My heart was filled with trepidation upon entering the inn.

I should have been in high spirits instead.

After all, I’d just sent the Grand Duchess’s pets back to her waiting claws, and also deported an errant peasant from my kingdom. True, deporting that elven hoodlum to Ouzelia was a somewhat overly harsh punishment for someone whose crime was attempted world domination. But I was hardly one to deny Coppelia a rare request. 

Sadly, no spring in my step could allow me to leap past the hardest obstacle to come.

Of all the rodents infesting my fair kingdom, the ones which remained the most stubbornly entrenched were not the ones in my court or in my countryside.

No … it was the ones in my ceilings. And this it was time for the resumption of a battle without end! 

To find a smidgeon of rest amidst a night plagued by the scuttling of mice as they tap danced above me with the brazen adamancy of children learning the piano! 

I clenched my fists as I peered around the common room.

Only middling warmth greeted me. The sight of a low hearthfire and a supreme lack of clientele wasn’t helped by a counter serving as both the reception and the bar. I had little expectations when it came to the inns of commoners, but those that didn’t even boast a separate foyer pushed those expectations into the same floor stained with dried alcohol.

And if I was lucky, nothing more.

Seeing the lack of service, I could already sense my impending struggle.

Insomnia was no peasant’s back to be stepped upon. It was a wall as high as the Loerstadt Gate … literally so. The inn, like the shops, was slotted into the very wall. Meaning that in addition to the mice, the footsteps of patrolling soldiers would doubtless be conspiring to keep me awake.

I saw only darkness ahead of me. 

Specifically, the underside of my pillow.

“Oooh … how neat~” Coppelia gazed at the common room’s thick slabs of stone walls, smiling without care at the turmoil which still lay ahead. “This must be the most well defended inn you’ll stay in. Now you don’t need to worry about those pesky assassins dressed as maids coming after you, huh?”

I shook my head sadly.

“If only. So long as foreign powers and envious nobility exist, then so will a lack of creativity and all the poorly prepared tea which comes with it.”

“Why does it sound like you’d be okay with maid assassins as long as they could make tea?”

“Because if they can make tea like a maid, then they can clean like a maid. And while they’d have no hope of passing my rigorous inspection, I’d appreciate the time and effort put into ensuring a habitat hostile for any rodents to live in. With any luck, an excellently trained assassin has already cleared this establishment out in preparation for our arrival.”

Coppelia leaned forwards, sniffing the air around her.

“I think they missed a spot.”

“How many spots?”

“Every spot.”

I let out a quiet groan. 

The ignominy of it all. No cleaning service and no attempt on my life. What was the point of having enemies?

As I consigned to my disappointment, a door behind the bar opened. A young girl in an apron peeked out before making herself available, delight lighting up her face more than the dim hearth ever could.

“Hi there!” she said, standing upon whatever box was behind the bar. “Welcome to The Tail & Ferret. What can I do for you?”

I raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by the number of establishments which sought to use children to elevate their prices. A poor waste of labour. If children could extort the customers of inns, then they could extort the customers of my newly made soap empire.

“Fortunately, nothing which requires you reaching for the shelves. I need a room for the night. One which is clean, possesses a window facing away from the nearest wheat field and is spacious enough to host a magical crystal four-poster bed measuring 60 inches in width and 78 inches in length.”

The young girl blinked.

“Excuse me?”

I rolled my eyes.

Ugh. Children.

They didn’t even know what inches were.

“This big,” I said, stretching out my arms. “And this long.”

“... Do you want the biggest room? If so, I can give it to you at a special rate.”

I clapped my hands in delight. 

“Why, that’d be excellent! … I assume it’ll be the same rate these people are paying?”

The girl followed my gaze around the empty common room.

“I can give it at an extra-special rate,” she duly clarified. “Biggest room, right?”

“The biggest. And the cleanest. There should be no excuses. I expect my room to be in exemplary condition. And by that I mean free of any dancing feet in the night.”

“She means Silly, Billy and Milly,” said Coppelia cheerfully.

“No, I mean rodents. Giant mice and all the things they eat. I shall be insistent on the matter. For each hour of sleep I lose, I’ll be demanding a refund from your parents at a rate greater than the amount I paid. Do you understand?”

The girl’s smile never wavered.

“No problem! You can enjoy your sleep. This inn is part of the Loerstadt Gate. The soldiers fix any leaks. We don’t get a lot of problems other inns have.”

I gasped, holding a hand to my mouth.

As I once again peered around the common room, I realised that the girl spoke true. This may very well be an inn for commoners. But it was no common inn.

Indeed, even the wrinkling of my nose wasn’t as heavily pronounced! My need to dam my own nostrils with the fervency of beavers rushing to defend their home was diluted here! It wasn’t gone, certainly–the aroma of everything behind the bar still remained. 

However!

The most important thing was the lack of crumbling wooden beams and creaking ceilings … and surely, the things which inhabited them!

“C-Coppelia! This inn … why, if it’s maintained by the garrison, then that means there should be no danger of the roof collapsing upon me at even the tiniest puff of wind!”

“Well, sure, if we’re going by what you think a puff of wind is, then yes, I think every roof is in danger of collapsing all the way into the sunset.”

“Quite so! The building standards are clearly not up to code in this kingdom! Frankly, I shudder to think of all the dangers we’ve survived in the night!”

Luckily, that wouldn’t be an issue here.

And so–for the first time during this entire expedition, I could feel my spirits rising as I looked forward to that most deserved of rewards.

An uninterrupted night of sleep!

How wonderful! At last, I could indulge in a brief respite for my endeavours!

“We’ll take your most spacious and cleanest room as specified,” I said, offering 5 … no, 4 silver crowns upon the counter. “You may accept these 3 silver crowns as payment in full.”

The girl peered down at the coins offered. I hardly saw why. These weren’t the ones Apple licked.

Then, she looked up and smiled.

“... It’s the furthest room from the stairs, top floor.”

Seeing my generous offer needed no haggling, the young girl allowed the coins to fall into a coin box behind the counter. 

The most pitiful sound of clinking resounded in the empty common room. But not quite as much as her only clientele leaving her to do … whatever blood rituals children did when the rest of us weren’t looking.

Nevertheless, I accepted the room arrangements with a gracious smile before leading the way upstairs. 

Ordinarily, this was where I’d be bracing myself for the innumerable demerits as cracks, stains and the revelry of passing commoners accosted my eyes. Yet as I walked up a wide flight of stairs lacking even a haunting creak, I came to realise that the maintenance of this inn was more than the responsibility of the garrison–but also the one who commanded it.

“Ohohoho … rejoice, Coppelia. This is a rare thing indeed. Yes, this inn still smells like freshly mown poverty. But it’s also sanctioned by my own brother. A high minimum standard will be guaranteed during our brief stay here.”

Indeed, I had no doubt that were even a single crack to appear, he’d spare no expense in ensuring not even a single insect could crawl inside to act as feed for the rodents to follow!

A fact which pleased Coppelia just as much as myself. 

As I witnessed her shadow excitedly pumping her fist in the air, I knew she shared my express wish to spend an evening quietly indulging in rest, with no other thoughts on her mind.

“Ooh … you know what this means, right?” 

“No, what does this mean?”

“Stealing all the amenities!”

I let out a short sigh.

“Please, Coppelia. I possess more wealth than the imagination could conjure. I throw bracelets, pendants and rings from my window for scratches which do not exist. I toss birthday cakes beneath my table for falling foul of arbitrary measurements which change depending on the hour. I bathe in water imported from the oasis used by the first Golden Empress, enriched with enough exfoliating milk to sustain the annual finances of a medium-sized dairy farm. I’m a princess, not some gormless tourist without a speck of class. I’m not stealing amenities.”

“Oh, okay.”

“… And besides, this is an inn stuck in a wall, not the Reitzlake Grand Hotel. There won’t be any amenities to steal.”

“But if there was?”

A moment of silence passed. I glanced behind me.

“Make sure you only take the nice ones.”

Coppelia giggled.

Naturally, as a princess on a royal expedition, it’d be churlish of me to reject the gifts of those hoping to aid me. Especially those signed off by my own brother.

After rounding the stairs and making my way down the end of a plain, but inoffensive hallway, I paused before our room. I took a deep breath before opening the door.

What I saw within was a promise of hope.

It was dull, of course. Hopelessly so. The furnishings were bare and unadorned. And the room was … well, it was remarkably small for the biggest suite. 

But most importantly …

The ceiling was stone.

Harsh and unforgiving stone, yet as beautiful a sight as freshly made marshmallows. There were no decaying wooden beams at every opportunity, and thus no termites to serve as food for the mice seeking an easy meal!

Thoroughly satisfied at my brother’s care, I stepped inside and made my way to the window. 

There, I found my first reason to frown. There were no wheat fields in view, but it was a clear window of the road outside. And that meant all the noise which would follow in the morning as travellers and soldiers woke up to greet the dawn.

The peace and quiet I currently indulged in was relegated to the night only. 

The morning would prove a hive of activity, joined by those who slept nearby. Even empty of clientele in the common room, I had little doubt that other guests were already slumbering in their rooms, wishing to scrape their boots against the floorboards as they crashed downstairs at the first opportunity.

Why, even now, I could see the figure of another latecomer approaching the inn!

This one was better dressed than most commoners. And so I enjoyed the small stroke of fortune at her poorly timed loss.

Ohhohohoho! I’d already claimed this room! There was no hope of soliciting a better one! Not even if one wore the guise of a wealthy trader, a lady … or even a receptionist of the Adventurer’s Guild!

I smiled in quiet satisfaction.

And then–

I immediately leaned out of the window, eyes narrowing as I studied the uniform of the young woman now entering the inn below me. A uniform which was remarkably, eerily recognisable to me, even in the darkness.

Indeed, it was one I saw often in my nightmares. 

And every so often, before my very eyes as well.

Yet more than the horror of that unwrinkled attire was the exceptionally polite smile, the sight branded upon my eyes even as the door to the inn opened and closed.

“–Hey, look at this! There are tiny little chocolate things in their own little wooden boxes! They smell kind of funny, and I’m pretty sure they’re the cheap stuff you can still buy everywhere. But they’re so cute! Do you want one?”

I turned to look at Coppelia, before blinking in puzzlement

“Hmm? I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that. What were you saying?”

She held out a small wooden box filled with … well, no, I didn’t know what they were.

“Tiny, cute chocolate things! Which ones do you want?”

“Oh no, that’s not necessary.”

“Really?”

“Yes, please feel free to have them all.”

“Yay! Thanks!”

I smiled absently.

For a moment, I simply stood on the spot, admiring the lack of cracks in the walls, the stone ceiling devoid of mice, and Coppelia’s ability to juggle confectionery directly into her mouth.

And then–

I promptly climbed out of the window.