The monster towered over a host of innocent high school students, an eight-foot tall humanoid assemblage of television and radio parts with arcs of blue-white electricity cascading across its ramshackle form. The only complete device in its body was a large radio that sat where a head would have been.

"Listen!" it called with a susurrus of voices drawn from a hundred failed disk jockeys. "Listen to me!"

The radio monster advanced slowly and clumsily through the station lobby, each ponderous step driving the increasingly panicked students further into a corner. Electricity arced out from one hand and crashed into a wall, showering the students with debris. A boy fell to his knees.

There wasn't much point to running, and everyone knew it. If you took away the furniture, the lobby was just a large box with a single door from which the monster had come in the first place. No one had any route to escape; at most a student might have avoided the monster for a few more moments as it tore through their friends instead. A few students started to cry.

Naturally, that's when an arrow made of fire crashed into the back of its head.

"HOLD EVILDOER!" a crystal clear voice sounded from the far side of the room. The monster stumbled into the crowd, grabbing an unlucky student and then spun around, holding him—me—up as a shield between it and its attacker.

The teenage girl who'd spoken lowered her bow and spun in place, finishing in a familiar pose with one hand holding the bow at her hip and the other pointing a flaming arrow at the monster.

She was dressed in something that looked almost like a school uniform, though I had yet to see a school uniform that exposed anyone's midriff, or that came complete with a pair of tiny fluffy angel wings and a brilliant halo forged out of solid red light.

Her skirt and her ponytail fluttered in the heat of her own magic, the red of the skirt a perfect match for the red of the hair. Both also neatly matched the scattering of freckles that stood out against her pale skin. She held the pose as she said her customary introduction, "Cleansing evil with the flames of purity, Angelic Saint Castitas has arrived!"

Castitas probably would have kept attacking if it wasn't for me. Ever since the Saints had acquired their magical weapons, Castitas tended to favor shooting absurd numbers of arrows into anything that moved. Instead, she froze for a moment. The radio monster used its free arm to send a blast of electricity toward the girl.

Castitas tensed, but even I could see she'd be too late to get out of the way. Her hesitation had cost her.

Of course, Castitas rarely fought alone. The floor rose up to diffuse the attack, before crumbling under the monster's power to reveal a dark skinned blonde, her shield positioned to guard the Saint of Purity.

Aside from the fact that the new girl's yellow costume was very similar to Castitas' red, the two were as different as could be. Where Castitas exuded a fiery charisma, the second Saint had a sturdiness and stoicism to her that lent her a knightly mein. She was also, to Castitas' frequent consternation, a great deal taller.

"Steadfast as the earth," I found myself muttering, oddly distant from yet another near death experience.

"Steadfast as the earth! Persevering forward one step at a time, Angelic Saint Diligentia is here!" she shouted.

Which left…

A pressurized jet of water struck the mechanical monstrosity in the arm that wasn't holding me, sending it reeling. Taking advantage of its distraction, Castitas leapt over her teammate and bounced off Diligentia's waiting shield to soar toward the radio creature. Landing just in front of it, she plucked me from its distracted arms and carried me as if I were a princess.

The monster swung one clumsy hand at her head. Without pausing to recover or setting me down, Castitas dropped into a crouch. The displaced air from its attack left me with little doubt as to how dead I would be if we had been hit. But Castitas showed not a hint of concern as she bounced up in the monster's wake and jumped once more. Her feet struck the arm that had just swung past us, pushing it further off-balance and sending both me and Castitas careening through the air away from the electrified beast.

Diligentia dashed toward the melee as Castitas soared over her head and landed the pair of us safely out of immediate danger.

Temporarily free from the fight, Castitas glanced me over to make sure the mere mortal in her arms had made it out relatively unscathed. Even as she gave me a small comforting smile, I heard a soft and cold voice call out behind us, "Calm as still water. Biding until I strike like a tsunami, Angelic Saint Temperantia..."

Castitas carried me through the room's lone doors as her teammates kept this week's monster busy. Gently, she set me down in a deliberately cozy hallway whose walls were covered with posters advertising musicians of all stripes. For a lingering moment she looked at me, fighting the urge to say something, before she settled for a weak smile.

"I have to get back to the fight C… Charlie, but you should be safe out here."

I'm not sure how I managed to keep a straight face. Yes, quickly correcting to my name after accidentally slipping into a nickname that barely anyone used was a decent save. However, I had never, in the dozen odd times that Castitas had ended up saving me from a monster, given her my name.

Sure I'd thought of telling my best friend—who'd just just saved my life again—that she was really bad at this whole secret identity thing; but it felt like it would be rude to pry when she clearly didn't want to tell me. And the only times when I might have had the courage, when she'd just saved me yet again and I burned to tell my hero that I knew what was up, always ended up being the times I couldn't speak.

I might have said something right there, in that floating distant high of another near death experience. But for some reason I couldn't find the air to speak. On closer examination, my heart was doing its best hummingbird imitation and I was panting desperately. I managed to force out a barely audible thanks as Castitas slammed the doors open to dramatically reenter the fray.

I waited a few moments, then sagged into the wall and fell to the floor as my legs gave way under me.

Freed of the all too familiar dance of hostage and rescue, I had little to do but realize how scared and frustrated I actually was. I hated how powerless this always made me feel. My best friend was out there risking her life, being a hero and doing something bigger and better than anything I'd ever manage in life and all I could do was huddle into a ball and try to avoid losing my mind. "Pathetic," I muttered to myself.

At least I didn't cry. Boys aren't supposed to do that.

----

I got sent to the nurse's office when the teachers finally corralled us back to school; everyone else got to return to class. The first few times a monster had interrupted a school field trip, class, and/or assembly last fall, they'd given us all at least a day off. By the fifth time, and the looming realization that none of us would be getting through half of the required curriculum if this kept happening, they'd simply decided to soldier through.

Except for me apparently. For whatever reason our routine monster attacks honed in on me like Inessa—Castitas—honed in on Lupin, the senior class' token goth girl. Of course, while Inessa tended to just sigh longingly at her crush from a distance, the monsters were a lot less shy about things. The end result was that I'd assembled a pretty impressive history of being manhandled, getting thrown at things, turned into an object, held hostage; charmed and, naturally, of being rescued by magical girls. Honestly, you'd think I would be used to it. I hadn't been surprised when Shocker grabbed me. Hell, I'd made no real effort to not be one of the closest students to the monster. And yet, I'd still panicked like an idiot and ended up trembling in a hallway.

And, well, requirements or not, they couldn't just let you get used as a human shield by a monster materialized from a failed shock jock's desperate greed for rating success and send you back to class. That would be inhumane. And, obviously, they couldn't cancel field trips,major club activities or holiday celebrations even though these were basically guaranteed to prompt magical terrorism.

And so, my December report card had absolutely looked like the victim of a monster attack, and, even though we were already in mid-January, I could sense that this term would be just as bad if I didn't work as hard as I could to stay afloat. And sure it was the last part of senior year and colleges wouldn't really be making any acceptance decisions on these grades. But if I wanted any chance at a scholarship I had to work as hard as possible on my classes.

Instead, I found myself bored out of my mind in the nurse's office. It had been nice, the first few times, to have a quiet place to gather myself. But this was no longer a simple matter of getting attacked once or twice and nothing really bad had actually happened to me. I didn't need to be coddled like this. Inessa and company had been the ones actually fighting for their lives and they didn't need to skip class afterwards.

No, they'd been able to fight instead of freezing up like a little…. person who is not particularly manly. Which, like, sure, that was toxic masculinity or whatever; internalized despite my best efforts at avoiding dad's bullshit. But like, what was the point of even being a guy if I couldn't even stand up when a man was 'supposed' to?

The school bell interrupted my wallowing before I could really get into it and I practically sprinted to the nurse to ask his permission to head home. Begrudgingly, as if he wanted me to lie around being useless for even longer, the nurse let me go after extracting a few concessions like "taking it easy" and "setting up an appointment with the school's guidance counselor."

That left only one more obstacle before I could escape to the quiet solitude of home.

"C!" the redheaded bane of my existence crashed into me outside the nurses office, wrapping me into a tight hug, "I heard you got attacked again," Inessa said, as if she hadn't literally princess-carried me out of danger.

"Just the usual, no big deal," I tried to play it off.

Inessa Brandt, without the magical uniform and its accompanying heels, was a petite and thoroughly upbeat girl, whose breezy disposition, freckles, and cute looks had made her quite popular in the last few years.

She let go, and took a step back. A flicker of something sad worked its way through her face and ended with a pout in my direction. "It is a big deal C, you could have gotten hurt."

"Well," I parried, "Castitas was there to save the day, so it all ended fine." Honestly, it burned a little that Inessa had gone and become someone so amazing while I was still the same boring C. I couldn't resist teasing her. "I just wish there was a way to thank her to her face for saving me so much and tell her how amazing she is."

Inessa blushed, "W-well, I'm sure she knows she's appreciated and really she's probably just sorry that you keep getting involved."

"Yeah," I trailed off, guiltily.

"What's wrong? You can tell me."

I thought, for a moment, of telling her that I knew exactly who'd saved me; that I was so grateful and also so jealous of how radiant she'd become, while here I was unable to take a step forward or make anything of my life. I would never get to be a beautiful strong girl like Inessa, standing in center stage and challenging the forces of evil.

"I just wish…" I said instead, unwilling to admit how bitter my heart felt to someone who'd immediately decide it was her responsibility to help me.

"Yeah?"

"I just wish that I wasn't so powerless. That I could, you know, do something to fight back if I'm always going to get pulled into these things," I laughed awkwardly. Inessa didn't deserve my issues, not with everything she was doing. "But I guess I'd look pretty awful in a Saint's uniform."

"C…" she hesitated, not sure what to say.

"I dunno," a quiet, emotionless voice cut in, "You're pretty leggy, I think you could probably pull the look off."

A tiny pale blue-haired girl stood a bit away from Inessa, looking somewhere between apathetic and awkward. After transferring to school in late November, she had almost instantly become Inessa's close friend, despite almost everyone else finding her off-putting. It made perfect sense to me. Obviously the blue haired girl named Temperance Atwater was actually the Angelic Saint of Temperance.

And yet… Somehow no one but me seemed to have realized that the blue haired girl named Temperance might be connected to the magical girl named Temperantia. Temperantia had first appeared on the day before Temperance had transferred to our school and they shared distinctive blue hair. In my mind, this was a strong point of evidence that everyone else in this town was an idiot. Alternatively, everyone else in this town had long guessed Inessa, Ida's and Temperance's identities and was simply being circumspect out of gratitude.

"Ha ha," I laughed awkwardly, more angry at myself for making the joke in the first place than Temperance for hammering it home, "as if."

"I think it would at least be a much better aesthetic than oversized hoodie," she nodded sagely, her voice betraying not a hint of emotion.

"Just drop it okay, and I'm not even wearing a hoodie!" I didn't hate her, for all her endless needling, but I did not understand Temperance Atwater at all.

"Spiritually," she corrected without a single indication that she was joking. Temperance drifted into companionable silence and I took that as a momentary victory from her near constant teasing.

"A-anyway," Inessa said, shooting Temperance a glare, "are you coming over for dinner tonight? You haven't been by since the end of winter break and my folks are a bit worried."

I hesitated. I didn't want to inflict my issues on Inessa, who was already doing so much for me. I also didn't want her family to worry, and if dad ended up coming home earlier and he saw me in this kind of mood, the evening would be unpleasant. It struck me that it might be in my own interest to stay out for as long as possible.

"Y-yeah, thanks, I'd like that."

Inessa sagged as she let go of a tension I hadn't realized she was holding. Then broke out into a big smile, "Great!"

Temperance, for some reason, offered her a high five.

Despite my mood and how much I hated relying on others, Inessa's parents were as sunny and happy as always. They showed me a kindness I didn't deserve and made all the right little gestures about how they'd missed me these past few days and how much they wanted me to know that I would always be welcome. It would simply have been mean to act all gloomy around them and bring everyone down just because I was feeling particularly self-loathing.

I'd anticipated a night of brooding. But between the fact that it was hard to fake being upbeat around genuinely kind people for long without becoming a little bit happier yourself, and that I'd beat dad home despite the late hour, I felt remarkably good. It was still unpleasant to dwell on the day's events, but I didn't feel compelled to obsess over them for once. Instead, I spent the night alternating studying with reading silly little stories online and wishing that kind of thing could actually happen to me. It was enough to almost let me feel like I could handle things by the time I went to bed.

I dreamt equally ridiculous little dreams of a world where Temperance's jokes weren't just jokes and I got to be one of the heroes, fighting side by side with my friends. They were silly and impossible and I woke with an unusual spring in my step and a smile on my face.

---

My good mood lasted most of the—thankfully monster free—school day, up until shortly before my last period appointment with the school's guidance counselor.

I was missing too much school as it was. But no, instead of enjoying Friday afternoon AP Macroeconomics, I had to be sitting on a couch in Mr. Noir's small office. The bespeckled man carefully lit an incense stick then took a seat across from me. He was tall, in a kind of reedy way that made it seem like there was more suit than man there, with sickly gray skin and a smile that didn't quite reach his sunken eyes.

"So," he pinched out the match, "what can I do for you today Charleton."

I hated him instantly.

"Everyone just calls me Charlie," I tried not to let my irritation show. I had an objectively terrible name and the less I heard it the better.

"Ah," he shook his head, "You know there's a great power in names. Charleton, that's a good name. Rare, a bit old-fashioned, serious. Too few appreciate that kind of thing," his voice was shrill and crackly, like the static between radio channels.

I bit my lip and tried to let it go. It wasn't his fault that I'd been on edge for weeks, or that I desperately didn't want to be here, and taking it out on the innocent guidance counselor wouldn't be fair, no matter how weird he was being.

"Everyone says it sounds like Charlatan, so I go by Charlie," well, people might have said that if I had social interactions with anyone my own age that wasn't Inessa or her friends.

He nodded sadly, "A shame, well, children. I suppose it can't be helped. So Charlie," he hesitated on the name, as if he found it distasteful. "What brings you here today? Or just wanted an excuse to skip out of sixth period?"

I shook my head vehemently, "the nurse made me. I've missed too much class as it is. I have to study extra just to stay on top of things with the way everything's been going."

He nodded sadly and jotted something down, "Terrible, and why is that? Trouble at home?"

I shook my head, "My dad's fine," that was more or less true. Neither of us respected the other much at this point and I couldn't remember the last time we had had a pleasant conversation, but he wasn't a monster or anything. He kept a roof over our heads and food in the pantry. "I've just ended up getting wrapped up in a lot of these monster attacks."

Mr. Noir paused at that for a moment, staring at me deeply, as if really looking at me for the first time, before breaking into a wide grin. He didn't say anything else until just before I reached the point where I could no longer endure his silent judgment.

"Fascinating." he cut me off just before I said something dumb, "Getting wrapped up in all of that business, I mean. And how does that make you feel?"

I hesitated, "Well, it's not like I can really control it, right? And, barely anyone really gets hurt, what with the Angelic Saints saving us all the time and all."

Mr Noir adjusted his glasses, "Yes, yes, but surely you must be angry? Always getting pulled into their fights, forced to take part in business that disrupts your life? It must be upsetting?"

The incense smelled of cinnamon and something coppery that I couldn't place. It gave the whole room an odd, dreamlike quality. None of that made Mr. Noir the least bit less creepy. If anything, a part of me wondered if he was about to turn into a couch themed monster and try to devour me.

"No? If anything, I feel bad? Here are these amazing heroes who have to spend so much time saving me and I don't even really deserve it."

He watched silently, considering.

"And they're powerful and beautiful and amazing and here I am and I can't even keep away from a monster for longer than three days at a time."

He perked up at that, "Ah! I see. beautiful, yes, that makes sense. Luxuria then, after all this searching."

"What?" Okay, he was definitely giving me monster vibes now. Latin tended to do that lately and I was starting to get a sense for when these things were afoot. I took a deep breath, nearly coughing on the overpowering scent of incense.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Some things have become clear. Well, I must say you shouldn't put yourself down. You seem like a young man of great potential, Charleton."

"It's Charlie," I muttered, drowning in cinnamon.

"Well Charleton, let me ask you a few more questions. I wouldn't want to take too much of your time today young man, and this has been quite a valuable conversation already."

"What?" I asked more sharply than I usually let myself speak. The heady mix of the scent and how off Mr. Noir was left me with the bizarre floating sensation of being in a bad dream from which I couldn't wake up.

"A problem I frequently see with 'well-behaved' boys your age," he said paternalistically, "is that they don't want to admit their own needs. Oh, they try to be 'good,' and the world rewards them for being nice little diligent drones."

"And that's bad?" I asked, worriedly.

"Oh yes," his smile showed his teeth, "hiding your darker emotions helps no one in the end. You can run from adolescent desire as long as you want, run until you can't even remember what you're running from if you want. But the primal need will catch you and it will be all the more empowered for your attempts to confine it. Boys should be boys."

I hesitated. I wanted to ignore him, to say that was nonsense. And yet, on top of everything that had happened in the past few months, beyond mom and the monsters and dad, he wasn't wrong. There was a hollowness in me I couldn't quite name.

"I can see it in your eyes. You know I'm right. You know that your desires are there, boiling beneath the surface and that nothing will make them go away beyond embracing them."

Was he right? Was the ache deep in my soul whenever I thought about Castitas and the others desire? It wasn't as obviously wrong as I wanted it to be, but I had no clue what it was he thought I desired. Power maybe? Agency, the ability to help? Nothing felt wrong, but nothing felt like they grasped the entire picture either.

"For now, it's enough to understand that suppressing all this need won't help you. Try to think on it, to feel it. If we want to overcome your problems, you'll need to be able to vocalize what it is you crave."

I nodded. For all he was disturbing, there was something to this advice that felt right. Now, if only he could give me any tips on how to name what it was I needed so deeply and so primally.

"That will do for today," Mr. Noir said.

Then he removed his glasses. He gently folded the arms in and placied them on the table with slow meticulous movements. Only then did he raise his eyes to stare into mine.

"I'll leave you with few things to think on for our next session," he said.

I tried to look away. But I couldn't. His eyes were wrong. There was something there so much worse than any of the monsters I had seen. His eyes were wrong. I wanted to bolt, to run, to do anything. Instead, I nodded and sank back into the couch. His eyes were wrong and the air was cloyingly sweet….

---

I yawned loudly and cracked my neck as I made my way from Mr. Noir's office. It took a few moments to clear the overpowering scent of that incense from my nose, and I barely noticed a girl approaching.

"Hiya, how's it going? Charlie, right?"

"Yeah, Charlie," I coughed pitifully a few times as I looked my interlocutor over.

Lupin Noir was our small school's resident goth, and the focus of Inessa's silent adoration for all of senior year. Between the faux-leather jacket, the spiked collar around her neck, the neon purple highlights in her raven-black hair and the faint hint of an unplaceable accent, Lupin had no shortage of aesthetic. Allegedly, she was also the school's resident rumormonger, and a girl who always got what she wanted.

"What brings you this way?" I asked. I hadn't heard the school bell, engrossed as I was in my talk with Mr. Noir, but my phone told me school had let out half an hour ago.

"When uncle dearest decides to spend the afternoon with a student, well, I can't leave until my ride's ready to go, so…" she shrugged.

"Mr. Noir's your uncle?" they were both pale to the point of being gaunt, but beyond that I could hardly see the family resemblance.

She nodded mournfully, "Yeah, I've been living with him since I came abroad to study. He's a bit of a square, but he's not that bad once you learn to speak his language. He treat you okay? It smells like he's been going hard on that incense of his."

I laughed at that. "Well, he was a little weird at first, but we had a pleasant man to man chat in the end and I think he really helped me clarify my thinking on some things and it was nice to talk to someone who's, you know, older and wiser? Get things off my chest for once." I stopped there for a moment, then continued. "I just feel like I can trust him."

She looked at me oddly for a few moments. "Well, I'm glad you got along I guess. But Charlie, what deep dark secrets do you need to unburden yourself from? Got a crush? Is it Inessa, inquiring minds would pay good money for this info!"

I winced, "No, that's just gross. Inessa's like a sister to me and besides," if I told Lupin that Inessa was probably the single gayest girl in school everyone would know by tomorrow, "I really don't think I'd be her type," I offered as a diplomatic alternative.

She nodded eagerly and, "I see, I see, so you're not together. Is she dating anyone then?"

Somehow, it felt almost like she was taking notes.

"That's not really any of your business is it?" That remained true, no matter how much Inessa wished otherwise, "Sorry I can't give you anything bankable."

She shook her head, "Nah, my uncle can sometimes be a lot and I've been waiting out here for ages. Wanted to make sure that you weren't too overwhelmed or anything, especially since it sounds like you've gotten involved in, what, two monster attacks this week." The last was said with a coy innocence that made me wonder just what Lupin's angle was.

I shook my head. Honestly, he'd been a little weird at first, but it had become obvious he was a guy I could trust as the conversation had gone on. Besides, I really wished people would stop babying me just because I kept getting in the way of these things, "It's fine. Honestly, we even made an appointment to talk more next Monday."

She looked almost worried, "he wanted to see you again?"

"Is that so weird?"

"Nope, just that he's usually got most of what he needs from a student after a single meeting. I guess that means you must be a real head case," she laughed, but her tone was only gently teasing.

I gave her a mock glare, "Well, it seems like he spends a lot of time with you, being your uncle and all. If I'm a head case, what does that make you?"

"So, you've seen through me then," she grinned in a way that showed all of her pearly white teeth and took a few predatory steps toward me. I backed away, suddenly a bit nervous. It wouldn't be the first time a student had randomly tried to attack me before suddenly turning into a money themed monster, "I'm a greedy greedy girl of course! Practically terminal."

I laughed awkwardly, and she took a step back.

"Seriously though Charlie. I just wanted to check in? I'm sorry about how you seem to keep getting caught up in the middle of all of this stuff going on. It's really not fair to you."

I shrugged, "The Saints seem to get caught up in a lot more than me, and besides, it's not like it's your fault I seem to be natural monster bait."

"Right, obviously it's absolutely not my fault at all!"

With that strangely guilty rejoinder, Lupin practically dashed into her uncle's office.

I couldn't help but muse how little the two resembled each other. They were both unnaturally pale, of course, and there was a hint of shared accent in both their voices. But Mr. Noir was off-putting and a bit staid, while Lupin was just such a strange girl. Well, they both were nicer than I'd been led to expect.

Maybe Inessa's taste in girls wasn't so disastrous after all.

NEXT WEEK ON SHINING VIRTUE ANGELIC HEART!!!

After an argument with Michael, Inessa and her friends go to visit the local gardens to take a break from all the fighting. Michael follows in secret, however she ends up separated from the group just as a new resinner transforms the gardens into a deadly hedge maze. Can our heroines find their trusty advisor in time to stop Avaritia Wolf's newest monster!?

Tune in for Episode 13: Michael Lost? The Labyrinth in the Botanical Gardens!

Shadell

I'd like to give a huge thanks Nemomarx, Squishy and Chehrazad from Sufficient Velocity or their extensive feedback on earlier drafts of the work as well as their encouragement. I'd also like to thank Tomoyo on the SV discord for C&Cing this first chapter and Pawn Lelouch for proofreading the first few.

So, this started as a Nano project, of which roughly 50k words have been written. At the moment, chapters 1-4 are in final editing while the rest need some structural edits and pacing fics. This has been inspired by a few things, especially Curse You, Magical Girls! A Flower Blooms in the Heart of a Villain!? an excellent short magical girl transfic by Rooibos Chai. But Pretty Cure and Sailor Moon have both been an influence on this as well.

While this work will touch on a few dark issues, I do promise that it's ultimately meant to be on the fluffier side of things.

Lastly, I'll note that I'm also posting this on Sufficient Velocity about a week or so before Scribblehub chapters come out and SV is about two chapters ahead at present.