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*Chirp-chirp*
Leaves are falling, with the cloud's all scattered, revealing the bright blue sky in the morning.
A breezy spot under a tree, therein lies two figures resting their backs on it.
Then comes out some other, possibly their family, specifically their own kids on a certain picnic.
“Hey, Dee. Remember about when you were put at the hospital that one time?“. The woman which appears to be a 'ginger', starts up the conversation.
“Ah, the time when I pull a complete 180 and don't remember nothing? What about it, Lee?“. He replies while stroking one of his kids on the hair before he goes playing again.
“Fufu, it's quite a journey, those days. The many changes that happens to you is just... different”. She sigh as she strokes the other kid that is resting on her lap.
He looks over yonder, reminiscing of what was in the past.
“... That so, eh?“. It is until a moment later where he faces to his right, somehow as if he is talking to some invisible force. “I sure do, and soon... You will too...”
Soon after, the whole view blurs, away into nothingness.
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*Gasp!*
A boy wakes up in a room, bedridden for God knows how long.
“Ngh, where am I?“
Scanning the room, it seems that some time has passed by, judging by the Xs on a calendar far in front of his bed. May 4th 2012, in English.
Some plants and flowers put in pots are growing fine where the sun shines through the window, and they are still kind of wet, so they must be taken care of diligently.
“... Eheheh, naw bruv, don't go there…~”. Alongside him just on the right, sleeping on the seat infront of him is a girl who's sleeptalking.
This confuses the boy, but also brings joy as he may be able to find answers on the current predicament he's in.
“Uhm, hello? Are you actually asleep or?... “
He shakes her shoulders for a bit, before she gives out somewhat weak of a response.
“Mmm, what~? Who's calling?“. The girl stretches out her joints, before looking forward to the boy. “Eugh, is it time to go ho-...“
She stops talking as she looks to the bedridden boy, readjust her eyes, then being exasperated.
“. . . Am I dreaming? “
He shrugs her words, as he himself is in the unknown.
“Not sure about that, though my body are quite stiff, so-”
His words is cut short, by her being hugged by the girl.
“Yes, Yes! Oh My God, Dennis! You're finally awake!“
The boy pats her back, though not for hugging back instead.
“... Well that took care of my back problem... Are you still going with the hugging?“
The girl finally let go, feeling refreshed despite her messy hair.
“Geez, finally we can get you out of this drab-looking room. Now then, who do you want for me to call first for the visit, your parents or the guys?“
As she picks her smartphone from her pants' pockey, the boy grabs the hem of her shirt.
“Sorry there but uh, I ... don't remember anything”
Her expression stiffens, and her grasps are slipping from the phone, wherein the boy reflexively catches it before falling.
“... Your name?“
He lifts his shoulder as he is, again, doesn't know anything after the waking.
“. . . Leon Arson. Does that name ring a bell to you?“
“Is that my name?“. He asked sincerely with such an innocent expression.
The girl looks down, covers her face with it, and letting out sad voices.
“No... No way, this can't be! Are you kidding me?! ...“. She wallows out her tears upon discovering the condition the boy himself doesn't know he is in :
Amnesia.
The boy felt somehow responsible, and think of an action to calm her down, but by the weak and fragile body he has now, all he can hope for is by clasping her hands with his, and talk some sense into her.
“I don't know why but, it saddens me when you're sad”. She is now facing him with teary eyes, sobbing mildly. “And you look more bright when we were chatting earlier”
She contemplates about it for a bit, and swipes her sad expression away while slowly regaining her composure.
“*sigh*. Guess it's that kind of scenario, huh? Okay, then. It'll take awhile for me to tell you of who you are, if you don't mind”
He nods lightly, though it wasn't long until his stomach grumbles, and his face beeting red.
“. . . Sorry. . .“
“Pfft-hahahah!“. Her laugh gets to him with how infectious her sound is more of a boy than a girl, and the both of them spends some more time before getting away from the room they're in.
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Hello there, I saw your post in the Forum, about how you feel somewhat depressed from the lack of interest and interaction with your stories. So I decided to read at least the first chapter for this work, so that I might have a better feel at your concerns.
So here goes my observation: your writing is very rough. You mentioned English not being your native language, but I can tell you that's not necessarily an issue here. I've read stories by people whose native language was indeed English, and it still had that same rough writing you do.
Now, don't take this as the end of the line for you, but more as a means to reconsider your writing approach. In order to improve, I can suggest a few things, such as:
1. Read other people's works (this will let you experience various writing styles)
2. Focus on short poems (this will let you practice some rhymes, and expand your vocabulary)
3. Describe something (practice descriptive writing, like a tree in nature: "Its foliage rustled through the spring breeze, its dew shimmered under the early morning sun." instead of something rough like: "The leaves moved in the wind.")
4. Have fun writing (don't aim for success, simply write because you enjoy it)
So in short, don't give up! Keep practicing, and do it for yourself. Don't force your writing, and take breaks or short hiatus if needed. And if you have any questions, feel free to drop me a message.
Cheers,
Rin.
Thanks for the word of encouragement, I'm grateful for it. I'm not necessarily depressed like I put my lifeline into this, just busy with school exam and IRL stuff when I'm on hiatus of some sort.
This story will be rewritten into "Tomboyish Crush on Rehab", since the title seems to lack some sort of hook IMO. But might be a while before it's posted, as I have only about 6 chapters and I don't think that'd be a good start, maybe will release after 10+ chapters are made within a week or so from now.
I am currently delving into many aspiring writers who are sharing their advices on Youtube, and while I won't necessarily grasp all the knowledge out there, I am trying to improve my style of writing, preferably on how to write more with less words, descriptive text with proses and poems, etc.
There's also the theming, about self-discovery and trauma and mental disorder for an Isekai I had in the making but won't necessarily share until I have this current RomCom novel done.
There's also horror or thriller side-stories on how the Isekai world was created, and it's an uncharted territory despite playing good horror/thriller games and movies.
Oh yeah, what's your opinion regarding the illustrations generated by AI? Should I include them by default or have them toggle-able for those who wants to make their own imageries inside their heads?
@matalayu As a traditional and digital artist myself, I have a lot of reservation towards AI generated art. I don't hate it per say, but I don't support it either. Perhaps including them in a separate part would be a better option. Or you could simply not included these, and let the readers' imagination do the work.
It really is a question of preference.
@RinDes So while I did say I won't post the new rewritten version after 10+ chapters, I did provided an early 7 chapters preview for those who wanted in my latest thread or just here :
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11JNjsjQx98MqAdkDFoSP_HvwK3mWv4R-7zHqbMjpmGk/edit
And thank you for stating your opinion regarding AI Art, though it is scummy these days, I hope there's some improvement made for both artist and prompters so that harmony are made between the two.