“Anyway, ZaiWin1Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos).’s plan actually worked without any major incidents. And we were able to find my sister and corner the man who had orchestrated the whole thing.” VinWei2Literally vin (hard) + wei (crystal) went on. “I was so angry, so damn furious that he’d dared kidnap my little sister, that all I wanted was to slice his throat and be done with him. But ZaiWin … Even though he was still young he was already extremely centered, with a cold, rational head on his shoulders. While I could only see a criminal that had tried to hurt my family, he actually saw a common man, with his own difficulties and problems to deal with. He wanted to try and understand what had led him to adopt such extreme, desperate measures. And, if possible, try and fix things, so that everyone could more or less get what they needed.
“They were just talking. Even I had started to empathize with the man’s less than favorable circumstances. And then another man appeared out of nowhere. We couldn’t even see his face, since he was all covered with a black cloak. But his daitai3Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or Holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power. … I’ve never seen anything like it. You’ve seen ZaiWin’s arrays, right?”
Snow nodded in reply.
“They’re black, with a purple glow to them. They’re rather unique, as well. But that man’s array was completely black and red, the markings ones that I have never seen in any of the books or scrolls I’ve read since then. And its effect, even now, with all I’ve learned since then, I still can’t really explain it.
“Daitai have rather concrete effects. They heal, they freeze, they melt, they make it rain, they burn, they make objects lighter. Of course, when more than one daitai are used at the same time, their combined effects become less objective. But that array … It was as if the entire world had been suddenly swallowed by darkness, even the air we breathe. Thankfully it only lasted a second. But that was because ZaiWin’s daitai reacted to that sudden attack on their own.
“LanWei4 Literally lan (white) + wei (crystal) and I were lucky, because we both hold very strong defensive daitai, and we were together. When two people with similar or complementary daitai join forces their effect is greatly amplified. Even so it took everything we got, to defend against ZaiWin’s counter-attack. It was darkness against darkness. With the difference that, while that other man’s darkness was pure silence and stillness, ZaiWin’s was raging fury.
“That was the first and last time that I saw what I think you see, every time you look at him. I could hardly see him anymore, his body completely shrouded in some kind of flowing, dark matter. I also never felt as scared as I felt back then. That’s when I knew that he … isn’t normal. That’s also how I knew how scared you must be, when I learned about what you are, and that he’s your Chosen One.”
VinWei took a deep breath.
“Back then, I really thought he was a monster. Although I was still young, I already knew enough about daitai to understand that he wasn’t like other people, that he was actually a dangerous monster, not all that different from the feimao5Literally fei (raging / furious) + mao (beast / monster). Raving beasts that appear in unbalanced, ungoverned lands. They possess destructive markings that in turn corrupt the land even further. Hard to explain in just 2 lines -_-; Anyway. Bad, vicious things that need to be killed. that plague the land.”
Snow frowned angrily at that.
“He is nothing like those things!”
VinWei blinked for a moment, surprised by his fierce interruption, and ended up smiling.
“Well, I guess he’s not. After all, you did choose him.”
Snow’s anger quickly transformed into embarrassment.
“At the time, however, after what I had just witnessed, that was the only thing that occurred to me. But then, once it was all over, once we were the only living survivors on a ray of several miles, once he was back to being just another kid, I have never seen anyone so desperate, so wretched, so filled with guilt and self-loathing like him.”
Snow lowered his gaze.
“After that, I asked ZenTar about ZaiWin’s peculiar situation. If he was really born with those strange daitai. But no matter how many times I ask, ZenTar always refuses to talk about that. The only thing he has ever told me is that ZaiWin’s daitai are very hard to control, and that they are obviously dangerous. And that, for that reason, he spent many years working hard to achieve total control over them. Having that hard-earned control fail him is the worst thing that can happen to him. That’s also why he’s so distrusting of others, why he’s always on the defensive. Back then, what happened, happened because the man that had kidnapped my sister was just a common man, with no daitai whatsoever. And he was still young. I guess he simply determined that that man posed no risk to him, and so relaxed his defenses. And then he was suddenly attacked out of nowhere.
“Which means that, even without realizing it, he must trust you a great deal. At least he trusts that you will not harm him. And right now he must be chastising himself, for allowing himself to feel so at ease near you. Even though he’s no longer the young man that cried his eyes out when he realized what he’d done, I’m sure that, deep inside, he feels no differently. Especially since the one he’s hurt is you.”
Snow tightened the embrace he held around his knees.
“It’s like you said … It was my fault. He was just defending himself. I lost control. I … tried to hurt him first …”
VinWei released an exasperated sigh.
“I told him right from the start that maintaining this kind of undefined situation would only lead to constant and increasingly stressful situations. There’s an intrinsic sense of rightness and belonging in the bond between a Tien’Elhar and their Chosen One. Like the safe feeling you get, when you finally return home. But with you two the need is always present, and it’s never answered. It’s like a craving that can never be fulfilled or satisfied. And, with time, it will inevitably weigh on both your states of mind.”
VinWei sighed.
“But at least you don’t look as scared of him as he thinks you are.”
Snow shook his head.
“I’m not scared of him … And if it wasn’t for me … nothing like this would have ever happened. But now …”
“You don’t know how to talk to him, right?”
Snow pressed his nose against his knees.
“Well, he’s not the most approachable person on the face of the earth,” VinWei sighed. “And he sucks real time, where talking about his feelings is concerned. How about we do it like this? He’s probably still sitting downstairs, waiting for me to go and tell him how you’re doing. I’ll tell him to come and see you. And, in return, you’ll try and tell him what you’re feeling. Even if you don’t really know how to put it into words, just try. Because if you don’t take this step, he’ll just stay downstairs, filling his head with a thousand conjectures about what you might be thinking.”
“I … don’t know if I can …” Snow mumbled, and VinWei gathered the small pieces of crystal inside the white scarf, careful tying it up with a knot.
“Don’t you want to fix things between you two?”
Snow nodded.
“Then you have to talk to him. There’s no other way. If you two were truly bound you would easily understand one another without words. As things stand, you have to do it the same way everyone else does. Talking and trying to understand the other’s point of view. And doing your best to erase all those misconceptions. Just be frontal about it. Tell him what you’re feeling and tell him what you want.
“ZaiWin is a very perceptive man. That’s what makes him such a good strategist. But it can also have its negative side. He’s too accustomed to being right about what other people are thinking, about the reasons behind other people’s actions, all based on his observations of other people’s behaviors. And so he just leans on those assumptions. To make it worse, he’s so used to being right that it doesn’t even occur to him to actually check if his deductions are right or wrong. But now he’s in an entirely different situation. You’re not a common person either. The way I see it, he is completely lost, trying his best to navigate this entire situation. Don’t know if he’s already realized it or not. And you. You have just been allowing him to guide you through all of this. Do you really think that he knows what he’s doing? He may look all secure and self-assured, but all this is new to him as well. So how about trying to guide him for a change? I know you’re more than intelligent enough to do that.”
“I … don’t even understand myself …” Snow replied, unable to hide his embarrassment.
VinWei laughed lightly.
“Who does? That just goes to show that you’re more like the rest of us than we think. Understanding oneself is a long-life task. And it’s much more easily achieve when we have someone beside us to help us with that.”
Taking a deep breath, VinWei stood up and gave him a gentle smile.
“Just think about what you want, and act according to that. Even if you’re not completely sure that that’s what you really want. As long as it is what you want right now it should be enough. And remember, you’re not the only one hurting. Even if he doesn’t show it, he still feels it. Don’t worry so much. You two will be fine. I know it. In the meanwhile I’ll go and work on your new bracelet,” she added, giving him another gentle smile, and left.
Oh god please, I just want forgiveness!! They have made so much progress!!!
Forgiveness from part to part