Coming into the first week of winter, it was time for our academic break, or it was for most other students at least. I, however, had remedial classes to attend. The next few days would be monotonous, bland, and far too long. Because we did not have a full day's worth of classes, each remedial class was twice the length of a standard class, and given that the classes I failed were the ones I loathed, meant I had to spend far too much time with detestable topics. 

Isaiah's absence had but a single positive effect, that being motivation to absorb the material discussed so I might do better on the semester's finals. I suppose removing the distraction of good company also meant I had less to stop me from studying. A part of me was mad at myself for not studying more when he was being held in the detention center, perhaps had I taken full advantage of that opportunity I would have passed my tests and been able to join him for the holiday. Of course, that is not what happened, and so I was left to reap the consequences of my actions. 

Taking time to listen to my Scriptural studies lectures, I actually found myself learning a few things I had not already known. The gods and goddess' were separated into two distinct groups, according to the doctrine of the Shepherds, ‘Divine’ and ‘Heretical’. The Divine gods were those acknowledged by the church, these were Alpheus the Sower, Herenal the reaper, Maelata the mother and Yezua the Eternal Shepherd. Apparently Yezua is also often called Yoshua, depending on the translation. All other gods were heretical, including my favorite, Electrael. In fact it seemed that if they had an "ael" suffix, they were considered evil in the eyes of the church. Electrael was a special case though, because while her doctrine clashed with the church of the Shepherds own teachings, her invention of the "V-space" was still heralded as a gift from the heavens. A case of using evil things for good, I suppose. 

The most evil of God’s however was “Isarael”, God of Anarchy. He was once a mortal, but consumed the heart of a goddess and gained powers to create. Apparently Yezua and Isarael fought a great battle against each other, resulting in Isarael’s defeat, causing him to retreat from Anarchia, which was the ancient name for our world. What intrigued me most about Isarael, was that he too had silver hair and mismatched pink and blue eyes, according to illustrations in our text at least. 

I had always thought that any god the Shepherds did not worship was considered false, but apparently it is their teachings that the Shepherds decry, not their status as deities. I of course had believed it all to be fake, a convenient way to explain things they found hard to explain, though I began to question this idea. I do not think I could ever follow the teachings of the Shepherds, there was something about their doctrine that felt off, but at least I could learn about what may have been true history after all.

Yezua, son of Alpheus and Mealata descended into this world to save it from the demons, becoming god and king to a new race of people made in Alpheus’ image. He stayed as an avatar of his father, and governed the people under strict law. It was when this law was abandoned that the world found itself in chaos again, till my ancestor founded the Shepherds in his name, and brought order back. Colonization and genocide, a restriction of freedoms and liberties, yeah I was not a fan of this Yezua.

Electrael was much more the kind of goddess I enjoyed. She had no law, simply an idea that love and knowledge should be spread to all. I do not know exactly if the V-space had accomplished that, many terrible people use it to spread their hate and vitriol. That being said, I found quite a few good girls love stories in the V-space about goddesses, Electrael included, that I did rather enjoy. Of course, those were not topics the Shepherds would ever discuss, especially seeing as Yezua, and by extension the Church of the Shepherds, was fervently against homosexuality. A pity, but still I listened as much as I could bother to listen, and absorbed as much information as I my brain would let me, jotting notes and making certain I would not fail come time for our next exams. 

After half a week had passed, I found myself thinking again about Isaiah far too much. Our last days together before the break had largely been marred by the stress and anxiety all thanks to exams, but I did enjoy those few moments in between where he had held me. I found myself daydreaming in class, reliving the experience of his touch, and longing to be held by him again. Normal friend thoughts, yes, perfectly normal things to want from a friend. 

"You're friends with that weirdo, right?" One student asked me as he leaned over the desk between us. "Yeah, you're that wackos roommate, you gotta be!"

"Do not call him that, please just turn around and leave me be!" It perturbed me to hear someone refer to my friend in that way. I would have entirely ignored the boy's question but I felt compelled to say something.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you,” he laughed, “it’s not good for your reputation to be friends with him.”

“My reputation is already marred by baseless rumors, what good would distancing myself from my friend do to repair that?”

"You’ll probably be saying otherwise once you see this,” he laughed, “check this out, he's seriously insane," he held a phone out, a video queued to play.

"You are not supposed to have your phone during school hours," I chastised him.

He clicked his tongue, "gonna narc on me? Just watch the stupid video!" He tapped the play button and it started.

I watched from the corner of my eye, trying to not get caught by the professor, as an out of focus recording of the woods began to play. A couple boys laughed as a figure resembling Isaiah came into focus a short distance away. He was wildly flashing his arms about, posing like the hero in a cartoon, "by the power of my cursed eye and in the name of the Goddess of Anarchy, Isarael, I will rid this world of it's tyrannical rulers!" He declared as he continued to pose dramatically. “I will be her unholy flame of justice, toppling kings and Shep…” His speech was cut off when he heard the boys teasing him, and the video ended as he darted towards them.

"What'd I tell you, a serious freak right?" The student guffawed, mocking my best friend, "if you know what's good for you you'd ditch him. Loser is probably gonna end up a criminal, or worse." 

His laughter irked me, but his words dug a much deeper wound. I clenched my fists and jaw as the boy continued to defame my friend, a couple other students nearby joining in with insults of their own. Having had enough, I slammed down my fist on my desk, "shut up!" My outburst caused all, even the professor who had still been giving a lecture, to fall silent. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" My whole body burned as I let out an explosion of curses at him. 

"What the hell is your problem?"

"You have insulted the honor of my truest friend! I will not sit idly by as he is ridiculed for your amusement!" My whole body trembled as I lashed out. The professor demanded I sit down, but I refused. “I will not stay silent as you make a laughing stock of my friend!” 

The boy scoffed and stood up to meet me, his massive body towering over my smaller frame, "honor? He's a commoner, what honor? Besides, what are you gonna do, fight me?"

"No, a duel!" I immediately challenged, "as crown prince of Francetta, I Aiden Bonedarte challenge you to a duel!"

Cracking a smile, the boy held back his laughter, "a duel? Are you for real? You're going to risk your honor for a peasant?"

"Not a peasant, but a friend!" I asserted, "I will cast my own honor on the line for him."

"Lotta bold talk, isn't it a moot point trying to impress your boyfriend when he isn't even here?"

"This is not about impressing anyone, if my words will not silence you, then my sword will."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, "it's winter break, your highness, all the faculties are shut down till classes resume, remember?"

"Then at the start of the quarter we will have our duel in the fencing hall," I reasserted my challenge.

"Fine, that way he can watch me humiliate his boytoy and him all at once," he snorted, "alright then, I Kristoph Ivry, son of Duke Ivry, accept your duel." And with that we made it official, in a little over one week we would duel. 

 

***

The first week of the break was coming to a close and the true start of the holidays was upon us. Classes went on like usual, and I tried to not think about the duel, focusing on my studies to the best of my ability. Math of course, offered me little stimulation, it was not a good distraction at all. Still, I had made a promise, I would study and learn so that next break I could join Isaiah. All I had to do was listen to the lecture, and follow along with my textbook. 

 Try as I might to pay attention, my coming battle and my longing to see my friend weighed heavily on my mind. When classes ended, and I had time to sit over my notes for the day, I couldn’t stop fidgeting. I had to do something, I had to relax. There had to be a way I could clear my head of all my worries. These were the things I contemplated as I sat alone in our room. Staring at Isaiah's desk I began to imagine him there doodling away in his sketchpad. Deeply focused on his art, he would tap his toes and purse his lips, absorbed into his craft. It was always adorable to watch. 

He certainly loved to draw, so I found it incredibly peculiar that he had left his little art book behind. I had only ever caught glimpses of the girls he would draw, but I always knew that was what he was drawing. The subject of his art was not at all alarming or suspicious, but the way he hid it from me roused my curiosity. We had agreed to respect each other's privacy, and considering how respectful he had been in regards to mine, I felt bad about my desire to violate his. It was all a question of whether my guilt would outweigh my curiosity. 

As the pad laid there on the desk, unguarded, it felt as though it was taunting me, calling me to look inside and study its pages. My fingers brushed along the outside of the cover, sweat dripping down my brow. He is not here, I am alone, this was all the privacy I would need to observe his secret drawings. I truly was alone…

"I can wear my dress!" How had I not thought of that before? Why betray Isaiah's privacy when I could take advantage of my own? Without a moment of hesitation I ran to the chest, my hands shaking as I reached for the key inside my vest pocket. A whole week alone and I had been too distracted to even consider wearing my dress, this was the exact opportunity I had been waiting for! With a twist of the key the lock unlocked and I opened the lid like it was a treasure chest in a role playing game. There it was, my elegant little lolita style dress, waiting patiently for me to don it once more. I stripped away my clothes till I was practically bare, and stood there a moment longer, simply admiring the dress, before finally changing into it again.

I had not worn my dress in almost a month but wearing it once more felt as if I was in the proper skin for the first time in forever. I had shed away my ugly disguise and revealed the true me, the happiest version of myself. I did all the things I usually did when I wore my dress, I danced in front of the mirror, twirled about like a ballerina, swayed side to side and practiced little things like curtsies. After one too many twirls I fell over, dizzy and ditsy as I giggled, kicking my feet in excitement. 

Nothing could ruin that moment, it was simply too perfect. Except perhaps a sudden click of the doors lock as a key turned the tumblers. Who, what, why? I panicked as the door was unlocked, throwing myself once more into our closet, fervently stripping away my dress as someone intruded on my solitude. Why, why why why why? And more importantly, who? It made no sense, only one other person should have the key to the room, only one other person should have reason to enter. A torrent of fear threw my poor little brain about all while I tried to rid myself of my secret garment. Lost in a maelstrom of anxiety I curled up practically naked inside that closet, wishing whoever it was would go away.

I wanted them to leave, until I heard their wonderful voice, “Huh, weird, I thought I heard Bonbon.”

“Isaiah!” clamoring my way out the closet, I emerged nearly tackling the boy as I leapt to hug him.

“Hey, wait, gaaaah!” Nearly tackled was not correct, no, I absolutely toppled my friend over, pinning him to the ground in an eager embrace, eliciting a startled cry.

“I missed you, Isaiah!” 

“I missed you too, Bonbon,” he laughed as he wrapped his arm around me, only to retract his hug as his face turned crimson. He whipped his head away from me and began to stammer, “you, uhh, umm Bonbon, you’re…”

Perplexed by his reaction, I tilted my head and pondered what could have had him so frazzled. The kings in far off lands could have probably heard my squeal of embarrassment.

“Why were you in the closet in your panties?” Isaiah asked once I had donned my nightgown. 

“That does not matter,” I whimpered as I stood there before my friend, ashamed, “what are you doing back so early?”

He smiled at me as he gave his answer, “I asked my mah if we could celebrate Solmass early so I could come back and spend the holidays with you.” 

I wanted to kiss him, but I refrained, having embarrassed myself enough that night, and instead grabbed his hand with a squeal of delight and thanked him, “that is so sweet of you, you did not have to do that!” 

He gripped my hand and looked at me with a gentle gaze, “I wanted to though,” he chuckled, “I figured if I was missin you this much then you were probs a bigger mess without me.”

Puffing my cheeks, I huffed and turned my blushing face away, “I was not a mess,” then I whispered, “but I did truly miss you.”

He closed our bedroom door and took a seat on his bed, patting the space next to him while looking at me with pleading eyes. Hesitating at first, still feeling a tad sheepish after my nearly nude blunder, I joined him, still a bit reluctant to look him directly in the eye. His posture felt different somehow, where as before he was always a tad stiff and perhaps a bit intimidating, now he felt inviting. He leaned slightly towards me, our arms brushing against each other, and then he scooted even closer. Before he could even say something, I had sensed he was excited by the way he fidgeted with his hands. Finally he spoke up again, a little quiver in his voice, “hey Bonbon, I know it’s not Solmass yet, but I, I can’t wait,” he slung his bag around his shoulder to his lap, and rummaged through it till he retrieved a small gift wrapped box. 

“What is that?” I feebly inquired, examining the slightly wrinkled package. 

“I got you a present, well I made it, technically,” he presented the box to me, a cute little glimmer in his eye, “it’s nothin much, but I wanted to give you somethin cause, well you’re my best friend.”

“I,” I was lost for words, “a present, but why?” Those were not the right words.

“Oh, sorry, I know I can’t really give ya anythin as grand as you’re used to, but I just thought you’d appreciate it,” his voice deflated, “guess I was just gettin my hopes up.”

Before he could pull it away, I snatched the box and shook my head, “No, that is not what I mean at all,” I wanted to correct this misunderstanding before it grew into something bigger, “I have never received a present before, I was just surprised is all.”

His dumbfounded expression made me feel odd, “never received a gift? But you’re a prince, shouldn’t you be like showered in presents or somethin?”

I shook my head again, “no, my father does not believe in getting anything for free. Everything I own was bought by the money I earned working in the palace.”

“Damn,” he whistled, “not as spoiled as I thought then,” had he said that a few months prior I would have taken offense, but instead I simply giggled along with him.

“No, I suppose I am not,” 

Eagerness returned to his eyes and he began to bounce slightly in place, “okay so go on, open it!”

I tore the wrapping paper from around the box, neatly setting it aside, then lifted the lid of the parcel slowly. I nearly cried, or perhaps I did, overwhelmed by the joy of receiving such a thoughtful gift. An eyepatch, but not an ordinary eyepatch. It was adorned with lace and a black silk rose, making it perhaps the most elegant and beautiful eyepatch I had ever seen. I would no longer have to wear my drab beige medical eyepatch, but be able to accessorize with something that had been tailor made with me in mind. 

“Isaiah, I love you!” I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as my teardrops fell on his shirt.

“Wha, wait, for real?” he nearly fell backwards, caught off guard by both my hug and my words. 

I released him for a moment, blushing as I thought about it, then confidently I declared, “yes, yes I love you!” Liberation, bliss, adrenaline, whatever it was it coursed through me like a surge of lightning, sending my heart on a marathon. I could not believe I had said it, and even for a brief second questioned myself. No, I did love him, I was certain of it, and honestly I think I had been aware of it for a while. “I, I really really do,” I repeated, then shriveling away I asked, “does that bother you? Do you no longer wish to be friends?”

As I recoiled back in fear of rejection he sprung forward and held me tightly, “I love you too, Bonbon!”