What is death, is it the end or is it the beginning? Is it enviable or avoidable? I personally don’t know nor do I care, I am satisfied with just being alive. 

When i was young i was a troubled kid I realized that now. When i was 4 years old i got into a car accident which led to memory loss and Congenital insensitivity to pain and anhydrous. The memory loss wasn’t that bad since I was only 4 but it was annoying to learn how to walk and talk again with that annoying feeling of deja vu. What really messed up my life was CIPA. It led me down a dark past in my last years of high school and my college years. You see, CIPA made me not feel anything, it didn't feel numb, it was just nothing no matter what I did I just couldn’t feel anything. In high school I was one of the “popular” kids, mainly the star player on the football and basketball teams. CIPA made it easy to work out as I didn’t feel the strain on my body which was also a bad thing as I ended up in the hospital more times than school in middle school. 

I had everything in high school but one day half way through my senior year I got into a fight with one of my old basketball teammates. Apparently I “stole” his spot in the starting lineup. This wasn’t my first time being in a fight but something unexpected happened, I felt the pain of getting hit and it was intoxicating. I had to get more of it, Sadly in this intoxicated state I forgot about the fight and lost it severely. We both got in and out of school suspension but my punishment was less than his. When I finally got to go home the first thing I did was look up dojos and gyms that specialize in fighting.

I spent 2nd years hoping from different gyms and dojo's to learn all of the basics and advance in a few such as boxing and kickboxing. I would have spent more time at each gym but after a while the pain I craved became dull and I could no longer feel again and I hated that, I kept switching from one to the other. Sadly before I could acutely start my fighting career I got drafted to the war. Apparently I excelled at war, weapons came easily to me and I already trained in hand to hand combat. I spent 10 years in the war. I made a lot of friends but lost more. 

It was only during the 8th year mark did I start to deal with all my accumulated stress and trauma. After the 10th year the military forced me to retire and get a job. I then spent another year or two going across the country paying my respects to all my friends' families and giving them gifts that were left with me. Some families welcomed me and others kicked me out and I could understand why. I was lost for the next year going from hotel to hotel. I could have bought a house with my saved up money but it didn’t feel right. 

I then found my path in life, I craved the knowledge of fighting in my youth but now I just want knowledge. It didn't really matter what. It didn’t take long for me to realize that to learn that much I needed money but the amount I still had saved up from the military wasn’t enough. I need more so the first thing I decided to learn was stocks, money, and business. The next thing I learned was robotics and engineering, then came chemistry. while learning that i needed hobbies to calm down so i started pottery, painting, and writing. That was how I spent the last 22 years of my life learning different subjects.

I died while I was visiting my hometown. I may have forgotten to mention but that one teammate during high school came back shortly after he beat me up to apologize, but I wasn’t having it and beat the ever loving shit out of him, broke a couple of his bones and gave him scars that no doubt caused trauma. He apparently hasn’t forgiven me even after 36 years. I was waiting for the train to go home when he saw me. He grabbed his pocket knife that he no doubt carried since that day and pushed through the crowd. When he got to me he stabbed me in the side. I wouldn’t have noticed if it was from the force of being stabbed. He pulled the knife out of my side and started slashing at me like a mad man so I jumped back not to get hit. When I jumped back I was mindful of the ledge, careful not to fall off. Sadly While i was distracted with the ledge the man charged me and stabbed me in the gut pushing me off the ledge. 

While I laid on the tracks bleeding I started to feel the pain. I guess it's only fitting since the feeling of pain is what got me in this mess. That was my last thought before I saw the train arrive at my final destination.