14. Double Tap

We took a cab back to the apartment, leaving behind the noisy and busy city center. Beth was quiet and sullen, withdrawn, and not as physically intimate as she usually was. She didn’t sit in my lap, lay against my chest, or even snuggle into my side. She held my hand, but for her, that was pretty distant. I could feel the shard edges of the storm raging inside her mind, flare-ups pushing her to the boiling point.

When we made it back to the apartment, she grumpily kicked her shoes off, ready to stomp off and sulk. Instead of allowing her to run away, going to stew in her own misery somewhere alone, I picked up her tiny body and carried her to our bedroom. Sam quietly put our calzone in the fridge and then brought hers with her as she followed me to our bedroom. I laid down on the bed, holding Beth against my chest. Sam sat at the desk and began eating her dessert, tentatively watching us, waiting for what was going to happen.

“What’s up, Beth? What’s got you upset?” I asked when Beth mentally accepted the discussion I wanted to have as inevitable.

“Everything. What I’ve done. The reminder of who I am.”

Ahh, this was going to be one of those conversations. Pulling teeth, but hopefully, it would help Beth through some turmoil. 

“What bothered you earlier today, before we purchased clothes?”

She released a massive sigh, paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, and then released another one. “I don’t know. I don’t even remember what exactly Sam said. And I know she didn’t say it to upset me. I just hated the idea of having to dress up for you. The expectation of it. It made me feel so out of control again. And not in a good way. In the ‘they’re bulldozing this building next month, find another place to live’ way. Like I was just an insect. A background character.

“I just hated how she made it seem like because you had made my life better, it was my responsibility to be pretty for you, a cute thing on your arm for everyone to gawk at. Like, because of what you’d done, we owed it to you. I hate feeling like I owe you. And I know even now, you’re really struggling to not interrupt and tell me that I don’t owe you anything. But it’s true. I owe you a lot and everything you do just puts me further in debt.

“You’re intoxicating. You’re genuine and upfront and honest and loyal and true. But everything I’ve done since meeting you has only happened because I met you. I hate you for having so much control over me. I love you, because I can feel in my bones how much you hate the power you have. It’s hot, in the bedroom, to think that I’m literally your slave, in some ways. You won’t ever use it to make me feel gross like people have before. I just got upset because of the way Sam phrased that she wanted to look nice when we went dancing and it reminded me that the freedom I struggled my entire life to try and hold onto is absolutely gone now. I got exactly what I wanted out of it — a safe home with people who care — but I lost the thing I had built my entire being around, and it hurts.

“And then, Zoey fucked us around all night. I have no idea what she was doing, but it was annoying as fuck. The dancing did help me get over my annoyances earlier. When we left, I was tired, ready to come back here to swallow some high-fructose porn syrup from you and snuggle with my head in Sam’s perfect tits all night, pressed between the two of you, reminded that I have people who care for me, not just what they can get from me.

“And then my demon spawn cousin showed up, and it just dredged up all of those emotions from earlier, again. Seeing her reminded me of who I am, because she's exactly the same. Fuck, I said you were my fiancé, but I stupidly explained us moving here as for your ‘promotion,’ so she bats her eyelashes and mashes her tits together. If your cousin said she was going to marry someone, would you try to seduce them? She heard money, and everything else went out the window.

“And a week ago, I wasn’t any different. I tried to do it to you. Just get whatever I could and then cut ties. And I wasn’t even good at it. Amber is. I mean, you saw her; She’s hotter, she’s more womanly, she’s more seductive. Growing up, I had more than one boyfriend who found their way into her bed instead of mine. It just hurts to see yourself in the mirror like that. To look at someone else and go, ‘Holy shit, I was that bad?’ But even then, I wasn't even good at it. It makes me sick to see that not only was I something I hate, but I wasn't even good at it. I’m just a mess, right now.

“And then she says my mom is in town. I don’t want to see my mom. She said my mom was sick. I have no way of knowing if that's true. I’m pissed at myself that I tried to manipulate you. I’m feeling empty without the freedom I once had, without knowing I can get up and leave whenever I want to if something bad happens. I’m terrified I’m going to fuck up massively and lose you, because I have no idea what to do with people I care about. I’m terrified I’m going to have one of these explosions, and you can just go grab the older, hotter, bigger-titted version of me like everyone has before.

“I don’t know how to deal with having an actual relationship, and I jumped from step one to the grandmaster program because now I have a fiancé and another girl with us, maybe a third in the queue. I pushed you to court Sam specifically because I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m in over my head. To make this work, I needed someone who knows what a relationship is. Not just a transaction of a couple blowjobs for rides to work after high school, but an actual relationship. I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not fighting as hard as I can to stay afloat, scheming and planning and plotting my next quick buck to make rent for a month.”

Beth paused for a few moments to catch her breath. She had gotten worked up, wrapped up in unloading her emotions, and she had barely left enough room to breathe during her rant. Then she continued.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a drama queen. I’ll go sleep in the other room, for tonight. Sam should be in your arms. She’s waited long enough.”

Before she could slip out of my arms, which weren’t precisely restraining her, Sam spoke up, “You’re not going anywhere. You are right where you belong. Can’t you feel him right now? I don’t know why you’re worried at all. He looked at her and felt disgust. He looks at you and feels compassion, concern, care — love.”

“But I’m not better than her. I did exactly the same things as she did. He should hate me. It’s what I’ve earned.”

Sam shook her head, disagreeing resolutely, “By your own description, you’re not like her. She tried to tempt J right in front of you. You invited another woman to share him with you, to help you work through your own head. She would take what she wanted. I know your story from what you’ve said. You might’ve embellished your wounded little bird act, but you didn’t pursue J romantically until you knew he was single. You knew your claim was as good as mine. And then, when you knew your position couldn’t be threatened, that you couldn’t be disposed of, you invited me to join you.

“On top of being such a help with J throughout this process, you’ve also started to bond with my mother. I didn’t do it to hurt her, but I’ve been really distant with her over the last ten years. I couldn’t make friends because of her position. Everyone bends the rules sometimes, but if I knew, and therefore Mom potentially knew, they might get in significant trouble. So, no one was friends with me. If I was the rebellious teen who hated my parents, a few people would tolerate me. It’s really hurt our relationship. With you, she has someone she can dote on, someone she can teach the things her mother taught her, without the baggage she and I have. Would your cousin, just looking to take her spoils of war, help J navigate the mess he’s in or ingratiate herself with my mom?”

Beth rocked her head back and forth a few times, and then said, “No.”

“Would your cousin, looking to get the most she could, apologize for feeling emotional and offer to leave her partner alone with another woman?”

“No.”

I cleared my throat, "For the record, I think you were overestimating your exploitative prowess. The dragon can smell your emotions, and you clung to me that entire Saturday, so I was always somewhat aware of how you felt. Some of the physical contact was cynical, but you can't tell me you weren't an emotionally exhausted, suddenly homeless teenage girl looking for a hand up wherever she could find one. Yeah, you wanted to ingratiate yourself to me physically because that's what you knew to offer, but none of it was a lie. You weren't misleading me; you were using the shit hand of cards you were holding and the situation in front of you better yourself."

"I guess," she sullenly replied.

Sam continued my thinking, saying, "Beth, given how strong of a reaction you had to your cousin, I'm guessing that James is right. If you had woken up Saturday morning and found out that he and I were engaged instead of just reconnecting, would you have still tried to pursue him?"

Beth thought for several moments, then said, "I want to say I wouldn't have. I might have tried to stay for another few days, to get a few reasonable meals and a nicer night's sleep, but I would've been looking for where I was going next the entire time."

"Would your cousin have moved on?" Sam asked.

Beth laughed and shook her head, "You saw her trying tonight when the first thing I said was that he was mine."

“So stop comparing yourself to her. Maybe you did some things similarly in the past, but even acknowledging and accepting that, the girl you were isn’t the woman you’re going to be. You’re J’s first wife, the head of his household, his to hold and his to love for the rest of your lives. The lost, desperate girl you used to be is gone.”

Beth shook her head, “I’m not. I can’t be.” She coughed, cleared her throat, and then explained, “I can’t be his first. That’s gotta be you, Sam.”

Sam shook her head, “No. Without you, none of us would be here. You’re the one he awakened with. You’re the one he bonded to before knowing anything about how it worked. You have the warding. He picked you. I’ll be there with you, every step of the way, but you are undeniably first.”

I interjected, “Sam, that’s enough for tonight.”

Beth surprised me by insisting otherwise, “No, she’s right. It’s what makes me different from Amber. From my mother. If I’m yours, really yours, then I’m unique. I was just scared that I couldn’t run away anymore. It was sinking in that this was the real rest of my life. Calling you my fiancé spooked me. Getting all of that out felt good. Knowing that Sam knows it feels good. Knowing that she’s still in my corner and that she thinks I can do this, well, maybe I can.”

Beth paused for a moment, a pensive expression on her face, “I think your magic is more than skin deep. I’m mad, at myself, at my mom, at the rest of her family, at everything I’ve done in the past — but, in the past, I would’ve blown up. I would’ve blown up on Amber and then come back here and made you fuck me until I was bowlegged and bruised to try and let off steam. I can feel now that not only are you and Sam worried about me, not only has this entire night been a mess that put all of us in a weird headspace, but I know innately that my old habits were just avoidance. It makes me even more uncomfortable to realize that I never actually dealt with any of my issues, that I’d just go off and fuck whomever I was around while holding them at arm’s length so they couldn’t hurt me like my family did. Seeing myself in the mirror like this, having the ability to examine my old behaviors and compare them so clearly, makes me question everything I did and feel incredibly exposed.”

Sam had finished her dessert and took the opportunity to come sit on the bed, rubbing Beth’s back softly. “From what I understand, you never had a chance to fix your habits or address your grievances. You were stuck treading water just trying to survive.”

“But how much harder did I make it for myself by never dealing with it? If I hadn’t been plucked from the gutter by J, how long would I have let myself stay stuck there, trapped by my own anger and trust issues?”

The emotional introspection was a step in the right direction for the long term, but we wouldn’t finish this tonight. Beth probably needed years to try and sort through the baggage she was carrying, and even the magic would accelerate that, it was time to take a step back for the night.

“I don’t think that’s a question we need to answer, especially not tonight. We have plenty of time to work through this, but when we’re rested and calm. I need to go to the gym in the morning, figure out what the fuck Zoey actually wants, and then meet with Aisling and the other leaders, and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. It doesn’t sound like either of you are much better. So, I would like to go to bed now, holding my two self-proclaimed wives.”

A blush from Sam and an exhausted giggle from Beth was all that was said after that. The three of us crawled under the covers. Sam ended up lying facing me, my right hand holding her left. Beth made a pyramid out of the three of us, nestled in the gap between Sam and me, wrapped in both of our arms. The confounding mess of a day was over, and at the conclusion, everything was alright. The three of us had survived all of the insanity intact.

~*~*~*~*~

A groan from Sam woke me up. She was, after all, inches from my face. Her eyes were still closed, and I wasn’t sure if she was awake, but the sound of discomfort was clear. Given the sunlight creeping into the room, there was a possibility she was awake and simply lying here so as to not disturb Beth and me, suffering just to preserve the moment.

“You okay?” I asked faintly, hoping not to rouse her if she was still asleep.

Sam’s blue eyes fluttered open, eventually focusing on me. She grunted noncommittally, the conflicted look on her face slowly melding into an accepting smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yesterday was just a lot, you know? I feel really guilty about exploding on you earlier in the week, knowing that you’ve gone through seven yesterdays. I’m really happy to be here now, with both of you.”

“You groaned because you were happy to wake up in bed with the two of us?”

Sam blushed and stammered, not giving an intelligible response.

“Is there something wrong, Sam?”

My question caused a flash of concern over her pale features, and her blue eyes fixed themselves on my face. She shook her head, gently so as to not sway the bed and shake the other woman snuggled into her, and said, “No, no, no. Nothing is wrong, at least, not with you or anything here.”

She trailed off, clearly leaving the thought unfinished. Something was bothering her, but it wasn’t anything we had caused. Hopefully. I prompted her to elaborate, saying, “...But?”

Sam cringed slightly, clearly embarrassed, and when she explained, I understood. “But, I’m, y’know, sore. Downstairs. You’re not small, and you kinda spread me open yesterday, and I’m feeling it now. I rotated my hips to get more comfortable, and I just felt it.”

“I’m sorry, Sam, I should’ve —”

Sam interrupted, the absolute certainty of her voice carrying the intensity despite the hushed volume. “Don’t you dare apologize to me for that. I feel complete now for the first time in my life, like I don’t have to hide who I am or who I want to be, and that’s exhilarating. And I haven’t even mentioned how lost for words I am that you reached down and shared your power with me. So don’t you dare apologize. A little discomfort is fucking nothing in comparison to what I gained.”

I was taken aback by the ferocity in her statement, her unflinching unacceptance of an apology, as though acknowledging my contribution to her physical irritation would somehow diminish the change. Which was unfortunate because I didn’t want to see her in pain… and I had a perfect remedy.

“Do you want to feel better?”

“What?”

“Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?”

Sam looked queasy, as though the thought of intimacy was distressing given her current situation.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, J. I’m not sure I’d enjoy that right now.”

“Are you sure? I’m interested to see if my saliva would make you feel better.”

Her eyes flashed understanding, and she said, “Oh! You literally meant ‘kiss it and make it better.’ I didn’t — It’s so weird to have that as a possibility.”

“So, is that something you’d be interested in?”

Sam nodded demurely, but then paused to ask, “What about Beth?”

“What about Beth?”

“How do you want to do this without waking her up? Or are you going to do the same for her?”

“Slide your hips out that way. She can stay under the blanket; you can keep holding her while she sleeps.”

Sam bit her lip nervously but did as I asked. I slowly crawled out my side of the bed, moving around to her side and gently climbing over her now exposed lower half. She was wearing just a pair of pastel baby-blue panties that nearly matched her eyes. She sighed as I placed kisses over her navel, her head falling back into the pillow, simply enjoying the affinity she felt between our intimacy and the subtle hints of emotion over the bond.

As I teased her, kissing her thighs and running my hands all over her body without touching the inevitable destination directly, she whispered, “J, not that I want to complain, but waking up in your arms for real had me nice and ready before you even made the suggestion. You don’t need to torture me.”

Nuzzling against her mons, my lips brushing against the silky undergarment an inch from where she was desperate for my attention, I answered her, “What if I want to torture you a little? What if I want to drag this out and enjoy you now that I have you? What if I want to make up for all the time we lost when we weren’t allowed to be together?”

Sam loosed an unintentional whimper, nodding her assent to my intentions. I focused my attention on her body, gently teasing and tormenting her with my soft affections. I moved slowly, patiently inching forward, carefully encroaching on her still garbed nethers. Sam largely allowed me to move at my glacial pace, only twice lifting her hips to attempt to grind herself on my face in urgent need. Withdrawing and applying some tame swats to her behind had her relaxing back to the bed.

The third time she pressed herself against me, I could feel how desperate she was for a firmer touch and how soaked her underwear was becoming, thoroughly saturated with her juices. I used the moment to slide them down her hips and off her legs, before returning to my place between her thighs. She moaned in ecstasy as I began pleasuring her in earnest.

Our shuffling must have roused Beth because she spoke, although she never opened her eyes, and her words were slurred by the shroud of sleep. “Did J go to the gym without giving me a good morning kiss?”

“No, Beth, I’m here still. Sam was feeling sore, so I’m making her feel better.”

Seemingly forgetting that she was still clutching the other woman, Beth answered as if we were the only two in the room before trailing back to sleep, “Good… Remind her that she’s yours and that you’re going to take care of her… I want her to be happy with us… She was really helpful last night for me...”

Sam didn’t respond, and Beth’s soft, rhythmic breathing suggested she was no longer with us, so I continued what I was doing, torturing Sam with my love. Unlike yesterday, she wasn’t swept up in the intensity of the brewing storm, managing today to surf on the surface, riding the currents as they brought her towards her peak.

And when she got there, it wasn’t an extreme, forceful explosion of lust like yesterday had been; instead, she crested beautifully, her muted, flowing moans starkly contrasting the sharp, violent noises I had expected. She cupped my face as I devoted my efforts to her enjoyment, running her fingers through my hair, politely guiding me to exactly where she needed treatment.

Despite the difference in approach, the end result was much the same: A giggly, overjoyed, beautiful woman, laying boneless in the bed as her body tried to cope with the little death, the sheets and mattress coated in her release. She lay there, smiling at nothing and everything, and I could feel the connection between us growing. Literally, in the sense that her emotions became more precise in my mind, the depth and complexity of the information I received swelled, giving me a greater insight into how she felt. 

As much as I desired to stay and cuddle and bask in the afterglow with her, I could see on the clock that it was almost time to head to the gym and that my alarm would go off soon. I disabled that as I walked to the bathroom, relieving myself and brushing my teeth. When I returned to the bedroom to dress, I saw Sam had rolled onto her side, slightly nudging her and Beth away from the wet spot she had created and intertwining their limbs as they found comfort in nestling with each other. Before I left, I gave them both quick kisses on the forehead, and even in their sleep, I felt the hint of appreciation echoing between us.

Going to the gym and dreading it was a troublesome experience. Obviously, some of that was inherent since I was dreading it, but mostly, it was strange how infrequently I hadn't wanted to go to the gym. Knowing that I would have to try and weasel an explanation from Zoey while there really soured my typical enthusiasm. It was challenging to get hyped up for some heavy lifts while remaining focused on what I wanted to ask Zoey.

Except that I apparently didn't need to remain focused. Zoey was waiting for me at the front desk, and after I scanned in, she grabbed my hand and brought me to the trainer's office. She sat on the edge of the desk, tapping her toe anxiously, while I slumped into the weary, worn-out faux leather chair. She wiggled the whole desk with her nervous tic for ten seconds before she raised her eyes to look at me. I was comfortable waiting — if she wanted to grab this conversation by the horns and get us started, I would let her. Her action in dragging me here before offering even a greeting suggested she had something to say, but I could understand her reluctance now, fussing over finding the exact words needed to make her point.

Eventually, she steeled herself and firmly said, "I'm sorry."

"That's certainly a good start. It would help if I knew what you were apologizing for."

"For not believing you. For dragging you through all of that last night. For dancing around the issues without talking to you at all. For not listening to you, or Sam, or Mal, or my brother."

"Honestly, Zoey, given your concerns, talking to me at all seems like it could be a risk, and blindly listening to everyone else seems foolish when you're the only one who has to live with the consequences."

She sighed and shrugged, looking away from me as she explained. Once she started, it was as if she was unable to stop, releasing all of her concerns like a wave from a collapsing dam.

"That's not exactly it, though. I wanted you to be awful. I wouldn't have to feel like I had missed an opportunity by millimeters, like I had spent five years searching to find someone I already knew. I wouldn't have missed anything if what you were was just a cleverly designed lie looking to manipulate me. If something seems too good to be true, that's almost always because it is. What were the odds that, just as I start thinking about giving up all my hope of ever finding my mate, someone I knew as a kid shows up out of the blue and is him? Someone who was my brother's friend, so I know he isn't an absolute douche? Someone I was friendly with and had talked about some of my issues with? Someone who listened to me, heard what I was saying, and didn't just see me as a dumb girl who needed ADHD meds and stricter parents? It made me question if all of that had been a lie, a setup, a scheme to twist my opinion of you, and now you had come to collect. 

"But I couldn't figure out why. Yeah, I'm part of the Seat's security corps, but it's not like I'm particularly integral here. I'm not very high up anymore, and I have the lowest clearances nowadays. My position now is to individually train the active security team to ensure their physical preparedness, to know how to get the most out of each and every agent so that they can be their best, and to warn the higher-ups if someone has any issues. If you wanted to influence a security agent, you're far too late to get the most out of me. And then I saw you didn't even need to do that because Aisling shows up out of the blue at the end of your shifting and flying lesson to talk to you personally. Paranoid thoughts about exploiting my connections to hurt the Seat disappear when I find out you're already on a first-name basis with her.

"So, when I couldn't deduce anything with the information I had, I set up a recon mission for some of my friends, set out to prove that you were a tyrant from the start. I got them to tease and provoke you all night long, intent on agitating you to your breaking point. I posed as drinking more than normal, going a lot harder than normal, to make myself seem vulnerable. So that, at the end of the night, after my friends had tormented you for hours, I could show up alone and drunk, get you to overstep the boundaries, and expose you as the fiend you were, abusing the two poor girls captured by your guile and make a huge name for myself at the same time. It would be so convenient for me, tie up everything nicely and avoid any emotional entanglement. I could be right and the star, just like old times.

"Of course, during the night, I interrogated Beth and Sam. It turns out that, no, you weren't exploiting them and abusing them and holding them against their will — you were empowering them, providing for them, and giving them exactly what they wanted, even when you weren't perfectly comfortable yourself. They told me about what you've done and how they can feel you through your soul connection, and Beth told me how terrified you were about the possibility of controlling her. She asked for advice on how I dealt with my wolf, so that she could better comfort you. They both told me stories of how they hadn't been forthright with you and had twisted your idea of them so they could get what they wanted at your expense.

"And you know what? During that time, my wolf was offended, insisting that these traitorous bitches didn't deserve to lay at your feet. These manipulative, lying skanks weren't worthy of being yours. And then she pointed out that I didn't either. I had acted just like them, thinking only about myself and what would be convenient for me and make me feel good and help me.

"So when it came time to enact my final step, I was scared, vulnerable, and alone, not just acting like it. But you only kissed me... which somehow sated my terrified wolf and sobered me up. I asked you if you loved them, and you gave me a very reasonable response. I had set you up like you were an evil villain, and all you did was go along with it to see where we went to support me. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done, and moving forward, I am going to try to be upfront and honest with you, because it seems you have been with me."

She had undoubtedly taken any of the vitriol I had over last night out of me with her apology. Not that I was ever really angry with her, because her fears were quite reasonable based on everything I had heard about other dragons. I was just annoyed by the whole situation, jumping through hoops to prove I was what I claimed to be. Not that she had any reason to trust the words from my mouth.

Her explanation gave me a lot to think about, and I appreciated her pledge of honesty, but it hadn't changed how we would move forward precisely, so I had to ask, "What do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want? You already have a life in this world, an understanding of it, a place in it. I don't know what being your mate means. Am I to become your friends-with-benefits once you're comfortable enough around me? Your boyfriend? Your husband? What does it mean for your job? For your living situation? What do you want to do about this? How do we move forward without completely upending your life? Because mine already has been completely upended. A week ago, I was a nervous single college guy who played video games with your brother and worried about scheduling interviews at the upcoming career fairs. Now I'm learning about magic and how to fly and have two girlfriends, a vampire PA who is scared of being in the same room as me, and a werewolf personal trainer saying I'm her mate. Nothing you can ask for now would make my current situation messier, so we should hash out what it is that you actually want from this."

"I want children."

"O-oh."

She winced. "That was too abrupt, wasn't it? Sorry. But, like, last year. Babies. My wolf's internal clock is raring to go."

I winced and almost vomited, filled with such a visceral response to her request. It was a good thing I was already sitting because I probably would've ended up on the floor otherwise.

Zoey, seeing my face and blatant rejection of her request, panicked.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. That was too soon. Umm, fuck, let me grab the trash can. Oh, why did I say that today?"

I didn't vomit, which was good because I had done that too much recently for my comfort. I wasn't actually opposed to the idea of children at some point. I didn't think I was ready for them now, especially not still while coming to grips with the insanity of the new magical world I was in. I regarded myself as a kind of "lowercase 'a' adult." Independentish, capableish, accountableish. Having children of my own was on the other side of the divider keeping me from being a "capital 'A' Adult". Although, given that I was now functionally married (Twice! Maybe thrice with Zoey? What a mess) and considering buying a home so that I wasn't living in Aisling's provided apartment and needed to find a real Adult job to support my new family and house, I might need to reevaluate where I fell on that spectrum.

I hadn't yet confirmed it with her, but if Zoey's lifespan was indeed shortened by a significant amount, I could understand why her biological clock was telling her to have children NOW if she ever wanted them. Which was the crux of the intensity of my reaction. She hadn't said it, but she didn't just want children. She was asking me to have children with her, knowing that she might pass before they grew up. That's what made my stomach roll first: the idea that she wanted to have a living legacy that I would raise for her but potentially without her. Sure, I wouldn't be a true 'single widower dad' with Sam and Beth, but it was still incredibly uncomfortable to think about.

Zoey kept babbling, but I didn't hear the actual words she said. The line of thinking that brought me to single dad made me realize something that absolutely should have hit me already. I should have realized it when I was thinking about missing my family at the diner because it was built on exactly the same foundation.

I was immortal. That was one of the few things Antonin was absolutely sure of. Immortal. Unaging.

Beth and Sam weren't. My children, unless they were also dragons, wouldn't be. The idea that I would spend 50 years holding onto a piece of Beth and Sam, growing to know them so intimately that the lines between us blurred, and then I would have to bury them while still looking like a 20-year-old, made my gut clench. The knowledge that in a hundred years, I would be attending the funerals of Sam and Beth's children, my children, made all of the color in the world dim, the spectre of inevitability leeching all of the optimism from my soul.

When I finally collected myself enough to step back from my thoughts, I looked up, only realizing I was holding the small plastic office trashcan in my trembling hands when I set it down and found a pair of very concerned grey eyes staring back at me.

"I think I should change my answer to your question."

An absolutely befuddled expression crossed Zoey's face, growing summarily into genuine fear. I quickly continued, lest she believe I was rejecting her, which wasn't my intent.

"From last night. About if I loved Beth and Sam. I think I had a panic attack there, thinking about their death."

Zoey's achromatic eyes widened in shock, and her mouth opened, but no response came.

"Thinking about kids made me realize I was immortal and that they would pass before me. And then that Beth and Sam would as well."

Zoey softened, no longer intensely concerned for my physical wellbeing but instead trying to gently capture my emotional state. "Yeah, that's not going to be enjoyable." She shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to proceed after my existential collapse. I did for her.

"So, kids? That's quite a commitment. I hadn't really thought about that with anyone, and I don't think I'm ready. So, not 'no,' but rather, 'let's give it a few weeks before jumping into that'? It's not a decision I can make without talking to Beth and Sam. All four of us, together, hashing out what our collective lives will look like, since that’s what we are now."

"I wanted to tell you I wanted them now. After last night, feeling conflicted about how I had acted and resolving to be more upfront, I wanted to tell you then. I want them now, and I'd be ok with it right now. I'd have been okay with it on Tuesday. My wolf needs you, and it makes me feel as vulnerable as I was acting last night, which isn't comforting, but it's just a fact of life."

"I'm going to do my best not to abuse that. I would appreciate it if you would let me know when I overstep."

"I'm not sure if you can. Taking me now and sending me home with a bun in the oven wouldn't be too far."

I cringed, "Okay, well, I'm not comfortable with that. I still see you as Kyle's sister. A furiously accomplished girl who was dangerously ambitious and driven, but still my friend's sister. Off-limits. And, obviously, that's not true anymore, but that's where my head's at today. I think I'd need to see you somewhere, as a woman, to break the idea of you that I have, to replace it with the reality I'm now in."

Zoey perked up, her head tilting to the side, and I could visualize her sitting there in her other form, snow-white ears pointing in my direction and tail wagging behind her.

"James, was that the clumsiest attempt at asking me on a date, or am I mishearing you?"

"It was just thinking out loud, but, yeah, a date would be nice, actually. I really need to go on one with Beth and Sam, too. Individually and together. Everything's been so crazy for the last week that I haven't even been able to catch my breath. Gosh, sorry, you probably don't want to hear about them."

She amicably shrugged, "I don't really mind. It sounds like I'm the first one who knows what they're really getting into. You and Beth had absolutely no idea, and Sam didn't really care what was going on if you were available. Which, I didn't see five years ago, but, wew. My wolf has been trying to get me to lay down and spread my legs for you this entire conversation. She was pushing for a really different apology, one that ended up with something you're clearly not ready for, and I don't know if I am, either. I really understand how Sam feels now. I'm not sure you could do anything to offend me at this point besides disappearing. And, full disclosure, that might just turn on crazy stalker Zo."

I completely bypassed what she said because I wasn't entirely on board with the potential consequences and felt I was already exploiting some part of my relationship. Maybe not even with Zoey. I hadn't talked this over with Beth or Sam, and, despite past actions suggesting to the contrary, I wasn't about to jump into yet another life-changing relationship on a whim. Life-creating relationship.

"So, about a date. I'm not familiar with the city, I'm not familiar with magical date ideas, and I'm not really sure what you would be into. I could ask Evgenia, but she and I really need to have another conversation about why she's terrified of me. Anyway, I know I'm the guy, but would you mind—"

"I'll come up with something. And can offer some suggestions for my fellow broodmates."

"Broodmates?"

"How else should I refer to them? Sisterwives is just, ick, and it's not like they're my girlfriends, so calling them that would be weird."

"This is just more of that world-changing-under-my-feet stuff I'm unprepared for. Look, I appreciate your apology, understand where your concerns were based, have no resentment over your caution, and realize that your situation has changed since meeting me, which has altered your goals. I'm not ready to act on your requests now; I need more time to come to grips with all of this. Could we do the workout now, and continue this later when I've had time to process it?"

Zoey agreed, and we returned to the gym floor. Today was apparently a shoulder and other upper body accessory day, and she got me right into strict overhead presses. Not something I was used to, as it had limited utility for swimming; Zoey tweaked and modified my form with constant small suggestions until she got to a point where she was happy. Given that it was an exercise I was unfamiliar with, having a plate and a half on each side left me feeling mighty accomplished, even though I knew I would be feeling it tomorrow. It was almost a boon that I had little experience — I didn't have years of experience performing the exercise in a different body hampering my attempts.

 

From there, she had me moving directly into supramaximal push press negatives. While she assured me that the weight was well within my control, and even demonstrated strict pressing it herself, it still felt heavy to me. She didn't encourage me to go any further, though she admitted her normal 'trainer' habits almost shown through and had her push me, acknowledging that it was a novel movement for me and that simply getting reps under the bar was my real goal. After all, I was more interested in adapting to my draconically influenced human form than truly training for strength gains. To that end, she encouraged me to attend some of the open swim sessions at the pool, doing a form of cardio I was familiar with and enjoyed while simultaneously simulating the feeling of flying in my human body.

While resting between sets, I had a curiosity borne from the information I had learned last night, so I asked, "Hey, Zoey? What's Mallory and Sophie's deal?"

She responded to my leading question tentatively, "Their deal? They're dating, have been for a while."

As I set up to grip the bar, I explained myself, "I was just wondering because of what happens when I shift. Mallory seemed partial to the reaction, and if she's going to be helping me learn to fly as a surrogate dragon mom escorting the hatchling out of the nest for the first time, it's something that's probably going to happen a bunch. Which, if they're serious, should be something Sophie knows about, gets a chance to veto, that sort of thing. I certainly wouldn't be happy to find out about it accidentally six months down the line."

Even after I finished the set and reracked the bar, Zoey didn't respond. She offered an inconclusive shrug when I looked at her, unwilling to give a decisive answer about someone else's relationship. Which was fair, and I didn't press further, instead pursuing a different uncomfortable topic.

"Alright. What about Jess and Rosa? They both had some physical challenges. Would offering to assist with those, with my draconic healing, be overstepping my bounds? Would pointing out that they might want it be offensive in some way? I don't want to be demeaning, but they're your friends, and I think I could help if they wanted it."

Zoey pursed her lips in thought while she performed her set, then shook her head at me. "I'll ask them privately, but I can't imagine they would take you up."

For the remainder of the workout, Zoey seemed withdrawn and distant. Not nearly as much as the stone-faced, robotic facade she adopted during previous training sessions, merely finding a midpoint between that and the agreeable, apologetic display she had started the day with. When I brought it up as we finished the final accessory exercises of the day, she had a perfect answer.

"You're awfully hot and cold today, y'know?"

"Well, we don't really know each other. You know a bit about the human side of me from five years ago, and I know some about you filtered through my brother. So, I agree with you about taking things a little slower, getting to know each other before leaping into something serious. But, my wolf already jumped. So, some of my instincts are saying to climb into your lap and let you pet me for the rest of the time we have in the gym today and then to go home with you and rip your clothes off, even though I know that's not what I want at this moment. It wouldn't be good for the long term."

After trying to come to terms with my dragon soul's opinions over the past week, that resonated with me. Remembering just how difficult it had been to resist him during Cynthia's spontaneous interview in the diner, my only reaction was to appreciate the willpower Zoey must contain. It certainly reframed her skittish, fidgety nature as a child into an insane testament to her discipline. Your typical ten-year-old was prone to hyperactivity — imagine being a ten-year-old with a wolf inside you baying over the squirrel twitching out the classroom window. Given her position here and her suggestions that she had been higher up the food chain in the past, I imagined that she had been recruited while she was still in high school. 

The fact that her qualifications stemmed from the immense physical gifts of the wolf inside her, the uselessness of a high school diploma would only have exacerbated the issue further. Paying attention while half of your brain wants to go outside and hunt and the other half knows that sitting in the class won't help you get a job because you already had one queued up sounded incredibly challenging. It cemented my appraisal of Zoey as accomplished and driven, even though recent events suggested she was still a touch naive. I accepted the distance as we ended our day, knowing that it was good for both of us currently.

Returning home, I found a resplendent Sam still napping in our bed, her red hair splayed across the bed behind her. On her torso, Beth clung tightly to Sam's body, the smaller woman curled up against her partner. It painted a picture of peaceful serenity, starkly contrasting the chaos that created our bonds. Even though I was sure they would appreciate it, I couldn't bring myself to shatter the picturesque scene by waking them.

It did confirm something, though. If Beth and Sam were both so exhausted that they were still sleeping after noon, but I felt good enough after going to the gym that I wasn't concerned about tonight, I was generating energy somewhere. Without any doubt in my mind, Antonin's information had been incorrect. Dragons must be able to generate, store, and then process energy in their own unique way — I had it on good authority that there was truth in the images of dragons sleeping on piles of wealth for months at a time before going on week-long campaigns of destruction that would leave even the most disciplined soldier depleted. So, there was some mechanism generating energy for me, but the wealth was a misunderstanding of the truth. Something to consider for the future, especially given that I knew more than the establishment for the moment.

Instead of bothering them, I took a relaxing shower, spending half an hour just enjoying the warm water flowing over my skin. I took the opportunity to shift slightly, interested in feeling warm water on my scales. The pool water hadn't been particularly cold — in comparison, I wouldn't have been surprised to see icebergs floating in some of the pools I had competed in — but I was curious about how hot water felt. At the temperature my skin was comfortable with, there was almost no difference in sensation. Thinking about it for a moment, I turned the heat up, and up, and up, well past the position Beth had used for our showers, and felt no discomfort on my scales. It wouldn't make sense for something that grew up to breathe fire to be sensitive to heat, but I felt better having experienced it and now knowing for certain.

Sam and Beth were awake when I stepped back into my room, still lounging in bed and enjoying the lazy day. Beth seemed cheery again, and while I could feel some tension lingering through our bond, on the whole, she felt significantly better than she had when we went to sleep. I had a fleeting moment of thought where I wondered if I had spent time between her thighs this morning, instead of Sam's. They both seemed playful, content, and relaxed.

Which led to several jokingly enthusiastic wolf whistles as I dropped the towel and got dressed. I was donning the suit I had worn to the open court session because it was the only appropriate garment I owned. The outfit I wore to dance last night would have worked if I had nothing else, but it was slightly too casual for what I anticipated.

They both wished me luck on the way out, and were joined by Evgenia, much to my surprise. She actually straightened out the shoulders on my jacket before I stepped outside, which shocked me even further. She followed me out into the hallway, started to say something but fumbled over her words, and retreated into the apartment, leaving me walking outside utterly bemused.

The driver from the rideshare app I used seemed nervous when I stuffed myself into his car. He acted courteously, and I probably wouldn't have noticed if I couldn't smell his concerns spreading out and filling the cabin. With the otherwise imperceptible hints, it became clear that he was anxious about speaking to me — something I was very surprised by. It seemed strange that he would be nervous, as talking to people was at least a part-time job for him.

I understood his apprehension when he approached the massive brick wall separating the veritable mansion from the street. The wrought iron gates barring the driveway were ornate and impressively detailed — almost enough to distract you from noticing how massive they were. I wasn't sure if a bus would be able to ram through them.

Thanking the driver and tipping him through the app, I walked up to the gate and was greeted by a stern voice over a speaker system, asking for my name and to insert my invitation. Instinctively, I responded with my birth name, and then stammered out the name on my FaeBook profile, while fumbling with the card I had. I slipped it into the slot under the speaker, and a moment later, there was an audible clack as the gate unlatched itself. The security officer told me to head up to the main entrance, which I hoped meant to follow the driveway to the imposing house.

Following the brick walkway partnered with the driveway, I was greeted by an unassuming man in a simple black suit outside an archway-covered entrance. I was quickly ushered inside, handed a glass of champagne, had my jacket held for me, a nametag clipped to my shirt pocket, and then gently nudged along into the dining room to take my place and make space for the next important person to be processed. All of which made me uncomfortable, but I suspected that might be the point. In Aisling's house, she would want everyone else to feel off balance.

In the dining room, I found my predetermined seat next to several of Aisling's familiar advisors. Antonin and Emmanuel were both there, having a heated discussion over something, which was cut short as I joined them, being welcomed warmly. When I asked Antonin why he hadn't said he would be here, he brusquely replied that he hadn't been aware his attendance was required until after our meeting yesterday. The larger man laughed and said that only Antonin could receive an invitation and think that meant attendance wasn't mandatory.

The two continued their discussion about the application of some kind of theoretical tracking magic. That was all that I could understand as they quickly delved into jargon beyond my comprehension about the pulse width of the reverberations in the ether and the signal echoes inside the capacitors of the scrying portals. After twenty minutes of their heated conversation about the practicality of these tests, another older gentleman joined us and was introduced to me as Bob.

Which was clearly not his name, as his tag read 'Vladimir,' and his broadly Eastern European accent was, while not thick, still existent. Seeing my apparent confusion, he explained that he started going by Bob when he moved to the States during the war (which I later was informed was the Crimean War of 1853). According to him, a common hypocorism for Vladimir was Vova, which looks similar to Bob when written in Cyrillic. Coincidentally, the two names had similar meanings, and it was easy for him to adapt to a Western name when he moved here. He laughed pleasantly when I admitted to struggling to adapt to my own name change, mentioning my struggles at the gate, and said he was grateful to have made the decision, as having decades of history as 'Bob' was a remarkable deterrent for suspicion during the paranoia of the 50s and 60s.

By the time he was done explaining himself to me, the majority of the other seats had been filled around the massive table with a wide selection of fantasy characters, making me feel as though I was sitting at one of the meetings in Tolkien's world, and Aisling had taken her place at the head. The opposite head remained empty, and much as a place had been set during my first dinner with her, this one was furnished even as it remained unclaimed.

Aisling opened the dinner by welcoming us all and thanking us for joining her, all with an icy cold demeanor that left no doubts about how much she enjoyed the pleasantries required. The next half hour was a whirlwind of intense discussion as various house heads and other important figures argued over tariffs and import agreements and magical election gerrymandering and aetheric infrastructure investment and FaeBook privacy management policies. All of it was over my head, but I was glad for the opportunity to observe the people I would be dealing with in the coming future. It was also interesting to see how Bob, who I was now aware was the house head for Vampires despite being a ghoul as a male, handled different individuals, changing tone and approach depending on who he was addressing. Antonin and Emmanual were regularly called upon to give subject matter opinions and to mediate between hyperbolic statements issued by the other members, but they largely remained out of the discussion otherwise.

After it seemed that all the other issues had been resolved, or at least tabled with temporary solutions, Aisling officially introduced me as the new head for dragons within the territory. Bob looked at me sharply, presumably reevaluating me now that he had my face to go with my name, but the shit hit the fan when Aisling continued right on to say that Beth, Sam, and Evgenia would be made members of my house effective immediately, legally classifying them as dragons.

The elder ghoul on my left waved away the look Aisling gave him, signalling he had no objections, but the human wizard head started ranting up a storm when Aisling looked at him. He protested not being informed about Beth and Sam before this meeting, as it was customary for new arrivals to meet with him to be vetted. When Aisling said that Sam had already been a community member, albeit not of the city itself, and that her mother was Cynthia, the wizard looked embarrassed, not that I fully grasped why.

Aisling proceeded to say that there were some anomalies with Beth and that she had personally observed the girl and decided that she was unfit to be a member of the standard wizard community at this time. The man went berserk, insisting that it was his decision to make and that he had the right to observe and evaluate the girl. Even when Antonin interjected to say that it was being done at his recommendation, the man snarled that it was "not a dark elf's place to meddle in the affairs of humans, not that it had ever stopped them trying."

Aisling let him rave about how he was being mistreated and not given the respect he deserved for a minute before gradually letting her aura leak. Antonin shivered, Emmanuel paused mid-gesture as he tried to set his glass down, and Bob inhaled and sat further up in his seat. My dragon found it amusing how difficult it was for others to weather Aisling's icy embrace, even these otherwise powerful and influential figures. He felt smugly satisfied with how effortless it was to brush aside for us.

The man across the table did not find it amusing. His back was snapped roughly to the seat as a wave of pressure leveled him and cut him off mid-sentence. Aisling informed him that at no point did he have greater authority over members of her court than the Seat did. She continued to say that the girl was such an abnormality that he should be thanking her for the headache she was saving him. She insisted that the circumstances surrounding Beth were so unique that she belonged in a mythic house on principle, and since dragon magic had a hand in her situation, it was only fitting that I be responsible for Beth.

I didn't much appreciate how Beth and Sam were being discussed, as if they were my property and we were having a disagreement over which public department I needed permits from, but I held my tongue. In this specific case, it seemed prudent to simply observe, as almost no one in attendance seemed to agree with the irate wizard. Some of the wizard's companions looked at me in consternation, wary at my reaction to his demands, but no one seemed to think I was in the wrong. They were merely concerned that a dragon may have disproportionately strong reactions to being publicly challenged like this.

When Aisling finished admonishing him, he wasn't yet satisfied with his objection. My dragon understood that, in his position now, not doubling down would make him look even weaker than if he had simply accepted from the start. He needed to get some sort of admission from either Aisling or me in order to save face. He addressed me directly and insisted that he be allowed to interview and assess the two witches, to ensure their safety and wellbeing in the community as the head of all magically inclined humans. Essentially, he suggested I might be controlling them, as a dragon, and he needed to be permitted to evaluate them, as they were witches and under his purview.

I lazily stroked my chin, appearing to be contemplating a response, while glancing at Antonin. He bobbed his head back and forth, which I took to interpret as something along the lines of either 'nothing about this situation has a precedent' or possibly 'he technically has those rights, but it is insultingly rude to make the demands.' Under the advice of my dragon, who felt there would be long-term repercussions if we outright denied him, and taking Antonin's indecipherable gesture for the hesitation that it was, I answered him.

"You may contact them and make the request. If they are interested in accommodating you, I will see that it is done. As Aisling says, the situation is more complicated than needs to be elaborated on here. Perhaps we could meet sometime in the future to discuss it ourselves and not waste everyone else's time with this matter."

The man seemed displeased but couldn't further insist, as I had given him several avenues to move forward. With that, the business seemed to be concluded, and Aisling signalled for the dinner to be brought in and served.

As the din in the dining room rose from private conversations restarting, Bob turned to me and said, "So, dragon, eh? That's an interesting one."

"More than you would even guess. I suppose I should offer my thanks for graciously allowing Evgenia to join me."

The older man sighed, a defeated expression on his face making him look genuinely elderly. His voice cracked as he said, "In truth, it's no burden to me to let her join you. As Aisling said about the other girl being assigned under you, the situation is complicated and is a headache and heartache I've been unable to effectively deal with for a long time."

"Oh? She's been distant with me, like she was scared of me. I thought it had something to do with being a dragon or some part of my authority. I had hoped to talk with her about it, but I've had so much to deal with that I have yet to actually sit down and do so. An advisor scared to actually offer advice isn't particularly beneficial."

Bob nodded. "A newborn vampire is more wild animal than thinking human. It takes a long time for the human inside to tame the beast. Evgenia never had a chance to tame hers. It was killed before she could mesh with it, done by those who should have been guiding her. To put it bluntly, she is a vampire in technicality, but much like your other companion, unique enough that she does not fit with us. She does not share the same ferocity, the same hunger, the need for blood that the rest of us feel. To the rest of us, she feels like other undead, while she is too alive with our curse to relate to them. She is permanently damaged in a way that her peers cannot accommodate. I should be thanking you, and if you find any way to help her, I would be very grateful for you to share the information. I have failed her and am out of ideas."

"Is there something I need to be concerned about?"

Bob sipped his drink, and I noticed he had otherwise declined the meal. A house salad was served for me, and I nibbled at the leaves as he answered. It was quite good, fresh and well-assembled, but the conversation had taken my full focus.

"Not for yourself. She won't be pleased to hear about your developing relationship with the werewolf girl, but likewise, she won't speak up for herself if you pursue that."

I looked at him in surprise, which he scoffed at and waved his hand at me. "Please, boy, everyone here and plenty not here are watching your every move with great interest. You will bring change to things we haven't evaluated in decades. If you want to keep something discreet, the floor of the official security force training facility isn't the place. Not that you had much of a choice. Alas, as I was saying, you personally have nothing to worry about. Ev is akin to a circus animal from my times — docile and meek because her spirit has been wholly ripped out after years of abuse. She bears the scars inside and out; nothing I have done has helped. 

"I thought, perhaps, the law position with Aisling's offices would give her a goal, but she lacks any motivation inside. There is no fire in her. She makes a fine clerk but a terrible prosecutor, and the duties of a clerk are largely being replaced with computers, or an intern using a computer. I imagine that Aisling came to the same conclusion I did, that there was nothing more she could justify doing, and so passed her to you as much as an asset as to get rid of a constant annoyance. As much as it pains me to say it, I do not think there is much you could do to make it worse."

I just nodded. I didn't know what else to say. Given the concerns everyone else seemed to have over me being a dragon and how insistent the wizard was that he get to evaluate Beth and Sam, point blank telling me I couldn't hurt Ev more than she already is was concerning. Discussing her like a property with a chemical spill, something it would cost too much to clean up to be worth anything afterward, made my stomach roll again. I was finally coming to understand why Sam hated dealing with other magical beings — even the pleasant ones viewed people as assets on a balance sheet, tools to be used, resources to be exploited.

The rest of the dinner was served to those who elected to eat, while several people, including Antonin, departed immediately. Bob finished his drink, waited a few minutes chatting politely with me on less sensitive subjects, and then left himself. Several other attendees eyed me curiously, suggesting some level of interest. Still, after finishing my salad and waiting several additional minutes without anyone approaching, I took my leave of the party, bringing only my concerns home with me.