ZaiWin¹Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). woke up feeling extremely happy and relaxed. He was still sleepy, wishing he could simply turn the other way and go back to sleep. But, as Snow had previously reminded him, he had a grumpy old man to reassure, waiting somewhere out there.

In terms of having a good sleep, his pillow, however, wasn’t so lucky, ZaiWin realized the moment he raised his head and Snow frowned, grunting a protest. Still, he couldn’t help smile. Even frowning and looking all angry, his Snow was still just too adorable. And ZaiWin was obviously so completely and utterly far gone regarding his feelings for the boy that he could no longer care what others thought or felt about it. If only the brat would just feel the same way about him, he sighed, slowly releasing him from his weight so he wouldn’t wake up.

The moment that source of heat was gone, Snow shivered and, with another grunted complaint, rolled to his side, pulling his arms against his naked chest, probably trying to keep himself warm.

ZaiWin smiled at the way his shoulders shivered, and his gaze inevitably fell over the pearly markings covering his back. Now he could clearly tell those he had been born with, the ones Snow had always been meant to have, from those that he had gained, later on, the ones that the cruelty of the world had imprinted on his back. And yet, it was the mixture of both of them that made those pair of wings look so beautiful. Just like he was. ZaiWin hated knowing all the pain he’d been through. But, at the same time, he doubted he would have been able to love him so much if Snow had been carefully raised by the Temple since the time he was born.

Covering him with the blanket, ZaiWin placed a soft kiss amongst his silver hair, and silently left the room.

Outside the temperature had dropped considerably and everyone had already returned home for the night, which meant that the only street in the village was completely deserted.

As to be expected, ZenTar²Literally zen (silent) + tar (wind) was still awake, sitting on one of the stone stools, going through his collection of maps. In the back of the small cave, ZaiWin could see that VinWei had already turn in for the night, which immediately made him take care not to make any loud noises that would disturb her rest.

At the sight of him, standing at the doorway, ZenTar hushed him and swiftly led him outside.

“Vin?” ZaiWin asked once he was sure they were far enough that she wouldn’t hear them, and ZenTar sighed.

“She spent the entire afternoon stubbornly trying to make crystals grow out of the walls. She said that the mountains of Nox³Literally nox (night). Where Nox is the name of the Clan, also the name of a Province. had pretty much the same mineral constitution as the mountains of Wei⁴Literally wei (crystal / precious stone). Wei is the name of the Clan (family name), also the name of a Province., and that there wasn’t a good reason why crystals shouldn’t be able to form here as well.”

“I’m sure she’s aware that the core temperature of the land is different,” ZaiWin pointed out.

“Of course she is. Reason why I said she’s freaking stubborn! She used her daitai⁵Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or Holly Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power. to compensate for what was lacking, and eventually managed to create a few clusters. As a result, as to be expected, she was so tired that she went to sleep even before her evening meal.”

ZaiWin sighed. Well, there was nothing any of them could do about VinWei’s stubborn personality. Once she put an idea in her head there wasn’t much anyone could do about it.

“You’ve just returned?” ZenTar asked, giving him a suspicious once-over, and ZaiWin sighed again. The probability that he’d be able to fool ZenTar was as high as the probability of river flowing uphill.

“We returned earlier,” he confessed with a grim expression that immediately left ZenTar on alert.

“And?”

“It didn’t work out the way we expected. Apparently the markings that form that red array can’t be activated one at the time.”

ZenTar’s eyes widened in alarm.

“What?”

“Or, if there’s a way to do it, I just can’t figure it out. Also, Snow was completely out of it. He can’t remember nearly anything from what happened. So, right now, the probability of him ever being able to control them is rather low.”

ZenTar crossed his arms with a frown.

“That’s not good,” he grunted and ZaiWin went on.

“We could insist and try again, the way we did with some of his other markings. But there’s another problem.” ZenTar’s gaze looked straight at him, making ZaiWin feel as if he were about to confess some wrong-doing. “I’m not as immune to those markings of his as I would have liked to be.”

“What …?”

ZaiWin scratched his head, trying to figure out how to tell him what had happened in a way ZenTar wouldn’t simple blow-up in a fit of fury.

“Well, you know what they say, right? That Celestials can’t harm their Chosen Ones with the power of their daitai. In my case, that’s not … quite true.”

ZenTar’s expression turned into an angry scowl.

“Maybe because our bond isn’t complete?” ZaiWin wondered out loud.

“You mean that he can kill you?!”

ZaiWin winced at the direct way ZenTar had put it. Well, actually he had just almost died …

“Kind of? But he immediately healed me back! So I’m fine.”

“You’re fine?! What’s fine about this??” ZenTar demanded angrily. “You do know what this means, right? That brat has the power to kill you in the blink of an eye, if you so much as displease him!”

ZaiWin couldn’t help chuckle at that.

“And you’re still laughing? Are you completely out of your mind? You’re walking around carrying a deadly weapon that can easily turn against you!”

ZaiWin took a deep breath and shrugged.

“Isn’t that easy enough to solve? All I have to do is take care not to displease him too much!” he answered, half-laughing again, his mind already conjuring a bunch of ideas that would most certainly please Snow a lot, and ZenTar slapped him hard on the back, forcing him to take two steps forward.

“You’re an asshole! And you still have the nerve to joke with this kind of thing!”

ZaiWin rubbed his burning back and shrugged again.

“Well, we both know that he doesn’t need to use his markings to kill me. A sharp dagger to the heart will do just fine,” he replied, the bitter irony heavy in his voice, and ZenTar sighed in exasperation.

“You can always guard against a dagger, if you’re alert enough. But this …”

“But I don’t want to,” ZaiWin declared, suddenly facing him seriously. And ZenTar frowned, unable to understand what he meant. “I don’t want to have to be on guard against him. I don’t want to have to always be alert, to have to suspect his every move.” ZenTar blinked in astonishment. “I want to be able to simply hold him in my arms and go to sleep. If he wants to kill me then let him kill me.”

“Nox!” ZenTar scolded him angrily, but ZaiWin simply smiled back at him, a smile that left ZenTar gaping again. He’d never thought he’d see him smile like that, with such longing and bittersweet resignation.

“I told you that he can’t remember much about what happened. But I can. I remember it all. Unlike what happened with his other markings, this time it was as if I was there as well. I saw his memories, Zen. Even from way before he was born. And it’s true, you know? Tien’Elhar⁶Literally tien (Heaven) + el (supreme) + har (girl child). The Heavenly Beings also known as Celestials in the common language. really are born as an answer to our prayers.”

ZenTar searched his face, looking for any indication that he might be joking again, but all he found was a frightening honesty.

“I don’t know if it was fate or whatever, but somehow he was unlucky enough to listen to my prayer.”

“What … are you talking about …?”

“You remember how my mother used to like to go to Temple, right?”

ZenTar’s heart immediately felt heavy at being forced to recall those distant times, but the mere fact that ZaiWin had brought it up himself told him just how much that matter was important to him.

“She would kneel on those white cushions and pray for hours and hours, sometimes even forgetting to eat or sleep.” ZaiWin went on.

And neglecting her young child in the process, ZenTar knew, recalling the numerous times he’d escaped his military duties to visit them, only to find the small boy all alone in that huge Pavilion.

“Once she decided I was old enough to learn how to pray. Most El’Gin around my age were already regularly frequenting the Temple, in order to offer their prayers, hoping that a Tien’Elhar might hear them and bless them in the future. And so she made me pray as well. Since I had no idea of what to do or say, she told me to pretend I was being granted a wish. Only one wish. Which meant I had to carefully think about what I wanted, about what was truly important, and then tell it to the Heavens.”

ZaiWin turned to face him, his blue eyes glistening amongst the dark shadows of the night.

“I heard my wish inside Snow’s memories. He actually heard it, wherever he was. And he came into being because of that.”

“That’s … just … insane …” ZenTar muttered and ZaiWin nodded.

“I know. Just a stupid, childish wish. And his soul was dragged from wherever it was being kept, and thrown into our world. His entire existence is the result of a wish I made when I was five-years-old.”

“What … did you wish for?” ZenTar asked and ZaiWin couldn’t help laugh, mocking his younger self.

“If I recall it correctly, it went something like, I pray that everyone may be happy. That they may smile more often. That they all may have a soft bed to sleep in, and a warm meal to fill their bellies,” he recalled and laughed again. “Can you believe how stupid I was?”

ZenTar sighed sadly. Even if it sounded stupid, he had loved the child that had been able to make such a selfless request dearly.

“And yet, even though I could hear a lot of other much more realistic, much more grandiose prayers, he actually chose mine to follow. Is he an idiot or what?”

“You were just a child. Children are supposed to be innocent and loving.”

“Innocent and loving … that’s right. That’s who he chose to follow. An innocent, naive boy who had never known real hardship or pain,” ZaiWin agreed with a bitter grin on his lips. “Right from that point, he was somehow connected to me. Even though we were far apart, he could still hear my voice, feel my emotions. All that damned stubbornness, that stupid ability to easily forgive other people no matter how much they’ve hurt him, that annoying habit of trying and doing whatever it takes to make those around him happy. All that, he learned me. From the stupid, naive kid that I was back then.”

ZenTar’s eyes widened in horror when he finally reached the full meaning of ZaiWin’s words.

“Yeah, that’s right. It was almost as if his consciousness was connected to mine.” ZaiWin took a deep breath and averted his gaze. “Those markings on his back … the ones he uses for that red array, they’re all my doing. I dragged him down with me, Zen. I corrupted a freaking Tien’Elhar before he was even born!” ZaiWin laughed again, raking a hand through his dark hair. “And do you know what was the first command I gave him? I told him to kill them all. I went back on my initial wish and prayed that the entire world would just die. He was just a newborn child, but he did exactly as I told him. He killed them all. His entire Household. The only one left alive was a young servant girl named Sand.”

ZenTar blinked, still staring at him in disbelief.

“This … this is insane …”

“Hah, insane … I guess you can say that. But it’s also the truth. I gave him those markings. They are the manifestation of my pain and agony. They are the answer to my desperate prayer. You say that they are a deadly weapon. They are the deadly weapon that I created. So the idea that I might end up perishing because of them kind of sounds like divine retribution. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“You were just a child …” ZenTar whispered, still clearly taken aback by what he’d just told him, and ZaiWin turned to face him.

“So was he. I, at least, was old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to be able to control my emotions.”

“You were just a child!” ZenTar repeated angrily. “And what was done to you …! What was done to you was beyond anyone’s ability to bear!”

ZaiWin smiled coldly.

“He was just a baby, Zen. Just a newborn baby. His skin was still bloody. And those people around him … they wouldn’t even touch him because he wasn’t the golden-haired girl they’d been expecting. His own mother wanted him dead. And he would have probably died just like that. And I took this small, innocent, pure being, and plunged him into the darkness. Can’t you see how wrong all of this is? He should have died. I should have died. And yet we both survived. And it wasn’t some bright miracle that spared us.

“When you say that I was just a child you want me to believe that I’m not responsible for what happened. And I can see that. Of course I can. Back then I didn’t even know what I was saying. I was simply dying, my entire being reduced to an excruciating amount of pain. But the man I am today can’t simply shake it off like that. And I look back, at how poorly I treated him since we met him in that Fortress and, knowing all I know today, I really want to slam my head against the nearest wall in hopes that I may finally gain some sense.”

ZenTar watched him for a moment and ended up releasing a deep sigh.

“You know that if it depended of me I would keep shielding you as best as I can, for as long as I breathe. But you are choosing to put yourself out there, and you are willing to risk your life for what you feel is right. Even though it deeply pains me, I have long given up on trying to hold you back. The truth is that I’ve known for a while now. Even before you knew all this. The moment I saw the way you held him when he fell asleep while riding on your horse, I knew you were falling in love with this child. I also knew you would hold on to your sense of duty towards your people as tightly as you could. And so I was really worried. Because I knew that, when the time came, you’d feel torn, unable to choose, having to sacrifice one in order to protect the other. It is actually kind of a relief seeing that you no longer feel torn about the choices you may have to make.”

ZaiWin smiled, his blue eyes glistening in the night, and, for a moment, ZenTar could clearly see the bright, hopeful child he’d once been.

“I will protect him with everything I have. I will never let go of him. He is mine. And, for once, no matter what anyone may say, I will not relinquish something that is mine to please those around me.”

ZenTar closed his eyes and took a deep breath, already foreseeing the hard, dark road ahead of him. And yet he knew all too well that there was nothing he could do, to prevent any of that. Fate or not, Heavens’ will or divine intervention, everything had been set into motion a long time ago. And there was nothing anyone could do now, to change the already tumbling flow of events.

Placing a hand on ZaiWin’s shoulder, ZenTar gave him what he hoped would be a confident smile.

“Wherever that path of yours may lead you, I will always be right here, treading it with you.”

ZaiWin tilted his head and gave him what could only be called a rare, gentle smile.

“I know. I’ve never doubted that. Not for one second.”

Silvareiel

Well, even though ZaiWin is feeling inevitably guilty for what he saw in Snow’s memories, apparently he’s not going to mope around because of it. If anything, he’s even more decided to protect Snow and keep him safe ?

On another note, I’m really sorry I couldn’t update yesterday. I’m on another of those devilish work trips and my mobile net wouldn’t cooperate ? So today is yesterday’s compensation. I’ll upload another chapter tomorrow (hopefully). Thank you so much for all your support and for all the energy stones you guys constantly bestow on this novel ?️