Okay.  Okay.

Right.

The final fight.

And, uh, telling you about it.

…

Do you really need to -- ugh.  Fine.  Fine.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, no, this is -- this is fine.

…

This is fine.

…

Ah, right, I should -- probably start, right?

…Right…

…Yeah… … …

…

F-fine.

Okay.

…Starting.

…Uh.  Now.

Starting now.

…Yeah.

---

So, first off:  What the Evil God of Chastity and Purity actually is, physically.  Not what it is as in what made it and powers it, but what it is as in when you look at it, when you’re near it, what do you see?  What do you experience?

Well, what you would have seen is a big-ass glowing white man-shaped thing about the size of a five story building.

There were no real identifying features, just.  Giant.  Glowing.  Man.  …Thing.

Back when I thought it was all a game, I thought it was lazy boss design.  Both the appearance, and the mechanics, because -- ugh.  Okay, taking a step back…

…In Alchemical Corruption Twelve, the Evil God of Chastity and Purity is a massive, constantly leaking bag of hit points with a really annoying aura of -- I’m going to say ‘poison’, but it’s not actually ‘poison’ -- with a really annoying aura of ‘poison’ around it.

The hit points it had was roughly one million; it lost about half of a thousand every turn, and an S-rank combat character could do around a thousand damage in a single hit.  This is without any buildup to some kind of super-move or game-breaking combos.

Given the average party size at that point of around six, that’s six and a half thousand damage per round.

Roughly.

Very, very roughly.

That leads to, even more roughly, around one-hundred-fifty turns of combat.

That, when the closer you are to it, the more the ‘poison aura’ affects you.

Being next to it or any square it was in during the last turn results in a character losing roughly twenty percent of their hit points.  Or one fifth.  Or, without healing, and standing next to it, as most combat characters would do so, that’s five turns of survival.

You need to, somehow, while surviving its massive attacks that hit far too many party members and deal far too much damage, kill that thing.

There’s a reason you usually need several loops in order to get the tools required to defeat it.

As for the aura of poison -- It’s less ‘poison’ and more… well, a combination of things.  In the game, it was just a hit to your health, but in person it was so much worse.

Oh it damaged you, don’t get me wrong.  The entire thing is a massive reality bug -- practically an unreality hive in and of itself.  Reality was threadbare near it, and that means it’s not exactly… ‘healthy’.  To, you know.  Be there.  When tiny divots of reality sometimes just vanish, it’s a bad idea to be near it.

Don’t -- look, I can see the question in your eyes.

Don’t ask about the physics.

I’m serious.

I asked Sumiko about the physics.

Once.

It was a mistake I still regret.

I have a literal shard of divinity in me, and I still don’t understand it.

But that’s not --

No!

No questions!

We’re moving on!

Because that’s not all.

That’s just the physical effects of the Evil God of Chastity and Purity.

The emotional effects were -- so much worse.

It induced shame.

Shame of your sexuality, of your enjoyment, of who and what you are -- well, that may just be me, but others said they felt similarly after the fact.

It’s not even something you can shrug off by being ‘shameless’.  No.  You are forced to feel that shame, and you need to fight past it.

Ironically, those that have dealt with shame more often in the past can more easily handle it, whereas those that haven’t -- they suffer.

A lot.

I’m pretty sure that the game folded those two effects -- the unreality aura and the shame aura -- into one, which resulted in the massive health loss characters would take whenever they were near it.

So.  That was one of our biggest obstacles when it came to facing down the Evil God of Chastity and Purity.  As for the other -- that would be the timing.

…Ugh.  Argenta, why…

---

Remember how Argenta accelerated its reveal by months?  Yeah.  After she swiped one of its three divine shards and she fucked off, it was in the middle of ‘growing’ out of the ground of its chosen hex.  It does this in Alchemical Corruption Twelve, too, just, you know.

At a later date.

Now, as for why it’s growing out slowly -- there’s no reason.

No, literally.  There’s no reason.  It can, technically, just rise up in moments, but it moves slowly instead.  Like it’s slowly waking up.

In the game, that process would take around a week.

Given our accelerated schedule, we had three days.

That’s why we didn’t attack it before it came out.

If we did, it would just rise up faster; costing us immensely valuable prep time.

While Argenta’s army couldn’t really work with us -- for a variety of reasons I covered last time -- they were, at least, preparing to take on the forces of the First Tentacle Beast.  Which meant that we could focus on building siege weapons.

…No, really, we were.

It wasn’t part of the ‘game version’ of this fight, but we were already cheating by having a massive army on our side to help out, so what were a few boulder-throwers in the grand scheme of things?

Besides, do you know how fast a thousand men can build a catapult?  If they have the right parts and tools, just a team can manage it in a few hours.

And that’s without traits.

By the end of the first day we had two dozen catapults.  By the end of the second, as production ramped up, we had over a hundred.  And by the end of the third, over a hundred fifty.

Production had slowed down due to a lack of premade parts.  So they produced the last twenty five or so on site using any trees they could find.

They were all out of the fifth landmass, but each had its own team of individuals ready to push it through the hexes to get into position to strike at the Evil God of Chastity and Purity.

And that’s not mentioning the fixed structures made for if it got out of the fifth landmass.

…Yeah.  It was a lot.  And every soldier was equipped with super shiny armor and weaponry to ensure that they could protect those weapons and structures, too.  To call the preparations ‘expansive’ would be an understatement.

We were all pushed to the brink of exhaustion working on last-minute preparations, and only gave ourselves enough time to rest before the final fight started.  Anybody that was capable enough to not drag down the rest was going to be involved in the fight.

And that’s when everybody got to be a badass! 

---

Like, like, there was this moment, early on, when the Evil God of Chastity and Purity was going to try to squish us with his hand, and Takeo just jumped up on top of Kaiser and held it back with the shield!  Kaiser nearly buckled under the weight, but Takeo just managed to hold the hand up, and even push it back!

Eh?  Wh-what?  It’s natural to be excited about seeing something like that, even if it is Takeo, geeze…

Oh!  Oh!  There was also that time when, after it got a few hexes out, Sumiko prepared her own ultimate move!

Remember how she was working on the laser rifle?  Well.

She finished working on it.

And then she improved it.

From out of nowhere she pushed forward this cannon -- it was on wheels!  It was huge!  And it was glowing in a very ominous fashion, which was really quite promising.

She had one of the logistics people scamper off to get something for her as she prepared the cannon, just on the edge of the hex.

…Then she pressed a button and FWOOSH!  Laser beam of death!

It was hilariously difficult to aim, but that didn’t matter when the opponent was so fucking huge!  She just left these canyons in the Evil God’s body as she tried to keep it on him, turning him into a temporary new wave art decoration until he recovered.

Alas, it only lasted for a scant few minutes before it ran out of power.

…When the man she sent off returned with a wheelbarrow full of batteries, each one the size of one of my tits!

And my tits are huge!

She replaced a batter on the cannon with one from the cart, and then, FWOSHOOOOM!  More laser beam action!

Eh?  Oh, um, yeah.  We did end up winning the fight.

But-but that’s not important!

What is important is how Shimizu, Kaiser, and Hayato all, near the very start of the battle, leapt towards our foes left leg and cut if off!  Leaving only a little -- well, comparatively to it little, huge compared to use -- stump left, slowing it down tremendously.

Until, you know, it regrew it.

But it still did a lot of damage!  And slowed it down!

It was epic.

That --

-- w-well before that, let me tell you that I was a badass, too!

Yeah!

I know!

It was great!

My -- uh -- decent control over the elements -- I can’t quite call it ‘mastery’ but I was getting there! -- with my various combat augments meant that I could manage some strong area control.  The army from the Kingdom helped a lot, but most of them couldn’t get too close to the Evil God of chastity and Purity, leaving close area control to me.  You know, keeping any weaker monsters from getting near us, like spawn from the first tentacle beast or mini-Evil Gods that cropped up from its blood.

The latter were more nuisances than an actual threat, but that’s mostly because I kept killing them before they could merge.

…Yeah, they could merge.  And yeah.  It’s just --

…The fight is bullshit, you know?

It was long and it was exhausting.

Yuki was actually an immense help -- while her ability to predict the future didn’t work with anything lewd, the Evil God of Chastity and Purity is very much, uh.  Not.  Not that.

At all.

The opposite, really.

So if anything, she was working overtime. A shockingly great asset on a strategic level, helping us avoid more than a few critical injuries.

And even with all of that?

Even with the aid of the Kingdom's forces, with catapults, laser cannons and literally seeing the future?

We only barely won.

Yeah.  Yeah.

Exactly!

That fight was bullshit!

But we did win!

It was great!

-- eh?  Oh, um --

-- well let me talk about Sevens first!  

---

So, remember how Modesty -- I-I’ll get to that, I promise, we’re talking about Sevens now -- remember how Modesty went to convince Sevens to give up her shards?

Well, she managed it!

Yeah!  I was surprised too!  I mean, I knew Sevens had become something of a slut, joining a few orgies here and there, but still!

I’m actually -- not quite sure how she managed to convince Sevens, she didn’t tell me.  I do know she only agreed to give her shards to me, but --

-- e-eh?

I mean -- is that -- you know.  Really necessary?

…We don’t have to, you know?  We won!  Yay!  We defeated the Evil God of Chastity and Purity!  I got the two shards from that, and then collected the ones we were hiding in Takeo and Sumiko, and then, on top of that, I got the three from Sevens, leaving me with seven divine shards!

Which meant that, assuming Futaba is the traitor and Argenta sides with Modesty, we will beat the Chief God in a vote by a full five shards!

Even if our math is a bit off, even if one -- or, heck, two -- goddesses vote with the chief god, We’ll still win!

Well, uh, that’s -- you know, assuming you do come with.

If you don’t, our victory goes from five ahead to three ahead, which is -- much more precarious a position, yeah?  At that point any two mistakes and we fail.  So, uh, have you -- you know -- made your decision --

-- that --

-- we don’t really need to --

…

You really need to know, huh?

Do you need to know, or want to know?

…I don’t want to.

Oh, no, I will, if that’s the only way.  If you really need to hear it, I’ll tell you every detail I can think of.

But I don’t want to.

…Do I have to anyway?

…

Haaaaa…

…Fine.

Fine.

Fuck you, but fine.

I get it.  You need to know.  You need to know for certain what kind of person I am, and for that, you need to know how we finally defeated the Evil God of Chastity and Purity, at the very end of the battle.

I get it.

But still.

Fuck you.

…I’ll tell you next time.  It’ll be the last time we talk, and you better have made your choice by the time I’m done.  …Okay?

…

Good.

…I’m not even in the mood for jilling off anymore.  I’m just going to go to bed early.

…Apology appreciated but you still need to know, right?

Yeah, thought so.  Just.

…Just leave me alone.  Until our last storytime.

You’ll get it then.