☽ ASTORIA ☾

Death.

The air smelled like death.

Sticky, crimson blood clung to my body, soaking through my clothes and staining my skin. Wolves screamed in agony as pieces of the warehouse roof lay scattered around me. Matt’s vacant eyes stared up at me, and a sob ripped itself from my throat. Tears mixed with the blood and left artistic little streaks through the red mess.

Matt was dead.

Matt was dead, and I had no idea what had happened.

I was protecting you.

Astra’s voice echoed in my head as she receded to the back of my mind. I didn’t understand her words. I didn’t understand why I needed protecting when Matt was the one who was dead, and I was here, alive, with no memory of what had happened or who had killed him.

Shouting. Someone was shouting. I was ripped away from the body I clung to. I screamed in protest, fighting to go back to him, to hold him, convinced this was all a terrible dream. I would wake up, and Matt would be safe in the pack house. Our mission would be accomplished.

But I couldn’t wake up.

And this wasn’t a dream.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Caius’ voice cut through the fog surrounding my thoughts.

I blinked at him, trying to remember. What had I done? Why was Matt dead, and why was I covered in his blood? The only memory that surfaced with those questions was Matt squeezing my hand, his eyes still kind even as he died, trying to tell me without words that everything would be okay.

Everything was definitely not okay.

Sharp pain spread across my face as a hand made contact with it, and the sound of the slap carried through the night. I stared at Caius, expecting Astra to rush to the surface to defend me, but she stayed tucked away, and I felt nothing from her but shame.

“What. Did. You. Do.?” He punctuated each word, venom-like anger clouding his eyes. There was so much hatred there it almost brought me to my knees to beg for forgiveness, but for what I did not know.

“I-I…” I started, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I had done, what Astra had done. Her last words echoed in my mind as I grappled with what was real and what wasn’t.

“I c-couldn’t stop them,” I said weakly.

No other explanation made sense. I did nothing other than fail to stop the rogues from killing Matt.

“You weren’t supposed to be seen,” he snarled at me. Something besides anger had woven itself into his voice, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was in the state I was in.

Devon appeared at Caius' side, his eyes kinder, his voice softer. “Tell us what happened, Astoria?”

“I don’t remember.” The words came out as a whimper as I struggled to find my memories of an event Astra had blocked me from seeing. I couldn’t tell them that, though, I couldn’t tell them I had lost control of my dragon, and she had shoved me into a box in my mind so I couldn’t see or hear anything at all.

“Collar her,” Caius growled. His voice was dripping with venom again, the something that was there before was gone and replaced by malice and hatred so deep I wasn’t sure he could find his way out of it.

Panic welled as a warrior standing behind me placed around my neck a thin silver collar. My connection to Astra disappeared as the lock clicked into place, and the magic inside me fizzled out.

“Why?” I whispered.

He grabbed my face and yanked me toward him, staring directly into my eyes. His jaw tensed, and his teeth ground together. It felt like it was taking every ounce of willpower he had not to snap my neck.

“Because you’re reckless and dangerous, and I hate you,” he hissed, punctuating each point with a squeeze that made my jaw ache.

I stared up at him with fear swirling in my eyes, powerless to stop him from hurting me. Tears streamed down my face unchecked as the weight of my predicament settled. I was fated to love this man. But how could I love someone who would rip away one half of my soul?

Fate had made a mistake.

Caius released my face, shoving me away hard, and I stumbled against a guard who grabbed both of my arms and dragged me out of the warehouse. I had nothing left to fight with, and exhaustion seeped into my very being while the silver burned my skin where it sat around my neck.

The guard led me to a windowless black van and threw me in the back without care. I landed hard, smacking my head against a bench.. Panic welled inside me as the door was shut and locked from the outside. I couldn’t see where I was being taken or who was driving. And I still didn’t know what had happened.

I curled up on the floor, my head bleeding from where it had made contact with the bench. I should have sat up and been ready to come out fighting, but everything was growing hazy as I lay there, and the van moved. I desperately clung to the sound of wheels on pavement, trying to stay aware of what was going on around me.

Memories of Matt’s vacant eyes and blood pouring from his neck assaulted my mind. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to erase them. I wanted to lose them the same way I had lost all the others. The last thing I remembered of Matt couldn’t be him dying. But the memory remained, and I sobbed in agony at the loss of my friend.

When my parents were murdered, he had taken me into his home and raised me like I was his child. I remembered vividly his protests toward sending me away, how hard he had fought Caius to let me remain in my home. The sadness in his eyes as they shoved me into a car right in front of him haunted me forever. And now my last memory of his eyes would be a vacant expression as the life drained out of him.

By the time the van stopped and shut off, I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. Something was wrong with me. It wasn’t just my memories of the night that were gone, my grasp on reality was quickly fading. Everything around me was a blur.

Someone grabbed and dragged me out of the van. I landed on the hard ground with a thud as the cool night air whipped around me, cooling my skin that was on fire. A voice told me to stand up, but I couldn’t make my limbs work. I rolled to my side and tried to lift myself, but my movements were uncoordinated and slow. A boot landed in my ribs, knocking the air from my lungs. I tried to scream at the person attached to it, but no sound came.

“Don’t touch her.” Caius’ voice ripped through the haziness clear as day, but this time the venom in it wasn’t directed at me.

“Look at her neck, Caius, that’s not normal.” I didn’t know who that voice belonged to; everything was too hazy to make out.

Caius’ scent wrapped around me, and I clung to the familiarity of it. I let it soothe my panicked breathing and tried once again to stand with no success.

The world shifted, and I was floating, cradled against a strong chest that smelled even more of Caius. I buried myself in it, trying to find an escape from the fog that had wrapped itself around my brain like a vice and wouldn’t let me process anything that was happening. I tried to speak, but no words would form. White spots peppered my vision, and everything started to fade.

I was set on my feet, and icy cold water rained down over me. Some of the fog lifted, and I blinked slowly. I was in a shower, and Caius was in front of me, holding me under the water. Panic welled at what he was going to do, and I jerked backward, slamming into the wall behind me before sliding down it and curling in on myself.

Caius kneeled in front of me, his wet shirt clinging to the defined muscles of his chest and torso. He touched my face gently, lifting it until we made eye contact.

“Don’t fight me; I’m trying to help.”

I nodded as numbness replaced the panic. He carefully removed my clothes piece by piece until I was naked before him. His clothes remained on as he removed the showerhead from the wall and carefully directed it at the spots on my body still covered in blood and washed them off. The cool water kept my head mostly clear as I stared at my feet, watching the red water go down the drain.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. My voice was barely a whisper, and I couldn’t be sure he heard me because he didn’t reply. He stayed focused on the task at hand, gently turning me around until my back was to him. He tilted my head back and soaked my hair before working the shampoo into it.

Confusion wasn’t an adequate word to describe my current state. Just hours ago, he was telling me how much he hated me, and now he was washing me like I was a child in need of care. I felt his fingers on the back of my neck, and every muscle tensed, but he only released the lock on the collar and pulled it off.

I expected to feel a rush of power as my magic came back, or to feel Astra pressing at my mind. None of that happened. I felt nothing.

“You’re allergic to silver, it’ll take a while for the effects to wear off,” he murmured as if reading my mind.

I wasn’t sure what that meant, being allergic to silver. It affected all shapeshifters, so I thought everything I was feeling was normal. Caius said nothing more, and I was too exhausted to speak further. He rinsed my hair then turned the water off, and I felt the heat I had been feeling return.

Caius stepped out of the shower and returned with a towel he wrapped around me before lifting me from the ground and carrying me to the edge of the bathtub. He sat me on it and then picked up an ointment and rubbed it into my neck where the collar had sat. It burned as it went on, and I hissed at the pain. His eyes briefly met mine, and all I saw was worry before he looked away, focusing on his task.

Only once he had thoroughly covered my neck in the ointment did he finally put it down and wash his hands in the sink. He was still wearing his wet clothes, and they clung to him, accenting every curve. I couldn’t help but stare at him and how much he had changed in ten years. My mind was still hazy, but I remembered him being leaner, with fewer muscles. Now he looked like a Greek god.

“Stop staring at me, Astoria.” His voice broke through my thoughts, but he never looked up from the sink. I quickly looked away, clutching the towel around me tightly, suddenly acutely aware of how naked I was underneath it.

Caius returned to my side and lifted me into the air once again, the sudden motion caused the world to tilt and sway as everything became blurry once again.

Then the world went dark.