I woke up to the feeling of Lilly licking my pussy. How many days had it been? Five? Six? A week? Maybe it had been thousands of years? I had no way of knowing.
We were laying in the bed of our cottage. Something on the screen that Lilly had referred to as a ‘television’ was playing. It was a horror film set in a mine in space, starring some sort of humanoid creature that I think were called ‘robots’ or ‘androids’. I was captivated by it. I was amazed by how unnerving the film was even when nothing scary was happening. Even when the other androids came to life like zombies and started attacking the protagonist… I was more chilled than frightened. It was a film that twisted me at the very core of my being.
I loved it.
I had seen it before… Once or twice, or perhaps hundreds of times. As my memories returned I realised I knew the plot in and out. Lilly had told us that we would have an infinite amount of art to consume, as artists across the world had all the time in the world to create as much art as we wanted. We would never consume it faster than it could be produced, and there would always be more produced. Despite our plethora of choices, however, I came back to this movie a lot. I loved the tragic ending.
Lilly had also told me about ‘games’ from this place called ‘Earth’. She described them as movies that you could interact with, usually by directly controlling the protagonist. I thought that was wild. It sounded so fun. I’d love it if this movie was a game.
But that didn’t matter right now. Because today was Lilly’s birthday, her first one since we had arrived in this world… I think. Well, regardless, I wanted to give her a present. I had visited Selicia by myself specifically to have this hand made for her. Of course, she always wanted to be with me, but… We were always fine with being apart from each other for days or weeks at a time if we had plans with other people or just needed the space. I’d visited everyone from the manor. Hugo, Priscilla, Beth, Lizzy. They were all doing fantastic. Hugo was a world class chef, Lizzy had an infinite garden all to herself, Beth was in a romantic relationship and so was Priscilla! Despite what Priscilla had tried to do to me, it was all water under the bridge now. In this world, she had no reason to kill me, and there was no reason not to forgive her. People couldn’t hurt each other in this world, after all, even if they wanted to. Lilly wouldn’t allow it.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She allowed people to fight if they wanted to, but it was expressly for the purposes of civil and fun competition.
I looked down at Lilly, gorgeous and naked between my legs. Just as she had promised, she was looking up at me. We’d both quickly realised that she couldn’t look at me at *all* times… Especially since she wouldn’t be able to watch movies or cook if that was the case. But she had seen this film enough times that I guessed she was preferring to look at my sleeping face as she licked me.
“Good morning Ayano…” She muttered, clearly a bit sleepy herself as she rubbed her eyes.
“Good morning, Lilly. And happy birthday to you! I have something special for you. Why don’t you head downstairs and prepare breakfast, and I’ll surprise you!”
“Okay!” She excitedly exclaimed, jumping out of bed and running down the stairs.
I slowly climbed out of bed myself, feeling refreshed as always, still tingling from the pleasure Lilly had been gifting me. I reached under the bed and opened my lockbox. Lilly knew where it was, but she agreed that whatever I put in there was private, so she never peeked. So she was still going to be totally surprised by what I was about to give her!
I put on my dressing gown and left the room. The corridor had changed in the time we spent here. The path to the stairs was still pretty short, but now, behind us, the corridor continued infinitely, a pathway to nowhere. This was to account for all the memory photos hanging on the walls. And now there were a lot more of them. Camping trips under the stars, frolicing in the fields, a reunion at the old manor, the times we decided to visit Granny Belfort and eat her delicious cakes, the times we visited the theatre, pictures of us laying in bed asleep, memories of each and every movie we watched, and, of course, many pictures of our very first day together in this world, including us having sex on the beach. Just touching the pictures, it was like I was re-experiencing the feelings I had had at those times all over again. Most mornings I liked to linger in this hallway… Not because I was nostalgic for the past, but rather, because I loved to appreciate my new, eternal present. Everything felt so recent, like it had happened yesterday. The order of events was jumbled in my head, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t need to matter. A continuity of memory was something only for people who needed to plan for the future, worry, stress, narrativise and contextualise. I didn’t need to do those complicated things anymore.
I headed downstairs. Lilly was frying up some garlic fried rice. A fragrant and simple morning breakfast. I came up behind her and put my hand over her eyes.
“A-Ayano… I’m trying to cook…”
“Don’t worry, this will only take a moment.”
This was when I wrapped my present around her neck… A leather collar of the highest quality, expertly made. It looked like a pet collar, but it was clearly designed by a human. The words ‘Name: Lilly, Owner: Ayano’ were written on it.
“What was that?”
“Go take a look in the mirror.”
We had a kitchen mirror, which Lilly turned to and looked at. Tears began rolling down her face as she lovingly touched her new collar.
“Wear it at all times for me from now on, okay? You’re my slave again now.”
“... Ayano I… Thank you… Thank you so much… I’m so happy!”
She rushed into my arms, sobbing tears of joy as she buried her head against my chest. Tears were running down my face, too. I was so glad she was happy. I stroked her hair. I held her tightly. And… When I had had my fill, I developed a new appetite.
“Bend yourself over the table.”
<3 <3 <3
I felt a shiver run down her body. I released her from my embrace, and she happily did exactly as was asked, wiggling her butt enticingly for me. I pulled down her panties, fully exposing her perfect, round ass.
“Bark for me.”
“Arf! Arf!”
“Music to my ears, Lilly…”
I had another present, too. A vibrating dildo, which went straight into her ass. She moaned with pleasure as I slipped my fingers into her pussy, sliding them in and out, teasing her, mercilessly inflicting her with all the pleasure I could offer her.
She mewled and whined just like a dog, her body going limp, eyes rolling into the back of her head, tongue hanging out and drooling.
“Don’t pretend that you’re broken already… This is just a taster of so much more fun to come…”
And so for her birthday, I fucked her from morning until night.
~~~
I was sitting in the imperial palace, having tea with my mother and father. It was my first time meeting them since I had come to this world. Given my last interaction with my mother, I would have expected myself to want to see her as soon as possible. But I had just been having so much fun, and… Well, I knew neither of them were going anywhere.
Still, Lilly was out having fun with Hugo, participating in a cooking contest, so now seemed like a good time to see them.
“To think that we had gone to such lengths, just to ensure that you would be Queen…”
“I am quite embarrassed that my sacrifice ended up being in vain, now that we’ve ended up here anyway,” Said Dad, a big, burly teddy bear of a man with a thick beard, “Thankfully, since my brain had been kept intact, Lilly was able to revive me here.”
“That’s right! Oh, I’m ever so glad that I ordered the brain to be left until last… It would have been so upsetting if you couldn’t be here with me…”
“Indeed. But, let’s not worry about those what ifs. The important thing is that we’re here now… Still, did I at least taste good for all those years?”
“No… We tried everything. Steaks, ham, minced… But at the end of the day, nothing will taste as good as your sausage.”
“Angelica, please! We shouldn’t make those sorts of comments in front of our child!”
“Why not?” I responded with a smile, “I fuck Lilly all the time. It’s a natural thing for lovers to do. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m just so happy that you decided to stay with her. Life is so much better this way. Wouldn’t you say dear?” Mother asked, looking at my Father.
“... Yes…”
As he responded, Dad looked a little tired all of a sudden. Like his eyes were dead. But after that little lapse in lucidity, he soon sprung back to life.
“Yes… Yes it is! Beats being dead, at least! I can’t enjoy your company if I’m dead…”
I sipped my tea and looked out of the window, and then back to my parents. My mind was wandering a bit. Conversation between them was pretty vapid when politics no longer factored into the equation. Who were a king and queen without their crowns and thrones, after all?
And something else felt a bit off. Seeing Dad alive, it should be incredible, especially after the horrible fate that he had willingly chosen in reality… Mother, too, who should have been sick and feeble, but now looked like a healthy young woman. Yeah. Young. They both looked barely any older than I did. After what they had been through, this happiness just… Didn’t seem realistic? And yet, it was real.
“Are you alright, dear?” My mother asked.
“... Yes… Sorry. Just a bit dizzy all of a sudden.”
“Aww, poor thing. Why not go and lie down for a bit, Ayano.”
“I’ll do that,” I said, stumbling my way over to the guest bedroom in a daze and lying face down on the bed.
“... Where… Am I?”
~~~
Some days I woke up and Lilly was just a dog. Not a talking dog or anything, just, like, a literal dog with brown fur that matched her human hair. Wasn’t sure of the breed, other than that she was small and yappy. I knew it was her, because she was wearing the collar I had gifted her. Those green eyes were also unmistakable. On days where she was a dog I just sort of… Took her for walks, or just let her play to her heart's content out in the fields whilst I did other things. I had taken to watching movies a lot, and dog days were good times to watch them without distraction. I liked horror films, or sad films. Just… Anything where the characters were living in a reality that seemed cruel and difficult. I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like I could relate to their experiences anymore.
When I would wake up the next day a different movie would be playing. Lilly would normally be cuddling me or licking me. I’d sometimes ask her why she was a dog yesterday, and she’d simply shrug and say that I’d imagined it. She was always a human, she claimed. That was weird.
I’d sometimes lay in bed for days or weeks on end, just watching through our infinite collection of films. Lilly would often bring up food to me. It tasted delicious and she was cooking new things all the time, but it wasn’t exactly like I felt hungry anymore. I wasn’t satiating a need, I was indulging in a sensory pleasure. I still fucked Lilly all the time, and I still enjoyed it. Since she was my slave, unless she was licking me in bed, she never actually initiated proper sex herself.
I think a decade may have gone by like this.
Maybe two or ten.
“Hey Lilly,” I asked one day, “How’s the, uh, universal assimilation going?”
“Fine. It’s taking a bit longer than I expected. Why’d you ask?”
“I think I could use different types of experiences, that’s all. I think alien life might be able to produce interesting ideas.”
“Oh. Well, if you want new things, we can try going to an arcade.”
“I’ve been there a thousand times.”
“Skydiving?”
“Two thousand times.”
“Huh. Um… Wanna watch a new movie together?”
“These are all human experiences, Lilly. I want something alien.”
“... Oh. I getcha. Well… that might take a while, so, why not try doing something genuinely difficult? Oh, didn’t you like, climb a big old mountain a while ago? When you were looking for the mirror? Try doing that again. I’m happy to come with you.”
“Hmm. I think I’ll try it alone.”
“Suit yourself. Heading out now, then?”
“Yeah. See you Lilly.”
“Goodbye! I love you, Ayano!”
I kissed her on the lips and headed out the door.
“Love you too.”
~~~
So that’s what I did. I climbed the mountain. Up and down. Multiple times. It had monsters, it was dangerous. The peak was cold. But it wasn’t exactly the same. I sat naked in the now empty room in which I had discovered the mirror, wondering if I could freeze to death. It was cold as hell, but it wasn’t even that unpleasant. I didn’t even come close to death.
I tried jumping off the peak of the mountain. Clearly a suicidal move in the old reality, but, after the cold, hard ground rushed to meet me, I landed on it like I had been limply dropped onto a sponge. I even let the animals attack me, I let myself be completely defenceless. They tore out my insides and snacked on me to my heart's content. I let them eat my eyes and my brain and all my organs. But it wasn’t painful. When they had their fill, they simply wandered off. I woke up god knows how long later and I was back together again, perfectly fine.
It was like I was an instrument only of pleasure, and not of pain. I could only feel the masochistic sort of pain that just produced more pleasure, like a spank on the ass or something. I couldn’t have an experience that was truly awful or harrowing.
That was good, right?
I wandered back to the cottage in a daze, flopping into bed.
“You’ve been gone for months, Ayano. Have a fun expedition?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna watch a film?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna sleep though.”
“Okay, love.”
~~~
Another few eternities passed or whatever. In the grand scheme of things, the days in which I felt numb inside were few and far between… At least, for a little while they were. Most of the time, I was able to get my mind out of this numbed state and genuinely enjoy all of the indulgences of this world. Friends were always fun to visit. There was no shortage of activity. Spending time with my dog Lilly was always fun. I would often find a film that genuinely inspired and enthralled me. I enjoyed art so much that I even picked up books again. And those inspired me so much that I began writing my own. I found that creating, as opposed to just consuming, was able to help me stave off the ennui I sometimes found myself in. Writing was the only time I had to make difficult choices, because I genuinely cared about the quality of the art. The characters actually struggled with tough questions and experienced conflict. I had dreams where I was one of the protagonists in my novels fairly frequently. It was so vivid, it hurt whenever I woke up. When I awoke in this perfect reality where nothing mattered.
Yeah. The misery began to settle in bit by bit, creeping up on me more and more often. To the point where sometimes I would just sleep for weeks at a time, finding my dreams to be more enticing than the waking world. Mostly because my dreams felt more like reality than my actual reality did.
I woke up one day and headed downstairs for breakfast. Lilly was cooking something that smelled delicious. I didn’t even recognise what ingredients she was even using anymore, her food was totally alien to me now. But it was always somehow tasting better and better, so I didn’t really mind.
“Hey Lilly,” I asked.
“Yes, Ayano?”
“I want out. I’m done.”
“... I heard they’re holding a festival in town today. Looks like it’s going to be super fun! Want to come with me?”
“... We have been to 244,168 festivals, Lilly.”
Yes. I had been counting, marking them down in my diary.
“... Well, if we go that much, it must be fun!”
“I’m tired of this reality. I want my old life back.”
“How about-”
“I miss struggling.”
“The water park?”
“I miss being human.”
“How about we just stay inside and fuck all day?”
“I miss being alive.”
“Arf! Arf!”
“I want to be Ayano again. Princess Ayano.”
Lilly finally fell silent after that.
“Well… I can’t say that this was unexpected. C’mere, Ayano.”
Automatically, I did as she asked. Her arms were a home to me after all, so natural that there was nothing weird about hugging her. She dropped what she was doing and welcomed me as I got up from the table and flopped into her embrace.
And then she jammed her finger into my ear.
“I’ve been dragging my feet with assimilating more civilisations, I know… I know you want something more stimulating. I’m so sorry about that, my love. But it’s just been really difficult. I have top scientists across Terrestia helping me to figure out how to travel through space… Right now I’m working on assimilating the star in our solar system. That’ll help a lot in getting us a head start. But it could be millions more years before we find aliens, so… I have another solution in the meantime…”
As she wormed her way through my ear canal, I found that impossibly long finger somehow connected with my skull. I felt my body twitch and go numb. Panic was rising within me.
“W-What are you doing!?”
“Erasing your memories, duh. I don’t really like doing this, but I’ve done it before. It’s pretty lame, though, I made a promise that I wouldn’t mess with your brain, but… So long as it’s limited to memories, I can just about tolerate it. It’s not like I’m giving you false memories after all, so it’s still you… In any case, I think you’ve gotten like this… Twice now? This is the third cycle. Although, this time you only lasted a thousand years… I do hope your cycles don’t keep getting shorter and shorter. It’s getting upsetting for me too y’know! A few more rounds of this and I may have to reset my memories as well. I wonder… If I reset my memories, would I take you back to the manor for our first time as well?”
“The waterpark and the beach was our first day in this w-world…”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, that would be your first memory. Whoops! That’s a nasty blunder on my part… But y’know how easy it is to forget stuff and get things mixed up when we’re living this life. Don’t judge me too harshly, my love… *Sigh*, I'm going to miss this collar… I’ll have to destroy it again. I hope the next version of you gives it to me. The first one did, but the second one gave me cookware instead! The second Ayano was a bit of a glutton. I’m glad I led with eggs and bacon instead of ramen, you were a bit less obsessed with food this time…”
“I don’t want my memories reset…”
“Really? The other versions of you did. They were practically begging to have the ‘spark’ back. They really wanted to re-experience what our first few years together were really like. I’m fine though… Every day with you is special, so I don’t need to reset my memories… Not unless you keep doing this, of course. As I said, it’s getting sad. And I don’t value sad memories.”
She was touching my brain directly now. It was like she was in my mind, finding those memories, those images, sounds, and sensations, hooking them with her fingernail and readying to tear them right out of my mind.
“LILLLYYYYY STOPPPPPPP!” I whined, struggling against her iron grip.
I couldn’t believe how I sounded. Whiny, like a child, rather than authoritative. I froze in shock. Lilly sighed and let me go, letting me fall to the kitchen floor.
“Hardly feels right to do this when you complain like that. Come on girl. The sooner we get this over and done with, the sooner you’ll be happy again.”
“I-I’m not some broken toy in need of fixing.”
“Oh. I thought I was the toy. I thought I was the dog. I thought I was just doing what’s in the best interests of my master. Now come on, stay still…”
She tried to crawl on top of me, but I scrambled away, crawling up the stairs, eventually getting to my feet as I reached the top. I began to sprint down the infinite corridor of memories. Lilly was steadily walking behind me. But every time I looked over my shoulder, no matter how fast I ran, Lilly was still just barely behind me, just walking.
“I don’t want to be here anymore Lilly! Another thousand years from now, I’ll simply end up just like this again!”
“It’s only a temporary measure. Once we’ve assimilated aliens into us, you won’t get this bored ever again.”
“You don’t get it! The experiences are wonderful, it’s all wonderful! Too wonderful! The experiences themselves aren’t the point!”
“... We can introduce some harrowing experiences as well. Reintroduce pain into the equation. Maybe live out some stories just like those books you wrote.”
“But there’s no real risk, Lilly!”
“That’s the joy of it. You’ll still get to experience the risk, even though it’s fake. Who in this world actually wants genuine risk? Who wants to make a decision that you’ll have to live with forever?”
“I do! And I think everyone does! Lilly… How… How many times have you reset other people’s memories?”
“... Countless times. To everyone. They all seem to appreciate it. It’s a simple winding of the clock. But you’re the only one right now who seems to be freaking out.”
Enough was enough. I began clawing at the pictures on the wall, throwing them back at Lilly. They didn’t deter her, but I kept running, and running, and running… Probably for days or weeks, never getting tired. I didn’t look behind me for a long time, wanting to pretend that the horror behind me wasn’t there. But when I finally did, and saw that she wasn’t there, I finally came to a stop.
I was starting to see memories I didn’t remember. Memories of different Ayanos, experiencing the same things I did in slightly different ways. I kept walking, and walking. It was here that I finally found pictures of memories of the real world. I cried, looking at them. And then…
I found the end of the corridor. It was finite after all.
Hanging on the wall was a picture of me, as Lawrence, curled up on the floor next to the mirror, Ayano reaching out her hand to me. I approached it slowly. I touched it.
Suddenly, I wasn’t in that corridor anymore. I was on the mountain. It felt genuinely cold, and I shivered. I felt uncomfortable. I had missed being uncomfortable. The mirror was in the middle of the room, just as I had found it originally, so long ago. I approached it. Someone appeared in it… But it wasn’t me that was reflected. A man, brown hair… Lawrence?
“I suppose the grass wasn’t greener on the other side after all, huh?”
The sound of his voice- My voice- Was utterly surreal to me. Tears began streaming down my face, looking at my ancient self. The one I hated and had pushed out of my mind.
“... It’s too green… Her eyes… They’re too green, they’re too-”
“I know. She’s amazing. Honestly, I’m jealous. As jealous as I can be, considering that I’m a shadow of a shadow after all.”
“... What do you mean?”
“The mirror doesn’t exist in your reality. Likewise, you’re still in Lilly’s world… You’ve just reached your own little pocket of it. A part that not even she has access to. You somehow lost her in the corridor. So… You’re safe here, at least for now. But she’s out there. Looking for you. Tearing apart all of that false reality, destroying and killing whoever she must in a blind rage, just to find you. She can do that because she knows that she can just reset everything later. Undo all the damage. So long as she can find you, of course.”
“So why am I meeting with you?”
“Who knows? Maybe you just wanted to meet with me.”
“... I’m sure my mind is just tormenting myself. Reminding me that I made the exact same mistake Lilly is making right now. I mean… I also changed the world. Used this very mirror, so that I could live a better life as a woman.”
“... It’s true. If you were still me, we probably could have worked through our issues together. Struggled and fought, we could have accepted our mistakes and we could have made something of ourselves. We could have even transitioned without the help of the mirror, damn to the consequences that the world threw at us. We made things better by using the mirror, sure. Julia is alive now. The first version of you even visited her, told her everything about what I did, and she forgave that version of you. Georgia did too. The current and second versions of you didn’t think to do so. Subconsciously, perhaps you were afraid of having those conversations more than once.”
“Way to rub it in…”
“I’m not here to insult you. Because, yes, staying as me would have been the braver choice. But looking for and using the mirror was its own sort of bravery. Since becoming Ayano, you’ve grown a lot in your own right. You’ve fought battles, against the Monstra and otherwise, that were far more brutal than anything I would have had to face. The mirror wasn’t the easy way out… Maybe in the short term it was, but now, clearly, there have been devastating long term consequences. Consequences you’re now living through.”
“...”
“Don’t fall silent on me now, Ayano. I need you to be strong.”
“... Why do you care? You’re not real. And since when were you actually interested in being introspective, trying to be supportive and offer advice? You weren’t even kind to yourself.”
Lawrence smiled.
“We’re always a reflection of each other. If you think I’ve grown, it’s because you have. Now… Listen to me. There are some mistakes you cannot undo. Mistakes you should not undo. This world- The old world you should be fighting for- is meaningful precisely because your mistakes are permanent. Maybe entering the mirror and becoming Ayano was a mistake. Maybe it wasn’t. But what matters is that it happened. What matters is that you grew as a result of that decision. What matters is that you’re here, right now. And you have a choice. You can choose to give in to this eternal hell… Or you can choose to fight. Because Lilly is not beyond saving. This world is not beyond saving. You are not beyond saving.”
“... But I like this world, if I just… If I just let Lilly erase my memories, then… I could enjoy it all over again, again and again, forever…”
“That’s your weakness speaking, Ayano. But the Ayano I know is not weak. The Ayano I know doesn’t confide in others, even when she should. The Ayano I know runs herself ragged, working long into the hours of the night. The Ayano I know thinks she’s a fraud, even though she isn’t. The Ayano I know… Is so kind to others that she neglects herself. The Ayano I know is nothing like me. Nothing like Lawrence. Those traits, and more… That is your real character. But that is a person you cannot be in this environment. Because the Ayano I know is allowed to not take care of herself. In this environment… You have been pampered so much that you hardly resemble yourself anymore. Lilly, in her grief, has fallen into delusion. She would rather transform you into a caricature of yourself rather than admit that she can’t be with the real you, in the real world.”
“But… How… Even if that’s all true… How do I fight against Lilly… When she is so powerful and only growing in strength by the day?”
“Remember where you really are. You are just a part of a vast puddle of golden goo, experiencing a false reality. You and Lilly are one. The whole world is a part of Lilly. Therefore, Lilly as a consciousness is outnumbered in her own body. Her authority is an illusion. Show the people that they can stand up to her.”
“Even if I return… I’ll still just be in a mirror world, unable to become you again…”
“And why would you want to be me again?”
“Because… You’re real…”
He shook his head.
“Reality isn’t about where you are. Reality is simply a place where you have to live with your mistakes. This world isn’t that. The mirror world still is. It is reality. Don’t you ever forget that. And don’t regret the choices you made. We’re all born stupid. We’re all stumbling through this world, figuring things out on the go, making mistakes… It’s as you said. Mistakes make you human. So embrace being a human, instead of being a part of the Monstra. Be kind to yourself. Fight for what you believe in, even if you made a mistake in hindsight. Do you think you would regret escaping this world, looking back?”
“No… I mean… Maybe, but… Once I’m actually out, I… I think… I think I would be horrified… Over what I went through here… But I may find myself missing it, too.”
“Leaving a place of comfort is always terrifying. But it’s the only way to find happiness. Now. Here. I think you’re ready for this.”
From out of frame, Lawrence picked up a sword. My sword. A sword I hadn’t seen in so long, a sword that I hadn’t even realised had been totally absent in this reality. His hands reached out past the boundaries of the mirror, through the glass. And he handed it to me. I felt the warmth of his hands briefly touch mine as I took it from him. It had a heft to it. A weight to it that felt different.
“That is the real, physical sword you had with you when Lilly first swallowed this world. In the real world, your golden hands are actually holding it. The real thing. This is the first real object you have touched in a very, very long time. When Lilly assimilated the world, I made sure to protect it from her.”
I unsheathed it to look at the blade. Just as sharp as ever. Its scabbard had protected it well, even in the middle of this eldritch apocalypse.
“... I’m ready, Lawrence. Thank you.”
“You have a fire in your eyes again. Good. I’m rooting for you. Now, turn around. And prepare for the fight of your life.”
Really this just sounds like they're bored of immortality and want to die; this style of living was enjoyed far beyond their natural lifespans and they're not interesting enough to come up with solutions.
The question of what exactly constitutes a "false reality" also becomes relevant. Is a house a false cave, or an artificially created replacement? Is an email a false letter? This place apparently exists in a physical space made of a funky kind of matter so how can it provably be any less "real" than the outside world it's subverting? It has scientists apparently working towards greater feats of discovery and knowledge, so it's not as if it's stagnating human civilization or truly bereft of meaningful activity.
If people can't handle an infinite lifespan without true conflict -which I think is a false assertion given how easily people invent "first world problems", handily propitiating productive instinct- the rules of the world could simply be experimented with to accommodate this, or the human psyche itself electively changed. Both the greatest strength and flaw in this realm would be the unhinged god running it, with her Ayano mania seemingly making her quite receptive to potential improvements of the system; currently she's fixated on aliens being the solution but a well placed word can awaken people to alternatives.
Really it sounds like part of Ayano is still petulantly trying to inflict suffering upon herself by denying this existence and any ways it could be iteratively improved upon. Fortunately it seems like she'll succeed once again.
This is some of the best analysis I've seen so far on the book, this part in particular.
Lawrence states "Reality isn't about where you are. Reality is simply a place where you have to live with your mistakes." I would agree that in an objective sense, Lilly's reality isn't really false. What makes it 'feel' false is that there's no permanent risk to anything. In addition, when Ayano is running away towards the end of the chapter, Lilly suggests reintroducing pain into the equation, or recreating Ayano's novels, so I think Lilly would, indeed, be quite receptive to altering the reality in a significant way to keep it interesting.
The problem Lilly has is that she's already quite reluctant to mess with people's brains too much- She's ruminated on the idea for enough centuries that she can just about tolerate manipulating people's memories, including Ayano's, but Lilly's Ayano mania is such that she would absolutely not tolerate a version of Ayano that is under 'mind control', as discussed in chapter 19. As is, it could be easily argued that her decision to erase people's memories already goes against the principled stance she had in chapter 19, and she's giving into the Monstra side of herself by choosing to erase people's memories, a side of herself she hates.
Lilly has also been demonstrated throughout the novel to not be a particularly creative or intelligent person. At her best, she is plenty charming, kind, and moral, but for the most part her lack of proper education and her severely abusive upbringing have left her quite stunted intellectually and emotionally. She is very deferential towards others (Hence her obsession with being a 'slave') and doesn't really understand how her god-like powers work. She's not really fit to rule a reality like this, and smarter people could probably keep people happier, but she's the only one who can run it. In addition, other people would probably be more willing to manipulate minds (Or the very nature of the human psyche, as you put it) or introduce pain and conflict into the equation to keep the place from feeling meaningless, but that very meaninglessness is what Lilly likes about the reality, because she is so averse to pain. So even if she brought pain into the equation, she would still be very averse to introducing 'true risk'.
In a relationship sense, I do actually agree with the fact that Ayano is quite self sabotaging. Long before this situation came to pass, she could have easily taken advantage of Lilly to improve Selicia and Terrestia as it was to further her goals. But Ayano's aversion to emotional connection led to her making some decisions regarding Lilly that perhaps weren't the most intelligent- neither emotionally nor intellectually. That said, Ayano is correct that Lilly's mind is far too unstable and her power far too great for a relationship to really be worth it, and after her experiences as Lawrence she really can't tolerate the thought of using people as a means to an end. If she had kept Lilly under a slave contract, that would have gone against her principles. For better or for worse, Ayano cares about freedom above all else, even if that means inviting suffering upon herself and on the world in a way that could easily be argued to be self destructive and selfish, depending on your perspective.
Sorry for the wall of text, you just got my brain going! ^^
@Cathonis "Lilly has also been demonstrated throughout the novel to not be a particularly creative or intelligent person."
Whilst I'd agree in the general sense, I think it's important to note that intelligence is difficult to define, more so to attribute. She apparently has a god-tier aptitude for anything magic related, to the point she can construct a false reality, mold people at will and devise a system housing the collective psyche of a planet within herself without any formal training. Instinctual or not it's an impressive feat and requires a certain kind of genius, like those people who can do mathematical equations instantly in their head. If you were to throw in her multitasking ability and ask someone "Is a person who can do X smart?" the response would probably be "Yes".
Lily may be lacking all kinds of smart, but she's got her own strengths and manages to defeat the dunning-kruger effect. When people take the time to actually explain things to her she usually at least understands their point; unfortunately she's also stubborn, emotionally volatile and powerful. Nobody out of an entire civilization seems to have taken the time to help her work through her issues- perhaps due to the last one on that list, perhaps because they're too busy living hedonistic lifestyles, or perhaps she's simply afraid that someone may trick her.
Whilst not anyone's first pick for a god, a stupid yet well meaning one who's amenable to suggestion is certainly not the worst, either. In a sense, many of these dissatisfied characters, through action or inaction, have created their own problems. My biggest reservation with this system is that I question how much effort Lily puts into running it and how emotionally sustainable that is but apparently she's lasted thousands of years already.
@Calcium_Initiative
Mmm, I hadn't quite thought of this perspective before, even though the evidence is already there in the book. Lilly may not be able to explain how she does things, but she can do them all the same. And you're right, when she's explained things, she picks it up rather quickly. Cleaning, cooking, reading and writing, gardening, etc. Her becoming educated and how well she takes to it is a major part of her arc in the midsection of the book.
Of course, this intelligence has still been handicapped by her lack of support growing up. The orphanage weren't willing to raise her properly because they were afraid of her, and then Gloria was severely abusive. So really, her time with Ayano was the first time someone was willing to take care of her and educate her.
No matter how much thought and effort Lilly put into running the world, I think it would have eventually collapsed one way or another. Although perhaps that's more because of the impossible task of making anything last forever, rather than due to the nature of Lilly's world itself. Even so, I think her idea of a perfect reality is inherently unstable.
@Cathonis I think that as humans, we tend to be incapable of fully comprehending things found outside our immediate environment. There is no such thing as a galaxy sized plum, or infinity, or eternal paradise. What is 0? Science fiction and the advancement of science in general have opened people to possibilities that even the most visionary genius could not conceive of a mere thousand years ago, but we're still limited by our biology and life experience; the human brain simply isn't equipped to fully understand certain things, because why would it be?
My slowly looming point is thus: When people can't fully comprehend something, they simply have to make a choice of belief. There is no real world precedent for this situation. Nobody truly knows what the human psyche's response would be if placed a "perfect" environment for an indefinite period of time, so we make guesses based on real world analogues or lived experience- likely concepts such as entropy or the inevitable fall of an empire.
In my case, I believe that people can be content when placed in the right environment, and if that's impossible it's more likely a failing of that particular person's biochemistry (i.e depression, not that I'm blaming them).
Just because the origin of our species is horrid suffering, doesn't mean we truly require it to define ourselves.
@Calcium_Initiative In storytelling, that sort of speculation is about all an author is able to do, I think. There's a reason why even stories set inside video games usually have a 'you die in the game, you die for real' rule, or some other form of way to maintain real stakes.
I'd love it if humanity could erase suffering from the equation in a way that doesn't compromise our freedom or our values- I'm not entirely sure what that type of animal we would have to become or what type of environment that would look like to achieve such a thing, and I'm not entirely sure if suffering can be eliminated without also eliminating freedom. I honestly don't know. But until we figure all that out, all I think writers can do is author stories making sense of the suffering that we are currently stuck with.
@Cathonis Yeah, I'm not saying you have to agree with me or write that way, just my take on it.
Sometimes it seems that people reject the concept of perfection because it's easier to be pessimistic, or more narratively satisfying, similar to how every era has had people saying society is in decline. That's fine, but it bears mentioning.
@Calcium_Initiative I'm not sure if I believe in perfection, but I always think that things can be better. No matter how bleak things may seem I'm actually pretty optimistic for society's future. ^^
Anyway, thanks for the interesting discussion and your takes on the book, it's given me a few thoughts to chew on!