So what does someone do when they lose their job? Cry about it? Use their suddenly free schedule to enjoy themselves? Either of those are optional, but generally, they try to find a new job before they go completely broke.

It was a two hour trip from Newark to Atlantic City. I packed everything of value in my apartment, which wasn’t much, along with several pairs of clothes and my toothbrush. After dropping off my keys with Eunice and giving her one last heartfelt goodbye, I stopped by the bank to withdraw my final $100 and close the account. They didn’t have a branch where I was headed.

“So I gave my old friend a call, and he says he’d love to have you work for him!” Eunice’s words echoed through my head. “Of course he wants to meet you first, so I told him you’d get there by 10 o’ clock or 10:30. I’m sure the interview is just for show, but I know you’ll give him a good impression either way.”

It was 8 am and I was ready to finally hit the road. The long, quiet hum of the highway on a late-morning Monday morning gave me a chance to properly reflect on my situation. Not about what my next step was, or how I was going to make it to tomorrow, but what the rest of my life was going to look like; how I was going to live.

I’d already decided getting sucked into a sexual black hole like the System users of yore wasn’t for me. I wanted to find whoever actually kept society running and join their ranks. It kind of sucked that my first lead was the fucking mob. They were the first people I’d heard of here who didn’t accept sexual favors as payment, but it wasn’t like I was planning to find out how they worked for myself.

Just needed to find a job working casino security for a few months while I leveled up, and then… I had no idea. According to all of those stories, the world would be my oyster once I got strong enough. But did I really want to do anything crazy? Did I have some kind of ethical obligation to do something with that power? Fuck being a super hero, I still needed someone to save me from this shitshow!

I furrowed my brows as I tried searching for an answer to that question. By the end of the trip, all I had to show for my efforts was a growling stomach. I decided to exit the highway and check out the next drive-thru for lunch.

The first one I found was a building with a dark green paint job and sharp corners, nothing that actually looked like a restaurant. Maybe it was supposed to attract customers via reverse psychology? Or it could’ve just been some kind of proto-hipster vegan place. Either way, it was working on me.

As I rolled into the lot, I froze at the bold-faced signage printed neatly on the front; “Drive-Thru Divorce.” Ok, what the fuck? Curiosity got the better of me, and I drove up to the front window.

“Drive-thru Divorce, where you can be done with your crutch in under 5 minutes, how can I help you?” said a young man as he poked his head out of the window. “Hold on, your spouse needs to be here as well to get things finalized, otherwise I’ll have to mail them the documents and wait for their reply.”

“Oh, uh,” I stuttered. “Is this place for real?”

“Yes sir, it is in fact real,” replied the man, barely masking the frustration in his voice. He had a head of short, combed-down black hair and an ill-fitting gray suit and red tie, all the more fitting for the bored look on his face.

“You’re telling me a couple can drive through here and get a divorce, just like that?” I asked again. “Kind of like those drive-thru weddings in Vegas?”

The man in the window began to mumble to himself out loud as if I wasn’t there. “Law degree from a shitty college and this is what I have to deal with. Never should’ve listened to my uncle, he said I’d be rolling in big bucks working divorces, but I swear this is worse than retail.”

“Do you have to deal with idiots often?” I asked, sympathizing with the lawyer at the mention of retail.

“I’m dealing with one right now.”

“Ouch, but that’s fair. I’ll get out of your hair now, if you’re busy.” I put my car back in drive and began to press down on the accelerator, before being interrupted.

“Hold on, business is pretty slow today so I guess I have a few minutes. Idiot or not, you at least seem to be polite. Especially compared to the customers. Seriously, our other branches don’t have to deal with so many assholes!”

“Uh, thanks, I guess,” I replied, looking side to side for any hidden cameras to see if I was on some kind of prank show again. Alt-history books and the System I could accept, but a Drive-thru Divorce franchise was just too much. “So, how much business do you get here anyway?”

“Enough to keep this place open, apparently,” replied the man, rolling his eyes. “We’ve got so many regulars, even if they do only show up once every couple of months, it’s still enough to keep us afloat.”

I remembered reading that the 50% of marriages ending in divorce statistic from back home was skewed because of regulars. It looked like this place wasn’t any different, besides the fact there were enough of them for a place like this to exist.

The lawyer looked down with a sigh and then back at me. “So, how about you? What brings you here asking these questions? Haven’t you ever seen the magazine ads?”

“Uh, I don’t read magazines much,” I replied with a shrug. I could find vague recollections of a place like this existing in Mike Smith’s memories, but not many details. He wasn’t much of a magazine person, apparently. But even if he was, knowing about this place wasn’t even close to the same as seeing it in person.

“Honestly, I figured you for someone who doesn’t read much at all,” the lawyer said flatly.

“And I honestly can’t imagine you get many customers if you treat people like that. You don’t really seem like the customer service type.”

“Eh, my customers usually hate each other more than they hate me when they roll up here,” he shrugged. “Besides, it was either working here or at a morgue or funeral home.”

“What the fuck does law school have to do with either of those?”

The man at the counter sneered at me with a wide grin, holding more than his contempt for just me behind his eyes. “Fate pretty much has it written on my forehead that splitting people up is all I’m good for. At least according to my mom.”

“What the hell made her say something like that to her kid?”

“She didn’t expect to get pregnant when she cheated on my dad, so apparently it was all my fault. Whatever, I turned out pretty successful, and the pay here isn’t too bad for a lawyer. Better than working 16 hours a day at some big firm downtown.”

“Jesus man, you need someone to talk to. Like a friend or a therapist. I mean, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, God knows I could’ve used it a few years back.”

“My name’s Rick, not Jesus,” replied the man with a frown. “And don’t worry about it, I already have an appointment for couple’s therapy right after work.”

“What does this have to do with your spouse?”

“I’m single, so it’s just me and a bottle of whiskey.”

“Hey, whiskey isn’t going to fix things in the long term, I say this from experience.” I let out a sigh and tried once more to give the man a genuine smile. “If a total piece of shit like me can find happiness, a simple loser like you deserves it even more.”

“Huh,” he replied thoughtfully. “That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in a while. I think I’ll tone it down to a couple of beers instead, just for you. But man, things would be easier if I was a System user, though.”

I froze as the man’s words hit me. Could he have known?

“And there I go acting like a fucking weirdo,” he said upon witnessing my reaction. “Well, an even bigger weirdo than you, at least.”

“W-what do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. It looked like I was in the clear, but I didn’t know for sure yet.

“When I was a kid, I was always obsessed with stories about the System, and I always wanted to have it myself so I could do whatever I wanted to. At first, I thought it would bring my parents back together, along with everyone’s parents! And when I accepted the truth that that would probably never happen, I thought the System could at least make my life a little easier. But maybe I could still help people out with it? Make their lives not as shitty as mine is.”

I nodded at him sagely, though it was mostly out of relief for my secret being safe. “Yeah, life would be easier with something like that.” I looked up at the man at the counter with a sincere face and smiled. “Hey, thanks for humoring me. Take it easy, you really do deserve to be happier.”

“Sure, thanks for letting me kill some time.”

I drove out of the lot and to an actual restaurant drive-thru. While eating my burger and fries, I thought back to the man’s words. He honestly deserved the System more than me, if only because he knew what to do with it. That, and because he still had a heart. I wasn’t going to be a superhero, I still had myself to save.