It might have been impressive, once upon a time. The shattered glass, broken stone and crystal shards spread all over the castle showed the remains of what might have been a work of art.

Queen Galaxia had been, as I understood it, a galaxy-spanning genocidal tyrant. Someone willing to sell out to Chaos itself and become its pawn in exchange for the power she received. She had been a true rival for Queen Serenity, but she had, inevitably, fallen in the face of Naoko’s power and love for her friends.

I wasn’t able to take in the scenery too clearly. Me and Nao were sprinting as fast as our powers would carry us up the shattered staircases and over the cracked floors. We both knew that every moment we waited would be another moment that could cost us the lives of the people we cared for.

Into the main throne room, we saw the massive vaulted ceilings, the crumbling columns and the broken remains of the throne itself. Nao leaped on top of it, and used it heedlessly as a stepping stone past it into the room beyond. I followed her lead and stopped short as I saw where she stood. Where we both stood.

As determined as we had been, there was no way not to take a moment to stare in awe at what we were seeing. The vast stone legacy of this castle paled in comparison to this. Nothing I’d ever seen or was ever likely to see would compare to this. This was both beautifully terrifying and simply awe-inspiring in a way that caused me… as poetic as I might have been, to be utterly lost for words.

The stone walkway past the throne ended into a tall marble archway, which fell away into a massive pool of light. As we stepped into the entrance, we were surrounded on all sides by a starry infinity. Stars, so many, countless stars, blazing with fresh, new life in all directions. And this sea of lights was simply a backdrop for the true beauty.

The Galaxy Cauldron. It felt like such a pitiful, almost silly name for something as magnificent as this. A ring of light, overflowing with liquid shimmering stardust, falling into the vastness of infinity below. Within it the ring itself, there lay the brightest, purest, most incredible light I’d ever seen. While my belief in God had been taxed over all that I had experienced, this liquid, shimmering light truly did feel like something holy. Something I should be honored to see, and yet should be unworthy to be in its presence.

“Serena,” whispered Nao, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked at her in shock, forgetting that she had been there. Truthfully, I had forgotten that I was here, as this wonder before me had all but devoured me in the thrall of the light held within. I sighed, shaking my head.

“We have to go in, don’t we?” I said, shaking at the thought. I didn’t believe anyone, myself included, could survive the searing light of that thing.

Nao nodded. “Y-yeah.” She shivered.

Looking down at it, I wondered if we jumped… would we ever even reach the Cauldron itself? It looked so massive and vast and far away… I worried that we would fall for a lifetime and waste away before even getting close to it.

“I’m… scared,” I said, swallowing hard.

“Yeah… me too,” gasped Nao, shaking her head. 

I reached out for her hand and felt it meld into my own. We looked to each other fearfully, but we both knew that whatever happened next, we would do it forever.

“On three,” I said, squeezing her hand tight, gritting my teeth.

“One,” gasped Nao, breathing heavily.

“Two,” I replied, praying to anyone who was listening that I would survive this,

“THREE!” shouted Nao, leaping forward, with me following her.

We fell. 

For how long, I couldn’t guess. A torrent of stars rushed by us in a dizzying spiral as we drew closer and closer. The light grew blinding and the heat became searing. It hurt. It hurt so much. The pain was more than anyone could possibly bear. The light was enough that it felt like I would be lost in it entirely.

But, the sensation of Nao’s hand in my own kept me sane. Whatever happened next, I wasn’t alone. I had an anchor.

I wasn’t sure when things changed. When falling stopped and the sensations became bearable. All I knew was that I heard a sound.

Opening my eyes had been a mistake. The searing white light all around me blinded me for another moment or so. With careful effort, I was able to blink past it and adjust. All around me was a white void. Bright lights in all directions.

Save for one.

Behind me, I saw the source of the sound. A clapping sound. A slow, steady clapping. And it was coming from my very own shadow.

There should have been no place for a shadow here. It was too bright. And even so, my shadow shouldn’t have been so dark and deep. But, it rose. The inky blackness rose and coalesced into…

Me.

The pitch black, tarry ooze took on my shape and slowly developed the appearance of skin. Hair. While the eyes remained the same empty black as the Chaos Senshi, the form in front of me was very much my own. Sailor uniform and all.

She clapped her gloved hands, still staring at me with those empty eyes and vacant expression. A look of intense boredom… or perhaps misery? Regret? I could make no sense of it without any true eyes to gauge its intent.

“Well… here we are, I guess,” said the copy, its voice matching my own… but with a hollow, emotionless tinge to it. “If you’re looking for congratulations, I guess this is it. I’ll admit that I didn’t think you two would pull it off.”

Two of us. I looked around and with a searing sense of terror, I realized that Nao was nowhere in sight. I clenched at the hand I had been holding and… oddly enough, some small measure of the warmth of another living person still remained… despite her absence.

“She’s still alive,” replied my shadow. “We’re having our own, separate conversation right now. Heck, all your friends are still alive, at least for the moment. Congrats, you pretty much won. Do you feel like a hero, yet?”

I stared at her. “Chaos, right?”

She shrugged. “Again, that’s what you call me. It doesn’t matter much one way or another.”

“Not to put too fine a point on it,” I said, raising an eyebrow, “You don’t seem quite as… evil as you had been.”

“No point,” sighed Chaos, shaking her head. “The fight’s over. No use trash talking or playing mindgames. If you’re looking for an apology, you’re not going to get it, but now, we have this conversation as equals. You wanna do this, now’s the time, Serena. Finish it, do your big sparkly rainbow attack so we can move on with our lives.”

I frowned. Was this some kind of trick? Reverse psychology to get my guard down?

“No… no tricks,” replied Chaos, drawing out a shiver of dread as I realized that it had just read my thoughts. “Like I said… no point. You won. Good game. Better luck next time, I guess.”

“Next time?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Uh… no… we’re ending this for good.”

“Really? Are you sure about that?” replied Chaos, laughing hollowly. “Because even Naoko didn’t have the stomach for it. I straight up offered her the way out and she couldn’t do what needed to be done. You really think you’re any better?”

“We will do whatever we need to do to beat you,” I growled, menacing… or rather trying to menace my mirror image.

She didn’t blink. She didn’t move a fraction of an inch. She simply stared up at me contemptuously and said, “Okay… then give up.”

I barked out a laugh. “Um… no… I don’t think so.”

She buried her head in her hands, shaking with some emotion… rage or sadness… I couldn’t identify which. She groaned with frustration as she did so. “Stupid, stupid, stupid girl! God-fucking damn it, why do I even bother when you’re so stupid!”

I blinked in surprise. Chaos took in a shuddering breath as they composed herself, staring at me firmly as their empty eyes bored into my own. “Okay… okay, I’m going to say this once because every time I have to explain this to one of you idiots, it feels like I’m pulling out my own teeth… pay attention, alright?”

I waited, watching them, and gave a small nod.

Chaos nodded in return and began to speak. Slowly, deliberately and intentionally, as if giving a lecture to a particularly challenged student. “I am your shadow. I am Nao’s shadow. I am the shadow cast by the Silver Millennium Crystal itself. I only exist because you and your Sailor friends exist. I only have power because you have power. If you want to destroy me, you need to destroy the Silver Millennium Crystal. As long as Sailor Scouts exist, I will continue to exist and continue to wreak havoc on your world.”

I scoffed, laughing. “Right!” I cackled, “Because I’m sure the moment we give up our powers, you’re just going to roll over and play nice…”

Chaos groaned, digging her nails into her cheeks as she dragged them slowly down her face. “Fucking LISTEN to me! You morons never LISTEN! I am your shadow. I exist because of the strength of the light you cast. The brighter you shine, the longer and more powerful I get. If you become a normal, ordinary girl… I disappear!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Assuming I believe you… why would you tell me this?”

“Because I want to die,” replied Chaos, simply.

I blinked. I felt a strange mixture of emotions. Empty-eyed or not, there was something deeply unsettling about watching a copy of yourself say those words.

“Perhaps ‘die’ is too strong a word,” sighed Chaos, shrugging, “I mean… I don’t really exist in the way you understand. I’m not sentient. I don’t have my own real thoughts or desires in any way you would comprehend. It’s more like… the longer I have to do this, the worse it becomes. The weight… the burden. Existing is painful. Playing these stupid games of good and evil is exhausting. What little fragment of consciousness I have is unbearably uncomfortable. I am, by my nature, void and shadow, Serena. Non-existence is my default… wearing your shape is tiring. I don’t want to play this game anymore… I want it to end. And the only way that happens if you STOP. PLAYING. Turn off the console. Eject the disc. Flip the board. END. THIS.”

Chaos placed her hands on my shoulder, and for the first time, a real sense of pleading came from her… clearly. Pitch black tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Please, Serena… I’m so fucking tired… I don’t want to do this anymore. Just destroy that stupid magic rock… and it all goes away,” begged Chaos, putting her full weight on my shoulders.

“B-but…” I gasped, taken aback by this sudden change. “What about all the people who need me? What about all the crime and evil and-”

“Without your light, the shadow goes away too!” shouted Chaos, shaking me. “No more monsters or villains or victims. It all goes back to normal!”

“So… what, I destroy the Crystal and everything becomes a utopia?” I said, eyebrow raised.

Chaos sighed miserably. “Look… I’m not a god… at least not the way you would understand. Every evil that stems from me and you would go away, okay? There are… other facets of me that will remain, but that’s because those sources of light refuse to be extinguished.”

My frown deepened.

Chaos groaned miserably. “Like… it’s difficult for someone like you… limited as you are, to understand in a way that makes sense to your linear brain… but… okay, the Joker only exists because Batman exists. Lex Luthor is only a villain because Superman exists. Flash and Reverse Flash. Green Lantern and Yellow Lantern… look, shadows spring from light, okay? Forces of good inevitably bring about forces of evil. Like… as long as an artifact of power like the Crystal exists, the sheer power of its good is going to bring about unfathomable evil. If you give it all up, things will normalize considerably… but the other lightbulbs need to be extinguished first.”

“Uh… huh… yeah, no, fuck that…” I snapped impatiently. “Even if you’re telling the truth-”

“I know why you’re resisting,” said Chaos, cutting across me impatiently. “And… I can make it worth your while. If you destroy this power and leave it behind, I can give you what nobody else can in return.”

“What?” I snorted, “What could you possibly-”

________________________

I shot out of bed, breathing hard. Wiping the sweat off my brow, I looked around myself.

Soft pink comforter, stuffed bunny next to me, posters of manga and anime on one wall and a giant bisexual flag hanging on the other. 

I heaved out a sigh of relief. Everything was fine. I was safe.

I couldn’t remember the nightmare that had been plaguing me a moment ago. But the cold sweat of fear which had soaked my pajamas made it clear that it had been deeply unpleasant.

“Is everything okay, Serena?” asked Mom, knocking on my door.

Still breathing heavily, I nodded. “Y-yeah, sorry… bad dream.”

“Can I come in?” she asked, and I made a noise of agreement.

Mom opened the door and peered into my room. For a moment, she almost looked off… but who else would she be? Blonde hair, blue eyes, wide smile and wearing a pink, floral dress.

She stepped over to me, making a point to ignore the pile of laundry in the middle of my room, and wrapped me in a hug. I melted into the warmth of her embrace, as kind and loving as it had always been. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” murmured Mom into my ear, “You’re safe, okay? You’re home.”

I nodded into her shoulder, basking in her love for one more moment before she pulled away and, with a long-suffering sigh, said, “But, you are also, very, very late. You’re going to want to get moving, Serena.”

I blinked in surprise and a quick glance at my clock was almost enough to launch me vertically into the ceiling. I rushed over to the bathroom across the hall and shucked out of my clothes at lightning speed, set the shower to a hair below boiling, and worked to begin making myself presentable.

In the process of doing so, there was a brief moment of disconnect as I looked down at my body. Did… did I always look like this? I mean, I was a girl, of course. And puberty was being reasonably kind to me, periods notwithstanding. But there was some strange sense that things had been… different once.

I shook my head. Of course it had been different… I had been a kid! I’d grown up! It was what kids tended to do! I was a teenager now, and despite being an eighth-grader on the cusp of high school, I still had a long way to go.

As soon as I managed to wash off the grime of the previous day, I nearly leapt out of the shower and furiously scrubbed at my teeth, brushed my hair and went through the rest of my bathroom routine, anxiously counting the seconds in my head.

Bolting back for my room, I yanked my sailor-girl school uniform out of the closet and squeezed into it. I always thought that the uniforms were cute, to be sure… but I also was ready to grow out of them as well.

“Well, look who’s up and moving!” came a chipper voice from outside my room.

“Ma, I really don’t have time to talk,” I sighed, briefly fumbling with my neck kerchief.

Ma, a woman with dark hair sculpted into twin pigtails, brown eyes and wearing her white doctor’s coat over her blue blouse and dark pants, smirked as she watched me rush around the room. “I can see that…” she said, with a chuckle.

“Agh! Where’s my schoolbag!?” I whined, looking underneath my bed.

“Behind you… hanging on your chair,” replied Ma, pointing to my desktop. Groaning, I wrenched it off and slung it over my shoulder. Slipping my socks up my legs, I performed a brief mental checklist. That was everything… in theory.

“One more thing,” insisted Ma, smiling at me as I looked up at her in terror. She held up something in her hand. “Breakfast!”

I snatched the slice of toast with jam out of her hand, gave her a quick squeeze.

I nearly bowled over my sister on the way out of my room.

“Geeze, Serena, you nearly killed me!” snapped Naomi impatiently. Despite being barely six, her grumpiness was beyond her years. She was still dressed in her bunny PJs, hugging a threadbare stuffed rabbit to match my own. She was, obviously, Ma’s biological daughter, with the same dark hair, brown eyes and similarly angelic features. 

Mom was obviously my bio-mom. Our respective Dads (currently enjoying their honeymoon together) always encouraged us to get along and while we had our little disagreements from time to time, we were still sisters and cared for each other as sisters do.

I tousled her hair affectionately, “Sorry, little lady. Gotta run.”

Bounding down the stairs, past the family photos, past Mom and Ma and Dad and Pa’s wedding photos I reached the bottom floor, fumbled with my shoes as I shoved the slice of jam-toast into my mouth and rushed out the door, making some kind of noise with my mouth that might have charitably been “LOVE YOU!” as I made the long jog to school.

I had made it halfway through my breakfast as I rounded the intersection and spotted two other classmates making their way towards the school. As I jogged closer along the sidewalk, I was relieved to see Jess and Toru both rushing as well. I choked down the remainder of my breakfast, eager to speak to them intelligibly without a piece of bread in my mouth getting in the way. When I caught up with them, they both gave me a long-suffering glare.

“Seriously, Serena?” groaned Jess, shaking her head. Her brown hair, lovely as it always was, was currently pulled into a loose ponytail as her sailor-uniform looked as if it had been slept in. “How many times have you overslept this week?!”

“I mean… technically one, considering it’s now Monday,” I said with a sly grin.

“You can’t keep doing this, Serena,” said Toru reproachfully, the legs of his dress pants pumping as he kept pace with us, and his dress shirt skipping a button. His dark, somewhat shaggy hair and his stern features, softened slightly upon considering me.

“And what’s your excuse?” I said, chuckling, “I logged off at a reasonable hour. Were you two still chatting late into the night?”

Jess and Toru both flushed, not meeting each other's gaze. I let out a hearty belly laugh that made nearby passersby look at me like I was a crazy girl. We certainly looked silly jogging down the winding suburb towards the school.

“Oh no!” I said, putting the back of my hand against my forehead, as if I would suddenly catch a case of the vapors, “I can’t believe it! Have my two best friends been having an illicit relationship behind my back!”

“Serena, you were the one that roped us into this!” snapped Jess, elbowing me in the ribs.

“Honestly, my parents still think I’m too young to be dating,” said Toru warily. “Especially dating two girls at once.”

“Oh bah,” I said, waving aside Toru’s parents and their backwards views. “Come on! We’re going to be high schoolers next year! We’re just more mature than the others!”

“Right… because that’s the first thing I think when I see you, Serena. ‘Mature,’” snarked Jess.

I stuck out my tongue at her and would have shot back with a witty retort, but as we rounded the final bend, we found ourselves standing at the gates of Hale Middle School.

Maybe we were late, but even so, I reached out for the hands of my boyfriend and girlfriend. The comfort of their presence was more than enough to energize me for the day, pushing away the fatigue and nightmares of the night before.

School was boring as usual, but I had friends ready to make it more bearable. Whether it was trading fashion tips with Rita, talking about sports with Lani, making plans for our band practice with Liv or trading silly notes with Maya and trying to make her laugh… it made the school day fly by.

On our usual meetup spot on the roof of the school, all of us watched the orange light of the sun slipping towards the horizon. The sky and the air around us was filled with that liquid golden light. I had to admit, as I looked at my friends, my girlfriend and my boyfriend, I was more than a little worried about leaving junior high behind. High school entrance exams, complex romance and our band’s first real concert loomed before us in an uncertain future.

But with loving parents (all four of them) and caring partners… and the best friends a girl could ever ask for… I knew that I would be able to face that future head-on… and find the joy on the other side.

I was happy… and I let that happiness fill me to the brim

Right until the moment when it was ripped away from me.

_______________________________________

I blinked, staring at a copy of myself with empty, deep-black eyes. But she was older than me… easily college-aged. And dressed in some kind of strange technicolor pleated sailor-

The word ‘Sailor’ immediately caused all the memories to flood my mind in a torrent. And while they nearly crowded out the joy that I had been experiencing previously, I was still left with a fragment of the world I had just been in.

“You were cheated, Serena,” said Chaos, its voice hollow as it filled the light-filled emptiness we stood within, “You and Nao both were, I suppose. Cheated out of a normal, safe childhood. Cheated out of happiness. Cheated out of safety. But you, most of all, were cheated out of a girlhood. If you destroy the Silver Millennium Crystal… you get that back.”

It leaned in closer, those empty eyes almost swallowing me with their vastness. “You get to be a cisgender girl, you get mothers and fathers that care for you and accept you for who you are. You get to grow up with your soulmates by your side. And the best part is… you don’t need to fight anymore. You don’t need to be afraid. You don’t need to train or plan for anything worse than what you’ll wear to prom. Serena… I’m willing to offer you a perfect life… just put down your powers. Let me fade away… please.”

The ache in my chest was visceral. The longing loss of a life I thought could only be in my imagination. A life that never could be. No more long nights of stakeouts, no more life or death struggles… I could be free.

And we would win, technically. Chaos would be no more. I had wanted to be a girl, at the end of the day. Being a hero was the only way forward for me to become one…

But now… I could finally rest. And let go.

But… something refused to die in the back of my mind. A cold, cruel truth that I couldn’t set aside.

“That… wasn’t my life,” I said, blinking in realization. “That girl isn’t me.”

“But she could be you!” begged Chaos, pleadingly.

I shook my head. “In order for that girl to exist, I need to cease. The friendships, the struggles, the changes… gone. My life will be erased.”

“But what kind of life have you been living!?” shouted Chaos, shaking me by the shoulders. “A life of constant fighting and pain!? Are you a fucking masochist?! Do you want nothing but torment!? YOU. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. LIVE. LIKE. THIS.”

“That’s the thing though… nobody should have to live like I do,” I insisted, circling around them. “Maybe I give up… and maybe my friends get to find their happiness… but if I give up on these powers, then what about everyone else? Countless people in the world are hurting… and with the power of the Crystal, I know I can help them.”

“But as long as you have this power, people will get hurt too!” snarled Chaos, gritting its teeth. “I can’t stop it! I am your reflection! You move right, I move left! Every second you carry the light of that crystal, you cast a shadow of suffering! Those lives are on you, Serena! You’re just selfish! You’re afraid of becoming weak again!”

“...Maybe…” I sighed, frowning as Chaos’s words struck true. I staggered. I was afraid of becoming a weak, powerless girl. So much of my life had been aimed at becoming a hero… was this just a sunk cost I was desperately trying to justify?

But… this power had potential, too… the stronger I became, the more I could help others…

However… every iota of power I gained made the darkness from me that much more powerful.

How could I overcome my own shadow? Something even Naoko herself couldn’t manage?

What did I have that she didn’t?

The answer came to me in a moment of clarity. I realized that Chaos knew its weakness. It had nearly talked me into making a massive mistake. Because, no matter what my reflection told me, I was better than this. I could win.

Or, rather… we could win.

“You’re right,” I said, reaching out my arms… feeling. I knew she was here somewhere. Chaos couldn’t hide her from me. “I am being selfish. I am afraid of becoming a weak little girl. I’ve been drowning in the abnormal for so long, I’m terrified of facing the merely ordinary.”

I felt it. The faintest tug of a connection. A familiar pressure in the palm of my hand. I followed it, striding through the empty wastes of light. “But here’s the thing: the ordinary and the safe and the tame doesn’t change the world. We can’t fix anything unless we change the game itself.”

There. Reaching out, I felt her presence. Somewhere within the Galaxy Cauldron, I knew that Nao was fighting too. I couldn’t see her, but I still felt her hand within my own. I purposefully led her towards the shadow and felt her follow. “You called yourself my reflection. You would always be my opposite. The light to my shadow. The evil to my good. As long as I carried the power of Sailor Moon, you would be Chaos…”

It watched me, with the cold, empty gaze of a curious animal. 

“But here’s the thing:” I said, grinning. I squeezed Nao’s invisible hand to reassure her that she was safe… to tell her to stay put. And she did so, as far as I could perceive. I moved to circle around the other side of Chaos. “We can talk about how Chaos and Order will always be parts of the world around us. But we can still, little by little, shift the odds in our favor.”

On the other side of Chaos, I held up my hand. In my mind’s eye, I could see Nao doing the same. “One star on its own can’t drive back the night. But that’s the thing, Chaos… stars never shine alone.” My blade, shimmering with moonlit energy, manifested into my hand… pointed directly at my shadow.

“Day by day, humanity made fire… lanterns… lightbulbs…” I said, feeling the light gathering into the length of my blade, coalescing into a singular bright orb. “We learned to tame the night. Drive back the darkness. Step by step, chaos is gradually eroded to order.”

“This isn’t going to change anything,” hissed Chaos, watching me with undisguised hatred… and fear. “I’ll be back…”

“Maybe,” I conceded, the starlight of my blade shining even brighter. And I saw, on the other side of Chaos, another light building. And the wavering image of Nao wielding her Moon Kaleidoscope as she gathered her own energy. “But we’ll outnumber you even more next time. And even more the next time. And bit by bit, your power and your influence will wither away to nothing. And even if we can’t destroy you entirely… there will be no more place for you in the world of light we will create together…”

I drew in a deep breath, and with everything that I was, I shouted out the words I should have from the very start. I was done wasting my time struggling with my reflection.

It was time to break the mirror.

“MOON GORGEOUS MEDITATION!”

Twin starlights collided as they converged on the shadow of Chaos. No more was that disgusting thing wearing my skin, but had begun to writhe and whine like the fleeting shadow it truly was. We could have shined brighter than anything else, but the shadow would still stretch out to escape us.

But… we cornered it… surrounded it on both sides and gave that shadow nowhere to escape to.

The light enveloped Chaos, and while I expected it to scream and protest and cry out for revenge, in the end… it simply faded away as a nightmare does upon waking.

Me and Nao strode across the now empty wastes, sizing one another up.

“So… wanna get going… little sis?” I said with a smirk.

She flushed. “Ugh… that dream world was terrible. Your mom and my mom? Your dad and my dad? Gross.”

I tousled her hair again, and while she slapped my hand away, she did look up at me carefully. “You… you’re really her. You did it…”

“We did it,” I insisted, shaking my head. “We never could have done it alone. I think Naoko always knew that.”

“I guess,” she sighed, staring up at the endless light above us. “I… I don’t know how to feel. I…we… actually beat something even Mom herself couldn’t take down.” She glanced at me nervously. “I mean… did take it down, right?”

“I don’t think that thing is coming back in a hurry. And by the time it does, we’ll have a lot more Sailor Moons ready to take up the fight,” I said, determined to make it a reality. “This battle against Chaos is only going to get more one-sided. Just as long as we coordinate… surround it… and leave it nowhere else to hide.”

“Mmm…” she said, nodding. “So… how do we get out of here?”

“Well, if I were to take a guess… the same way we got in… only backwards?” I said with a shrug.

I offered my hand to her, my sister Sailor Moon. She gratefully accepted it.

And together, we rose.