“If you wake up and find your bedsheets on fire, I swear it wasn’t me.“

“Really?” Asked Nicholas Telm, right hand to The Lord and the Grand Chief Minister of The Empire. He’s one of my favorite people, if only because he has a nice face. I think he has a soft spot for me too - after all, I’m the only person who can get away with calling him Nick. Or angry kitten. Or grumpy- well now I’m just ranting.

“There are like a million other people with possible motivations, so don’t look at me that way! Like Luke, he just got demoted. He has a reasonable clause for setting your sheets on fire!”

The scathing look that Nick sent me was almost as hot as his bedsheets will be tomorrow. The poor sucker.

“Wait, why are you even mad in the first place?” I wore my most innocent expression, fluttering my eyelashes like the harlot I saw on my way to this meeting. “You’re clearly overreacting, it’s just some bedsheets. Bedsheets are easy to replace. How do you know they were even on fire in the first place?”

“This entire conversation is giving me a headache.” Nick sighed, “Did you, or will you, set my bedsheets on fire?”

“I’ll never tell~” I tease. Nick’s exasperated expression always made my days better. That’s another reason that he was one of my favorite people.

In fact, if I were to list all my favorite people, Nick would definitely be in the top 3. There were lots of reasons that I liked him so much. His face, although usually expressionless, was very pretty. He had long eyelashes and soft skin, no eye bags (despite how late he stays up dealing with issues that totally weren’t my fault. Nope, I have nothing to do with it.) However, his skin was deathly pale due to lack of sleep. He was also patient; he would always listen to my rants and put up with my antics. Though maybe The Lord ordered him to so I would stop bothering the rest of them. If that’s the case, I can’t say that it worked well. 

Above all, the thing that made me like him was his power. We were both engineered and manufactured to be powerful. We were both made to serve The Lord and the Empire. Raised and pushed straight into positions of power. We were similar like that; we listen to the fish, and things worked out. Or don’t. Really, it depends on the day.

In any case, the only one of us that was really different was Katherine.

I believe that she was the first one in the program, as short-lived as that was. She was edited, not engineered. Given up by her own parents to be tested and trained instead of bred for any specific purpose. A modified human instead of an artificial one.

She’s gone now. 

We’re not supposed to talk about her anymore, not that it matters. Nick was never close to her, so he wouldn’t know who I was talking about if I ever brought her up. Of course, the fish would. And the walls would. But no one who really mattered.

“Oh yeah- have you met any bright young talents lately? Preferably with a good face, but I can’t be too picky right now. I just demoted one of my best men, so I have to find a replacement.” Of course, I didn’t really think that Nick could find me a replacement. He was the Grand Chief Minister, and I was the Grand Chief of Staff; our areas of specialties were too different to do much. 

I think Nick knew that too. 

“Pft- is losing Feltman that much of a loss?” He scoffed. He never liked Luke that much. In fact, he doesn’t like most of the incompetent people I manage to recruit. 

“What do you mean, it is a huge loss” I cry, “There aren’t enough pretty faces around for me to focus on my work!”

“Focus?” Nick sneered. “I don’t know why you put up with so much work for just a few pretty faces” 

Simple. The dumber they are, the more control I have. Having a pretty face is just an excuse. “Aww, is my wittle Nicky jelwous?” I say instead.

Nick's face turned red. How cute. “Why would I be jealous?” He was doing a great job at keeping his voice stable. As expected of someone whose job is to control those wolve- I mean nobles. 

“Ahem.” Ahh, there seemed to be a herald here. The Lord and the school of sharks would arrive soon. Joy. 

“Announcing the presence of The Great Lord of The Empire, Lord Preston!” A tall graying man with broad shoulders strode into the room. With him came a regal atmosphere.

Accompanying him was a slightly younger man with a ridiculous coat and a woman in an extravagant gown. “Announcing Lord Barlowe of The House Preston and Lady Mary of House Feld!” 

Lord, I hate those pompous pricks. The forerunners, not the nobles. 

Well, maybe a little bit the nobles. But honestly, you can’t blame me! They are always so tedious and uptight. They never listen to my theories on fish or birds and have never laughed at my pranks. Even The Lord is less stuck up! It’s almost like the only thing that they even care about is themselves, and somehow even that is triumphed by their pride. 

Well, they’re not as bad as the heralds at least. You didn’t hear it from me, but heralds are actually controlling the weather with their minds. That’s why the weather is always perfect for every occasion. If there is bad news, cloudy skies. Sad news, rain. Everything is being controlled by them, and most don’t even know it. Shocking, I know. The worst part about them is that they never admit it, they just say, ’Sir, are you sure you don’t need to be checked by a doctor?’ Twats, the whole lot of them. 

“Greetings, Chief Minister, Chief of Staff. I do hope we didn’t keep you waiting.” Says the Lord. The two nobles nod in acknowledgment as they take their seats. The Lord himself settles in the seat at the end of the table, with Nick on his right and me on his left.

Now, in this room, were the most important people in the empire. Nicholas Telm, in charge of laws and day-to-day running of The Empire; me, the head of the military; Barlowe Preston, head of the temple; Mary Feld, who led the high-strung nobility; and most importantly: The Lord, leader of the empire and the judge to all this. 

“Of course not My Lord” Nick and I chant in tandem. We rose from our seats to bow at The Lord, though not those imperious nobles. Victory. Perhaps a small one, but a victory nonetheless. 

“I have gathered you all here today to talk about the rebellion starting among the common folk.” The Lord announced, and suddenly the tension in the room is so thick you could practically see it.

“So you’ve noticed it too. Lord Barlowe conceded. 

“We all have,” Snapped Lady Mary. “The Lord is no fool, of course, he was aware of the rebellion.”

“I did not mean to insult the Lord” though he does mean to insult the rest of us, I’m sure. “I’m simply surprised to have it brought up now - after all, it is quite a touchy subject. People seemed to be toeing around the issues as if late. I simply wondered why choose now of all times to quell it?”

The Lord chuckled. At least it appeared he wasn’t offended, otherwise, I would have done some less-than-nice things to Lord Barlowe. “I fear that the rebellion is growing too strong. They’ve swayed the public, and their forces near the capital.”

I knew that. I’ve been the one keeping track of the rebellion since it started three years ago. I was the one to arrange peace meetings between the rebels, in hopes that there was some chance of an understanding. I was the one who- but I couldn’t say that, not here. Not to these people. 

“I’ve recently found a mole,” I comment idly. A mole made sense, it’s not quite a rat in our ranks but a rodent near one of the rats being used to dig up dirt on us. “One of my men was unknowingly feeding information to a rebel.”

“Of course, you would.” Sneered Lady Mary. “How is it that it’s always your incompetence that leads to -“

“Like you’re one to speak” interrupted Nick “You and your policies have only pushed more people towards the rebels” His tone was cold. For Nick to be this upset, he must really hate Lady Mary. 

“And your ministers have nothing to do with it? Aren’t you in charge of managing these sorts of things? And look at it now, it’s affecting even the church!”

“Speaking of that” Lord Barlowe, who had not even bothered to sit down like the rest of us. Perhaps he, like me, had predicted that this meeting wouldn’t end well and was hoping for a swift escape if I set Lady Mary’s wig on fire. Again. “The church has lost many followers recently, and I was hoping to discuss ways to change that.”

“Of course,” conceited The Lord. 

At this point I felt that this meeting would just lead to running around in circles. So, as any person with common sense would do, I set Lord Barlowe’s coat on fire. He was already standing up anyway, it’s not like he would have gotten hurt. Furthermore, I wasn’t allowed to bring any weapons into this room, so friendly fire was the best I could do. 

“Friendly fire my ass” He screamed. Oh no, did I say that last part out loud? 

So now the room filled with the most important people in The Empire was instead filled with Lady Mary and Nick cursing each other out, Lord Barlowe spiriting around the room trying to douse his coat, and me trying to discreetly hide my match. The Lord sat at the head of the table, exasperated. This was actually the third meeting between all of us this month that ended in disaster. 

The Lord, being the smart man he is, rose from his seat and began swiftly striding toward the door. “This meeting is dismissed” he announced, before slamming the door shut. 

I loved meetings like this, they always lead to disaster. 

________

Author's Note: So this is around the time I should start clarifying stuff. This was initially going to be a soulmate AU, then stuff happened, and now it's not. The narrator is an artificial human, so is Nick. I've always wanted to play around with the concept. Also Nick was actually named after a cat. I felt that was important to add. I'm bad at this 'clarifying' stuff, so if you have any questions just leave it in the comments and I'll get back to you. I know that this is fast paced, but hopefully things will become more clear as the story progresses.