"And your back …?" Snow cautiously asked, and ZaiWin released a deep sigh, as if he had been holding in his breath, just waiting for that question.

"I told you that they let me live. But that doesn't mean they allowed me to leave the Palace unscathed."

Snow quickly straightened his back and looked up at him in horror.

"You mean those people … those people in the Palace did this to you?!" And ZaiWin still kept obediently following their every command?! How could he stand it? How could he stand looking at their faces! How could he stand having to bow down to those people, show them respect!

"I guess it was the only way they would allow me to live. Hinhir. That's what they call it."

Snow frowned, trying to decipher the meaning of that word. He knew that hir meant that it was some kind of ceremony or ritual, like the haehir. But the hin …?

"Cutting," ZaiWin supplied the translation that he was searching for, and Snow couldn't help staring at him in disbelief. "Cutting Ritual. It's rarely used. And only as punishment for very dangerous criminals, people that use their markings to harm and kill other innocent people."

"And they did that … to you …?" Snow could hardly breathe. To a child! To a six-year-old child!

ZaiWin smiled sadly at his outraged expression.

"I guess they couldn't come up with any official excuse to simply kill me. And so they probably hoped that, like this, I would end up dying anyway, and they wouldn't have to explain why they had decided to murder an innocent child. After all, that's what happens to the majority of people that undergo the hinhir. They either die or become insane, completely unable to use their markings.

"During the hinhir all the markings are cut with a special crystal blade that holds the ability to channel energy.

"On its own, each marking has its own meaning. And although they're mainly wells of energy, their outer, physical appearance also holds some importance, working as a kind of container. Like different shapes of glass, holding different types of liquid. Both are important. The shape and resistance of the glass, and the quantity and quality of the liquid. They both determine the nature and power of a marking.

"The blade they use during the hinhir has the ability to cut both. It cuts the flesh where the physical aspect of the marking resides, and it cuts its energy, and all energy channels that feed it, successfully rendering it useless."

Snow shuddered in horror. And suddenly terrible, agonizing screams filled his head. A child's voice constantly asking for help, then desperately begging for death. And finally coldly praying for the destruction of the entire world.

ZaiWin sighed and gently aligned Snow's disheveled hair.

"But you didn't die …" Snow whispered, his mouth dry, and a dark, cold smile took over ZaiWin's lips.

"That's right. Those fuckers cut most of my markings and then simply threw me in Nox. I bet they were hoping that if I didn't die from the hinhir the feimao would end up solving their problem, since I was unable to defend myself. Of course, I had ZenTar with me. But there's only so much he can do against the feimao, much less taking into account the absurd number of them roaming Noxin at the time. All he was able to do was find some hole and hide us in there, and try to keep himself alive long enough to find a way to get us out of that place.

"What those assholes didn't know, and probably still don't know, is that once the inner channels that carry energy to a marking are cut, the marking will automatically and desperately try to suck in any kind of energy within reach. It's a surviving mechanism just like any other. It's well known that some markings will activate on their own when their bearer's life is in danger. In my case, not only was I dying, my markings had been completely destroyed."

ZaiWin dropped his hand.

"You've seen what a death zone looks like. The miasma that covers the ground. That is actually the remnants of the feimao's corrupting energy. So you can easily guess what my markings desperately absorbed."

Snow swallowed dry.

"It corrupted your daitai …"

ZaiWin nodded.

"It almost killed me too. I was between life and death for nearly one year. And then, somehow, I guess my body simply adapted to it. Children are easy to adapt to new things, after all."

Easy … Snow shuddered again. How could that have been easy? Snow had felt that horrible, scary pain for just a few hours, the feeling that his entire being was shattering to pieces, the sensation that darkness was slowly but surely devouring all of him, the growing insanity that had taken over his thoughts. He had felt all that and he had wanted to die. How had ZaiWin been able to bear with that for a whole year …?

"Although I don't know how, after I recovered, my markings were still working, for the most part, my inner energy channels had also been restored. The problem was that they weren't the same anymore. And so I had to learn how to control them all over again. I still struggle with it from time to time, as you've seen," he added, averting his gaze, looking slightly embarrassed. "They are a bit harder to handle than your usual markings. And, every month, on the day of the hinhir, this happens. My inner energy is all gone. Neither ZenTar nor I can really explain it."

And yet, he was still alive, Snow thought, placing a hand against his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin against his palm.

"And yet, you're still alive …" he whispered, unable to hide the awe from his voice, and a sardonic smile stretched ZaiWin's lips.

"For now."

Snow raised his gaze to look up at him and couldn't help feeling sad for the cold hardness he found in ZaiWin's blue eyes.

"You said I was dark wind and cold fire."

Snow nodded, carefully studying his face, hoping to get a glimpse of ZaiWin's true feelings.

"As you can now easily guess, that hasn't always been so,�� ZaiWin went on and, as he spoke, all the warmness that had inhabited his gaze and voice was replaced by a hard, cutting coldness that made Snow's heart ache. "As I'm sure you know, my mother originally belonged to the Zai Clan. In fact, she was ZenTar's cousin. And, like most members of the Zai Clan, she was mainly blessed with wind markings. The fire ones … I inherited from my father," he added, ZaiWin's voice so low that it almost sounded like a growl.

"I don't know why but, during the hinhir, they spared the markings I had inherited from my mother, the wind ones. Of course, they too ended up becoming corrupted in the end. But the fire ones were completely destroyed. Then, as they rebuilt themselves, all my markings suffered drastic changes, becoming something entirely different.

"Apparently, one of my fire markings had the ability to sustain my life for a limited amount of time, as long as my vital organs weren't too seriously damaged. After what happened, it became the worst of them all, the most destructive and the hardest to control. But, somehow, probably because I was dying, it linked itself to my heart. It no longer holds the ability to sustain my life like before. But it won't allow my heart to stop beating just like that, either. It's like I have two hearts now, beating as one."

Snow released a small sigh of relief. At least something good had come out of all that horrible deed.

"So it keeps you safe, even when all your energy is gone …"

"For now," ZaiWin added, his voice harsh and filled with sarcasm. "The thing with corrupted markings is that they are terribly unstable. Their nature is fickle, to say the least. So it may stop doing what it's doing at any moment. It can also simply turn against me and simply kill me. So, every twentieth I hold my breath and wonder if my day has finally come, if this is the day when I finally die."

Snow's eyes widened in horror, his heart beating furiously against his chest, a deafening fear eating at his insides.

Raising a hand, ZaiWin cupped his cheek, and the hard ice was finally gone from his eyes, replaced by such a deep sorrow that it made Snow want to cry.

"If that ever happens, you have to promise me that you will live."

Snow was shaking his head before he could even think about what he was doing.

"You will live!" ZaiWin repeated, a word at a time, his voice sounding more like a command. "We're not truly bound, so I know you will live."

Snow lowered his head, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. He didn't want to! Even though he knew ZaiWin was right, that he might be able to survive his death, he just didn't want to!

Wrapping his arms around ZaiWin's waist, Snow simply leaned against his chest again. Right then he really wanted to hug him. He wished he could hug the child he had been, the child that had suffered through so much pain. He couldn't breathe, just thinking about what going through something like that must have been. ZaiWin had just lost his mother. He had just been betrayed by someone he knew since the day he'd been born. He had just witnessed that horrible crime and had even been accused of killing his own mother. Then his back had been severely hurt, the pain alone must have been excruciating. Only to be thrown out of the only home he had ever known, sent to a cold, foreign place, surrounded by darkness and scary monsters. How scared and alone he must have been.

ZaiWin looked down at the tuft of silver hair just below his chin and couldn't help smiling.

"I know you can naturally differentiate between right and wrong. So tell me. Now that you've seen them. Are they similar to what you feel near the feimao?"

Snow's head immediately shot up.

"They're not! Not similar at all!" he vehemently stated, and ZaiWin smiled at his obvious desperation at trying to convince him. "It's true that I can feel that they're not … normal. That there's a distortion," Snow tried to explain. "I've felt it since the first time we met. And it gets stronger when you use them. But it's nothing like what I feel from the feimao! Feimao aren't just wrong. They're the opposite of everything that should be. They're not just destructive. They deny nature and life itself. Your daitai … they're just different. The only thing really wrong about them is that they hurt you, every time you use them."

ZaiWin's smile widened. He really wanted to kiss him.

"Even if you say so, they're still essentially destructive. And so I've learned to keep that part of their nature locked inside me."

Snow's pale eyes widened.

"So you allow them to hurt you on purpose?!"

"There's really no other way. When I fail to do so I end up hurting the ones around me instead. The way I hurt you, before" he added, his gaze falling on Snow's chest where he had been hit by his dark energy, and Snow grabbed his hand, squeezing it urgently.

"It's okay! I'll heal you! I will always heal you! And I'll get rid of the excess of dark energy when it accumulates!" he declared, his eyes so decisive and assertive that ZaiWin couldn't help laughing.

"I'll depend on you for that, then."

"Of course! You are my Chosen One, after all!"

ZaiWin chuckled but the smile on his lips turned bitter.

"Am I …? I am willing to bet that your Chosen One wasn't me at all, but the child that I used to be. The one that was allowed to proudly call himself Nox LanRan."

Snow released his hand and slapped both his cheeks, holding ZaiWin's face between his hands so he could look straight into his pale eyes.

"Are you an idiot? No matter what other people may call you, you are, and have always been, Nox LanRan! My LanRan! My Chosen One!"

ZaiWin's surprised expression immediately melted into a gentle but sad smile.

"Your LanRan …"

"That's right!" Snow immediately replied, frowning angrily. "And don't you dare badmouth what's mine! Don't you ever dare think bad things about him! Like how he shouldn't have been born. Or how corrupted he has become! I am a Tien'Elhar! Sent by the Heavens!" he announced, raising his head, and ZaiWin could almost swear that he saw sparks of power and light dancing in his pale eyes. "Do you really think that I would hold on to someone like that? Do you really think that I would kneel before someone like that? You are Nox LanRan! And you are my Chosen One!"

ZaiWin allowed his eyes to close and took a deep breath. He felt as if it had been a long time since he had really been able to breathe. There was no other way to explain it. This child must really have been born just to save him.

"Your reply?" Snow insisted and ZaiWin leaned forward, wrapping his arms around him, leaning his forehead against his.

Taking a deep breath, inhaling Snow's sweet scent, he allowed words he thought he would never say again to leave his lips.

"Yes. I am Nox LanRan. And I am your Chosen One."

 

 

Language:

ZaiWin: Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos).

Hinhir Literally hin (cut) + hir (ceremony / ritual). Name of the ritual where one’s markings are cut. Normally only performed on very dangerous criminals.

Haehir: Literally hae (blessed / sacred) + hir (ceremony / ritual). Blessing Ceremony held so that Tien’Elhar may find their Chosen One.

Feimao: Literally fei (raging / furious) + mao (beast / monster). Raving beasts that appear in unbalanced, ungoverned lands. They possess destructive markings that in turn corrupt the land even further. Hard to explain in just 2 lines -_-; Anyway. Bad, vicious things that need to be killed.

ZenTar: Literally zen (silent) + tar (wind)

Noxin: Literally nox (night) + suffix in (center), meaning the center of the Province of Nox, in other words, Nox’s Capital. All Capitals of all Provinces are named as such.

Daitai: Literally dai (light) + tai (mark). Name given to the holy markings some people have on their backs, source of sacred power.

Zai: Literally zai (blade). Where Zai is the name of the Clan, also the name of a Province.

Tien’Elhar: Literally tien (Heaven) + el (supreme) + har (girl child). The Heavenly Beings also known as Celestials in the common language.