Allie was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Well, more accurately, a door and a limp Allan in Allie’s body. His… her… legs were still up against the door, and she couldn’t open it with them in the way. Allie pulled Allan’s phone out of her (his!) pocket and unlocked it once more (fingerprint unlock for the win!), hoping to get Kat’s input on what to do here. This time, she called instead of texted. She could hear Kat’s enthusiastic voice yelling from the living room though, so she was probably in the middle of a game.

I’m gonna have to get out there like this, huh?

She crouched down and grabbed her body’s legs, rotating them away from the door. They were a lot lighter than she had anticipated. She managed to wedge the bathroom door open just enough to poke her head out and was able to just barely squeeze around the edge of the door, feeling it glide over her chest.

She paused and looked down at herself once more.

I’m flat.

She reached up to grab her chest, and there was simply nothing to grab.

I’m… FLAT.

She should have been weirded out by this.

I’m FLAT!

But instead, she started to smile. Wider than she had in a long time.

This is amazing! Oh my god!

She then had a thought, and started to move one hand down to-

Focus, Allie! Holy shit!

She took a deep breath and let both hands fall to her sides.

Your priority right now is to get Allan to bed, not feel yourself up! It’s not even your body! Jesus.

She took a few unsteady steps towards the living room, noting how off-balance she felt. Steadying herself on the door jamb, she opened the door and poked her head out.

“Hey Kat” – she coughed, unused to projecting in the lower register – “Ah-hem. Kat. Can I get your help in here? Alllll…llie’s not doing so hot.”

Unfortunately for her, Kat was busy finishing up another drink. “Hey Al- burp -Allan!” She waved wildly, swinging her cup to and fro, and Allie was thankful there wasn’t any drink left inside. “Yeah, lemme just get up!” She thrust her top half forward but didn’t seem to be able to swing her center of balance off the couch no matter how hard she tried. She put a hand up to her head and groaned. “Sorry dude, I think I’m too shit for this drunk.”

Fer had been sitting on a chair to the side of the futon, watching the other four brawl (melee?) it out as he nursed his screwdriver. He quickly stood up, concerned. “It’s not something she needs a girl for, is it? If not, I’d be glad to help.”

Fuck, I really needed to talk to Kat about this…

But looking back at Kat, it was clear she was not going to be able to help for a good long while.

“Sure man, thanks,” she responded. Fer followed her into the bedroom and closed the door behind them, muffling the noise from the living room somewhat. Allie tried to force the bathroom door back open, but it appeared Allan might have shifted.

“Is she okay in there?” Fer asked.

“Mostly, but h-she threw up in the sink and passed out on the floor. I was just about able to get out, but the door’s stuck now.” She pounded on the door. “Allie? Can you move?”

They heard a groaning sound, then “No, you do it!”

“Oh wow, she’s pretty far gone, huh?” Fer chuckled. “At least she’s having a good time in her own head, it seems.”

Or in my head, anyway.

Fer gently tapped on the door, crouching near the floor. “Hey Allie, Fer here,” he spoke softly. “Do you think you could move your legs so we can open the door to help?”

“No, I don’t want you to see me like this!”

Fer sighed. “Understandable, but we need to help you up so you don’t pass out in your own sick.”

“No, you’re gonna hate me and think I’m gross!”

“I promise you, no one here will think that. We’ve all seen worse, I’m sure.”

There was a long pause. Fer reached up to rap on the door again, but then they heard the sound of shifting fabric, and the door shifted in its frame ever so slightly. Allie reached above Fer and turned the doorknob, and was this time able to open it relatively easily, just hitting Allan’s heel on the swing in.

He was curled up into the fetal position with his back towards them, hugging his knees and sniffling. His skirt was wrinkled up, revealing a bit too much for Allie’s comfort, so she gently pulled the bottom back down to cover up the panties.

“Well, there you have it folks!” Allan cried. “Everything is fucked! You’re looking at the grossest of the gross! Thanks, come back never!”

“Allie, please don’t cry. Everything’s going to be okay,” Fer cooed, brushing Allan’s hair. “We’ve all been where you are before, and we’re not going to judge you for it. It happens to the best of us. Just make sure not to drink so much next time, yeah?” Allan just whimpered.

“Let’s get her to your bed now,” Fer said to Allie. “You grab her legs, I’ll get her upper body.”

“I think maybe I should get her torso. You know, uh…” Fer was a nice guy, but skinny as a rail. Allie was pretty sure Allan’s body beat him out in raw strength, even if Allan didn’t exercise.

I mean… I don’t exercise, so I can’t imagine Allan does.

But Fer took that personally. “What are you saying? That I’m gonna have a go at her? While she’s passed out, no less? Christ, mate, you’ve known I’m gay for how many years now?”

Jesus, what? If you’re gonna make me say it…

“Dude, not what I meant at all! I’m just probably stronger than you and I don’t want her head bashing on the floor!”

 “I don’t know how you can claim that with a straight face considering I’ve won every match of singles we’ve ever played,” Fer scoffed.

“Oh. Oh right, of course.” She had actually forgotten that Fer played tennis, because she was a dumbass, but she definitely never played with him, so it was easy to forget that he had that going on. She hated doing any kind of physical activity as a general rule, but tennis was a particular sore spot thanks to the uniform she was made to wear when her parents signed her up in eighth grade.

“I’ll remember this pure, concentrated fury the next time we’re having a match,” Fer smirked. “Now come on, help me out here, mate.”

Together, they lifted Allie’s body and carried it to Allan’s bed. Allie struggled a bit, but Fer had no such problem. Granted, she weighed in the ballpark of 135 pounds depending on the day, but Allie was still impressed.

“…Should we have opened the bed first?” Allie realized. Fer facepalmed. They struggled to shift Allan underneath the sheets without lifting him back off, because while they could have put him back on the floor, they’d already lifted him once, damn it!

But eventually they succeeded, and Allan was snuggled comfortably beneath the appropriately named comforter. “I’m going to go get her some water in that sippy top bottle you have. I’ll be right back,” Fer said, exiting. Allie sat down next to the bed, back against the bedside table, and sighed.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Allan, but I guess it’ll have to wait until tomorrow,” Allie whispered. “We’ll figure this out too, I guess. Sorry you have to be stuck like that though. Frankly… I don’t envy you.”

Fer walked back in and handed Allie the bottle. “See if you can get her to drink a bit before you join us. She’s still going to hate herself in the morning, but at least she won’t be quite as dehydrated.” He left again.

She reached out and shook Allan’s shoulder. “Hey bud, got some water for you. Can you drink?” She held out the bottle, aiming the top at her body’s mouth. Allan reached out from under the comforter to grab the bottle from her, and their fingers touched. A small static shock jumped between them, which startled Allie a little.

Wow, is it really that dry in here? Allan needs to get a humidifier. Another difference for Kat to be… excited about, I guess?

She stood up, still feeling off kilter but maybe less so than earlier. Allan drank from the bottle, the bubbles in the bottle making the process louder than it should have.

Oh, and the tennis thing too. Our lives might be more different than we thought, actually.

She looked over at the door to the living room.

I guess I should probably go back out soon, or everyone’s going to be worried about Allan, who is currently me, so worried about me, I guess? This is fucking with my brain.

She took a deep breath, turned off the light, and went to rejoin the others.

After she made sure to softly close the door behind her, Jessica piped up. “Hey Allan, how’s she doing? Everything okay in there?”

It took her a second before she realized Jessica was talking to her. “Oh yeah, everything’s good, she’s taking a little nap in my bed now. She might not wake up until tomorrow, though, in the state she’s in. We can still hang out, but we probably shouldn’t be screaming tonight.”

David grinned. “I don’t suppose you’d object to playing the quietest game of Smash Bros ever played, then?” He held up his controller. “The game’s ready, but do you have the tape?”

Oh god, what?

Fer popped up from behind the half-wall in the kitchen. “It’s right here,” he said as he held a silvery cylinder in front of him.

Duct tape??

Tim must have noticed the look of horror on Allie’s borrowed face. “Allan, dude, you made this terrible game up. You can’t complain when someone else starts it now that you grew a patchy beard.”

“It worked, didn’t it?” David said, reaching out for the tape as Fer tossed it to him. “No more noise complaints on Smash nights ever since the rule was instituted.”

“But we’d need to set the noise ceiling lower than usual this time, since she’s just in the other room…” Jessica said. “Maybe… anyone louder than a normal speaking volume gets taped?”

“No, no, you can still hear people talking from that bedroom.” David thought a bit more, then snapped his fingers. “All right, what if we can only whisper, and anything louder is grounds for the cruelly unusual punishment of tape application?”

Kat laughed loudly. “And what, you’re suggesting this, David? Dude, you’re gonna lose mouth privileges within the first five seconds!”

David smirked. “Better than before the match even starts!” He ripped off a rectangle of tape and moved to apply it to Kat. She opened her mouth to scream, then clamped it shut in horror.

Between clenched teeth, she complained, “Rules don’t apply yet, fucko! You’re not allowed!” She punched him in the arm.

“But the threat sure worked, huh?” David laughed, then put the tape lightly back on the roll, ready to reuse once the fight actually started.

This is… more or less the same, right? Everyone’s pretty much how I’d expect, save for the tape time-out thing… That’s a weird, new one.

“Allaaaaaaaan, help meeeee!” Kat cried, hand flopping over forehead in dramatic damsel distress. “David’s being a fucknugget!”

Oh fuck I have to act like I’m dating Kat until I can tell her what’s going on oh shit.

Allie took another deep breath and calmed herself.

Everything is gonna be fine.

“Don’t worry, Kat, I’m right here.”

She stepped over the cables in her way and plonked down between Kat and David, managing to squish five bodies onto a very cramped futon. Jessica immediately decided the futon was no longer for her and decided to sit on a pillow on the floor instead.

Kat squeed and hugged Allie tightly. “My savior!” She pecked Allie on the cheek, and Allie turned bright red.

Nope.

Not fine.

Oh god.

* * *

Surprisingly, everything went fine. Super Tape Smash went more or less as expected, with Kat and David almost immediately getting taped in the first round. Allie lost her temper when Tim’s Kirby spat her out over the edge one too many times, and on the tape went. Jessica and Tim went the longest without raising their voices, opting to instead give each other red-hot glares and weird faces in the hopes of getting the other to crack. And Fer calmly sat back in his dining room chair and watched the chaos unfold, having finally graduated from the screwdriver to a spiked Arnold Palmer.

Kat took every opportunity to snuggle up against Allie. It was incredibly pleasant, and yet Allie couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable at usurping the spot where her boyfriend should be. When she won an early match, Kat mumbled excitedly and turned to her, glancing down at her lips then back up at her eyes before realizing she had been taped at the very start and harrumphed, crossing her arms in protest.

Thank god for that, I don’t think I would have survived.

Whenever she had a free moment, Allie was feeling her beard, with the excuse of “adjusting the tape” prepared in case anyone asked (nobody did). It was a strange sensation, but pleasant. What wasn’t pleasant was when Tim finally snapped and gave the single loudest “FUCK!” of the entire night, and they all had to remove the tape.

 Or rather, she expected it to be unpleasant, but turns out that duct tape doesn’t stick too well to beard hair and had mostly just grabbed on to the skin underneath, making it unintentionally the easiest removal of the group.

“YEEEOW! Mother of pearl!” David failed to stifle a yell as he yanked his own off. “This is super strong stuff!” He rubbed his mouth area, which was already turning red and raw. “Right, now I remember why we’ve historically refrained from playing Super Tape Smash a second time.” He turned to Allie. “Might you have any aloe in your domicile?”

Allie shrugged. “Probably in the bathroom, but I haven’t used it in ages, so I’ll need to go find it-”

The RRRRIP sound of Kat ripping her own tape off interrupted her.

“Finally!” Kat exclaimed and grabbed Allie’s head.

Pulling it towards hers.

Kissing her.

On the lips.

Oh my fuck oh my fuck Kat is kissing me oh god wait she thinks she’s kissing Allan oh GOD

Then Kat pulled away, looking funnily at Allie. Allie’s face was completely flushed, her heart pounding about as fast as a small rodent’s.

“Al, is something wrong?” Kat said, confused. Allie took a deep, shaky breath.

Oh my god that was AMAZING but I feel TERRIBLE oh my god

“K-Kat,” she stuttered. “Can you p-please join me in the other room?”

“Isn’t Allie sleeping there?” Kat responded. “Is the kitchen good?”

Crap, she’s right. Totally slipped my mind.

“No, not really…” She thought for a second. “Are you feeling stable enough to walk up a few flights?”

* * *

The rain had given way to a humid April evening. This being Texas, it was what out-of-towners would call ‘unseasonably warm’ and what Texans called ‘summer starting early and never fucking ending’. The air smelled of hydrated soil and crickets could be heard chirping in the grass.

Kat and Allie climbed up to the third-floor landing within the condo complex. Up here was a little courtyard area, bounded on three sides by condo entrances, where Allie and her friends would come up and chill outside if it got too stuffy indoors. Thankfully, nobody was using it at that moment, though vague dance music could be heard emanating from one or more of the condos around them. Good enough for now.

“Thank fuck for handrails, am I right?” Kat joked as she wiped down one of the chairs overlooking the alleyway. Allie plonked herself down in the chair next to her but didn’t respond as she was too busy hyperventilating.

How in the everloving shit do I break this to her?

“Dude. Allan. Come on, man, spill.” Kat sat down and leaned in close. “The fuck is going on? Why have you been acting so weird for, like, the last hour?”

Allie sighed. There was no other way to do it but to just do it.

“Because I’m not actually Allan.”

Kat chortled and punched her in the arm. “Yeah fucking right, you have an extradimensional twin sister, not a brother, and I think I’ve gotten pretty decent at telling you two apart.”

Allie shook her head. “I know what I look like, but I’m seriously not joking here. I'm actually Allie, and switched bodies with Allan when he was trying to help me get situated in the bathroom. Something downright fucky happened in there and I went from being dazed and confused to alert and Allan.”

Kat took a second to process this.

“So… you’re Allie.”

She nodded.

“From the other dimension.”

Nod.

“And as if we didn’t have enough crazy fucking shit going on between you two, now you’re saying you’ve pulled a real-life Freaky Friday? On an actual Friday, no less?!”

Another nod.

Kat took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. She started to laugh, though Allie couldn't tell if it was genuine mirth or out of exasperation at the universe.

“That’s just… no. I don’t believe you. It's one thing for dimension-hopping to be real, where atoms in one reality shift over to another. At the very least, there's some sort of preservation of mass going on or whatever and all the atoms stick together. But for fucking magical body swapping?? There’d have to be some actual mechanism for minds to be swapped between people without actually swapping physical brains!”

Allie shrugged. “Dude, I have no earthly fucking idea. All I know is that it's currently happening to me. And honestly, how likely is it that the two fucky things happening between the same two individuals aren’t related somehow? There's no reason for dimension hopping to make sense and this not to.”

Kat crossed her arms. “Okay, then. Prove it. Prove to me that you’re not Allan.”

“How the fuck do you expect me to prove a negative??” Allie threw up her hands in exasperation. “All you can ask me is stuff that you and Allan should know, and everything is either the same as my universe, different, or ‘I don’t know’, and you can’t know if I’m lying about things being different for me or not knowing stuff specific to the two of you.” She shrugged. “I guess you could ask Allan once he’s up tomorrow, but then how would you know we didn’t just talk about the secretive things while you weren’t there…”

“At the very least, for the parallel-universe shit, there was physical evidence…” Kat mused. Then she seemed to notice something. “Hey, dude, your shirt. I think you got some of Allie’s vomit on it.”

Allie looked down at her shirt. “Oh, so I did.” She shrugged. “Whatever, I’ll change later.”

Kat’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Later? Aren’t you gonna, like, freak?”

“I mean, not really?” Allie poked at the spot, which had dried by then. “It's not gonna infect me with ‘grossness particles’ or anything if I leave it until I can change later. Talking about this is more important right now.”

“And what, you really think that holding in your neat freak tendencies is gonna convince me?” Kat snorted.

Then Allie understood what Kat meant. “Oh yeah, Allan’s weird about everything needing to be super clean all the time, huh? I dunno, I guess I just never got that from Mom. She was always on my case about cleaning up after myself when I was younger, and I always hated it. I mean, I knew where all my stuff was! So what if it got a little dirty sometimes?”

Kat stared. “What's your bra size?” she blurted.

“Uhh what-”

Kat huffed. “Just tell me your fuckin’ bra size!”

“32D, now why does that goddamn matter?” Allie crossed her arms, as if to shield herself from inspection, and furiously blushed, before realizing she had nothing to shield.

“It matters because Allan never saw Allie's bra, but I couldn't help myself and took a little peek at the size before putting it in the washer.” She sighed. “That was the right size, and unless Allan's gotten freakishly good at sizing up chests from afar...”

Allie couldn't help but feel a little violated, yet also vindicated. “So you believe me then?”

Kat thought for a bit, then shrugged. “I dunno, it's still a crazy thing to believe. Hell, I still don't fully believe the parallel dimension thing. All this shit is happening at once, gimme a fuckin' break.” Allie rolled her eyes and flopped back in her chair, looking up at the changing sky.

They sat there in relative silence, taking in the night. The clouds were giving way to an inky black sky dotted with pinpricks of light, and a half moon illuminated the area just a bit more than it had been previously. The thumping bass of the nearby music had simmered down, leaving just the crickets to interrupt the sound of wind whistling through the treetops.

Kat was the first to break the silence. “You know, these chairs are pretty wet.”

Allie leaned forward to look at Kat. “…And?”

“And you just plopped yourself right down without so much as a casual wipe.”

“I mean… it's not that wet. It's just water in any case, and I was kinda distracted by trying to figure out how to break the news to you.”

“Allan would've cared. He’d probably be pacing back and forth, refusing to actually sit even after I wiped it down for him because of the 'feeling of lingering moistness’ on his jeans or whatever the fuck.”

Allie leaned back and looked up at the moon as they both took in the still night once again.

“How does it feel?” Kat blurted.

Allie took a moment to process the sudden question. “…Moist?”

“No, dumbass.” Kat playfully punched Allie on the shoulder. “How does it feel to have an outie and not an innie?”

Allie choked on her own spit. “Uhhhh… Christ, Kat, wasn’t expecting that.”

How does it feel? I haven't really had the time to think about it because of all the shit happening between the swap and now, but…

“Comfortable.” She didn't know why, but that just felt like the right word.

Kat chuckled. “What, even now? Even as it strains to pop out of those moist jeans?”

Allie’s face flushed in red-hot embarrassment. “Gimme a break, dude, I just had a cute girl try to jump my bones. Of course this man-body is going to react the way it does!”

Kat giggled. “Cute, huh?”

Allie couldn't blush more if she tried. “It’s weird, alright? It's somehow comfortable and not comfortable at the same time!”

“But physically though?”

Allie threw her hands up in exasperation. “How the hell am I supposed to verbalize something like that? It's like my clit got huge and is sitting atop a meaty strap-on wrapped in an inverse vagina? I guess?? Does that make any goddamn sense to you??”

Kat was visibly befuddled. “…No, I can't say it does.” Allie gestured around wildly, expressing the emotion only known as 'I-fucking-told-you-so-itude’. “I was just curious, man, sheesh. You’re, like, the only person that's gone through this, I bet. Even Allan’s getting a different experience than you. I figured asking was worth a shot.”

“Well, that's all I have for you, so sorry to disappoint.” Allie slowly stood up with a groan and stretched her body – Allan’s body – out. “Anyway, I got out what I needed to say, and people are probably waiting for us downstairs. Let’s go back, and try to ease up on the couple stuff if you don’t mind? It may not look like cheating to anyone else, but I’m pretty sure it is.”

In the dim light of the moon, Allie thought she could see Kat’s face flush.

“Hold on… I kissed you then, didn’t I?” Kat stood up quickly. “What the fuck, Allie? Why didn’t you do anything?”

“You literally grabbed my head and forced yourself on me!” Allie hissed. “I tried telling you before I sat down, but you were too drunk to come with me into the other room! What, was I supposed to just tell you in the middle of everyone?”

“A simple ‘hey babe, let’s not right now’ would have sufficed!”

“You caught me by surprise!”

“A long time to be surprised, huh?”

Allie pinched her temples. “It was kind of overwhelming in the moment, alright?! I’ve had a crush on you for god knows how long and then you just went in and did that and my brain went into overdrive! I was frozen fucking solid! I was panicking inside!”

“But you fucking reciprocated!”

Allie blinked.

“What… I did? What?”

“Yeah, you waltzed your tongue into my mouth like you owned the damn place!”

I did?!?

“…Muscle memory? Hormone rush?” she responded weakly. “Fuck, I dunno! It just happened!”

“Were you trying to pretend to be Allan and hope I wouldn’t notice? Because I fucking noticed!”

“Jesus christ, Kat, fuck no! You literally took me by surprise, and I reacted the way I did because the situation was literally overwhelming my brain! Shit, I was actively trying to avoid you doing anything overly affectionate with me because it made me super uncomfortable! That tape game was a godsend!”

Kat sighed and turned away. She held her head in her hands for a second before exhaling sharply and pulling her head back up. “Maybe I'm freaking out over nothing. This is a weird scenario to have to process right now, even if I was sober.” Her eyes met Allie’s, with a little mischievous glint so subtle Allie almost missed it. “But I still feel like you owe me something.”

“What, was taking a peek at my bra not good enough?” Allie muttered.

Kat stomped her foot. “Hey, if I wasn’t interested in knowing what size your big jumblies were, I probably wouldn't be believing you right now in the first place. But no, I think you owe me a bit more than that for sticking your tongue all up in my business.”

Allie sighed in defeat. “So what do you think I 'owe’ you, exactly?”