Apple snorted as he came to a stop. 

The afternoon was fast drawing to a close, and despite never breaking into a gallop, the countryside paths crying beneath the neglect of the local nobility were demanding on even the heaviest coursers … of which Apple was still not one.

Indeed, the only resemblance he shared with the warhorses used by my knights was his ability to slurp at a pond like one. 

A well-deserved reward for his efforts to preserve my safety even at the expense of speed.

A reward he quickly exhausted. And then proceeded to simply take too far.

As he bent down to cure his parched throat and didn’t stop, all I could wonder as he single-handedly made the water levels recede was what calamity this would have on my kingdom’s bottom line.

“Hmm. Concerning.”

As I mused aloud, Coppelia was busy flinging palmfuls of water towards my steed. Most of it landed upon his sweaty mane. 

He didn’t complain. Neither did I.

“What’s concerning?” she asked, looking up with a curious tilt of her head.

“The pond. Should Apple drink it dry, it’ll be a problem. I need it.”

“Oh, to preserve the local ecosystem and these super rare purple ladybugs?”

“What? No, for the toll bridges.”

“... Ponds have toll bridges?”

“If there’s water, there’s opportunity. One which involves ensuring those entering my kingdom have paid the correct fees required to experience our rich and bountiful lands.”

I pointed up ahead.

In the distance, the beautiful sight of art made practical awaited. 

An elegant wooden bridge as functional as it was profitable, manned by the hardworking and studious tax inspectors of the Royal Treasury as they proudly lay hidden in the underbrush nearby.

After all, here near the border with Granholtz, it was more than tourists, merchants and dignitaries who sought to experience the vistas cultivated by my family. Ever vigilant against the threat of smugglers, endless scores of opportunities awaited to seize upon those caught without the litany of correct paperwork required to be carried at all times. 

“Oh.” Coppelia hummed in thought. Whatever she said next would need correcting. “Is that a bridge?”

“Yes? What else could it be?”

“It looks like a plank someone littered because there wasn’t anywhere else to put it.” 

“E-Excuse me! The architecture of my kingdom favours pragmatism, representing the sensible nature of its people. They’ve little need for elaborate structures and grand works for bridges. Only functional.”

Coppelia stuck a finger into the pond and made a squiggly pattern. When she looked up again, it was to eye the toll bridge with a look of renewed curiosity.

“The plank looks wobbly.”

“As I said, functional. Criminals, vagrants and hoodlums always seek to crawl into my kingdom through holes first dug by rodents. Ensuring that they’ll find no sanctuary on our roads is important to maintaining my kingdom’s coffers … and also a certain hygiene standard.”

I shuddered.

Smugglers. Of all the things they brought with them while wriggling into my realm, the mud and caterpillars adorning their faces was assuredly the worst.

“Hmmmm … I feel like you need more than a plank to stop organised smuggling.”

“I agree. Which is why we have 107 beautifully designed toll bridges between here and Granholtz, ensuring that those who found themselves here less than overtly will not mistakenly fail to pay their correct and due fees.”

“Now that’s just silly. I feel like 106 would have been enough.”

“Not when our inspectors need to turn their eyes towards both directions.”

“Oh, that makes sense. You want to stop people taking stuff away too, right?”

“Were it only that.” I shook my head sadly. “As well as fining those with ill intent, they’re tasked with ensuring that when our wealthiest subjects are seen leaving for the Grand Duchess’s wiles, an appropriate departure tax is applied on their assets. For more than the threat of the Grand Duchess’s army is the danger of her statutory rest policies, generous tax allowances and free use of healing services funded by her own pockets.”

“Wow, she sounds like a terrible person.”

I nodded fervently, gladdened that Coppelia was not so easily swayed.

Indeed, that much of my own people could not see past the Grand Duchess’s spiderweb of deceit was a greater stain on them than the mud and sweat they carried while loyally serving my family. It was a relief that Coppelia, even in her innocence, was not so easily deceived.

“Quite so! Yet the lies and deceit of a vixen are born of schemes hatched amidst glimmers of truth. You must take heed of every note of caution in your heart should you meet her, or else be taken by her ceaseless trickery.”

“Okie~”

Coppelia offered a lazy smile, not at all looking like she understood the ramifications of a meeting unprepared with someone whose primary talent was impersonating a vulture. 

Especially when it came to the etiquette requirements.

I shuddered at the thought. 

Coppelia in audience with the Grand Duchess … 

Why, the disregard to form would be devastating. If Coppelia used a dinner fork for the feuille de chou farcie niçoise, our diplomats would be papering over the effects for months. The insult to her station would be palpable. Half the staff would faint on the spot, while the Grand Duchess herself would be … would be …

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

“Just so you know, I’m not a wild chihuahua.”

“I-I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort!”

“You make a face when you think about something I’m going to say no to.”

“I do no such thing!” I said, realising with horror that I did such a thing. “A-Ahem, in any event, it’s because of the Grand Duchess’s duplicity that we ensure it’s so financially crippling for my subjects to sell themselves to her that by the time any of them reach the border, even the wealthiest becomes a pauper selling their shoes for a meal. A fitting and effective discouragement.”

And thus the magnanimity of my family showed itself. 

Truly, if we did not look after the ignorant masses, who else would?

“Well, I don’t think that’s a problem now. Because there’s not a lot of people in either direction.”  

I nodded as I peered both ahead and behind us.

“I see no merchants beside themselves with grief over an unnecessary bureaucratic delay at the bridge. The meaning is clear. They have reason to avoid the border.” 

A bleak omen.

Open trade was critical to my kingdom’s prosperity. And where Trierport was the main port of call from the sea, the extensive road to Granholtz and all the nations it connected with was paramount to securing my supply of newly released adventure romance books!

Without it, my couriers would need to resort to using longer roads blighted by all manner of monsters!

Why, if the one I recently hired was eaten by a forest hag while carrying a limited print run of The Spellbound Sorceress, Vol. 2, I’d have to hire another one! 

And they’d probably be eaten too! 

No, that was unacceptable. As a princess, I did many things. Waiting was not one of them.

Hence, I brushed down my attire. 

The signal for my steed and loyal handmaiden to cease destroying my kingdom’s ponds. There’d be opportunities for breaks ahead. We had to pause 107 times to offer a note of gratitude to the busy inspectors, after all.

“Come, Coppelia! Our destination lies ahead. We must ease the burden on my kingdom’s treasury. Whatever threatens the Loerstadt Gate also threatens my bottom line. I refuse to have a single merchant slipping past my inspectors because their attention has been eroded with boredom. The only reason to be distracted from their tasks is the sight of their own beloved princess!”

Coppelia hopped to her feet, flinging a few droplets of water at Apple. He snorted in response, neither in delight nor irritation.

“Got it~ I just have one question.”

“Yes?”

“All these tax inspectors. They only check people with carts, right?”

I paused before answering.

Every so often, Coppelia said something which made me do that.

“Typically, yes,” I said, wondering whether it was worth the damage to my fragile mental state to begin making inquiries. “Unless you clearly possess illicit goods on your person, then an inspection will not be required for those without a cart or carriage.” 

I pursed my lips.

“... Why?”

“No reason.”

Coppelia blinked innocently.

I closed my eyes for several seconds.

Uuuughhhhh.

“Yes, well, you’ve little to be concerned about. After all, not only are you accompanied by a princess, but you yourself have all the necessary documentation to certify your legal visitation to the kingdom.”

“Yes. I most certainly have those things.”

I looked up at the sky.

“Coppelia, do you have documentation stating you have paid for the right to enter this kingdom for reasons other than to sell goods or commit foreign espionage?”

“Yes.”

“What colour is the document?”

“That’s a trick question. The document has no colour.”

I placed my hands on my face.

“Just so you know,” I said, peeking between my fingers. “Your role as my loyal handmaiden doesn’t absolve you of any past misdemeanours you may have committed prior to our meeting.”

“I have no misdemeanours. I follow all 4 laws.”

“Coppelia, you previously said you followed all 5. Which law has now vanished?”

“The one about not using planks of wood from bridges to create sleds for rolling down hills. Which I’ve never done. And so you definitely still have all 107 toll bridges to exploit people wanting to leave for a better life.”

Utilising all my substantial willpower, I decided not to ask about it.

After all, what I didn’t ask, I didn’t know. And what I didn’t know, couldn’t join the scuttling sounds in the ceiling already keeping me awake at night.

Thus, I turned to greater problems instead. 

The near horizon. And the promise of whatever latest travesty sought to upend the delicate fabric of my kingdom.

Granted, I didn’t quite know what to expect at the border. But even so, I didn’t require powers of divination to predict I’d shortly be required to swipe away a minor headache caused by more than Coppelia’s lack of visitation documents.

… But that’s fine!

Because I was more than beautiful. I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea. And my defining feature was that I had multiple defining features. I was unparalleled in my deft touch and problem solving skills! 

And this time … things would surely be different!

The Loerstadt Gate was no town crumbling beneath the purview of bumbling nobility. It was the unyielding bastion of our kingdom. 

One which was commanded by Tristan. 

I smiled as I thought about my older brother. At all times, his valour, his aptitude and his serious demeanour were a hearth to my heart.

A picture of a second prince. Diligent and hard working.

Indeed … so long as nobody touched anything, said anything or caused the slightest disturbance, I was confident that whatever waves being sent against his steadfast figure could be stilled. With or without my help!

But just in case–I would be there to provide my calming presence.

After all, what was I, if not a soothing, spring breeze wherever I went?

It would take a truly unfathomable tremour to shake the peace cast by my gentle smile. But more than that, as I peered around at the quiet woodlands, the sloping road and the shimmering of a gentle pond now greatly decreased in volume, I could sense I was due a reprieve.

A soothing wind tickled the ends of my hair. A soft light danced between the leaves. A snort emitted from Apple as he returned to sipping at what remained of the pond. 

And I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that this time …

There would absolutely be no explosions.