1.10 – Matsuda is shameless!
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Part 3

…roughly eleven hours earlier…

 “Welcome Master. Thank you for your patronage.”

Izayoi politely acknowledge the greeting before making his way past the cute maid protecting the entrance. He glanced down at his phone, specifically at the message from Matsuda asking him how far he was. His reply simply read ‘I’m here’. Izayoi took in the rest of the café. He couldn’t see Matsuda.

"Table for one?" Another maid asked, curtsying. She was just as cute-looking.

"Uh, no. I'm meeting someone." Izayoi quickly scanned around again.

Where on earth was Matsuda sit—

"Can I have another sweet-cheeks?"

Never mind. Izayoi spotted a maid at the far side of the café blasting a glare at a particularly annoying young man stationed in front of a cat-themed PC.

Matsuda.

As he drew closer, Izayoi noticed the waitress, a blonde with long hair, quickly turning her nose up at him as they passed. Izayoi paused to wonder the reason for her pissy mood, but decided that serving Matsuda is reason enough. He made his way over to the young man too absorbed in his computer game to even notice his arrival.

"Don't you have WI-FI at home?"

"Yeah, but it's very slow”, Matsuda replied without even looking up. “Plus..." He finally tore his eyes away from the screen, but only so they can wander up the skirt of a waitress passing by.

"Don't you have any shame?"

"Course not. I'm a paying customer. And this game was installed on the PC when I got here."

"I seriously doubt this place installed...” Izayoi had to lean in and squint his eyes to read the title of the game on the menu bar. "...Boobie Cat Waifus in Space on their PCs."

Izayoi quickly covered the rest of the PC.

“Are you crazy? You can’t play that here!”

“Course I can. Look.” Matsuda clicked on one of the cat girls on screen. In response, the kitty girl meowed out in a very sexual manner. Another waitress passing through happened to noticed this. She too pulled her nose up, this time at both of them.

It was an eroge game. Something that had to come from the black market. Even worse than that, Matsuda didn’t even have the decency to use headphones, instead choosing to blast the sounds of girls whimpering in pleasure for everyone to hear.

“Do you have a death wish? You’re lucky someone hasn’t called the Obscenity Institute yet.”

“Eh.” Matsuda made it sound like being arrested for public indecency carried the same weight as stubbing one’s toe. Izayoi looked around again. All it would take is for one person to report them. “Don’t worry. This place is cool. They encourage stuff like this.”

“Oh, and how do you know that?”

“They have a sign on the door. Plus, I tip really well.”

Izayoi felt like face palming himself.

“Did it ever occur to you that the sign outside is a trap to lure perverted schmucks like you in? And that they’re planning to report you after you pay?”

For the first time, Matsuda looked like he actually understood the gravity of the situation. Izayoi was about to smile and take pleasure in his best friend finally realizing how much of idiot he was, but that all changed when Matsuda’s expression returned to normal.

“Well, if it’s my time, it’s my time.”

Sigh.

"Hey, wanna co-op?"

"No Matsuda”, Izayoi replied flatly. “I do not want to co-op an illegal, explicit video game with you.” He couldn’t believe he even had to say that sentence out loud. “Besides, this is a dating Sim, how exactly would two people co-op?"

"Simple. You can be the cute cat girl and I capture you."

"Wow. Really I can?" Izayoi asked sarcastically. "Now I'm even less interested."

"Your loss man." More and more of the waiting staff were beginning to give them weird looks. Not that it stopped Matsuda. Even though he was putting 100% of his attention towards several kitty cat girls on the screen, he still somehow managed to react in time when a 3D one passed by.

“I gotta save myself.”

“Huh?”

"Hey, show some respect!" Izayoi suddenly blurted out, much to the surprise of one of the waitresses.

"Huh?" Matsuda’s face accurately reflected his confusion.

"Just because you are a dirty creep doesn't mean you get to treat all these girls that way too!”

"What're you..."

"Ma'am, I'm really sorry about my friend. You should let management know that he has installed illicit programs on your café’s computer and alert the Obscenity Institute immediately."

"Izayoi!" The waitress shifted between looking disapprovingly at Matsuda who simply turned away in a panic to staring appreciatively at Izayoi.

"Thank you for telling me. I'll let my manager know right away!" The cat maid gave a short smile, winked before dashing away. Before Izayoi could fully appreciate the waitress' cute bottom jiggling away—

"I'm outta here!" Matsuda proclaimed in a panic. Izayoi barely managed to maintain his balance after being pushed aside. He looked on amusingly as Matsuda bolted out of the cafe, ignoring any and all cries for him to stop. Izayoi grinned again but just as quickly put it away when one of the waitresses approached.

"It's guys like that make life harder for everyone else. Dirty, stinking pervert!" Izayoi couldn't help but be slightly taken aback by the girl's outburst.

"Uh yeah. I agree." He tried desperately to keep from looking down into this girl's massive cleavage valley.

"I hope you don't mind waiting here a bit. It looked as though you knew that guy."

"Oh, not really. Only met yesterday. Seemed like a good person", Izayoi lied.

"Still, I'm sure any information you can give the Obscenity Institute will be greatly appreciated."

"O-Of course. I'd be more than happy to offer up my free time to answer some questions." Saying it out loud caused Izayoi even greater pain. He immediately regretted his decision to try and score points with the cute maid. But he regretted befriending a shameless perverted like Matsuda infinitely more.

This is the first part of my new Light Novel “My Life as an Ero-Magi Sucks! All Roads Lead to Perversion!!”. I will be posting updates periodically on here, as well as on my Patreon and WebNovel.

It has been a huge joy to work on this series and I’ve been careful to balance all the elements that make up great Light Novels: Fun, interesting characters, a nice-enough mystery and of course an excellent premise. 

If you can't wait to find out what happens next, you can grab Volume 1 for just $5.99 from

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