With a new day having arrived, Etrius along with Hilda, and the girls, once more found themselves at the guilds. Heading to the usual clerk, Etrius waved to Berit.

 

“Hey, is the training field open?” Etrius asked.

“Yes, the guild master reserved some space for you for as long as your stay lasts.” Berit said.

“That’s good to know.” Etrius nodded.

“Also, we have several requests for you.” He said.

“I’m not interested.” It said.

“Even if it’s a request from a friend?” Alister asked, approaching from behind the counter.

“Oh, you made a request for me?” It asked.

“I did.” He said.

“In that case, I’ll have to refuse. Furthermore, please blacklist him.”

“So cruel!”

“So, what did you want me to do?”

“Just some sparring.” He said. “I always wanted to fight a High Elf.”

“Because it’s you, I’ll make an exception.” It said. “Any rules to our fight?”

“Please don’t use any spells that will kill me.” He said.

“Sounds easy enough.” It said.

“Also, none that will tear my skin from my body.” He said.

“Alright.” It nodded.

“And nothing that will leave any scars.” He added.

“Do you even want to fight, or should I just stand there?” It asked.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want whatever you did to the traffickers to happen to me.” He said.

“I know how to hold back.” It said. “I’ll only use one spell.”

“…” He took a moment to think. “That sounds like a trap.”

“Do you want to do this, or no?” It asked.

“Alright fine,  let’s fight.” He agreed.

“You got it.” Etrius said, before turning to the girls. “You girls are about to witness something special.”

“Have I made a mistake?” Alister couldn’t help but ask.

 

Instead of answering, Etrius put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. With a crowd of spectators, the two found themselves on the training field. Though he wasn’t dressed in armor, Alister had his sword ready. Standing opposite of him was Etrius who had it’s hands on its hips.

 

“Alright, we ready?” Etrius asked.

“Yes, I’m ready.” Alister nodded.

“I’ll let you get the first hit.” It said.

“As a gentleman, I’ll give that honor to you.” He replied.

“If you say so.” It shrugged.

 

Etrius took out a headband with cat ears on them and put them over it’s hood on it’s head. Seeing this, Alister grew confused and worried.

 

“Nyan nyan!” Etrius pawed at the air. “Nyan nyan!”

 

Alister held his sword defensively, waiting to dodge whatever beam attack that would come. From behind however, he heard a meow. Turning slightly, he saw a cat walk out from the crowd. With another meow, another cat appeared. And another and another. Cats came up to Alister in groups of up to five. Where did all of these cats come from? As he was distracted by it, Etrius moved to an audience member sitting on a chair, shooed him off and ran up behind Alister. Raising the chair in the air, Etrius swung the chair, shattering it across Alister’s back.

 

“Gah!?” Alister cried out as he was sent to the floor.

 

Holding the remnants of the chair, Etrius waited for him to get up, but he did not. The cats, having done their job, faded away into mist.

 

“I guess it’s my win?” Etrius asked.

“…” Alister didn’t respond.

 

Etrius quickly looked him over, and after finding that his life was not in danger, turned to it’s students and took off the cat eared headband.

 

“Alright, the show is over.” Etrius clapped. “Let’s start today’s lesson.”

“Um… what was that?” Iris asked.

“One of the oldest tricks in the book.” It said. “I don’t know what it’s called, I just know how to do it.”

“Can it be done with dogs?” Hilda asked.

“I’m not sure. I never bother trying to fake dogs.” It said.

“Can I hold pepper?” Lily asked, holding out her hands.

“That depends, do you want to meet his mom?” It asked.

“Is she fluffy?” Rose asked.

“Very fluffy.” It nodded.

“Can we pet her?” Violet asked.

“That’ll be up to her.” It said. “I’ll bring her out.”

“Master.” Hilda raised her hand.

“Yes?” It answered.

“Forgive me for asking, but are you sure that is a good idea?” Hilda asked, reminding it of the elves' history of hunting spirits.

“It’s fine nobody here can hurt her, and if they do I’ll kill them.” It smiled.

Seeing that smile, Hilda knew it wasn’t joking. “Understood.”

 

Opening a portal made from shadows, Etrius whistled. After a moment, the small figure of Pepper stumbled out and ran towards Lily. The elves watching immediately realized that “Pepper” was not a dog at all. After all, it had six eyes and a pair of antlers on its head, not even mentioning its split tail. Before they could think on it anymore, the creature’s mother appeared. With moss covered antlers that were taller than the average elf, and a head just as big to support them, her six eyes scanned the area and landed on her pup, Pepper.

Seeing that there was no immediate threat, she strode out of the portal, with each step shaking the nearby windows. Standing taller and longer than a horse, she looked down at Iris and her kids, who were understandably nervous.

 

“Her name is Merdiea.” Etrius said, watching Merdiea sniff them. “I would like to say that she doesn’t bite, but that would be a lie.”

“Big…” Hilda muttered.

 

Merdiea turned to face her and Hilda froze. Sniffing her, Merdiea gave her a friendly lick before returning into the portal. Once she returned, Etrius closed the portal and switched back to teacher mode.

 

“Alright, so for today’s lesson-” Etrius started.

“Wait wait wait!” Iris said. “You can’t just act like nothing happened! What was that!?”

“She is Merdiea.” Etrius said. “She’s Pepper’s mom, and a good friend of mine.”

“O-okay…” Iris said, deciding it was best just to accept this.

“Master, can I clean myself off?” Hilda asked.

“No, you being wet and sticky is pleasing on the eyes.” It said.

 

Hilda created a heart with her fingers and held it over her chest. As she did so, Etrius detected a sudden increase in radiation behind Hilda.

 

“For very important reasons, I have to point out that that was a joke. Also, that won’t work on me.” It said, casting a spell to clean her up as the radiation quickly faded.

“Thank you master.” Hilda said, putting her hands down.

“Didn’t you say that was cheating?” Rose asked.

“Because master is master, master cannot cheat.” Hilda said.

“I have a question.” Violet raised her hand.

“Yes?” Etrius replied.

“What do you mean that it wouldn’t work on you?” Violet asked.

“To put it bluntly, she’s too weak to hurt me on any level aside from emotional.” It said.

“May I try?” Hilda asked.

“You may.” It nodded.

“You’re doo doo butter.” She said.

“I’m not, and I thought you meant magically.” It said.

“Oh.” She replied. “Can I try that too?”

“If you want.” It said.

“Breast Beam!” Hilda said, making a finger heart at it.

 

Once more, a bright beam shot from Hilda, blinding the audience. Directly in the path of it was Etrius, who simply held out a hand and absorbed it all. Once the light faded, Etrius lowered its arm.

 

“See? I’m perfectly fine.” It said. “Right, so onto today’s lesson. We are going to learn the art of distraction.”

“How is this magic related?” Iris asked.

“Well, according to those ninjas, it’s not but it really is.” It said.

“Forgive me for asking, but what is a ninja?” Hilda asked.

“Someone in black pajamas who sneaks around, does flips, and sometimes assassinates.” It said.

“Are they dangerous?” Iris asked.

“Like with most things, it depends.” It said. “Some of them just mess around, others are very dangerous.”

 

From a short distance away, there was a groan as Alister picked himself up. Not paying him any mind, Etrius continued.

 

“The last time I met a ninja, he said watch this, and then-” Etrius said.

“Please show some concern.” Alister said.

“Well, you're not hurt.” It said.

“I am in pain.” He replied.

“Not a lot of pain.”

“My back is killing me.”

“You can pull through it, I believe in you.” It said flatly.

“At least pretend like you care!” He said.

“Too much of a hassle.” It said. “I’m trying to teach my girls magic.”

“The whole world doesn’t revolve around them.” He said.

“It does for me.” It said.

“I feel sorry for whoever they want to marry in the future.”

“As long as my girls are happy with them, they’ll be fine.”

 

Unwisely, someone from the audience raised his hand in an attempt to say something foolish. Before the words could leave his mouth, Etrius was in front of him, with one hand crushing his throat and it’s other in a fist wound back ready to punch.

 

“Eh?” Iris said, suddenly looking at the blank space where Etrius was previously standing.

“Master.” Hilda warned.

“Right, sorry.” Etrius said, letting the unfortunate elf go.

“Okay, you need to calm down.” Alister said.

“I am calm.” It said.

“You are not.” He said. “Maybe you should lay off the magic lesson for today. Also, someone check on that guy.”

“That was hot…” The previously strangled elf muttered.

“Why is everyone here a weirdo?” Etrius wondered.

“Adventures are like that.” He said. “Now go sit down.”

“Boo.” Etrius huffed. “Alright girls, no lesson today. What do you want to do instead?”

“Wait…” Iris held her head. “How did you- You know what, never mind.”

“No, you very much should question her.” Hilda said.

“Thank you for understanding.” Etrius smiled, patting her head.

“I really don’t.” Iris said.

“Can I do that too?” Rose asked.

“Maybe when you’re older.” Etrius said.

“No, please don’t do anything violent.” Iris said.

“Only if you’re protecting your family.” Etrius corrected.

“In that case it’s fine.” Iris said.

“No, please don’t use violence. It’s never the answer.” Hilda said.

“Right.” Etrius nodded. “Violence is the question. The answer is yes.”

“Please don’t encourage them.” Hilda said.

“As we speak, many of your colleagues are being taught to punch effectively.” It said.

“Ah right, we want to harm people.” Hilda said. “Are we by any chance not normal?”

“Does it really matter?” It asked.

“No, I suppose not.” She shook her head.

“I have no words to express the worry I have over you lot.” Alister said.

“That sounds like a YOU problem.” It said.

“Have you always been like this?” Alister asked.

“I think I was different when I was young.” It shrugged.

“Master as a kid…” Hilda muttered.

“Were you ever a kid?” Iris couldn’t help but ask.

“It’s not like I’ve always been like this.” It said.

“What did you look like as a kid?” Lily asked.

“Wanna see?” It asked.

“How would you even show us?” Hilda asked.

“Magic is one way.” It said.

“Can I see?” Violet asked.

“Sure.” It said.

 

With that, Etrius began to glow and it’s tall elf form shrunk down into the familiar child form it had used not long ago. With a long black and white skirt that didn’t show a wink of ankles, a matching shirt under an open leather jacket and shoulder length black hair, which quickly turned silver in the sun. In addition to it’s expressionless face, it had elf-like ears partially hidden under it’s hair. On looks alone, if one were to compare Etrius’ current form to a doll, the doll would be more expressive.

 

“Hi hi.” Etrius said expressionlessly. “It’s child me.”

“Master!” Hilda said, picking it up from under its arms. “You’re so small!”

“Yes, children usually are.” It said.

“You’re dressed like a prude!” She said.

“I prefer the term modest.” It said. “Please put me down.”

“Of course.” She said, remembering herself.

“I’m taller than you!” Rose said, running up to it.

“We are the same height.” It corrected.

“Shorty!” Violet joined in on the teasing.

“Will I become tall like you?” Lily asked, hopeful.

“As long as you eat your vegetables.” Etrius said, patting her head.

“I’m sorry for saying this, but you look a bit creepy.” Iris admitted.

“I understand.” It nodded, not yet having blinked.

“Please speak with a bit more emotion.” She said.

“I will try.” It said.

“Nothing changed!” She said.

“This is what you were like as a kid?” Alister asked.

“Possibly, though my memory of the past is a little hazy.” It responded as if reading a script.

“You know, looking at you like this makes me doubt your strength.” He said.

“I wasn’t always strong.” It said.

“Did people pick on you as a kid?” Hilda asked.

“Yes, but I was given a tool for self defense, so I was fine.” It said.

“May I see it?” She asked.

“Yes.” Etrius said, pulling out a .38 revolver from a shoulder holster under it’s jacket.

“What is it?” Hilda asked.

 

Ignoring the stunned looks of the reincarnated elves who thought they were good at hiding their expressions, Etrius gave a brief explanation.

 

“It’s a problem solver.” Etrius said. “When someone comes up to you looking to start a problem, you pull this out, point it at their heart, pull this thing right here, and you no longer have a problem.”

“Wait…” Iris said. “The way you are saying that sounds suspicious.”

“How so?” It asked.

“It sounds like when you do that, it kills them.” She said.

“It usually does.” It admitted.

“What kind of childhood did you have that you needed to have something that kills people?” She asked.

“…” Etrius looked at the revolver. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, she has a point.” Alister said.

“Come to think of it, I need to teach you how to use this.” It said. “All my other kids know how.”

“How old are your other kids?” Alister asked.

“Aside from these girls, my youngest are fourteen.” It said.

“They definitely shouldn’t have that!” Alister said.

“Why not?” It asked.

“It’s a deadly weapon!” He said.

“Of course it is. What use is a harmless weapon?” It asked.

“Don’t give kids weapons!” He said.

“I don’t tell you how to raise your ki- wait, do you have kids?”

“No.”

“Then why are you advising me on how to raise kids when you don’t have any?”

“I am doing my job as a public servant!”

“I didn’t vote for you.”

“You aren’t even from this world!”

“So, you have no authority over me?”

“Yes- well I mean technically no, but this is different!”

“Enough of this useless bickering. May I teach my children magic, or should I give them self defense tools?” It asked.

“Can I have one?” Hilda asked.

“I’m already teaching you magic, and I feel as if you would lose it if I gave you one.” It said.

“I was thinking the same thing…” Iris muttered.

“I don’t lose things very often.” Hilda said. “Only some times.”

“That does not inspire confidence.” It said.

“I’m the head maid.” She said proudly.

“Yes you are, and a very good one. Clap clap clap.” Etrius clapped it’s hands emotionlessly.

“Yes, praise me more.” She said proudly.

“You are a good cook, and people smile when you’re around.” It said.

“Please sound sincere.” She said.

“I am being sincere.” It said, only now blinking for the first time.

“Master, can you turn back into an adult and praise me?” She asked.

“And you claimed that you weren’t a child.” It shook it’s head as it transformed back into it’s previous form. “You really are a big help. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done.”

“Ah-” She noticed tears forming in her eyes. “Y-yes!”