<Journal entry 4>

<Beginning audio…>

<Transcribing…>

<April 11, 2011>

I awoke in a cold sweat, panting, unable to breathe. The sun’s rays peaked through the half-closed blinds, leaving bright lines that slowly crawled along the wall. 

My head pounded as I tried to recall the events of the night before. My mind ran around in circles, connecting events that obviously didn’t belong together. Nothing made sense. 

I don’t know how long I laid there with my eyes closed, letting the grogginess wash away. A dream? No, it felt too real… too personal. 

I glanced up and stared at the white, rigid ceiling. Plastic stars mixed with dinosaurs faintly glowed in the low light. Not a single one fell from their original pattern after all these years.

My bed sat in the same orientation from the window as I remember. I sheepishly looked around the room and noticed the dark oak dresser across from my bed. Objects scattered around the room, sitting on various surfaces, like shelves hanging on the wall or the dresser and headboard of the bed. Everything was as it should be.

So it was a dream, after all. 

With a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes. I yawned and pretended to stretch in order to get my arm around Paris. My hand met the soft cold surface of a pillow. 

‘Strange.’ I thought.

Maybe she had gone downstairs to make me breakfast, or maybe the bathroom. A collection of different stuffed animals lay out where Paris would be. 

I don’t own any stuffed animals.

“What?”

I shot straight up like a rocket. I scanned the room, noticing the darker shade of blue that covered the walls. The dresser had four drawers instead of five. Wall scrolls of male cartoon characters hung throughout the room.

I grabbed my chest to calm my beating heart. Soft fatty tissue grazed my hand, and I quickly pulled away. A pleasurable sensation shot through my system. I froze, with inappropriate thoughts running through my head.

“So it wasn’t a dream. I am really a girl?”

I rolled to the side of the bed and kicked my feet out. My smooth legs rub against the silky sheets and, to be frank, it felt kind of nice. I placed my feet on the milky colored carpet, stewing in my existential dread. 

Brown hair strands slowly fell into my view, resting on the bridge of my nose. I ran my hands through my hair, pushing it towards the back of my head. I was memorized by the soft silkiness that brushed across my fingertips. The weight of my hair was noticeable, yet it was but a minor inconvenience to me. I could cut my hair, but the moral of doing so in a body that wasn’t mine didn’t sit well with me. When Nichole returns, she’ll be mad at me for adjusting her image. I’m sure she had a reputation to uphold, like me, to her friends.

Oh god, her friends?

My anxiety skyrocketed at that point. I’d have to relearn how to walk, talk, and pretend to be someone I know nothing about. One would say that came easily to me. I pretend to be someone I’m not every day for the sake of a reputation.

What about her parents? Are they the same as mine?

I paced the room, bombarding myself with questions I’d likely never get an answer to. “If I am in her body, does that mean she’s in mine?”

A voice behind me smoothly interjected.

“Yes, and I’m sure she’s having the time of her life.” 

My heart jumped a beat, and my body jerked involuntarily. “Who are you?”

I’m not sure why I asked that. I knew full well who it was. Eli leaned against the threshold of the door, holding a steaming mug of hot liquid.

Eli smiled. “Hade fun staring at your new assets?”

My cheeks became hot, and I was beyond flustered. I realized how noticeable it had become when I heard Eli giggling to himself. He had me dead to rights, cheeky bastard.

Come on, brain, think of something clever as a comeback. “Had fun stripping me down and changing my clothes, sister lover?”

Nailed it.

I crossed my arms and, in doing so, they also brushed against my breasts. Awkwardly, I changed positions, only to be met with the same fate. Fed up, I ended up letting my arms rest at my side and stood in the room looking like a complete buffoon. Eli chuckled at my misery again. I’m sure his tune would change if he was in the same position.

“Don’t be daft.” He took a sip from his mug. “Amelia changed you.”

My eyes narrowed, and my blood boiled. I balled my hands into a fist, ready to throw hands, but relaxed them as Eli leaned forward from the threshold.

“Get dressed.” He said. “You look silly standing there in your PJs. When you are ready, come downstairs. You and I need to have a little chat.”

After Eli left, I looked at the oversized shirt I wore and noticed how utterly ridiculous I looked. In another world, seeing a girl wearing nothing but a shirt in my bedroom would have been a dream come true. Now, it just seemed… uncalled for. He sure had a way to get under my skin. I hate him.

I wasn’t entirely sure how to dress myself. Fashion wasn’t my forte, let alone I never knew what was in fashion in my reality. I would throw on whatever came out of my dresser that day. All I knew was t-shirts and jeans. That’s all I needed to know. I’m a boy in college. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

“Fuck.”

I flapped my arms in the air in frustration. I’m sure I looked like a child throwing a tantrum to anyone looking. This was unfair, and I wish to be compensated. Girls are an enigma and their style of clothing is also a mystery to me.

A cleared throat alerted me to an armored man standing in the hallway.

“Ma’am.” He nodded as he slowly closed the door. 

My cheeks became red, and the warmth spread across my face. First Eli and now some unnamed soldier witnessed me doing something embarrassing. This day sucks. 

Dresses, skirts, sweaters, cardigans, ect lined the closet wall to wall. There was no extra room for anything else to fit, let alone easily look without taking them out. I checked the dresser to see what it had in store for me. Shirts, tank tops and undergarments spread across the multi tiered dresser. My head spun with the amount of combinations possible with this quantity of clothing. 

There’s too much here and I haven’t even gotten to the shoe rack. Nichole, please clean your wardrobe.

I sighed heavily as I combed through the closet to find a relatively boyish style. A graphic tee shirt and ripped blue jeans stood out to me the most, and I quickly threw them on. I would not subject myself to trying on girl clothes. I’ll just tell everyone Nichole is going through a punk phase.

As I headed to the door, I stuck my hands in my pockets out of habit. I stopped dead in my tracks. My hands sank knuckle deep before the tips of my fingers hit the seam of the pocket. My initial thought was that the pockets stuck together. I pulled the pockets inside out.

“What?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. I tried my hardest not to scream with everything I had. This day kept getting better and better. 

Two men decked in military gear greeted me as I opened the door. 

“She’s out…” One of them said.

I could pick up a voice coming through the radio before he responded again, “kind of.”

I was taken aback by that statement. My outfit wasn’t that bad, was it? The guards must have higher standards than me. An outstretched hand blocked my way forward. The soldier shook his head at me. It seemed they didn’t want me to leave this room.

“Amelia wants to verify.” He said.

“Verify what?” I asked.

The soldier looked me up and down. “Your sense of style, I would guess.”

That one hit a nerve. I wasn’t irked by the thought of them calling me out on my lack of style, but Eli can’t trust me to even dress myself. With no other option, I struck up a conversation with the guy.

“Why are you out here, anyway?”

The man glanced in my direction. “For your protection,” he then went back to facing forward before continuing. “And his.”

I snorted at the thought of me hurting anyone, let alone in this body. Sure, I tried karate once, but I dropped it after a month. Crime either didn’t exist in the neighborhood I grew up in, or there was very little of it to be an issue. I never thought I’d find myself in a situation where I needed to know self defense. I never regretted that decision until now.

Amelia’s voice traveled down the hallway, announcing her presence. “Absolutely not!”

If not her voice, her outfit popped with bright white clothing and bold clean lines. It was as if a painting grew legs and walked. Then again, that abomination she wore could pass as an acceptable fashion in this world. 

Cherry rose glasses in a heart-shaped frame, slid down her long nose. It slid down enough that her green-blue eyes peered over the top. The two men snapped to attention as she approached. 

“Ma’am.” They both said, saluting to her arrival.

She sternly said in my direction, ignoring the two men. “Get back in that room, missy.” 

I looked around, expecting there to be someone else down the hall. It then dawned on me, she was talking to me.

“But I’m a–”

She put her finger to my lips. “Not another word. Look at yourself and tell me, girl. Are you a man?”

Well, she had me there. 

Before I knew it, I was at the full mercy of this whimsical woman. She grabbed my shirt collar and dragged me back into the room with me kicking and screaming. Amelia glanced at the two guards, then slammed the door shut. I assume that was her way of telling them she would kill them if they came in.

I stood in the center of the room, holding my left arm. I shifted my weight between my left and right legs, watching Amelia. She rummaged through the closet and the dresser, throwing clothes on the bed. I waited for instructions on what I was supposed to do.

She glanced between my awkward self and the clothes she had neatly arranged on the bed. Every so often, she grabbed a different combination of clothing and held it up between us. 

“Why are you doing this?” I asked.

“A girl has to look her best in public.”

“No, that’s…” I shifted my weight again while I rubbed my arm.

Questions swam around in my head, filling my thoughts. They hovered above me, waiting to drop, but I couldn’t muster the words I wanted to say. Amelia must have picked up on my mood, because she sighed and put her hands on her hips. 

With a smile, she said. “Don’t read too much into it,” she patted my head before continuing. “Ok?”

How can I not read into it? Soldiers stationed outside my door made me feel like I was being held prisoner. I was being treated like a child. I knew nothing of this world. The least they could do was give me a little explanation. I was purposelessly being lied to. If that was the case, I can’t trust either of them. If I bide my time, I might snoop around and figure out what they were hiding.

As of now, I should hold my cards close at hand. “If you say so.”

“Call it a woman’s intuition, but I think things will work out.” She said as she rummaged through another pile of clothes.

Things will work out, she said. I tried to hold back from laughing, but I gave into the nerves and a small giggle crawled up my throat. A part of me wanted to believe her, but it seemed childish. I was a twenty-one-year-old boy a few days ago before waking up in a girl’s body. You think things will work out? I had thoughts of that happening to me before. Never thought it would actually happen.

After what essentially felt like hours of trying on different outfits, Amelia decided on one. I cried tears of joy at thought of being done with trying on clothes. Amelia shoved me towards a standing mirror that leaned up against the wall next to the dresser.

Amelia clapped her hands together, proud of herself. “After this, we can do your hair and makeup.”

The thought of spending more time on doing girl stuff sent a shiver down my spine. Please God, I’ll do anything. Just send me back right now. 

I didn’t want to look at myself. It was already awkward enough putting on the clothes, but now I have to see myself in them? Amelia cradled my head and turned it towards the mirror. My jaw dropped to the floor. I never really put much thought into one’s outfit could change one’s appearance. Amelia is one hell of an artist and I looked hot.

The fishnet stocking rubbed along my thighs as I nervously checked myself out in the mirror. I rotated my body to check out the crop top fish net shirt combo from different angles. My confidence slowly came back as I looked at myself more. I couldn’t stop checking myself out as I twirled my black skirt with crosses along the bottom. I held on to the metal chain that hung from the belt loop and wrapped around my back. A smile crept along my face as the butterflies danced in my stomach. Should I be concerned? Probably. But that’s for future me to worry about. I never understood how girls got giddy with an outfit but check me out, bouncing up and down in my black and white converses.

“I take it you like it?” Amelia asked.

“I—”

A knock on the door saved me from having to express myself. I can bury those thoughts deep in me again. Thank you God.

A muffled voice on the other side of the door said, “Sorry to interrupt, but Eli is getting impatient. He’s requesting Nichole be brought down as the food is getting cold.” 

“I’ll have to teach you the other stuff later.” Amelia said, while she escorted me out the door.

I traversed down a narrow eggshell colored hallway followed closely by the two soldiers. It’s going to take some time getting used to these guys following me everywhere. It led to a grand staircase in a large, open foyer. Dark oak twisted down elegant designed support beams connected to charcoal colored carpet. I slid my hand along the wax covered oak railing as I descended the foyer. 

My feet met a tile landing as I reached the bottom of the carpeted stairs. To my right, a sitting room occupied by a large brown leather couch and two chairs. They surrounded a brick fireplace with a deer head that hung above it. In the center sat a light oak coffee table with candles and coffee coasters that laid on top of a colorful area rug. The room had tacky brown hardwood paneled walls masking as a log cabin facade.

To the left, a hallway full of family portraits and other memorable photos. Graduation pictures of Nichole and Eli hung next to photos of my parents shaking hands with some kind of government official. Other life events hung on the wall with family members I didn’t recognize.

Amelia touched my shoulder as she came down the stairs and pointed to the sitting room. Around the corner, a bar embedded in the wall peered into the kitchen. The kitchen itself was enormous, with fancy appliances with digital screens and a walk-in pantry stocked full of food. Eli sat at a large table that could easily seat ten or more people. A plate full of food sat in front of him, still steaming from being cooked. Across from him sat two other plates similar to his. A large bronze chandelier with eight candles hung above the driftwood topped table. Eli looked up from the newspaper he was reading and laid it across the table.

“You made it through Amelia’s torture,” He said as he did a golf clap. “You look lovely.”

I couldn’t help but blush.

“Shove it, lover boy.” Amelia said as she sat down.

Was he talking to me or her?

“Harsh as always, my love.” Eli responded.

Oh, it was her? There’s no way they’re not dating. That was clearly flirting.

I took my seat next to Amelia and picked up the silverware from the table. Perfectly cut steak in rectangles lined on one side of the plate. Sunny side up eggs with grounded pepper on top laid on top of cut up baby potatoes with seasoning. I snorted. This meal was too fancy for an everyday meal. Eli was just showing off now.

“I hope you don’t mind steak and eggs for breakfast? I had the staff cook up something special for a guest in our home,” Eli said.

My fork slid along the plate, causing the metal to scratch across the surface. “Staff?” I asked.

I was dumbfounded. With what I’ve seen, it would make sense that they were wealthy, but to have a staff on hand twenty-four seven seemed rather excessive. It could be worse. I at least had money to restart my life if I needed to. Not that I’m staying.

“My parents are not strapped for credits.” Eli said.

I glossed over the fact that Eli said credits and not money. “Clearly.”

The three of us sat in silence as we ate our food. I was never a fan of steak, but this one was delicious. The meat was tender, and every bite was full of flavor. It occurred to me I’ve never had a proper steak cooked correctly. 

“Nick, you’ve been through a lot and I think I…” Eli stopped and glanced at Amelia. “We owe you an apology.”

“No doubt you have questions as well.” Amelia said.

I cleaned my face with the napkin beside me after finishing my meal. With careful consideration, I sat the silverware down on the table. I required more time to manifest a question. They’ve been piling up by the truckload in my head. It’s been nonstop moving, and I hadn’t really considered asking them, nor have I had time to really let what’s happened to me sink in.

“How did we escape?” I asked, watching their expressions closely. “After you drugged me.”

Eli leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, and Amelia averted her gaze from me. So, they are hiding something from me.

“It’s complicated.” Eli said.

“Try me.”

Eli closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “In order for this to make sense, we have to start from the beginning.”

I nodded, waiting for an explanation.

“Think of a radio. It has stations, and those stations have their own frequency. If we take that concept and use it as a metaphor for parallel universes, each universe has its own frequency. Your brain and body were out of sync upon waking. When we were attacked by the Romans, who we are currently at war with, you witnessed what you could describe as Déjà vu.”

A familiar buzzing followed by a happy tune broke the tension in the room. Eli reached into his pocket and pulled out a device. A long black rectangle with a bright screen on one side. It was nice to see cell phones had changed little between the two worlds. 

Eli didn’t say a word though his conversation. I suspected it was probably bad news. He hung up the phone and excused himself from the table. Amelia soon followed, and I was left alone, again, with zero answers. Well, at least I have these two bodyguards. 

I’m still not sure why I need them.