“Oh, that’s… that’s infinitely more digestible than the body swap nonsense.”

Heh?

Allie was expecting a far bigger reaction from her.

“So you just… that’s fine with you?”

“No, not exactly, as it still blows tons of scientific theory out of the water, but interdimensional travel of physical objects is far more within the realm of possibility than body swapping, which deals with concepts like human consciousness and the brain and being able to transfer them via some sort of metaphysical… or possibly radiative means?” Jessica clicked her pen a few times, lost in thought. “Right, you said you felt like you were being ‘sucked through the straw of a giant drinking boba tea’, if I recall correctly. Is that accurate?” She had gotten her requested notebook and was furiously scribbling down information on pages from both ends, front for the dimensional travel and now back for the body swapping.

Allie nodded. “Allan tripped, I reached out to catch him, and then from what I remember, I was floating, not thinking, not really anything but being. Like how a tapioca ball doesn’t have complex thoughts and emotions about floating around in boba, waiting to be eaten, it just is, y’know? And then-” She made a loud sluuurp. “-pressure on all sides, movement in some direction, and suddenly I was me again. With a massive headache, mind you. Clearly swapping bodies is not super easy, barely an inconvenience.”

The reference seemed to go right over Jessica’s head as she scribbled. “Not… easy… inconvenience. Okay, got it. Is there anything else you can remember? From either event?”

Allie strained her brain, but couldn’t. She shrugged. “What about you? You actually saw this one go down, what did you observe?”

“It wasn’t a great angle, so I couldn’t see much… I remember you- er, Allan- tripping and me about to yell ‘watch out!’ – as if my intervention could have helped at that point – when… Allan… you… sorry, this is going to take a while to recalibrate in my head… when you reached out to grab him, I heard a loud bang, and I thought for sure you two had hit your heads together because then you both slumped down into your- well, Allan’s at that point, I guess- Allan’s chair.” She rubbed her temples. “Keeping all the genders and people straight is taxing, my god.”

Christ, tell me about it.

“Kat jumped out of her seat and started frenetically yelling at the both of you. Allan started to stir within a few seconds, then you just after. Everything significant must have occurred somewhere in that duration, from when Allan tripped to when he woke up. From what I can gather, it was most likely, though not definitely, related to that loud noise I heard.” She closed the notebook in one smooth motion. “Allan, I assume by your silence that you don’t have anything further to add?”

Allan looked up from his phone. “Uh… huh? Sorry, uh… what were you talking about?”

Jessica looked at him in disbelief. “How is your phone more interesting than discussing the time you switched bodies with a version of you from another dimension?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, sometimes I just need a distraction.”

“A distraction from what? Our conversation?”

“Life? Existence? My thoughts? Myself?” He pursed his lips together. “Shit sucks, take your pick.”

“I see.” Jessica frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that you need that.”

Allan’s response was to shrug his shoulders and raise his eyebrows, a clear expression of ‘oh well, what can you do.’

“To get back to the matter at hand, though…” Jessica continued. “The swap. What do you remember?”

He looked up to the ceiling, face scrunched up. “Really, the only thing that sticks out to me was this feeling of compression. Like so much god damn compression. If I had had lungs, or, well, thoughts, I bet I would have freaked.” He snapped. “Oh yeah, Allie probably didn’t tell you last night’s trigger, right? She wouldn’t remember, I bet. I just barely do.”

Jessica reopened the notebook. “Go on…”

Allie got up from the futon. “While you guys have lotsa fun with something that could literally leave you trapped in someone else’s body forever if shit goes south, I’m going to do something much more normal and safe and go look for my phone outside by that puddle.”

“Judging by the state of your clothes last night, that phone is a goner.” Allan wrinkled his nose. “Even if it’s not dead… that stench. I wouldn’t even bother. I’m going to have to wash out my entire damn laundry machine and throw away that stool you sat on. Wash a laundry machine, Allie.”

“Yeah, but you’re you, and I’m me, and we may be a lot alike but we’re definitely not the same person, and I want my god damn smelly-ass phone!”

“If you find it, you’re not bringing it in here without a lengthy swim in isopropyl…” Allan grumbled.

“Whatever you want, dude. I just need my own distraction, you feel me?” She grabbed Allan’s flip-flops once again. “Hey, if we can’t figure this out today, which I highly doubt we will since you three are more interested in the body swapping than the fact that I’m fucking trapped in your dimension and can’t get home, could we maybe go buy me some sneakers? Possibly at least one other change of clothes?”

“We have zero leads on the dimensional travel, and maybe two on the body swapping stuff,” Allan responded. “It’s not because we don’t want to help, we just don’t know where the fuck to even start looking. And this seems like it’s probably related… somehow… maybe.” He shrugged.

“If you can think of something else that could point us in the right direction, we’ll start working on that,” Jessica added. “And Allan’s right, the phenomena could very well be related, considering that your interdimensional relativity may be inducing some link between the two of you, and the fact that nothing like this is known to happen with people from the same dimension… as those have previously been our only possible test subjects…”

 Allie sighed. “I get what you’re hinting at. But… I can’t.” She walked over to the back door. “Y’all have fun though. It’ll be interesting to see what happens.”

She exited into the parking lot of the building and headed towards the alleyway, passing between the mediumly-packed cars. Arriving at the two large dumpsters behind the building, Allie was dismayed to find that no phone was in sight. The puddle had evaporated down to a mere piddle, but nothing was lodged in the mud it left behind. There were a few boxes and cans scattered at the base of the bins, but nothing interesting was found by kicking them out of the way.

God. Fucking. Damn it. It’s probably by my dumpsters. Or on 34^th, could’ve fallen out of my pocket while I was running. Hell, maybe I left it on the bus. I really have no reason to suspect it’s even here in this dimension with me, do I?

She was about to dejectedly plop herself down on the concrete pedestal upon which the dumpsters were displayed, but remembered the wrath of Allan and decided against it, instead moving to a staircase just inside the parking lot.

I just want a little piece of my own life right now. A teeny tiny, eensy weensy bit of normalcy. Is that so much to ask for? Fuck.

She was suddenly jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of someone slowly clomping their way down the staircase above her. She looked above her, and as they rounded the half-floor landing, she saw that it was… Tim?

“Oh shit, hey Tim. I thought you left already…?” She wrinkled her brow. “Where even were you? We went and got breakfast already.”

As usual, he had his head buried in his phone, even when walking down the stairs. He did, however, glance up when Allie started talking.

“Oh, hey, uh, Allie, right?” He pushed his glasses back up his nose from where they had drooped. “I guess Allan didn’t mention I live here, in 208, actually. I think Jess called to try and wake me up like… an hour ago? Two hours? But I was still asleep. Oh well.” He stepped down past her to the landing. “I’m about to go on a nature walk. What are you doing out here?”

Lives in the building? That’s new. And… a nature walk?

“Lost my phone last night. I thought it had fallen out somewhere near the dumpsters, but I couldn’t find it. I have no idea where to even start looking.”

“Have you tried calling it?”

Somehow, I don’t think that would work.

“Yeah,” she lied. “Nothing happened though, straight through to voicemail. I think it’s dead, Tim.”

He chuckled. “Star Trek, nice.” Finally, someone gets a reference. “What about ‘find my device’ services, did you have those turned on?”

“Nope, don’t want them tracking me.” Another lie, they had been instrumental in finding her phone once or twice in the past already.

“Yeah, sounds like you might be out of luck… It’s gonna be hard to find. Sorry, Allie. I’ll keep an eye out for it, though.”

She shrugged. “Oh well, thanks for the suggestions. Have a good walk.”

But Tim was already walking away, buried in his phone. He waved a goodbye back at her, slowly plodding his way towards where the alley met the street.

Tim does nature walks? That Tim? Does he even know what nature looks like?

She shook her head, chiding herself.

No need to be rude to the guy, he was just helping me a second ago. …Christ, is this the brain stuff? Is it really fucking permanent? Or does it just take a while to wear-

“Allie!” A voice called.

She turned to see Tim standing not twenty feet further towards the intersection, a little black rectangle dangling from his hand. She gasped, jumped up and flip-flopped her way towards him as fast as she was able to manage.

Fucking seriously? It was right there? And I was about to give up? God I’m an idiot.

The screen was cracked, and it definitely could be waterlogged as it wasn’t turning on, but it certainly seemed like hers. Plain, black, and no case because she lived on the edge… and was good at not dropping her phone.

Well, usually.

“Dude, how’d you even spot it?”

He shrugged. “Nature isn’t just above you, you know.”

He had a point there, she conceded. But still, was he looking at nature past his phone…?

In the end, it didn’t matter; however he was observing the world around him, clearly it worked for the guy. She was holding the proof.

“Thanks man-” she had started to say, but he was already moving away from her at a steady pace, head down of course. She rolled her eyes and chuckled, turning back toward the building to awkwardly slap her way across the parking lot, mission successful. Hopefully Allan had the same tools and spare parts she kept on hand so it could get fixed nice and quick.

On the way there, she realized that there was a car parked in the spot assigned to her, the one she used for guests whenever they arrived due to a lack of her own vehicle – so presumably Allan’s spot here. It seemed oddly familiar, but she couldn’t place whose it was. She shrugged, thinking it must have been someone from the party last night who did the responsible thing and didn’t try their luck with the law, and continued past it.

As she got to the walkway near the apartment door, a nagging feeling coerced her to look back at the car. It was the same car (clearly), but… something about the reverse angle jogged her memory.

Mom’s old purple Mazda, from when she was a kid.

It had been totaled in an accident eons ago, and Mom ended up buying a white Subaru SUV afterwards. That had been the car Allie remembered the most from her time growing up, while the purple Mazda was relegated to a scant few memories near the beginning of her life.

Wait… shit, is this…? Does this mean Mom’s here? A surprise visit? She’s always been teasing it… fuck, this is not good.

She scurried her way indoors as quickly as her unwieldy foot implements would let her, hurriedly kicked them off in some random direction, and burst into the living room… just in time to see the world’s worst trust fall.

Allan seemed to purposely duck his head down to hit Kat’s as she fell over, resulting in a thump and immediate regret for them both. “That’s not it either, ow, fuck!” he yelled as best he could while massaging his jaw. Kat just sat on the ground, holding her head and rocking back and forth, rattling off expletive after expletive. Jessica, standing nearby and observing it all, shook her head and made some notes in her book. She was the first to notice that Allie had rejoined them and gave her a small wave.

“I told them that we should begin at more basic head-knocking and work our way up to this, as for all we know, the top of the head could work equally well as any other part of it, but Al insisted on first trying to recreate a series of falls closer to the ones you had with him…” She turned back to the other two. “Now can we please just do more simple maneuvers to start with?”

“I guess, but I’m going to need a minute…” Allan groaned. “Fuck, Kat, you might have dislocated it. Stop having such a hard skull.” He then noticed Allie. “Hey, did you have any luck at least?”

“Doesn’t matter, we don’t have time! I think Mom might be here for a surprise visit or something! I saw her car in the parking lot.”

Allan frowned. “You sure it was hers? There are a lot of gray Toyotas out there.”

“Gray Toyotas…? No, I’m talking about the purple Mazda parked in this apartment’s spot.” At this, Allan’s expression changed to one of relief.

“Oh, that’s actually my car now. She bought herself the Toyota after getting some money in the divorce and gave it to me as an eighteenth birthday present if I promised to learn to drive stick. Did your mom not get rid of the Mazda?”

Allie stared. “No, my mom didn’t get rid of my dad. The Mazda was totaled years ago.”

Allan blinked. “So… your parents didn’t get divorced? At all? They’re still together?”

“Barely. They’re doing a trial separation now after years of fighting. Many nights of failed attempts to hush their yelling in the living room. Passive-aggressive comments when they had to share the same space as each other and one of us kids was there. Frankly, it’s been a long time coming, and I’m amazed it hadn’t happened already. Yours being divorced checks out, actually.”

Jessica was still face-deep in the notebook. “Given everything I know about probability and the butterfly effect, I’m amazed you two are as similar as you are,” she remarked as she wrote. “There’s a chain of causality starting from your births that led to you somehow retaining very similar trajectories instead of splitting far apart as one would expect. You both ended up going to the same school, with the same major, making the same group of friends, living in the same apartment… Maybe this points to predetermination being an actual, tangible force in the universe… or maybe something was binding you together through dimensions, keeping you from drifting too far apart. Absolutely fascinating...”

“Hey so Allie, your phone,” Kat interjected, hopping up from her seat on the floor. “Lemme see!”

Allie took it out of her pocket and held it out for the others. “Tim actually found it when he was setting out on his nature walk. Did you guys know he took nature walks?”

“Yeah, with his head buried in his phone, you wouldn’t expect him to be paying much attention to the world around him, but somehow he manages.” Allan reached over and was about to take the phone from her when he paused. “Please tell me you didn’t find it in the garbage water and then immediately bring it in here.”

“No, genius, it was basically on the intersection, so there was some distance between it and the dumpsters.”

Clearly not trusting her word, he cautiously leaned in and sniffed the phone. She couldn’t help but give a little snort at this, almost wishing it did stink. Satisfied, he gingerly took the phone from her, a little snap of static passing between them which almost caused him to drop it.

“Christ, what the fuck is with this air recently?” He passed it to his other hand and shook out the one that had touched hers. “Huh, same model as mine, just a bit more smashed.” He held the power button for a few moments, then handed it back, trying his best to avoid hand-to-hand contact. “Yeah, that checks out. I have some silica gel packets around here, we can try to pull out as much moisture as possible before we try plugging it in…”

Kat plopped herself back down on the couch, arms crossed, clearly disappointed she wouldn’t get a look at otherworldly tech quite yet. Allan quickly ducked into his room and came back out with a small container filled with silica gel packets, into which Allie dropped her phone, and which Allan proceeded to seal back up and leave on the coffee table to dry. “Hopefully the parts inside still work, I don’t have any spares…”

“For your own phone?” Allie groaned. “Guess you really are an amateur.”

Allan just rolled his eyes.

“Look, Allie, Kat and I are getting nowhere fast with our testing. I really think it has something to do with the two of us, specifically. Now that you’ve safely recovered your phone and you have a bit of your own life back, will you please consider joining us? It really might help you get home in some way, we don’t know yet.”

This is the most interesting lead we have, so… fuck, I guess I might have to. But I’m not going to give him the satisfaction just yet.

She made a big show of sighing exasperatedly. “You really want to be a woman that bad, huh? Feel my tits ‘from the inside’?”

“This is… this is for science!” Allan sputtered. “And to help you get home! Not for… for weird pervert shit like that!”

Jessica frowned.

“And is science the reason you had a spare change of clothes for a girl about your size?” Allie continued to tease. “They definitely weren’t Kat’s, so…”

Allan’s face turned beet red, but before he could respond, Kat stepped in between the two. “Nope, you’re wrong, they were old spares I left here in case I ever needed a quick change!” She gave Allie a look. “So how about we just drop it?”

Allie sighed. “Jeez, it was just a joke… didn’t know I was striking such a deep nerve…”

Allan sighed and turned around, presumably wanting to get away from the embarrassment (understandably), but noticed Jessica staring at him, eyes wide.

“Jess…? What’s up?” Allan inquired. But Jessica had frozen completely. He snapped his fingers in front of her face a few times. “Earth to Jessica, you in there?”

She blinked.

“Allan…” Jessica started, her eyes still much like an owl’s. “What was that thing you said about the air?”

“Oh, uh…” He shrugged, brow wrinkled. “I dunno, I've got a lot of shocks recently, and aren’t static shocks related to air humidity or something?”

“When did these start to occur? Are you able to be more specific than 'recently’?”

Allan scrunched up his face in thought. “Uhh… I guess… sometime last night? During the party, maybe?”

“No, there was that one when you were checking out Allie’s ID too, right? So before the party,” Kat corrected.

“But it rained last night… so the humidity…” She violently turned the notebook over and started furiously scribbling something illegible on the other half. Allan looked at Kat and Allie in confusion, but they had nothing to offer.

“ALLAN.”

He jumped. “Jesus, Jess, I’m right here, the fuck do you want?”

“Do I have permission to touch your arm??”

Of course she'd still ask for consent, even while in this… super intense state.

Allan nodded, nervously. At the first perceptible motion of his head, Jessica reached out and poked Allan’s arm, waiting to see if something would happen. Then she grabbed it, looking in closer.

“No spark…”

“Well… I should be discharged now, right? Because Allie and I got shocked?” Allan asked, quite confused.

Jessica let go of his arm. “I want you two to touch,” she said, outright ignoring his question. “Single pointer fingers outstretched towards each other, coming into contact slowly as I observe.”

Allan looked at Allie, then back at Jessica. “If this is related to body swapping stuff…”

“Don’t worry, Allan, I decided I’m cool with it.”

Kat gasped. “Yeyeye!” she exclaimed, spinning around and giving her a bear hug.

Allan was taken aback. “The hell made you change your mind now? After giving us that whole spiel about ‘not knowing if it could be permanent’… and then the accusations you lobbed at me…”

Allie rolled her eyes. “Dude, it was a joke, chill! I just wanted to mess with you a bit before I gave you the satisfaction of having won me over with your argument.”

“I did? I won an argument?” He looked positively befuddled.

“Who would be easier to convince than someone who thinks a lot like you already?” Kat commented.

“ALLIE. ALLAN.”

The both of them jumped this time.

“Please, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Allan and Allie looked at each other, shrugged, then proceeded to do the E.T. touch as commanded by their friend-turned-drill-sergeant.

Slowly, slowly, until…

SNAP!

“AH JESUS FUCK!” Allan yelled.

“FUCKING JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!” Allie exclaimed, hopping up and down, appropriately enough.

“What the hell, Jessica?!” Allan started to suck on his finger. “Did you know it was gonna be that much?”

But Jessica didn’t respond, back in her note-taking.

“Ooh ooh ooh, me next! I’ll be the control for Allie!” Kat exclaimed, shooting up from her position on the couch and stretching her arm out, reaching past Allan towards Allie and balancing on one foot. This proved to be a bad idea, however, as she was incredibly unbalanced in this position, and therefore started falling towards the two almost as soon as she was upright.

Shit, Kat!

Allie quickly reached out to catch her outstretched arm. Allan, sandwiched in the middle, could only watch helplessly as Kat crashed into his backside, forcing him to fall onto Allie-

Nothingness.

…Boba-ness.

A big, squeezing straw.

And then a massive headache, and a tangle of limbs on the floor at Jessica’s feet.

“OH MY GOD WILL YOU TWO GET OFF OF ME?!” Allie’s voice yelled.

Wait, I didn’t say that…?

She shifted a bit and rolled off the top of the pile, taking some deep breaths and groaning.

Oh.

She put her hand up to her aching head.

Of course. Another swap.

“FUCKING SHIT BITCH GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKER AAGH” cried Allan’s voice. It was accurate to how she felt, but…

Wait, I didn’t say that either…?

“Shit, Kat, are you okay?” said Allie’s voice, and she felt a hand grab her shoulder and shake.

Uh.

“Yeah I’m goddamn fiiiiiiiiiwhooooooa what is this fucking voice holy fucking shit dude” Allan’s voice said.

“Allie, what… I’m not talking to…?”

Oh.

Slowly, Allie finally forced herself to sit upright, and opened her eyes a tad, trying to let them settle before widening any further.

In front of her, she saw her own body. Allan, presumably.

Then, besides him, she saw Allan’s body, stroking his beard in amazement.

Ho boy.

She looked down.

She saw exactly what she was expecting.

Dreading, maybe.

OhshitohfuckthisisnotgoodohfuckohhellohshitIcant

A fishnet top over a black leather corset and some huge… tracts of land.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jessica towered over them, clicking her pen furiously. “Data! Data! I need data! What happened? Did you switch?? Who’s where now?!?”

“Well, I’m here…” Allan started.

“SAYING ‘I’ IS NOT USEFUL!! ‘I’ WHO?!”

“JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE SCARY LIKE THIS I’M ALLAN DON’T EAT ME”

“And you? In Allan’s body?!” Jessica yelled at Allan’s body. “Are you Allie? Or… could…” She glanced over at Allie as she spoke.

“No motherfucking way, I’m ALLAN?!” the person occupying his body exclaimed, thrusting open the waistband of his pants because of course.

“So then…?!?” Jessica was now looking right at Allie, ravenous for confirmation of the information she had almost certainly sussed out already.

Calm. Chill. Control. It’s just Kat. You’re just Kat. I’m Kat now. I’m the girl I have a crush on. Have had for the past two years. I’m not okayohgodohshitohfuck-

She did her best to halt her runaway train of thought, took a deep breath, and gave Jessica a smirk that she hoped was somewhat Kat-like.

“Heyyyy… Allie checking in.”