CWs:

 

Chad was in the kitchen when I got home the Friday after his odd question, him being home this early was a rare sight in and of itself, but he was also eating a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream I didn't remember being in the freezer. 

He had been underweight for as long as I'd known him. I used to try and encourage him to put on some weight, but he wasn't very receptive to my suggestions, so despite my want for him to get healthy I gave up.

"You're eating junk food," I observed, more than a little bewildered at the sudden change of heart.

"I've noticed," he replied without elaboration or even turning to look at me.

"You never eat anything like that."

"You don't say," he said with an annoyed tone in his voice.

He seemed like he was trying to ignore me for whatever reason, but he had no reason to so I dismissed that possibility. 

"Something change?"

He sighed deeply and turned to look at me. "I've started to care about how I look recently and I'm trying to get into shape. Step one is gaining some much needed weight."

"Oh, that's awesome, my dude! I'm happy for you! I bet you're goin' get so swol, you're going to have girls crawling all over you!"

That's what people getting in shape want to hear, right? I don't really get wanting to get big and muscular, but that's clearly what healthy living is about.

"Uhh, yeah, thanks," he mumbled, failing to hide a frown.

"You alright, my man? You look like something's bothering you."

"Don't want to talk about it," he scowled, gritting his teeth.

"Alright, no problem, dude. You know where to find me if you wanna chat in between pumping iron, brohiem" I tried.

"TAKE A FUCKING HINT! I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" he snapped.

I was taken aback by his outburst, Chad wasn't the type to lose his temper and I'd only seen it happen a couple of times in all the years I'd known him.

"Fine, be that way, asshole. Was just tryin' to help," I shot back after I recovered from the shock, then I stormed off in a huff.

The fuck's wrong with him? I was just saying I was happy for him since he's trying to beef up or whatever. What a douchebag!

Obviously, I didn't feel like hanging out with him at the moment so I had to find something else to do with my Friday night. 

It felt like the first time in years we won't be playing together on a Friday night and after a moment it dawned on me, we hadn't missed any Fridays for as long as I could remember. We'd always planned everything around spending time together. 

I still wanted to do something with my night and of course leaving the apartment wasn't ever going to be my choice so I ended up checking the gaming server I frequented and found Zoey, a friend of mine, playing a third-person shooter roguelike with someone I hadn't met before.

Now I know what you're thinking, me, a gamer being only friends with a girl? Seems unlikely right? Or at least that I'd be harboring an unrequited love for her, but no it's strictly platonic. 

Admittedly, I briefly had some budding feelings for her since she had always been kind to me, but as soon as I learned she's a lesbian any thoughts of being in a relationship with her just made me depressed.

Of course I told Chad about it and without prompting he bought us two pints of ice cream and we watched bad horror movies for hours until I fell asleep on him… not physically on him obviously, but like without him sleeping with me- I mean I passed out on the opposite side of the couch while he continued watching the film. I did end up eating both ice creams though.

Afterwards I realized just being friends with Zoey wasn't actually a bad thing and hanging out with her is still a load of fun. It could even be a learning experience on how to exist platonically around a girl, something I unfortunately used to struggle with.

"What's up, gamers?" I asked, joining in a voice chat with two others.

"Oh, hiya Hornet," Zoey chirped.

"Hey," a user named Onyx greeted, "I like the username, Hornet's a pretty cool character. You looking forward to playing as her when they finally release the sequel?"

"Umm, yeah," I mumbled nervously. 

 So I can explain why I go by a girl's name online. Nothing sus about it, I had just picked a name completely at random from a game I was playing at the time and it stuck.

Only later I had realized that the character I'd picked was actually a girl, but at that point it was too late and changing my username would be too much of a hassle.

The username Hornet was macho enough that as long as I didn't tell people where I got the name from they didn't make fun of me for it. Not that I'd ever told anyone, but I assumed people would rag on me for it.

"You nerds eating rocks for breakfast?"

"Not anymore," Onyx groaned.

"Onyx just grappled on the ceiling while I was down," Zoey explained cheerfully. 

"Gravity is a cruel mistress," Onyx confirmed.

"Tough luck, you mind if I join in on the next run?" I asked.

"Yeah, they've been trying a goofy build that's working better than expected, so expect shenanigans," Zoey said.

"They? Who's they?" I gawked confusedly.

"Onyx," Zoey answered simply. 

"I use they/them pronouns," Onyx confirmed.

 "[REDACTED]," I regurgitated words I'd heard from my father long ago.

"Seriously, Hornet? I thought better of you than this," Zoey seethed. 

"[REDACTED]" I parroted how I'd been taught to treat this sort of thing.

"You know I'm trans, what-" Zoey began.

"W-what?!? You're a transgendered?" I sputtered.

Suddenly a disconnect noise played and a message informed me that I had been banned from the server. I messaged Zoey as quickly as I could to find out what happened.

HornetSaysGitGud: What the fuck just happened? Are you really a trans?!?

Zorcery: First of all, every single word you've been saying is bigoted bullshit. Second, it's transgender, not transgendered and it's not a noun, it's an adjective. Don't try to lecture about grammar when you're the one butchering the English language. 

HornetSaysGitGud: Fine, transgender, whatever. They and them refer to multiple people though!

Zorcery: The singular use of they/them has been a part of the English language for centuries. You don't find twenty bucks on the ground and say "multiple people dropped their money" you use the singular they.

HornetSaysGitGud: Okay, doesn't matter. No need to get so grouchy about it.

Zorcery: You're the one who joined chat and insulted me and my friend. I have plenty of reasons to be annoyed.

I didn't really have a comeback to her streak of making good points so I just ignored it and moved on to the elephant in the room. 

HornetSaysGitGud: You were just fucking with me, right? You can't really be one of them, you sound like a real girl! 

Zorcery: I AM a real girl dumbass! I'm a transgender woman!

HornetSaysGitGud: You can't just expect the world to bend to your whims and just choose to be a girl. Life isn't that easy, you need to face reality. 

Zorcery: Look, I'm not going to debate and argue about this. I've been trying to wait until you figured stuff out for your sake and had hoped exposure therapy would help you along, but you really crossed the line. You need to do A LOT of research on queer topics and see if you really think you belong on the side of hatred. 

HornetSaysGitGud: I'm not on the side of hatred, I'm just pointing out how society really works.  

Zorcery: I'm not going to block you yet, because I know there's a good person under the guise of toxic masculinity you put on to calm your self-loathing, but don't message me again until you figure out how to be a decent person.

As much as I wanted to defend myself from the accusations I didn't want to lose Zoey as a friend, even if she was one of them. 

She? Should I really be calling Zoey that still now I know… she's really a guy? 

I shuddered, although I felt like I should be disgusted with her for being transgender… but I wasn't for whatever reason the thing I cringed at myself for calling her a man when she's so obviously a woman. 

Everything about her screamed girl, from the way she talks and laughs to her mannerisms and even her looks from what few pictures I'd seen of her. 

Ugh, why does calling her a guy feel so inherently wrong? It doesn't make any sense, it goes against everything I've ever been told about transgender people! 

Answers evaded me like a speedrunner dodgerolling the first boss's attacks. Even an hour later questions stayed in the front of my mind, but answers still eluded me even though I had tried nothing to figure out why that was and I was all out of ideas.

The fight with Zoey had taken what little energy I had left out of me. Usually I'm able to handle more interactions with people, sometimes even negative ones, but this time I just flopped on my bed and for some unknown reason had to force myself not to cry, cause boys don't cry.