I can't even control my body now, I'm drunk and staggering to and fro, walking treacherously as if I'm going to fall.
Thinking about the phone call I made before going to the stall made me angry.
So, I drank alcohol at a nearby stall.
If the summoned target was in front of me now, I thought that I would immediately kill him.
So, I drank alcohol again.
I drank myself to death so I couldn't win.

The year 2017, I am 45 years old this year.
I was released from prison two weeks ago.

I graduated from the Department of Business Administration at Seoul National University, and have several CPA and investment-related licenses.
I am a wealthy elite who earns over 1 billion won a year while running an investment advisory firm investing in real estate, stocks, and futures contracts from my 30s.
I also have a beautiful wife who graduated from music school.
But not children.
That's because my sperm count is very low and sperm movement is weak, so it's impossible to get pregnant.
Every procedure I performed to treat the problem cost me close to 10 million won, but in the end, the baby didn't come.
To get offspring, no food or medicine is said to be good for the body that I have never tried.
My wife also wants to have children, so she takes care of her body and exercises steadily, and her mother prepares her very hard by making herbal medicines for her every season.
My wife's parents didn't say anything either, but they seemed to expect it, constantly exerting subtle pressure on my wife.
The whole family wanted a child, but in the end, no one was born.

Still, it was a happy marriage.
She is very beautiful because my wife likes to take care of herself.
Since I made a lot of money, she keeps herself organized as a subscription member at a famous skin and hair care establishment in town, and she has worked out without missing a day at the gym.
And, my wife likes sex.
In short, she's the kind of woman who can't live without a cock.
Even when she was doing a blowjob she would take my cock deep down her throat and suck it, and during sex, she would demand all kinds of caring and positioning herself.
Even anal sex, he started it because he wanted to try it first.
I used to tease her every day, saying, "You are a woman who can't live a day without a man."
Because I also like raw sex, I am very satisfied with such a wife, and her married life is quite happy.
Except for one thing, no kids…

But the downfall was fleeting.
In 2008, i faced serious difficulties due to the global financial crisis caused by the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers.
Stock prices plummeted, and when the US dollar plunged in price, a large number of investments in dollar-based futures contracts fell without knowing the bottom.
Fortunately, all kinds of funds were raised and somehow the crisis passed.
After three years of hard work, the company managed to get back on track, but in 2011, there was an unprecedented downgrade of the US Credit rating, and when the dollar and stock prices plummeted again, 80% of invested funds were lost in one month.
Right now, everything happened in such a short amount of time that I couldn't prepare my hands.
I had pride in rebuilding the company for three years, but it turned into arrogance that made me overinvest.
I tried somehow to survive by pledging all the property I owned, such as my house and land, but… In the end, I failed.
Even his parents' house that I bought was confiscated as collateral and my funds were taken away, but I couldn't stop it.
Finally, in 2013, I filed for bankruptcy, and angry investors and creditors sued me.
I was summoned to the police and procuratorate for investigation, and in the end, in 2015, I was sentenced to two years in the first trial and held under court custody.
And, I was released two weeks ago.

While in prison, my wife divorced.
About 7 months after my arrest, the divorce papers came from my wife.
I said there would be no divorce, but since the arrest itself was the reason for the divorce, the divorce process was carried out through lawyers, and the divorce was obtained unilaterally.
I wrote and sent letters from prison, and called whenever I had time, but my wife didn't answer, nor did she answer the phone.
Before sending the divorce papers, my wife only visited me once to ask for a divorce.
After being released from prison, I kept calling her, asking her to meet me just once, and telling her I still loved her.
But my wife never met me.

I called beforehand and asked to meet.
My wife kept saying no she just told me to stop quickly.
Then, a male voice came through my wife's phone…
It seems my wife is already living with another man.
She is a woman who can't live a day without a man...
Hearing the man's voice, I helplessly hung up the phone and drank so much that I became a piece of cake.

There seems to be nothing left of me.
I feel betrayed and angry like crazy.
The stall owner stopped me from drinking again, and I had no choice but to leave the stall as if I had been kicked out.
Unable to walk properly, I staggered towards the house where my parents were.
Currently, I have nowhere to go, so I live with my parents.
I spent all my parents' fortune, so now they live in a 30-meter two-story basement in the corner of the district.
My elderly father, who is nearly 70 years old, recently applied for a public job at the district office and goes out to clean the streets every morning.
Since no money was coming in, and the eldest son had just been released from prison and drank only alcohol, he started working for a living even in his old age.

I unlocked the door and pressed the number pad, but I kept getting errors, probably because I was drunk.
Then a voice came from inside and someone opened the door.
This is my mom
I love my mom…
Even though it was past 2 in the morning, my mom must have been waiting for me.
"Why are you so late?"
"Why are you drinking so much?"
My mom asked and supported me with her sad face.
"It happened. I'm sorry mom."
I answered helplessly and sat down on the floor.
Immediately, he brought over a cup of cold water and gave it to me while my mom sat next to me.
“Isn't that very difficult? Are you okay? you will be fine. Mama believes in you."
After saying that, she caressed my face.
I couldn't say anything and looked at my mom and involuntarily shed tears.
"Don't cry my child, are you okay?"
As my mom wiped my tears with her hands, she continuously cared for my cheeks.

Even though I am over 40 years old, my mom still treats me like a child.
It was my mom who had an incredibly deep love for me since I was little.
Even though I have two younger siblings, she only gives me deeper care and love.
Even if I didn't eat even once because I had no appetite, my mom wouldn't leave me right away, asking where I was in pain with her worried face.
Thinking about it now, my mom's love for her eldest son was unusual.
My mom used to do anything for me.
However, my father's business went bankrupt, and after moving to Seoul, his financial situation became quite difficult to make a living.
Later, my mom's love for me only grew to such an extent that it looked like an obsession.
For my mom, my existence was a man she could trust and rely on, replacing my father, who was always out of the house because of work.
The eldest son, who was handsome, unusually tall, and also studied well under difficult circumstances, was the only idol, faith, and love my mom had.

I looked at my mom's face.
My mom, now sixty-four years old, was very beautiful, but now the corners of her eyes and forehead were wrinkled, and the sides of her eyes and the backs of her hands showed freckles of old age.
My mom's height is 165 cm.
She is quite tall for a woman her age.
She was so beautiful that the people in the factory were fascinated by her beauty.
She is in such a good shape that even after giving birth to three children, she maintains a sensual waistline.
She went to Seoul right after graduating from high school, and my mom got a job in a factory when she was only 18 years old.
That's how my mom met my father who was incompetent and suffered all her life, but eventually she grew old and suffered again because of her son…
Seeing my mom's dark-stained face looking at me as if she was crying, I suddenly remembered that I didn't even have a party for my mom's 60th birthday.
I've never held my mom's hand properly in my entire life.
I never said I loved her, and I never hugged her warmly.
Why do that? My mom was so devoted to me, so why did I never treat her well? why?
Maybe because of that summer incident…