I was lying on my back, staring at the dirty ceiling with its wooden rafters while Lucas healed me. My nightgown was up and my drawers on plain sight but that didn’t matter to either of us. I was… just there, watching, letting myself be handled and barely even blinking.

I… stabbed myself. Somehow while I was sleeping, I left my bed, took a knife from the kitchen, headed towards the barn and… huh.

There was a dull pain in my abdomen, but I supposed that was to be expected. I was actually surprised I didn’t feel more. Adrenaline, perhaps? Or maybe it’s because of Lucas’ magic. How does healing magic work? Does it only heal or it also functions as some kind of antalgic?

“Elaine” Lucas called me, but his voice sounded far away. Mechanically, I turned my head to face him. He was still pale, and his eyes reflected concern. He grabbed my hand and slowly placed it over my abdomen. I didn’t put up any kind of resistance, my limbs feeling as if they were made of rubber. “I… am reaching my limit. You said you have a sensory affinity, no? That’s part of life magic… surely you are stronger than me at healing…”

I continued to look at him, simply listening to him. His limit, huh? Must be difficult for an elemental mage to use healing magic. But do I really have a greater ability than him? I feel nothing now. The pain is gone. Does that mean I am already cured?

Lucas bit his lips, placing both hands on top of the one on my stomach. “Heal yourself, Elaine. At this point, you should be able to finish what I started” he pleaded. I slowly blinked, and that was what made Lucas snap. “Elaine, wake up already!”

Without intending to, I startled. Heal myself? Ah, yes, he did ask me to do that. But can I? I just started using magic and…

“I…”

“Elaine!”

I bit my lip and poured mana through my hand at his insistence, closing my eyes to better concentrate. Lucas nodded, guiding me with kind words.

“That’s right. Search for the damaged zone with the mana. Find the source of greatest injury. Now imagine you close the wound, that your magic mends your organs and skin. Yes, exactly like that.”

I frowned and moved my hand, feeling the injured zone just like he told me. The external wound was closed but the internal one was still bleeding. I didn’t understand how I knew that but I just… did. It was as if my magic could tell me without me seeing what exactly was going on. I pushed forward more mana and I felt both with my magic and my body that the wounds were being healed, returned to how they were supposed to. Lucas let out a sigh of relief, placing his hand on me when I was over, probably to ascertain I healed everything I had to.

He smiled. “This is good. You are definitely a lot better in this than me. Maybe healing magic is a close affinity?”

I looked at him, blinked again, until, finally, the gravity of the situation dawned on me, hitting me like a truck. I quickly sat up, glancing down towards my nightgown. It was covered in blood, just like my skin. When I lifted the hem of the garment and touched my belly, there was nothing there that implied I had been cut open before.

“This… this is… how?” I kept touching, rubbing roughly, my fingers pressing the marks of the seal until my nails made half-moons on my skin. Lucas grabbed my hands and pulled away, much to my desperation. “Lucas! What the hell happened? I was in the dreamscape from before, when the viscount transferred the demon to me… but this time the demon was there too! He did this to me! He made me do this to myself! Why…?” I stared at him, feeling tears forming behind my eyelids. “Why did I do that?”

Lucas looked troubled and more than a little scared. “I don’t know. Did you try to contact the demon?”

I shook my head. “I would never! Not after what we’ve read! This…” I started sobbing, without being able to control myself. “Why did this happen…?”

“Elaine…” Lucas closed the distance between us and hugged me by the waist. I clung to the front of his shirt, burying my face on his shoulder. I needed comfort, someone who could ground me to earth. I had no idea why the demon contacted me, how this situation came to be, but I knew one thing. I was scared, terribly scared. I had not even gone to him, but he had come anyway and attacked me. Trying to break free, perhaps? He said something about setting him free. That would explain the knife but… but cutting myself open would not set him free. The seal wasn’t physical after all, but spiritual. And he… he…

When I stopped crying, not much time had passed, judging by the darkness still surrounding us. Slowly, I pushed Lucas away. He complied, though he was still touching me when we separated. Maybe a way to remind me he was here with me.

I dried my remaining tears with the back of my hand and gulped the knot that had formed in my throat. Then, I looked at Lucas again. “Thanks for coming to my rescue… how did you know I was here doing this?” I asked out of curiosity.

“It was pure coincidence. I was actually going to the bathroom, when I saw you walking to the barn. I called for you, but you didn’t answer, so I followed you” he stared at my belly. For some reason, I hugged myself, covering my body from his eyes. He sighed. “I’m glad I arrived before you could do more damage.”

“Yeah…” we spent that moment in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. I was still reeling, despite crying my eyes out just seconds ago. How could I not? The demon, he had contacted me, when I was asleep, against my will. And he had trapped me and then managed to injure me through me. He had guided my body to this remote place and…

“Do you think you can tell me what happened while you were asleep?” Lucas’ voice cut through my thoughts. I looked up at him, and I must have had some kind of strange face, because he quickly added, embarrassed. “That’s of course, only if you feel like it! If you don’t want to or feel like it’s too much, then…”

“It’s fine” I interrupted, my eyes drifting towards the floor and, involuntarily, to the knife Lucas had slapped out of my hands. It was the carving knife mother used for meat. I gulped again and averted my gaze.

I told him, with plenty of details, everything that happened in my dream, from the moment I realized I was in some dark, unknown place, to when the giant shell knocked me and the demon attacked me. Reliving the memory was traumatic, but I knew I had to be thorough. Lucas would probably know what to do. Or at least, he would have a better idea than me, being the one who read the books and gave me the summaries. Surely, there must be something, or some previous holder who experienced the same thing as me?

One thing was sure, though, and I had no doubt now.

“I need to see Mathias. I can’t hold this thing anymore” my voice came out trembling, my arms still around my middle. “Why did he act? Why, why, why? I swear I didn’t do anything! I wasn’t even thinking about the demon when I went to sleep!”

“I know, I believe you” Lucas once again steadied me with his hands on my shoulders. He made sure I was looking at him and not freaking out before he continued. “We’ll find out why this happened. And we’ll go see Mathias, absolutely. But right now there’s a more pressing matter, and that’s how to prevent something like this from happening again.”

“Happening… again?”

Lucas nodded. “Because we don’t know what caused this reaction, we don’t know how to prevent it. For that reason, we need a solution to keep the demon at bay while we find an excuse to give your parents and…”

“No, no, no, no” I quickly shook my head, not letting him finish. “What excuse? I need to leave now! I can’t wait to give my parents some excuse! I won’t wait! I can explain later but right now I need to go or-!”

“It’s not just because of them!” Lucas cut my frantic blabbering; his frowns burrowed and mouth a line. “The Duchy of Sellan it’s at least a week away on foot! How do we secure a carriage? We can’t do that without alerting your parents! And during the travel, what if the demon attacks you again? That’s the reason we have to find a way if not to prevent it then to force the demon not to do this again!”

His words sunk in, slowly but surely. When I completely understood the meaning of what he was saying, I deflated, leaning my head against his chest and feeling like crying all over again.

“But… but I can’t wait a week…” this was too dangerous. What if he attacked me again?

“That’s why we’ll find a way to counteract the demon. In fact” he said, his voice tilting with emotion despite the situation. “We read about a similar occurrence before, remember?”

He gently pushed me by the shoulders so I would look at him, waiting for me to confirm I remembered it, but the only thing I gave him in response was a frown. He bit his lower lip in embarrassment, belatedly realizing I was in no frame of mind to guess.

“What I mean is that there was this girl… two-hundred years ago, who almost contacted the demon and also stabbed herself… after that the demon kept coming back, and she became a danger not only for herself but anyone who was around… so she tried to get the demon to sleep again or at least calm it with music. Magic music.”

“Magic… music…”

“Yes! And this is perfect, because you can already pass mana through your gate and your affinity with life magic will make it easier for you to learn magic music and you said you know how to play the violin no?” he didn’t quite grin, since the situation did not allow for it, but it was obvious he was excited, having found some type of solution. And I admit I was kind of excited too. Now that he mentioned it, I remembered reading about that woman. She played a song every night with the harp to keep the demon at bay and it worked until the day she transferred him to her child. But… would I be able to correctly perform magic music? No, more important than that…

“I don’t have a violin” I pointed out, lowering my gaze with disappointment. “And even if I want to buy one, where? They don’t sell them in our backwoods of a town. And don’t you actually need to commission someone to make one first? How much does it cost?” I sighed, dropping my head again against his shoulder. “Where am I going to get a violin of all things?”

“…if you don’t have a violin, then how do you know you can play it?” Lucas asked a reasonable question. I stiffened. Shit, it’s true. I was a violinist in my previous life, not in this one. Would I even be able to play it at all now? I was able to climb walls just fine back then during my first attempt at escaping the castle, but the violin required… more precise movements and such. Ah, also, how do I explain this one to Lucas?

“It’s a gift. You know how these things are, most of the time they’re useless, but you know you have the gift from the moment it’s given to you.”

Gifts are like blessings or something like that, that humans and other sentient creatures get either at birth or throughout their lives. They’re random and not linked with magic or mana and not many people have them but those who do usually get a pretty useless one. Like the gift of never mistaking salt with sugar. Or the gift of knowing when a watermelon it’s ripe and sweet without cutting it.

Legend has it they are given by a god who has too much free time in his hands. When you have gift, you know automatically what gift it is and how to use it. But by the look Lucas is giving me he’s having a real hard time believing me. It’s alright. I would have a hard time believing myself too.

“So… you have a gift that allows you to play instruments?”

“Not exactly… just the violin…”

“And you possess a clairvoyance gift too… two gifts, an important one and a useful one…”

“…”

It’s not like people can’t have more than one gift, but I get what he’s saying. Two gifts, and they’re both kind of useful? At this point I would be calling out the other person’s bullshit but since this is me, I will just daringly insist.

“Yes… I have two gifts.”

“…”

“…”

Ah! Who cares?! This is not the moment for this!

“Anyway, where do I get a violin then? Do you have any idea?” I diverted the conversation to the most important part. Lucas raised an eyebrow, but let the matter pass. He shook his head.

“I don’t know… ah, there was this man who played the violin during the harvest festival! Maybe you can ask him where he got his? Or borrow it for the time being…”

Played the…? Ah! “Old man Jean?” I tilted my head, only then remembering the grandfather who liked to play the fiddle during celebrations. He was arthritic now, so he played less and less, but was still pretty enthusiastic. My eyes shone, and I nodded, agreeing with him. “I can speak to him! He’s always been very nice to me, so maybe he will let me borrow it for a time while we get a violin of my own” then I frowned. “Though if he doesn’t, we’ll have to find another way…”

“I can play the piano of the inn? I saw the other night they had one” Lucas suggested. “Magic music can be used with wind magic as well, so it shouldn’t be a problem for me. The only thing you have to do is pour your mana through the instrument you’re playing. Though I can’t assure you how potent it will be.”

“Regardless of that, thank you” I bowed my head, a habit from my past life. “I also don’t know if it will work if I try it, since I’m so new to magic and all, but… it’s worth a try, no?”

Lucas nodded. We spent a little more time in the barn, discussing the details, until we could no longer stay there if we didn’t want morning to creep on us. Reluctantly, I walked ahead, with Lucas insisting he was going to clean the barn and the knife and that I should also clean myself. I went to my room, took a new nightgown and then went back outside to the river where I could wash the blood off my skin and disposed of the destroyed nightgown. When I was done I stood there for a long time, wondering what to do now.

Obviously, going back to sleep wasn’t an option, and I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of the night. The mere thought sent ripples of fear through me. As I was slowly making my way back to the house, I pondered the idea of asking Lucas to sleep with him.

Well, it wouldn’t really be with him. I could say I had a nightmare and sleep on Thomas’ bed. The two of them shared a room, after all. Before I knew it, I was knocking on the door, sure that Lucas had finished way before me, and just like I expected, he opened.  He didn’t look surprised.

“Thomas sleeps like the dead” he whispered, allowing me entrance. “He won’t notice you.”

I nodded, making a beeline for the bed closer to the window. I slipped inside, feeling my little brother’s warmth at touching distance. Without thinking, I hugged him, and he turned around, cuddling against me. For that moment, I couldn't help but smile.

Lucas lay down on his own bed, and covered himself with the counterpane. After that, there was only silence. As I thought, I was unable to sleep, thoughts and ideas swirling over and over in my head, the fear and anxiety bubbling up under my skin, but feeling Thomas’ body against mine and being able to see Lucas lying just a meter away from me, brought me peace. At least, only for that moment.