

Thunder-Muzzle, Home-made

DMG 14-50 per rocket (deals 1-6 damage to the wielder)

Projectile Weapon, One-Use

Provides multiple small-scale explosions on impact. 10% chance to electrocute, 10% chance to blind, 10% chance to misfire.

Snot Cannon

DMG 1-4 blunt

95% chance to immobilize the limb struck. On a headshot, causes immediate suffocation. Snot globs have 8 damage reduction and 50-60 hp before they’re removed. *snot globs dissolve after 8-10 minutes.

Pro tip: the ‘antidote’ setting dissolves snot globs, and also deals 6-12 acid damage in a pinch, plus 4-6 extra damage every five seconds, for 30 seconds.

 

Selecting and wielding a Thunder-muzzle, I sent a volley of colorful blasts, all at the same time, into my target. His shield sparked up and deflected them. Overcome by pure brightness, his levitation cut out, his concentration obliterated. The enemy boss monk sat cross-legged on the ground.

Temporarily, I was sure.

So I moved onto step two and swapped weapons, moving over from the Thunder-muzzle to the Snot Cannon, and I pasted him to the ground. Sug’s turret caught up and kablammo, there was light.

But before I could pat myself on the back, twin bolts of lightning crackled from the burning blast area, lifting me up from the ground and then hurling me backwards. Smoke billowed from my chest and I couldn’t breathe.

You have taken 209 points of damage my helpful in-game ticker notified me. You have suffered the debuff: Wind knocked out of you.

My first thought was that my armor was dead again. I waved away the rest of the notifications. Whatever the in-game effects were, it felt absolutely real and I just wanted to focus on getting over it. Fast. Ahead of me, an explosion blew pillars of orange and black flame skyward and I prayed fervently that Sug had gotten out before it was too late.

Ice was backpedaling and he kneeled down next to me, keeping his rifle at his hip and scanning for enemies.

But the horde had broken and fled, it seemed, because no heads peaked down the slope at them.

A level up notification flashed.

 

WELCOME TO LEVEL ELEVEN, STUD.

 

I decided to put it away for later. Too much was going on right then.

“Sug did it,” I managed to gasp. Ice smiled. “Yep. He had a bit of help though.”

We stared up at the smoke and flames waiting. There was no way dude was gone. This was his moment. We were going to end this here quest with beers in his honor . . .

And he did not disappoint. Stumbling from the flames, smoke billowing from his clothing, Sug made his way down the slope, jerking and almost stumbling. “You guys see that?” he asked.

Then he dropped to the ground.

“Hats off to Sug, Poombah. Start to finish, he couldn’t have played any of that out in a more awesome way.”

The flames died down and soon the former enemy encampment was simply a treasure trove of loot. After healing Sug and slapping him awake the three of us wandered through the place, looting everything that wasn’t nailed down.

As we wandered, I took the time to properly level myself up, slapping a point in Strength and one into finesse, then recommitting to the search.

Soon enough we had a pile of cards, most of them commons, but one that seemed quite useful.

 

 

Source Point

Legendary attack

Single-use. Slot and Burn to deal 400 points of damage to a single target using the elemental energy of your choice.

This card must be placed in a slot before use. Using this card will destroy it and will lock the slot as empty for the next 24 hours.

 

“She collapsed all of her lifeforce into a single attack, to be used on the enemy when all else was lost.”

 

 

“Dude,” Sug said, flipping the card end over end. “This card, I know it’s here then gone. One shot only. But damn, that is one powerful shot.”

I nodded. “It’d kill me in one go. Let’s keep that safe for right now. Sounds like a good card for the Boss.”

Ice was digging through the new gear, sorting it for specials. “Did you know that, despite these idiots all wearing orange monk robe uniforms, not a single one of them actually has that wardrobe in their inventory?”

I laughed. “Figures. We get anything good though?”

“Rifles, monk meat, ooh, check this out!” Ice exclaimed, throwing the loot info into the air.

 

Slippers of the Bonsai

Damage reduction: 50 physical, 50 energy when airborne.

Slippers of the Bonsai also make the wearer immune to all sleep-based or charm-based attacks.

‘For 40 days and 40 nights, the student stood awake beneath the tree of wisdom. And when it was done, he was no longer a student. He was a master. A master whose wife demanded he take a bath the minute he came back home.’

 

“Well the airborne thing is a little awkward, but maybe Nolan can craft something that’ll keep one of you off the ground just enough to make it work.”

“You not gonna take it Poombah?” Sug asked, still fiddling with the card.

“Yeah. If we put everything on me, you guys are gonna get it. One by one I’ll see you all die. And that’s not what I’m here for, Sug. I’m here to get you all out alive.”

“Speaking of death, Poombah, we just got something that I think you are going to flip over.” Ice held up an idol of a fat and happy Buddha, tossing its statistics out for us all to see.

Buddha’s Grace Relife Token, one use

Brings back one being from death.

Must be used with 4 hours of being’s demise.

 

‘To the masses he let be known that of those who did not ascend they would be reborn to live their lives again and again until nirvana could be achieved.’

 

I stared at it, speechless. If only we’d had one when Stayin bit the dust.