What is the definition of an average life? Is it something that is defined by how the majority of people live on this Earth? Or is it something that is defined individually each day, as we work to fulfill the basic desires we each have.

At this moment, I would think that in either case the state of my life presently deviates from the average. I say this because if I were to compare my life to those around me, I would think that I’ve been living sub-averagely. I don’t mean to say this to garner pity for myself though. Everybody has their hardships and trials, but I would say that on average (in my slightly biased perspective), I might fall lower on the “scale of life” than average people would.

We live in a time period where the majority of households are parented single-handedly. In my case however, I grew up in a house (not a home) inhabited by two people who took care of me. That in itself isn’t too significant, however those people cared for me not because I was their son, but because they simply had to in order to save face. Save face for what reason, exactly? I was never quite sure. We lived in a state of continuously toeing the line of poverty and my parents themselves were not really stand up people either. Perhaps it was their pride that kept them from completely abandoning me publicly? I’m thankful that they kept me as long as they did, don’t get me wrong. However, there is a large difference between abandoning somebody publicly and abandoning somebody privately, as I grew to discover. I would say that the main difference is that if they had left me in a park one day while I was young, at least I may have given up hope that they would ever come around to showing any desire to be with me.

Then again, I haven’t really accomplished anything that would make them want to be with me either. I was never better than average in school, I never really stood out more than average (in fact I was once forgotten on a school trip because of this), and I didn’t really produce any positive results that may have given them a reason to actually want me throughout my life, either.

Throughout the few years I have been alive, I have consistently performed below the average for all of humanity. No matter what I tried, no matter what I said, I seemed to always fall just below average.

Accepting the role as humanity’s standard of “below average” has prompted me to think about a few things, one of them of course being the definition of an average life.

If I were to say that an average life is individually determined by each of us as we live out every day, I would definitely say that my days have been spent consistently average since from the times of my life that I can remember. Nothing has changed in the quality of my life since the beginning. No matter how hard I tried, I have never been able to break through to the other side of this large wall called the “average” of humanity.

That is largely why I made it my life goal to one day do so. As I am thinking about this, perhaps I’ve accomplished what I set out to do with the years I have lived thus far?

Because, in both definitions of living an average life, I would say that dying to save somebody else is certainly something above average.

It happened as I was walking home from my graduation ceremony. The sight and sounds of happy graduates, people who I had been with for the past three years of my life, filled my surroundings. Of course, I was not a part of those scenes, but I didn’t mind. The sight of their happiness put a smile on my face as I walked back to the place where I had lived, and where I was entirely expecting my few belongings to be sitting outside of. My parents had told me that I would no longer be staying with them after graduating and without a doubt I expected them to uphold that statement the moment I received my diploma. A new chapter in my life was beginning and as I watched the sakura petals blow over the pavement I felt a slight tinge of sadness that I was seemingly running away from meeting my goal of at least being average.

No worry! I can start again tomorrow!

My long strides filled with a sad weight carried me past a daughter-mother duo as I gave myself a small pep-talk.

A smile came to my face as I realized the daughter was happily talking with her mom about the special dinner she would get tonight for graduating primary school.

I silently wished her luck as she too began a new chapter in her life. The girl would soon be a middle school student with new experiences, new friends, and maybe even a romance.

Now, I know what people might think about my mentality in life because of how I am consistently failing at becoming anything greater than below average. They might think I resent the lives of others, or maybe that I wish that other people would live a life similar to mine.

Personally however, I really don’t feel that way. I enjoy seeing the smile on other people’s faces when they do things they love, or when they accomplish things that they work hard for, or when they are with the people they love. It helps me remember that I have something I can work towards. Something that isn’t what I have been experiencing. Something that I can hope for.

Due to my desire to see the smile on other people’s faces, I can certainly say without a doubt that the reason I am currently no longer alive is because of the smile on that young girl’s face that day.

That day…? Is it today still? Or yesterday? I’m not too sure right now. How long has it been since then?

I walked down the lonely sidewalk until I heard the cross guard at a train track that was ringing rather softly, almost as if it was sadly letting me know of its existence.  The machine itself looked weathered and beaten, and the long arm used to stop pedestrian traffic didn’t seem to make it all the way down. It was stuck at about a 75 degree angle and shaking like the machine was trying to push it down but it just wouldn’t go.

Ou… This seems a little dangerous. If I wasn’t paying attention I might have walked across. I should report this to the police to make sure they get this taken care of. 

I waited in silence as I thought about what I was going to do for a place to stay for the night.

I don’t have any money… but maybe the bridge by the apartments? That seems like a secluded enough place to stay while I look for a job… 

As I was contemplating my living situation, I heard the girl and her mother from before catching up to me. It seemed like they were having a good time talking together from the sound of their voices, however…

Is there somebody running up from behind me as well?

I turned around slightly to make sure I wasn’t going to be in anybody’s way just as a blur of girlish color passed by me.

Time seemed to slow down as I saw the smile on the girl’s face as she dashed in front of me. Her long hair was flowing smoothly behind her, and I couldn’t help but smile. That is until I realized why I was currently standing still here. In front of the train tracks. With a broken cross guard and soft warning sound. With a train coming.

My body reacted instantly as I reached out towards to girl to stop her. The only way I was going to be able to reach her was if I could move faster than her. The muscles in my leg screamed as I pushed myself forward quicker than I had moved in years.

My hand made contact with the girl’s school uniform and I pulled her backwards, propelling myself forwards in the process… right into the way of the oncoming train.

I looked backwards briefly to confirm the girl stumbling towards her mother was unharmed and then…

Nothing.

Or at least, that’s what I thought would happen. Its kind of strange, really. I’ve been here for who knows how long. I’m not really even sure if I know where here is or if I even exist in the first place to say that I am here.

All I know is that I have been here with my thoughts for quite some time and it is beginning to get a little annoying. You really don’t know how bothersome you can be to other people until you are forced to live with your own thoughts, or perhaps become them in my case.

Ahhh… I just wish that there was somebody here to explain this all to me…

As I said/thought this a letter suddenly opened in front of my eyes.

Oh! I see a letter! Wait a second… I can see! I still have eyes! 

I realized that I could now feel the parts of my body that I previously was unable to. I felt myself reaching out to touch the letter, and as I did I was able to see my hands connected to my arms which led to my torso. I was fully able to confirm with eyes that I had thought I lost that I had a complete body.

Sweet! Body: check!

I could hear the letter fold as I gripped it in my hands.

Ok! Senses are here as well!”

After confirming I was still a functioning being, I looked down at the letter in my hands and began reading.

“Tsubasa Hiroki,

Where to begin… well first off, great save! That girl may have a bit of scar for life now, but I’m sure she’ll see it in a positive light sooner or later! But wowww, I haven’t seen anything like that in a while so let me just tell you that it really left an impact! It was honestly the perfect way to wake me up and get me excited about my job again! That being said… you definitely died.

So because of a few things—namely me accidentally losing your soul for a bit because I was replaying the scene from so many different angles in slow motion—I would like to give you two options.  

Option One: Get processed normally. You died, that’s it. You’ll be back eventually, but it won’t really be… you. (Kind of a bummer if you ask me.)

Option Two: I send you to a new world. Similar body, similar age, give you a bit of help, and you show me something fun again like you did before. I heard you were trying to live an average life or something, so maybe you can do that if you pick this option. (I would choose this one if I was you.)

Think about it for a bit and let me know!

            Your friend,

                                    S”

Right off the bat… if whoever wrote this is looking out for our world… I kinda understand how pandas became a thing now.

Ahhh… The letter said I should choose option two. Should I do it?

I thought about the options that “S” had given me and decided to go with his recommendation.

Well, he did say he would help me out a bit. Maybe he’ll give me some cash to start off with? I mean, that’s a heck of a lot better than where I was before I died. I was literally walking into a life of being homeless.

Alright then, I choose Option Two!

As I thought that, my surroundings started to turn white. I could feel a light breeze brushing past my face, and the scenery around me began to change colors from white, to green, to brown, to blue, to white, blue, green, brown, white, blue, green…

The wind suddenly became violent and I, Tsubasa Hiroki, realized I was spinning around quickly in mid-air like a fish out of water as I plummeted to a large expanse of blue beneath me. What was up, what was down? It was hard to tell. The only thing that gave me a clue is that the blue and green seemed to be getting closer, and the white and light blue seemed to be moving farther away.

Had this been in my previous life, I might have been overjoyed at getting the experience to skydive. I never had the money to experience some of the more exotic things in life after all. Although I knew that I no longer lived in that lifetime.

That lifetime, which seemed to have been long ago, ended abruptly.

Presently, in this lifetime, I found myself nearing my unfortunately quick end in much the same way.

--With a large--!