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Alex Votes: 13 26.5%
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Tara Votes: 9 18.4%
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Alyssa Votes: 4 8.2%
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Maria Votes: 16 32.7%
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Kaylee Votes: 7 14.3%
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Other Votes: 0 0.0%
If you’ve survived this long, then A HUGE THANK YOU FOR READING! All the comments and feedback have been very important to me! My main goal in writing this story was to:
1. Write consistently
2. Write a smut story with a good plot.
You can be the judge of number 2, but I’m happy I mostly managed to fulfill number 1. There were few breaks in my writing, but this is the most consistent I’ve ever been in my life XD.
I’m sure you all have a few questions so I’ll answer that in a Q&A format
Q: Is this the end of Symbiosis?
A: Nope. This is just the end of book 1 of Symbiosis. Book 2 will officially be the end of the series. But…book 2 will take some time. I’m getting busy with work so I’ll have to prepare a good backlog, plan ahead, and only start publishing when I have at least 15-20 chapters ready to go.
Q: What and when can I expect Book 2?
A: Book 2 will dive into the creator of Unet, the working force behind it, and will also introduce a new love interest. It will also have more sex scenes than Book 1. I cannot specify a particular time just yet but I’ll mostly be done by November-December.
Q: Will Book 1 be published? Have a rewrite?
A: There are still some parts in Book 1 I need to polish up, and I really feel like I should have included more stats and messages since this is a GameLit novel, so I’ll most edit those out and then think about publishing.
If you have any other questions let me know.
What I need from you
Please let me know what you thought about the novel either as a comment or as a review. It will really help me improve book 2 and edits to book 1. If you felt something sucked, let me know, and if you felt something was done really well, let me know that too! And don’t forget to answer the poll.
As always thanks for reading and I’ll see you all in book 2!
Patreon
So in my opinion the story is a mixed bag. You have some good and some bad.
The good is the overall idea and the actual relationships between the characters.
Overall idea is how the game and the interactions of the game with the world works. It doesn't seem to be over of the top plot armor or system. etc etc etc.
The place it shines more though is the relationships between the characters. I think you did really well with the mc and tara. For the side supporting characters I think there is enough room for each of them to interact and build relationships too.
Now on to the bad. . . To be perfectly honest I started to dislike the story once the cruise ship/survival island started. Once we reached chapter 58 I was done. I think this is because at this point in the story we were going away from a more grounded world.
Now the biggest issue I had was the plot contradictions. So here are a few. First Tara says when explaining the rules that a person can only harm a person registered in the game. Limiting the world makes sense but then she robs the mc at gun point and threatens to kill him before he is registered. Its towing the line of what should be allowed.
Next we have Paola. Back in the chapter where she killed Vincent I questioned the plot there. Why she couldn't have killed him before? How if the only reason why was the safe land, that she could have just left the land to kill him(she could leave without permission since she helped the mc).
Last we have the Maria/Kaylee issue. So the aunt has a contract where she can't harm her right? How she has to treat her like a daughter. How she had this big plot where she had to act like she was getting guards to protect her, but for them to fail. Makes since right? However, on the island we have her straight up ordering people to kill her niece. . . . If she could do this why hasn't she before this?
There are other minor issues but I won't go too far. From what I can tell you have two plot points in your head, A and B, but you aren't bridging them well. Instead of making a logical path to them, you are jumping to the point. At times this always makes the story read choppy like you are missing a chapter.
Another thing I would like to point out is that I feel like plots/ideas are dropped once something else comes to mind. This could be seen with the mc's computer skills, his interest in investment/making money, his interactions with Paola, or his conflict with his past (bully). I think that if you would have kept more grounded into the criminal aspect and not jump the mc into the "elite" level of the game so quickly, that all of these things would be interesting to read. In a way he powerleveled too quickly for you to truly take advantage of the world in the story.
My advice to you would be to take your time and think how things could logically play out. Think about how the events work in the limits of the rules(of the game) you set. Also to take your time expanding the characters. I personally think you rushed this island idea. Not rushed as you just quickly wrote it out to get it done, but rushed as in story time. I think that an arc or two before this would have been good for the overall story. Introduce the reader and the mc more to this criminal world.
Anyway I wish you the best of luck with this story and any others,
-Buu
The above was overall. This comment is just some ideas and ramblings.
When I first read about Maven's secretary the mc captured I thought he was going to capture her. . . As in "hey sign this slave contract and be mine or I'll give you to Maria. You'll know what happens then." (However, seeing how people can act even with contracts in place doesn't go well with this idea) I also thought he would have got all of that gangs weapons/vehicles/buildings to build his faction off of but I guess not. Would have made sense to me for him to get it all as loot since he got the money/bikes off the previous enemies.
Thanks for the feedback! Yes I definitely had some plotting issues along the way and I plan to correct them when I do a rewrite and hopefully plan better for the next book. The Maria/Kaylee issue you mentioned will be explained in the next book.
I also plan on diving into how Unet works (criminal world and stuff) in the next book but I'll need to plan that better as well. Thanks for the comment, it's been really helpful!
@XMOS If you do a rewrite I would really suggesting figuring out how strict you want the rules/contracts of the game to be enforced. Like I mentioned above I think you went back and forth with the idea.
So an example of a way this could be fixed. Paola and her contract. So the motel buying part of this plot you did well on. You foreshadowed the event earlier in the story which was good. (Personally I don't really get how it works in the world[If its a safe zone by the system but the owners can kill you/gang wars can attack so not really safe]).
Anyway getting to the main point of Paola and her contract. If you wanted to make the contracts more of a rule you could have had the mc threaten that Vincent guy with torture/death and forced him to transfer Paola's contract over to him. This way he has control over her(she never signed a new contract with mc about buying debt/being his servant) and then the mc could let her kill Vincent. Use the classic trap of, "I promised I wouldn't kill you, not that I wouldn't let Paola kill you."
There are ways to get to the plot points that you want to show in the confines of the rules(contract), it will just take some ironing out.
this is a great novel! i really love the mysteries
I enjoyed the story a lot. I'm sure part 2 will be better. I think it could talk about Maria's past and develop her relationship with the main character (She is my favorite) Like book 2 and the end, I hope it has a closed ending, like the end of Unet and the main character getting married. It would be interesting if Alex had a child in the middle of the series and not at the end, or at least he had a child before the series ended. (I don't remember exactly, but the divine self explain why the characters didn't get pregnant? congratulations for the story (I bet there will be mistakes in writing, I'm Brazilian and I used Google translator)
Thanks! And yes, the second book will be the last one. It will also develop Maria's relationship with Alex
The story has been great so far: keep up the good work :)!
Thank you!
Maria's a given favorite for me.
She had been down in hell and goes up into heaven just to he plunge back into hell when she got dragged into UNet but this time she has her wits and skill with her.
She's tough, smart, pretty and has some mad titties what more could you ask for.
And i assume, the plot twist is going to be either that "Creator" is someone who has a close ties with Alex or just someone he had met on the ship.
Thanks for the comment! And the creator twist will be solved in the next book ;)