17
Hearts
“Julie, hey,” I heard Daniel say quietly as he shook my shoulder in the school hallway. I turned around in the crowd, seeing my older brother. “First off, congratulations.”
“For what?” I asked, confused. There wasn’t a lot to congratulate me for, I hadn’t done all that much lately.
“Getting a boyfriend,” he said, clapping slightly for a few seconds. “I knew things were going to work out between you two.”
“Oh, he told you?” I asked, a little happy to be reminded of Ryan. “Yeah, I’m really glad about that.”
“Of course, he told me,” Daniel said, laughing a little before speaking up again. “He was worried that I wouldn’t approve, and asked me for permission as if he was getting married or something.”
“That’s funny,” I said, giggling. I imagine Ryan groveling at Daniel’s feet, a mental image that had me in hysterics. “It's cute that he asked for your approval.”
“Yeah, I guess he wanted to make sure,” Daniel said, laughing along. “Anyways, I have some important news. I got Dad to calm down a little bit, I think having another talk with him might not be bad.”
“Another talk?” I asked, some anxiety crashing back onto me. I’ve been suppressing the memories of that day, spending time with Ryan and my friends to keep those memories at bay. I was worried that talking to Dad again would bring them back. “Are you sure he’ll be accepting this time?”
“I don’t know,” Daniel said, scratching his head. “But I know he’ll be more accepting than last time, that’s for sure. Mom too, she’s come around a lot.”
“Okay,” I said, gulping. “I guess I can talk to them again.”
“Great,” he said. “I can pick you up later, I’ll give you the exact details later.”
***
“Are you seriously going to go talk to your parents again?” Ryan asked. “Are you sure they’re really going to change? I can believe your Mom might, but your Dad, are you sure he would’ve changed?”
“I don’t know, Ryan,” I said, exhausted as I applied my makeup. “I have to take a chance though, as I can’t stay here forever.”
“I’m just concerned about my girlfriend,” he said, sighing. “Look, at least let me go with you.”
“You want to come with me?” I asked. I could only imagine how poorly he'd take the revelation I had a boyfriend, let alone one who spent time with the football boys at the house. “I mean if you insist.”
“I insist,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I want to be there for you, just in case anything bad happens.”
“Sure then,” I said, my heart beating in my chest at how nervous I was. Would Dad really have turned around so quickly and be accepting now? “I’m all done, let me get this dress on and we can go.”
“Okay,” Ryan said, checking the time on his phone. “Let me change into something nicer and then we can head over.”
***
Daniel’s car pulled up in front of Ryan’s home, which felt strangely like my home too at this point. He stepped out of the car, pulling his sunglasses up to his forehead. “Are you two ready?”
“Yeah, we are,” I said, gently getting into the backseat of the car with Ryan crawling in after me. I smoothed out my dress, making sure it was all even. “I hope Dad’s willing to come around.”
“Mom definitely has,” Daniel said, smiling as he started up the car. “Dad, I’ve done my best with it, but don’t feel too bad if he ends up not being supportive. I talked to him and he said he would try to be more supportive of you, but again, it’s Dad so…”
“I’ll try,” I said, nodding. I did hope Dad would come around, but I didn’t have high expectations considering how he reacted a little over a week ago.
“Also, congratulations again, you two,” Daniel said. “You look like a very cute couple.”
“Thanks,” Ryan said, grinning ear to ear. “I’m glad to have Julie as my girlfriend too.”
“I’m more glad to have you as my boyfriend,” I said, snuggling up to him.
“Woah, easy lovebirds,” Daniel said, bursting out into a laugh. “No making out in my car.”
“We didn’t intend to do that!” I said, blushing at the fact that I was made fun of by my own brother.
“Sure, sure,” Daniel said, laughing even harder.
We continued the car ride and did a little bit of catch-up. Daniel asked me how life with the Morgans was going and I asked about how he was doing. However, a sense of dread kept on growing in me as we got closer and closer to my house until we eventually reached it. I stumbled out of the car, very nervous about how things would go. Daniel opened the home’s door with his key, calling out to my parents. I heard some footsteps as my mom came up to the door.
“Julie,” Mom said, hugging me tightly. “Welcome back home, oh my you just look great.”
I stared at her, confused by her sudden turnaround. Where was this version of Mom when I came out? “Thanks?” I finally managed to squeak out after a few seconds.
“Of course, come on in, your dad’s in the living room.”
“Ryan, why are you here?” my dad asked as we walked into the living room, staring at him carefully. “This is a family discussion. Why’d you bring your friend, Daniel?”
“Well,” Daniel said, awkwardly staring off into the distance. “I’ll let Julie explain.”
“Julie,” Dad muttered under his breath, clearly not happy with the name.
“Umm, this is my boyfriend,” I said, looking down at the floor, scared of how he’d react.
“Your boyfriend?” Dad asked, his eye twitching.
“You have a boyfriend now?” Mom asked, sighing deeply. She thought for a few seconds before speaking again. “I suppose Ryan would be about as good of a boyfriend as a parent would want.”
“We started dating a few days ago,” I explained. Although I was nervous to say this to my parents, I still felt a little excited at the fact that Ryan and I were dating now. He was my boyfriend! I shook my head, now wasn’t the time for this.
“Okay,” Dad said, breathing out. “Any more shocking news you have to tell me, or is this it?”
“Well, I’ve been staying with Ryan until now,” I said. “That’s about it for what I’ve been up to.”
“That’s good,” Mom said. “I’m glad you’ve had a safe place to stay. I’ve asked Daniel a few times and he always said you were doing fine. I was very concerned about you.”
“Thanks,” I said, holding my irritation in. Mom had only called to check up on me a few times and didn’t do anything to stop Dad, and now she was concerned for me. If she really cared, she would have done more.
“I’m sorry for what happened on that day you did come out to us,” Mom said as if she was addressing my thoughts directly. “I’ve done some more research since then, and talked to some other parents of trans folks, and I’ve learned a lot.”
“I guess that’s a good thing,” I said, crossing my arms. I wasn't willing to forgive her yet, but it was nice to hear she was making strides in the right direction.
“I’ve been doing my research too,” my dad grunted. “I guess it is a very real mental disorder, one that we should treat you for.”
“Dad!” Daniel said, clearly peeved. “I told you not to bother calling Julie over if you’re just going to be transphobic more. She’s going through a tough period in her life, and you’re not helping.”
“I can’t do this,” Dad said, standing up from his seat and groaning. He tossed his head back and sighed deeply. “Look, I tried my best, I did my research, but I just can’t do this. I just can’t accept that my son is trying to be a girl.”
“Dad, are you kidding me,” Daniel said, his eyes flashing over with rage. “You told me to call Julie back just so you could misgender her more and be like this?”
“Look,” Dad yelled, annoyed at Daniel’s criticism. “I did my best, but seeing him in front of me all dressed up like a girl with a boyfriend of all things, I can’t handle it.”
“Come on dear,” Mom said, trying to pull him back. “At least stay and listen to what they have to say.”
“Fine,” he spat. “But I don’t have much to say from here, you all know my thoughts on this matter.” Dad sat back down, looking irritated.
“Anyways, Julie, I did some research into gender dysphoria and found out that this all actually makes a lot of sense,” she said, putting a hand on my leg. “I’m sorry I didn’t fully understand the first time, I didn’t really understand what you were talking about when you came out to us..”
“Thanks,” I said, glad that she changed her mind. "I'm glad you are trying to understand and accept me."
“Of course,” she said, giving me an encouraging smile. “No matter what, you’ll be my child.”
I had to stop a tear from running out of my eye so as to not mess up my mascara and eyeliner. It was nice to know I had one supportive parent.
“Anyways, about your boyfriend,” she said, hesitating a little before saying boyfriend, “Is he kind?”
“He’s the best,” I said, smiling. “He’s been great to me, and I love him.”
“I remember you coming out to me, about liking guys,” Mom said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I thought that was about the most shocking news I would hear from you.”
“Well, I actually knew I was a girl back then,” I said, brushing some hair from my eyes. “That’s why I didn’t say I was gay.”
“I noticed that actually,” Mom said, putting up a finger as she thought. “I was confused why you didn’t call yourself that.”
“Yeah, because I’m straight,” I said, laughing slightly. “I’m very happy with him though, don’t worry.”
“I can promise I’ll do my best for her,” Ryan said. I pulled my legs up on the couch and inched closer to him, wanting to feel his warmth. I could see Dad’s face looking nauseated at the fact that I had a boyfriend.
“Good,” Mom said, nodding approvingly. “I’ll trust in you to keep her safe.”
“Jacob,” Dad said, clearly not in any mood to use my real name. “You can stay here again. I won’t approve of your… condition, but I won’t stop you from doing what you do, as long as you keep it out of my sight.”
“With all due respect, Mr. Parker, her name is Julie and I think you should respect your daughter’s decisions,” Ryan said, his brows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line.
“He’s,” Dad opened his mouth before closing it again, his eye twitching. “I think it’ll be best for me to not say anything.”
“Julie, what are you going to do,” Ryan said, peeking over at me. “You’re more than welcome to stay longer if you want, I'm sure my parents will understand if you do.”
“I think I’ll stay at Ryan’s place for a little longer,” I said, not feeling fully safe in this household yet. This conversation reminded me how horrible Dad could behave and if this was his attempt at his best behavior, I couldn't imagine what he'd do if he got worse. Not to mention, I'm sure he'd deadname me constantly. After being myself around Ryan's family, I had no interest in having to pretend to be masculine for my dad.
“Sure,” Dad grunted. “You do what you want.”
“Is that it, Mom, Dad?” I sighed. I was disappointed Dad didn’t change much. I suppose he was slightly better, not that that meant much.
“Sure,” Dad said, leaning back on the couch. “I don’t have anything more to say.”
“If you want to end it here, we can end it here,” Mom said.
“Okay,” I said, getting up from my seat. I hugged my mom, thankful she came around despite everything. “Thanks for coming around, Mom.”
“Of course, honey,” she said, hugging me back closely.
“Dad, I hope you can come around to accept me too,” I said somberly. I guess he did make an improvement from last time, but it was clear his views were still the same deep down.
“Don’t expect anything,” he grunted, looking away from me.
***
“Sorry about how Dad acted,” Daniel said, putting a hand behind his head. We were outside of the house now, and Daniel was about to drive us back. “He promised he'd be better, I didn’t think he’d revert back to his transphobic ways that quickly.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said, shaking my head disappointedly. “At least Mom’s come around.”
“Yeah that’s the main reason I invited you over to have another chat,” he said. “You have no idea how hard at work I’ve been this past week trying to convince them both that being trans is okay.”
“Thanks, Daniel,” I said, hugging my older brother. I was glad that he was willing to put so much effort into helping me. “I appreciate it.”
“Of course, of course,” he said.
“Thanks for everything, man,” Ryan said, dapping Daniel up. “I appreciate what you’re doing for Julie.”
“She’s my sister,” Daniel said. “Of course, I’d do everything for her. I expect you to help out now that you’re her boyfriend.”
“I will, don’t worry about that,” Ryan said, nodding. “I’d do anything to make her happy.”
“How cute,” Daniel said, laughing. “Anyways, let me drive you two back now..”
***
“Julie, we’re back,” Ryan said, gently prodding me.
“Huh?” I said, snapping back. I was lost in my thoughts, thinking about what just happened. “What is it?”
“We’re back home,” he said, smiling at me.
“Oh,” I said, sitting up in my seat. “Daniel, are you going to stay for a while?”
“No, sorry, I’m a bit busy today,” he said. “You two have fun though. I’ll keep on trying to convince Dad to accept you.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll see you soon!”
“Yeah, of course,” he said, nodding. “See you, Julie.”
I got out of the car and started walking back to the house with Ryan. I brushed my hand against his hand before getting the confidence to hold it. I looked over at his face and he smiled, and I coyly smiled back. I walked into an accepting home, feeling grateful for everything I had.
Aww I'm glad the mom came around