Hi my name is Yuna and I am watching High school Dxd right now and-
"Why the fuck is rias so stupid when issei is near her, and also issei why is he soo- something"
"But most of all the girls are also stupid when they are near issei-"
"Huh why did sally call me"
~Yuna-chan can you tell your favourite anime recommendations~
'huh, muahahahaha time to corrupt another one'
~well its definitely Fate/Grand Order because of Tiamat as she is sooooooo sexy and strong mommy ~
'aaaah when i think about tiamat again i am horny again now'
~hmmmm, pretty good choice well yuna-chan hypothetically if you could go as tiamat and which period of time would you go~
~well there are very many anime so, can you choose one for me, but sally are you writing a fanfic if you are lemme read it ok ~
~okay and a random world it is you go so byeeeee~
As i was trying to type ok
"huh wha-"
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'aaaah my head hurts' then i look up and saw that i was in something so beautiful you couldn't explain it. Well it was a world inside a cave of some sorts and i saw giant creatures.
"Huh what the fuck is going on where the hell am i and what the is wrong with my voice"
'my voice sounded like singing to me at least '
I try to touch my throat but saw my hand is like pale and has scales and then looked at my body and saw that i have no clothes on but i at least have scales for my lower area and breasts.
then it clicked for me-
'i have become tiamat whyyyyyyyyy, at least its tiamat but it is exciting to have become my favourite character but why, wait did i become tiamat because of sally if it is I am happy and sad at the same time because sally you could have warned me I could have become tiamat.'
'wait but where did sally send me to she did say random world so where am I' as I look into the Big creatures or Titans.
'Wait Titans am I in the Monsterverse Yeah yeah I am a smart tia' then i look over to the titan and found it cute.
" Sooo cute"
~Cute happy tia noises~
'Yosh now lets go to them' then suddenly a blue box appears in front of me
[System starting] 99%
'Yahoo its a freaking system Yayyyyyy'
[System beginning] 100%
[Status]
[Name- Tiamat] [Former Name- Yuna]
[Age- 8,674 years]
[Sex- Female]
[Race- True God]
[Class- X]
[Element- Chaos]
[Title]
[Elder God- Tiamat] [Dragon Goddess]
[Mana- 1,000,000,000.]
'oho pretty nice'
[Skills]
[Forms-EX= Femme Fatale, Unleashed, Draconic Corpus]
[Sea of life- EX]
[Sealing Magic- A]
[Nega-Genesis- A]
[Monstrous strength- S]
[World Hopping- SS]
[Singularity-EX] {There is only one true Tiamat in the whole true omniverse}
[Authority of the beast- A] {extra passive damage against Light gods, Humans, Heroes}
[Immortality- EX] {Can still die if Existence is wiped out}
[Creation- Magic- SS]
[Chaos Magic- S] {can warp time, stop time, change the past and destroy beings before they are born only in one uni
[Self modification- EX]
[Draconic language- EX]
[Language of the Gods-EX]
[All-Absorbing-Skill-Astraes- EX]{can increase life force and mana by eating or absorbing living things i.e. Humans, Gods, Universe, etc}
'now time to travel' "To travelling and exploring we go"
AN- I could write all of it in one chapterr but wanted to split in in 5 or so chapters so yeah I am lazy. Just one thing thing i want to say-
1-Tiamat is a mommy type and my type.
2-This is overpowered mc so if this is not yo cuppa tea mate go away.
3-This link is for cultured people ⇓
I am only 16 yrs old and so i am still in school So expect irrergular updates.
As Mr.DerpSwarm said, you should follow his advice If you want your novel to actually be and feel like a novel rather then whatever randomness this is. (Just repeating the points made in comments)
1. You should really add a plot or some kind of background lore or something to this MC to make her feel more alive. She has no depth or character at all and I cant say I really care or like her with so little of... well, story and everything. Who is she? Where did she come from? Personality?
2. There is no flow at all. No details are described just written statements. Beginning, Middle, End, Plot, Condense, Tell It.
3. Grammar. You can work on this with all the grammar help on the internet these days and I'm not expecting you to be a professional author or anything so take your time.
4. Fact check your worlds so you don't piss people off who love certain anime/manga.
Lastly, if you don't care about writing an actual story you can ignore all of this. I love anime, manga, Tiamat, and female MC's so I want this story to succeed if your even remotely serious about writing a story.
For 16 year old wirtter you did do a good start hope you imagination never stay still
from 28 year old reader.
there is alot of work needed and this feels like this is your first novel or English is not your first language
1 grammar need work like alot and no one is perfect so use Word or Grammarly both can help you even if you dont think so
2 things need to connect better so there are no plot holes
3 im not sure how much you know of that world you first dropped your mc in but please before you have your MC go around different worlds please read up on those worlds as much as you can so you dont some how annoy someone to hate on the novel
i hope you can get over the small problems his novel has right now and make it a great novel/fanfic
Когда будет следующая глава?
[Element- Chaos]
Why not Life?
the link is to the chapter before the rewrite guys