That night, Arete didn't return to the mansion. Instead, she went outside with liquor on her hand, walking and thinking about what will happen to her and her group when they try to save Crux Acland. Then, Crying Sun opened the portal from the heavenly bodies' weapon's portal to meet Arete. Arete wasn't shocked. Maybe she is just tired from having emotions since she pours it all out when she's talking to Lobin.
Crying Sun passed some fire to cover body and cleanse the negativity she's having right now. Is it a resolution to her trauma? There’s no resolution to that. It only removed the energy that would give weight to her insanity. She shakes her head to get rid of the voices she's hearing inside her mind. She looks at the Crying Sun, tearing up.
"Crying Sun... Can you turn into a human? I... I want to hug someone..." She holds the weapon so dearly, "I want to talk to someone. I... I'm having doubts about myself. It's too late, right?" She laughs bitterly, "When I arrived here at Sera, I knew some of magic but my main focus was on the physical attributes. When I fought Leruji, Han guided me and gave me his power when he's down. I controlled Lobin using blood manipulation magic that exhaust me."
She saw a nearby bench under the tree and sat down, "Then some issues were revealed when I tried to save people. Lobin gave you as a symbol that he will serve under me. I went to the underworld, died and was resurrected. There's so much thing goin on... Even though I have enough sleep and rest, I'm tired inside."
Crying Sun wiggles on her hands, trying to respond to her words. Arete smiles a little that her weapon is trying to comfort her.
Then cold wind brushes on her skin. She looks up at the sky, staring at the stars that never failed to shine in the dark. No resolution to her abilities and traumas. No resolution. It’s either you suffocate yourself in the idea of saving people you find worthy to defend or try to accept that there’s a price to pay in challenging the Gods and changing the destiny.
Her answer is to suffocate herself with the idea of consequences in challenging time and fate. She mixed the options and her heart filled with resentment again. To herself, the demonic cult's aggressive actions, Han's past, and everything that surrounds her. Hearing Faier having a crisis on what to choose after some of Han's past, she's feeling the same. She acted tough because she's the leader. She doesn't have a weakness. No. Let us correct it. She mustn't have weaknesses.
Useless.
Spoiled.
Trash.
Undeserving.
Those words keep echoing while she’s crying.
Now, she will smile if someone calls her that because she needs to adapt.
And also... The world needs to adapt to her darkness when she comes to the conclusion that she can't hold herself anymore. Or else she’ll destroy everything.
As her mind goes beyond her sanity, her vision became darker and,
"Hey there, Xian. Long time no see."
Her eyes widened when she saw a white long haired and blue eyed man appeared above her, lying on his staff like he has no weight. He's wearing sleeveless and a fitted black turtleneck and a loosened trouser like Han. It can't be. She recognized those features. From all the stories she's hearing. He must be.... Jayen.
"... Jayen?"
"You still remember me, Xian?" His eyes lit up and smiled widely, "I'm glad you're here in Sera. The last time I checked is you're on Earth because you loved that world."
She stands up, horrified. What's this man saying to her? Her and Xian are different people, "No, no... I.. I'm not Xian. I'm Arete."
"Oh really? You changed your name after becoming one of the earth people?"
"No... No... I'm not her... Xian is beyond my reach... I can't remember anything about Iryankka. I didn't even know Han and Lobin—"
His smile slowly disappeared, ".... Han is here. Right. I should've known that he's the man I saw."
"I... I can't understand why you are calling me Xian, Jayen... We... We're different..." She takes a step back, trembling, questioning all her memories, traumas and life.
"I'll bring back our group's will."
"You're going against us?"
"I am."
"What name are you comfortable with? I can call you that. Now that I know you have no memory of Iryankka, I'm sorry for spouting your real identity without any permission." Xian yawns and sits on his staff. He stretches his arms and he shakes his hair in case there's dust.
".... I... I'm Xian...? But... How...?"
"Xian, You must leave him to me."
"We're in this together, Jayen. We messed up big time and I won't leave you or our group."
"I thought you would fight us?"
"It doesn't matter. I will stand beside you again. Our mistakes are beyond repair. All I need to do is live with the pain I've caused from the start."
"I can tell you everything right now, but the way you react, it can't be good to tell you. Do you want to have a tour here in Mewn? I lived here for a thousand years." He reaches for her hand.
"No... No... How can you just say this information to me without... Without any warning or background story?" Tears escaped from her eyes, pulling down her hair, going hysterically.
Jayen became serious and didn't answer her question.
"Does it mean... Han and Lobin knew this and didn't bother to tell me even though I trusted them with my whole life?! Traitors!" She shouted, causing Crying Sun to disappear because of her unstable emotions.
Jayen jumps from his staff and extends his arm for the staff to be attached to his hand, "Xian —"
"If... IF YOU KNEW WHO I WAS AND WHERE I AM, WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP ON EARTH?!" She grabbed his arms, digging her nails into his skin.
The man seemed not bothered by her actions, "it's one of your last wishes to me."
"I CAN'T.... I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING BESIDES OUR CONVERSATION JUST NOW!" She looks at him, sobbing.
"Xian... There, there..." Jayen tries to touch her but hesitated to do so.
She looks down, trembling so badly, "Did Lobin and Han just get along with me because I'm Xian? If it is, then... Then why didn't they say it?"
".... Can I touch you?" He asks.
She slowly looks up, "They lied to me... My memories lied to me... It doesn't make any sense at all... I remember that I used to be a child. I remember all the struggles I had growing up to survive on Earth. My parents died..."
"... I can't explain it all to you when you're this hurt. May I... Touch you?"
"Y-You may... Just... Just when you do it, make sure you won't tell me lies... I... I'm tired —"
Jayen immediately hugs her tightly, "Xian... The Gods and the creator knew how much I've missed you. You're my first friend. You're the one who didn't put me on a pedestal and just treat me like I'm a person who lives everyday... I miss you..." He then buries his face on her shoulder, trying not to be emotional.
'Is... Is this why Xian cried when she saw Han? Is this why her smile brightened when she heard me say his name? Is this why... I feel so comfortable around her? I... I'm her? All this time?' She hugs him back while having thoughts, sobbing loudly.
"Cry." Jayen hugs her tighter, "Let it out, Xian."
She follows and shouted as her memories from living on Earth start showing in her mind. It gives her a headache and her voice cracks. But still... She can't remember anything from her past as Xian. Lost memories of Iryankka. 'I feel like it's right to hear Xian's name as my name... Han... Han loved me after a millennium, but... If he really did, why did he lie? He knows I will pick to be hurt with the truth instead of getting fooled. His love... doesn't matter right now... I... I don't want to talk about it right now.' She pulls out from the hug, "J-Jayen..." Arete felt her throat closing up, but still forced herself to call him.
"Yes, Xian?"
"... I... I want to know you again..." Her eyes seemed lifeless because of tiredness from crying.
"... Do you want me to call you by your new name or the usual?"
"... I don't know... All... my life, I know I'm Arete. A traumatized and a little bit twisted person, but now... I'm Xian... I..."
"You don't need to speak."
"You can call me Xian... I don't... mind... It's... my true identity after all..." She let another teardrop from her eyes as she sighs heavily.
Jayen was stuck on choosing between her two names, "I'm a cruel person too."
"... I am too... My personality as Xian was obsessed with human experimentation."
"...."
"All for music..." She sneered, "That's why... I've been tied to music since childhood?"
"...."
"Jayen..."
"Yes... Xian?"
"It feels so right to hear her name as mine... It's a bitter beginning for me and her hopeful ending when she 'died' and arrived on Earth."
"Let's go." Jayen throws his staff in the air and it stays horizontally.
"... Where?"
"We'll talk in the air. That way, you can feel the moon and stars are in your reach." He smiles at her, reaching for her hand.
".... Alright." She gives him her hand and he immediately picks her up by the waist and puts her beside him when he sits on his staff, starting to fly.
In the sky, she sees birds flying beside them. She smiles a little.
"Your side as Xian died but your body didn't." Jayen started, "The six of us were together when we left Iryankka before it exploded, but most of them went to Sera by the creator's choice. Han was locked up in the Palace of Wisdom. A place for seclusion. He committed more crimes than the rest of us."
"Where... Did the creator send you?"
"In black hole."
"... Black hole? But it eats each planet and stars... It will tear your body apart." She wants to shout in shock but is too tired to do that.
"Oh.. It really tore my body." He laughs, "but I woke up and I'm near the black hole again. It's like the creator is punishing me by experiencing it endlessly."
"How... How did you escape that?"
"The creator put me away from it and let me float in the galaxy."
"... He did?"
"Yes."
"So... You changed?"
"Not really."
"Oh..."
"Why? Being Arete... Are you scared?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you jump off my staff?" He stares at her.
"I'm Xian... I may not have the memories, but you are my friend... One of our purpose here in Sera is to find you."
He blinks at her in surprise, "Han is looking for me?"
"Yes..."
"...."
"I know you have something more to explain. We just got lost in the conversation."
"Oh right. My bad." He chuckles.
"Leruji, one of the members of the demonic cult told me Han used to be the right hand of the king and the cause of Iryankka's explosion."
"Han is the trigger, but he didn't cause the explosion of Iryankka."
"Yes... Lobin also checked his memories... But Guxav told us otherwise."
"Oh? You met the leader of the underworld? I must say, you as Arete is amazing!" Jayen smiles proudly at her.
"... Jayen?"
"Yes?"
"If we met first... Will you tell me that I'm Xian?"
"Yes. I'm not really a secretive type of person. I'm terrible at lying and besides..." He looks at her, "you've been my best friend since we were born. Even in death, I'll be your best friend and brother."
"Jayen..." Tears swelled up in her eyes, "I'm sorry... I couldn't remember anything as Xian... I... I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be... The one I grew up with made that decision."
"... Huh?" She wipes her tears and looks at him, confused.
"Before Iryankka exploded, all underworld creatures declared a war against humanity and the heavens. Koryn leads our group because Han is already corrupted and would do anything to satisfy his thirst for power."
"But you and I... We're malicious and ominous..."
"Koryn has his way to persuade and open our hearts again for innocent people. We exhausted ourselves and you as Xian... You created a lot of magic circular barriers that can carry people into the portal outside the world."
"I... I saved Iryankka's citizens...?"
"You did... You saved us too. While the six of us were together, you started to..."
"To what?"
"We... We're alive... Shit." Jayen breathes heavily as he treats his wounds.
"Iryankka... Our beloved world..." Lobin looks at the scattered pieces of the planet, floating around.
"Must... Destroy... Everything...." Han repeated those words.
"WILL YOU STOP NOW, HAN?! IT'S YOUR FAULT WHY IT'S DESTROYED!" Jayen punches him right in his face. Han was thrown on the other side of the circular barrier.
"Stop it. Han didn't want it to happen." Lobin blocked Jayen from attacking his partner again, "both of you were terrible people. You don't have the right to scold him for the things you did."
"HAH?! WHEN HE BECAME THE RIGHT HAND OF THE KING, I LEFT WHAT I'M DOING TO SERVE HIM! HE'S MY BROTHER! I THOUGHT HE ACCEPTED THE JOB BECAUSE HE WANTED A REDEMPTION, AND I WANT THAT TOO BUT NOW?! I CHANGED MY MIND!" Jayen was obviously beyond hurt from all what happened to them, to their world.
"Stop... Fighting...." Xian coughs like there's no end.
"Stop... Fighting...." Arete says, "I..."
"Do you hear yourself in your mind?"
"... Yes... A memory..."
"XIAN!" Jayen runs to her side, horrified that his best friend is becoming older by seconds. He placed her upper body on his lap, rocking her back and forth, "I'm here... Jayen's here..."
"Jayen... Don't... Hurt your brother... Han is lost... We... Must..."
"Why are you this old?! What kind of enchantment did you use?!"
"I thought... I'm always a bad person.." She starts coughing blood, "So... This is my solution. Don't... Worry... I'll split my soul into two.."
"S-Split? Xian, that's forbidden magic! Let Koryn cancel it!" He turns to Lobin, "hurry! Do something!"
"No.. If Koryn will do it, all the people that I'm transferring to the other worlds will die inside the portal... Worse is outside of it and floats in space..."
"... Why... Why did you do it?! I told you to be selfish!"
"I am selfish... That's why I'm splitting my soul into two... The pure one... shall stay on my body..."
"But... But you're going through adulthood this fast! How will it stay?!"
"After I become older... my body will go back to its normal condition where there's no trauma and evident scars."
"Meaning... The magic will take its effect by reversing your age and body? And you will have no memory of us? At all?"
"Yes..." Xian smiles weakly, "Jayen is... so smart..."
"Xian... My dearest friend..." He hugs her tightly, "please... Let Koryn cancel it... I've lost Han now... Even though the group is together, we're different and have other purposes... I can't lose you too..."
"Please... Place me on earth... I.. I have loved that world since then... I would love to live there normally... Don't... Don't look for me in there... I want you to live happily too... Don't be chained up to the past."
"No... Don't do this to me..."
"I... I resented our world and might have left some punishment for the other worlds... Listen, everyone... I... Whatever world you're in.." She looks at her friends, Jayen holds her hand, squeezing it, "please... Cleanse all the negative energy that I put in, okay? The consequences of that forbidden magic is for me to forget all my life back there and... the corrupted part of my soul will be distributed to each world..." She reached an aging limit. Her hand falls to the ground and dies.
"Xian...? No... No..." He gasps for breath, still rocking her back and forth, "No... You can't... Even if you will go back to being a baby... You can't do this to me!"
Arete saw how hurt Jayen was. She touches his arm to know she's there.
"Arete, thank you..." He smiles, "you are her side that's compassionate about people."
"But... But I killed people.. I... I became like her too."
"....."
"Then... What happened after I died?" She changes the subject.
"You went back to being a newborn... Han and the others were on their way to their respective worlds. I brought you to Earth like you wanted. I went and searched for the couple you saved when we visited Earth."
"So... My mother and father were... My friends too?"
"Yes... Why?"
"Mother... treated me differently when father died, but I still love her."
"You still suffer on Earth?" He gritted his teeth hard.
"....."
"I'll destroy everything there."
"No... You don't have to..."
Jayen looks at her and sighs, "you wanted to be normal there and yet there's suffering. I..."
"It's fine Jayen... We can make new memories now that I'm living as Arete." She smiles warmly at him, "You can still call me Xian but the memories I will cherish are part of living as Arete."
"Yes. That sounds wonderful."
