"Alright! You're up!"
I jerk slightly as my English teacher points directly at me. The previous timid student had just finished stumbling through their speech a couple minutes ago and I was still distracted from my daydreams by the time my teacher had called out to me.
"Right, sorry... I'll get up and get ready." I say as I begin to get up from my chair and scratch the back of my head in embarrassment. As I walk over to the end of the room for my upcoming speech, I notice how the eyes of everyone in the room seem to follow me. For most people this would probably be pretty nerve racking, but thanks to my prior public speaking experience I had no problem tuning them out.
It's probably due to my years of practice in public speaking that I'm barely nervous at all when I finally take my place in front of the class to make my speech. I had already in the past done several speeches by improvising on the spot from a random topic given to me, which is why the prospect of being given a random topic barely registered in my mind when I was first introduced to the public speaking exercise by my English teacher.
Although...
I noticed from the previous speeches that the topics given to us students tended to be different from the topics given to me in the public speaking club. Usually topics in the public speaking club would be simple, yet difficult topics to base a speech around like "water" or "The U.S". In comparison the topics my teacher gave out seemed a lot more... Personal? Stuff like "What are you grateful for?" or "What's one thing you did today that you enjoyed?", things like that.
Still I wasn't worried, even if I got a weird personal topic, I knew I would be able to improvise on the spot just like I had with my other previous speeches.
As I entered a relaxed position in front of my class, I looked to my teacher to indicate I was ready to begin. My teacher looked back at me and then down onto their sheet to pick one of the random topics for me. Apparently they didn't want any repeat topics, so whatever topic I was about to be given, I hadn't heard of before.
My English teacher finally nods and gives themselves a small smile, seemingly in response to picking a topic for me. They look me in the eyes once more and say...
"Your topic for today will be: What part of your body are you grateful for?"
.
..
...
I freeze. All life is drained out of me when I hear those words... when I hear what I'm supposed to talk about for the next 5 minutes.
"...I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that. Could you please repeat the topic for me again?"
My teacher gives me a bit of a confused look, it's pretty obvious that I should've heard what they said, but I need to make sure this is really what I'm going to have to talk about.
"Allow me to repeat myself then. Your topic is: What part of your body are you grateful for?"
Shit.
I didn't mishear them. Fuck I wish I did.
Okay... I let out a large breath as I attempt to calm myself down to get ready to give my speech. I turn my head up towards the ceiling to indicate that I'm thinking about what I'm going to say, I know I only have about 20 seconds so I better be quick.
Okay so what part of my body am I actually grateful for?
Blank
Horrifyingly, I can't think of anything as I stand there stupidly with my eyes staring at the ceiling. Like seriously? Do I not like a single part of my body? I have to like some part of my body, everyone does!
I take another deep breath to calm myself down, my 20 seconds are now up and I'll have to use whatever I have.
"...It's usually pretty difficult for most people to determine what exactly about their body they like the most, beyond obvious things like being able to see..."
I don't actually know if it is difficult for most people, but I don't fucking care about that. I'm delaying the actual contents of my speech by B.S'ing right now, but I know I can only delay for 30 seconds at most and maybe take 10 seconds afterwards to speak and play it off like a dramatic pause.
My mind races on something I could actually praise about my body. Maybe my hair? No, probably not, it's at an awkward length and I haven't bothered to even brush it this morning.
How about my arms? They're not the worst... I think? Fuck I don't actually like my arms, okay something else then...
"What makes the choice of what part of someone's body one appreciates can say a lot about that person and things they tend to value...". I continue to B.S my speech, trying to buy myself more time to think, but I'm still drawing a blank, I can't think of anything.
"So for me, the part of my body I'm most grateful for is...". There it is, the pause. I have 10 seconds to say anything, literally anything about my body that I even slightly fucking like.
But I'm still drawing a blank, I can't talk about my shoulders since I hate their size, I can't talk about my legs without feeling deeply uncomfortable, I can't seemingly talk about anything.
Come on am I really this fucking useless? Can't even think of a single FUCKING part of my body I can even tolerate?!
Fuck it, just say something about my face, that will be easy. Say something about my eyes or my nose or whatever most people usually say.
I look at the crowd of students, take one last deep breath, and open my mouth...
but no sound comes out.
Holy shit
What does my face even look like?
I realized at that moment that I don't even know what I look like... when I think of my face literally nothing comes up. And I know that's not normal, but how the FUCK do I not know my own face? I see it everyday... right?
Except I don't, I never look in the mirror when I brush my teeth and I always avoid being in photos like my life depends on it.
My 10 second pause by this point had turned into a 30 second one and my teacher, seemingly annoyed at my sudden silence, speaks up.
"Umm, do you think you could continue your speech please?"
...
Could I continue my speech? I mentally pause as I look down at my body, covered in baggy long clothing.
"...No, I don't think I can continue my speech. Sorry."
My teacher frowns and stares at me when I say that. My classmates are less harsh, but look at the both of us with increasingly confused expressions.
My teacher speaks up "This is an official exercise that is a part of the class, you need to continue your speech. There must be something you are grateful for with your body!"
Tears start to form in my eyes, fuck when was the last time I cried? I can't even fucking remember...
I blink them away, I can't cry here, I can't show that I'm weak to the rest of my class.
I speak up. "No, I don't have anything about my body that I'm grateful for." I sneer as I say... "I hate my body, is that what you want to hear!". My raised voice and shift in tone visibly startles some of the students listening in. My teacher, still angry and confused, seems to take a second to think about what they are going to say next.
I don't bother waiting for their response, I just start walking back to my desk to sit back down.
My teacher finally speaks up "If you don't finish your speech I'll have to assign you a zero on this assignment!".
I look at them, my eyes still slightly red when I do so and say "okay... I'm fine with getting a zero".
My teacher probably has another angry confused look on her face, but I say 'probably' since by this point I've already sat back down on my chair and put my head onto my desk.
I'm vaguely aware that in the background the next student has been called to give their speech, but I couldn't care less at this point, I could only focus on making sure my sobs weren't audible to the rest of the class.
Fuck I really do hate my body...
While this is fantastic as its own one-shot, I definitely wouldn't mind seeing more. The teacher confronting them after class, or something.
Regardless, this is an excellent first story to post online. You really nailed the anxiety of being called on the spot and having your mind just go blank, despite the pressure. It's really really good.