I enjoyed taking pictures of my lovers while they were asleep.
Yes, it’s that simple. There was something enamoring and seductive about the way their unconscious bodies were laid out in the open, looking more vulnerable than ever.
It all started when I was 15 as I gazed into their empty eyes while they rested peacefully. I took the very first photo of my sleeping partner at the age of 15. Can you imagine that? Me neither. But I couldn’t be even more bothered by it, her unconscious face was very pretty.
As I grew older, I couldn't help but want to capture more and more intimate moments of my lovers. I began to obsess over the idea of getting the perfect shot, searching for the perfect angle to highlight the beauty of their bodies in their deep, peaceful sleep.
It was a secret I would not be bound to tell anyone. No one should know about the secret stash of pictures I kept in a safe that also contained the amount of money I received from long working hours as a licensed therapist. I ought to never damage my reputation by getting caught in the act, so as to not alert them into doing things that would put me in big trouble. So, I did everything with great caution, carefully taking a sneaky photo of my ex sleeping, who trusted me to a great extent.
However, I did not capture just anyone’s picture at their most intimate state. I only wanted to take snapshots of those women who remained close to me, people who have already confided the depths of their burdens to me. I only chose to take pictures of one’s beautifully oblivious face when they were more than friends at my end.
As a psychology major myself, I always managed to remain self-aware of my actions. I’ve researched different types of fantasies and analyzed the psychology behind those thoughts, the motives as to why people had them. I’ve gone through every procedure there is when it comes to counseling, therapy, and many other activities that fall under the stereotypical things a psychologist does.
I myself had my fair share of reflections as to why I developed such desires. So far, the reason why I enjoyed seeing my partners asleep was that I’ve always admired seeing them comfortable around me. It symbolized the feeling of trust they had towards me. So, I decided to keep mementos of their faces, reminding myself that I, at some point, was their trusted ally. Even if they were to abandon me…..I still entertained the thought that they had feelings for me. I liked indulging myself in the feeling that I was trusted, that I was reliable and in control of helping people with their problems. I liked “fixing” partners in every relationship I had, it was their souls I was after. I liked saving souls, like a damsel in distress awaiting her knight in a grandiose palace. Seeing their faces light up with joy gave me an opportunity to ruin their purity as they craved for more of my attention. My therapist officially recognized it as a Savior Complex, but I couldn’t care less, as it benefited me a lot. I clung to fixing people in my relationships in order to save myself from descending into insanity.
A few years passed, but my desires never subsided. I never really got caught by any of my partners while I took pictures of them asleep, which gave me a sense of relief. I was smart, I left no paper trail at all. No evidence. No footprints. All that's left are questions, questions I would so often ask myself as to why I enjoyed the feeling of being a shoulder people could cry on. I was quite the popular one at every event, yet people know so little about the things I held on to secretly. Call it a fetish, but I’ve always treasured these pictures. They remained as a symbol of trust, something that was not so easily gained in a common relationship. Yet, I so happened to have gained the trust of many.
I am so proud. Proud of what I’ve achieved.
That’s all. All you need to know about me.
My name is Julia. Julia Hernandez.
In case you found this, congratulations. You have unlocked something valuable about me.
Until then, I hope to see you again in the next episode.
Goodbye.
