“The hell he was thinking? Spewing such nonsense,” Ryan cursed as he paced around the office. 

 

It was just a moment since the Sullivan siblings left and Kai was just silently sitting behind the desk as he listed through some documents regarding the opening of a new club that his brother built before his disappearance. But his scattered mind kept him from focusing on what was really written on those papers, forcing him to come back to reread the lines several times. After they left, Kai, who felt like he was suffocating the whole time, got the chance to finally take a deep breath. His body was drained of all energy as if he got run over by a truck.

 

“He should know his place! What kind of bullshit was he pulling??” His bodyguard still couldn’t let the matter go, unaware that Kai was just absentmindedly staring into the papers in his hands. “If it was Cass who he was talking to he would think twice before opening that filthy mouth.”

 

“Cass?” Kai’s eyes shot up at him, his attention caught by the nickname that no one else was allowed to use except for him. 

 

Ryan looked at him with a panicked expression and quickly cleared his throat. “I mean master Cassius,” he corrected himself.

 

Kai ran him up and down with his curious gaze before he turned to look at his phone that announced a new message. 

 

Letting out a sigh of relief Ryan was glad that something else caught Kai’s attention as he ran a hand through his black hair, trying to calm down. The whole meeting he was on his toes, especially after Lay started to test his patience with his shameless comments. 

 

“Grey is saying you’re supposed to go with me to the gym in his stead. He has something to take care of regarding the club,” Kai mumbled and rubbed his face in frustration. The thought of another exhausting training session made him want to jump from the window especially when Ryan was supposed to be the one in charge. 

 

“Alright,” Ryan nodded, ignoring how unwilling Kai was to spend the evening with him. But he was glad they will have more alone time together in an attempt to mend their broken bonds, at least that’s how he saw it from his perspective. In his mind there was no option that Kai would rather keep Ryan at arm’s length without ever trying to resolve their past. 

 

But Kai’s mind was too preoccupied to be bothered by the turn of events to try and avoid it. He still had that familiar face in front of him, not able to comprehend how well he handled meeting him after a year of trying to fix the damage he caused. 

 

The show he gave him must’ve been a shock but Lay seemed to recover too quickly to his liking. The selfish hope that he would be so taken aback to not dare to utter a single word until the end of the meeting was put out as if all Lay had to do was to blow out a candle.

 

No longer having the patience to sit and drown in his own thoughts, Kai stood up from his chair and walked towards the door. 

 

“Come for me when it’s time for the training session,” he mumbled without bothering to give Ryan a single glance. He’s had enough of the men of his past who came to haunt him and didn’ have the strength to deal with them anymore.

 

“Where are you going?” Ryan hastily called after him and attempted to catch up with his boss, surprised how quick his steps were. 

 

“That’s none of your business,” Kai retorted coldly without stopping in his tracks. 

 

“With all due respect, I am your head bodyguard, I have the right to know-”

 

“No, Ryan,” Kai suddenly halted and turned to Ryan who barely managed to stop before he would run into him. “You have no rights when it comes to what I am up to. Your duty is to protect me outside of this house and that’s it. So remember your place and unless you intend to crawl into my bed - which I strongly advise against - you better go your way until it’s time to go to the gym.”

 

Ryan was frozen in place, astounded by Kai’s blunt words. This was the longest he spoke to him ever since Kai came back but this was far from what he imagined their conversation to go. Back when Ryan tried to befriend him for the first time he at least didn’t speak to him at all. This time Kai’s tongue was sharp as a knife, not afraid of cutting him down mercilessly if he crossed the line. 

 

“Understood,” Ryan uttered in astonishment. 

 

“I am going to go get some sleep since I have a free afternoon,” Kai announced, despite telling Ryan that he doesn’t need to know where he’s going. But a sense of rationality nagged in his brain, telling him that he shouldn’t make Ryan’s job harder than it already is so he at least wanted to assure him that he doesn’t intend on leaving the house. 

 

“Yes, young master,” Ryan nodded obediently and remained standing in the middle of the hallway, letting Kai proceed on his way to his room. 

 

Getting through the walls Kai put up seemed to be harder than ever before and he started to regret how lightly he treated their fragile relationship, although he was no longer sure if there was any relationship to begin with. But as he watched the young man disappearing from his sight, he curled his hands into fists, clenching them tightly until he felt his nails cutting the soft skin of his palms. The resolve to not give up this fight burned on his tongue with a bittersweet taste. 

***

“Young master,” a distant voice woke up Kai from another senseless nightmare. “Caelum, wake up.”

 

He slowly opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings as he tried to figure out what was going on.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

To his dismay, the man who awoke him was none other than his head bodyguard who stood by his bed with eyes filled with concern. 

 

When Ryan walked into the room after knocking on the door several times with no response, he found Kai still asleep in his bed. But as he got closer he spotted the young man was probably haunted by a nightmare, with his body trembling while muttering something under his breath. 

 

As Kai finally came back to his senses, he ran a hand through his messy hair and slowly stood up from the bed, trying to catch his balance. He shot a warning glance towards Ryan who seemed like he was ready to catch him in his arms. 

 

Ryan bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from commenting on how cranky Kai was, trying to be considerate since he still seemed quite shaken by his nightmare. 

 

“It’s time for the training session,” Ryan reminded Kai, but the concern didn’t leave his face.

 

“Wait for me outside,” Kai mumbled and made his way to his closet, trying to figure out what he should wear. He clicked his tongue when he noticed that Ryan still hadn't left and gave him an annoyed look. “I’ll be right there. Or do you intend to watch me change?” 

 

Ryan cleared his throat to cover up his awkwardness and shook his head. “I’ll be waiting outside.” 

 

“Good,” Kai retorted and waited for the sound of the closing door until he let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face, letting his tense shoulders slouch under the weight of uneasiness left by the unpleasant dream he had. He could no longer remember what exactly happened in that dream but he could still feel soreness in his throat as if he screamed his lungs out and his eyes stung with tears that never showed up. 

 

Giving up on trying to mentally prepare for what is to come, Kai changed into clothes he deemed fitting for a work out and headed outside his room. 

***

 

“Okay that’s enough for today,” Ryan decided after Kai finished his cool down after the workout and was currently lying on the floor, absolutely exhausted. He stood over him with his arms folded and it didn’t go unnoticed how his black long sleeved shirt perfectly tightened around his muscles. But Kai who was gasping for air after he just finished a run on the treadmill would never admit that he spared a single glance to admire his physique. 

 

“Let’s just stretch real quick before I let you off the hook,” Ryan reached his hand out, offering to help him stand up. 

 

Kai quickly glanced at Ryan’s hand and then averted his gaze as he slowly stood up on his own. But doing so too fast caused his head to spin and he lost his balance for a moment. As he faltered, Ryan quickly stepped closer to him and grabbed Kai by his waist to help steady him. 

 

However this sudden physical contact made Kai wince and he immediately pushed Ryan away, causing him to stagger back a couple of steps. But the amount of force Kai used ended up being fatal to him when his own tired out legs gave out and his knees gave under him. 

 

The next thing he knew he was falling to the ground and this time Ryan wasn’t fast enough and so he didn’t make it in time to catch him before he fell on a bench that was a part of one of the weightlifting machines. 

 

Kai let out a pained groan when his side hit the edge of the bench. 

 

“Caelum!” Ryan called out in panic and quickly helped Kai back up on his feet, while he was too overwhelmed by the sudden aching pain that spread through his whole body to bother with pushing him away. “Are you okay?” 

 

“Yeah I am fine,” Kai replied with a choked voice.

 

“Wait! Let me just check on you real quick,” Ryan objected with a worried expression on his face but when he was about to lift Kai’s shirt to check on his side, Kai harshly shoved him away.

 

“Don’t fucking touch me, Ryan!” he snapped. He ran out of patience and he could no longer tolerate the way Ryan kept invading his personal space without a single warning. 

 

Ryan’s eyes went wide with shock, his mouth agape as he stood frozen in place. 

 

“I am tired of repeating myself! Don’t. Cross. The. Fucking. Line,” Kai hissed with gritted teeth and took his leave without waiting for Ryan’s response. 

 

He made his way back to his room where he kicked the door shut, fuming at the thought of what just happened. His whole side was burning and aching and he didn’t even bother to check on it in the mirror since he already knew that soon it would be bruised. The fact that he got hurt only added to his bewilderment over Ryan’s behavior. 

 

As he ran his hand through his still sweaty hair he let out a frustrated sigh, trying to calm down. But when he was about to grab a towel from his closet to go and have a shower he stopped in his tracks. Due to his raging state of mind he didn’t catch onto the tingling sensation running down his spine. His adrenaline level kept him from noticing that something was off. 

 

He wasn’t alone in the room. 

 

Someone was definitely watching him. Instead of immediately trying to find the intruder he bit the inside of his cheek and slowly walked over to his nightstand, pretending to check for something in the drawer. In the meantime he tried to see from the corner of his eye if he would be able to spot any kind of movement.

 

His theory was confirmed the moment he caught a glimpse of a moving shadow somewhere over his shoulder and so he didn’t waste another second and pulled out his gun from the nightstand, pointing it towards the spot where he saw the movement. Without any hesitation he aimed at the silhouette that was hiding in the shadows of his dimly lit room.

 

“Come out,” he ordered with a stern voice, ready to shoot. 

 

A light chuckle cut through the tense silence in the room and a man walked from behind the long black out curtain by the window. “I see that nothing escapes your keen senses.” 

 

Kai’s eyes went wide when he recognised the person standing in front of him. “You?”

 

“Long time no see.” The man’s lips curved in a leisure smile yet his eyes remained alert since Kai was still aiming at him.

 

“How are you even here??”

 

“I got my way,” he shrugged with his hands raised in surrender.

 

“And the fuck you think you’re doing in my room?” Kai asked as he glared at him without any signs of intention to lower his weapon.

 

“Oh how I missed that sharp tongue of yours.” 

 

“Lay,” Kai hissed with a warning tone.

 

“Ah!” Lay pointed his finger at Kai victoriously. “You just admitted you do remember me. No one else calls me that way here.” 

 

“Of course I fucking remember you,” Kai rolled his eyes in annoyance and lowered his gun. “And what about you huh? Do you still know who I am?” He couldn’t help himself but let out a bitter laugh as he brought up the past.

 

Lay’s playful glint in his eyes faded away as soon as he heard Kai’s question, and he averted his gaze with guilt written on his face. “I do.”

 

“What a surprise,” Kai noted and folded his arms, still holding the gun in one of his hands.

 

“Kai, please let me explain,” Lay looked at him pleadingly and stepped closer to him but as soon as he made the first step, he found himself facing the barrel of the gun once again. 

 

“The only explanation I want right now is how you got here,” Kai muttered through gritted teeth. “Speak.”

 

“I suppose you already did a background check on me since our families are close,” Lay guessed. “So you must already know that I am a specialist in sneaking into places unnoticed.” 

 

Kai wouldn’t admit that this fact just evaporated from his brain due to the amount of information he had to take in during the past few days.

 

“Look,” Lay sighed, still warily glancing at the gun aiming at his face. “It’s not like I don’t find it hot when you’re pointing a gun at me like this but can you please put it down?”

 

“Why should I?” 

 

“I am not here to hurt you, Kai.”

 

Letting out a rancorous laugh, Kai shook his head in disbelief. “I think I heard that somewhere before.”

 

“Kai, please.”

 

“But guess what,” Kai continued, “I trusted you and you still ended up hurting me. So give me one good reason why I shouldn't put a bullet through your head,” he demanded as he tightened the grip on his gun. 

 

“Because I love you.”

 

Lay’s words were immediately followed by a pained grunt. 

 

Kai punched him with full force and his fist made contact just under his left eye, pain spreading out along his knuckles as Lay staggered sideways from the force of the blow.

 

Both of them seemed surprised, but clearly for different reasons. While Lay was simply taken aback by the sudden attack, Kai couldn’t believe he let his explosive emotions get the best of him and actually hurt Lay. As Kai shook his hand, ineffectually trying to ease the pain, he watched Lay brushing his fingers along the spot where he received the punch, the redness on the skin indicating that the bruise will appear soon.

 

Lay gazed at Kai with an aggrieved expression which only made Kai’s blood boil. How dare he look at him that way when the pain he felt at the moment could barely compare to the torture Kai had to endure when he left him. 

 

“Don’t ever say those words again. Ever,” Kai thundered, his chest raising rapidly as the adrenaline poured into his veins. 

 

“I will.” 

 

“I am warning you.”

 

“I love you.” 

 

Once again, Kai raised his hand as he firmly held the gun and pressed it against Lay’s chest.

 

“Do it.” 

 

“Don’t tempt me,” Kai growled.

 

“You can shoot me. You can stab me. You can tear me apart and bury me six feet under but I will still crawl back to tell you that I love you, Kai,” Lay insisted, piercing his dark eyes through him. Although his face was filled with unyielding resolve, upon further observation Kai spotted how his hands trembled slightly. Lay was afraid. 

 

But what he feared wasn’t the bullet but rather the fact that Kai’s hatred was so deeply rooted that he would actually be able to pull the trigger. It wasn’t his own life that he was scared to lose but it was the man in front of him who may have already slipped through his fingers. 

 

The fact that he managed to awaken fear in the menacing and audacious man, caused Kai to waver and slightly lower the hand holding the gun. That was the opportunity for Lay to instantly grab and disassemble it, letting the single parts fall to the floor. 

 

Kai immediately prepared to fight Lay with his own hands now that he was disarmed but to his shock, instead of striking out, Lay pulled him into a tight embrace, feeling as if the agonizing fire blazing in his chest was finally burning out. 

 

“Let me go!” Kai fumed, struggling to extricate out of the embrace. He wanted to shout and scream with rage. Tears welled up in his eyes as his body started to tremble and a soft sobbing sound escaped his mouth. The feeling of panic filling up his lungs as if he was drowning caused him to choke on his tears. 

 

The confinement of Lay’s embrace was stifling, the physical touch felt too warm, like it could burn his skin. His breath got caught in his throat, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. 

 

“Let me go,” Kai pleaded, his voice still quivering and hoarse. 

 

But the arms wrapped around him, gentle but firm didn’t seem to loosen their grasp. Lay pressed Kai’s head against his chest, letting him hear the steady beat of his heart. A familiar sense of warmth and comfort washed over Kai’s fragile body as he slowly stopped hyperventilating and finally let himself be held as tears soaked his flushed face. Lay held him in his arms as Kai hiccuped and trembled like a brittle bloom in the wind, too exhausted to defy him anymore. 

 

They remained like this until the warmth broke through their apathy and the comfort became too much for Kai to bear and so he started to break down again. And Lay still held him as Kai’s tears dripped down his face, soaking his shirt. They stood there and Kai’s body slowly became limp and worn out. The warmth surrounding him swaddled him like a safety blanket and he could hear nothing but his hitched breaths and Lay’s heartbeat against his skin. Kai grabbed onto the silky fabric of Lay’s shirt, fingers curling around it as if it was a safety rope thrown his way when he was about to fall. He burrowed his head into the crook of Lay’s neck.

 

And finally he returned the hug.