Another week had passed on Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian had managed to purify a small portion of soil enough so that it is fertile and able to grow crops. They survived off the little funds Wei Wuxian had made from his time as 'head disciple' and that Shijie had given to him for his birthday he had saved from before when he was still with the Yunmeng Jiang Sect and had not 'defected'. Luckily he had kept that money, and saved during those times… otherwise - Wei Wuxian couldn't imagine how much more difficult it would be to provide what he can for the Wen Remnants.
Wei Wuxian went and bought seeds and farming tools, making sure to bargain down the price as much as possible. Wei Wuxian had to be frugal with the money he had.
After all, if he wasn't, it wouldn’t last long. Though it saddened Wei Wuxian to not be able to afford to buy A-Yuan toys when they were out. But he didn't have a choice...
Wei Wuxian needed to think of a plan going forward as to how to sustain them for the few years to come.
Wei Wuxian says few because he knows he doesn’t have long left. Whether it be a siege from the sects or demonic cultivation, one or the other will kill him. Wei Wuxian thinks he has perhaps five years at the most.
"Xian-gege! Xian-gege! Look!" A-Yuan whisper shouted excitedly, tugging on Wei Wuxian's after noticing some toys.
'Ah, we really can't afford to buy a toy.' Wei Wuxian teases A-Yuan and tries to draw his attention from the toys while looking at what food he should buy to take to Burial Mounds. He sighed. Finding food was one thing. Growing food that they would be able to eat and possibly grow on such an infertile land was another.
"Alright, A-Yuan, let's go back." He turned to look at his little radish.
Wei Wuxian's heart jolted in fear. A-Yuan wasn't by his side. He had literally just been right next to him!
He hurriedly left the vendor, forgetting about what he was doing in favor of looking frantically for A-Yuan, calling out his name.
He went around, looking every bit like a distressed parent, asking people if they had seen a child with A’ Yuan’s description but all he got in reply was 'no'. Just as he was about to be at his wit’s end, Wei Wuxian’s attention was drawn by a crowd up ahead, gawking at some scene, and he could hear a child wailing.
'A-Yuan!' Wei Wuxian hurried forward, heart racing wildly in his chest.
Wei Wuxian came to a stop when he saw the scene before him, his eyes lighting up.
He doubled over laughing with his hand to his mouth.
Lan Wangji stood amidst the crowd, frozen under all the watching eyes. He seemed at a loss of what to do and A-Yuan sat on the ground and had a grip on Lan Wangji's robes, bawling his eyes out.
Pffft. Taking another look at Lan Wangji's expression,Wei Wuxian burst out laughing again, so hard he bent forward from the laughter nearly falling over.
He heard one of the passersby speak up from the crowd in reply in assurance to someone else's comment about what was going on, muttering, "he was definitely scolded by his dad."
Lan Wangji looked up immediately refuting them.
Children always called out to those they were close to when they were scared, so A-Yuan kept crying out, 'Dad! Dad..!"
There were more mutterings from the crowd saying Lan Wangji was definitely his dad even though he wasn't.
Lan Wangji's expression became strange and Wei Wuxian decided to put them out of their misery and get them away from the crowd’s scrutiny. Wei Wuxian rubbed at the tears still lingering from his eyelashes after his laughter had long subsided.
Wei Wuxian pretended he only just saw the two when he spoke.
"Eh, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Wangji's head snapped up with force at his name, knowing instinctively who called his name. Their two eyes locked.
Wei Wuxian wasn't sure why, but he quickly turned his gaze away. A-Yuan stood up once he heard Wei Wuxian's voice and clung to his legs with big teary eyes.
Wei Wuxian paid no mind to the crowd's incredulous comments, waving his hand at them to shoo them away. "Alright, it's over. It's over."
The spectating crowd finally scattered and left them alone. Wei Wuxian then turned and smiled at Lan Wangji.
"Lan Zhan, what a coincidence! What are you doing here in Yiling?"
"A night-hunt." Lan Wangji answered, "Just passing by."
After hearing no enmity in Lan Wangji's tone, Wei Wuxian relaxed.
"...The child?" Lan Wangji inquired.
"Mine," Wei Wuxian spoke up instantly, his mouth having moved on its own.
Wei Wuxian laughed when he saw Lan Wangji's eyebrows twitch. "I'm joking, of course. He is someone else's. I just brought him out with me to play. How come you made him cry? Just what did you do?"
Lan Wangji was indifferent when he spoke, "I did not do anything."
Wen Yuan was still clutching Wei Wuxian's legs tightly, sobbing. Wei Wuxian understood.
To many who saw Lan Wangji, who was beautiful as a jade and like an untouchable cloud, seemingly reserved and cold, his expression that doesn't seem to ever smile, that would frighten a child.
Remembering this same jade-like man’s utterly lost expression made Wei Wuxian want to burst out into laughter again.
‘Ah, why does seeing Lan Zhan like this bring me so much joy?’ A smile made his way on his face without him knowing as Wei Wuxian invited the other man to a meal.
As they made their way to the inn, Wen Yuan stared longingly at some toys.
“You like it?” Wei Wuxian asked.
“.......Yeah.” Wen Yuan sniffed.
“Do you want it?”
“Yes...” A-Yuan stares with big, glimmering eyes up a Wei Wuxian
Wei Wuxian sighed and then turned away. As much as he wanted to indulge the child, they could not afford toys. They could barely afford to feed themselves, Wei Wuxian realized suddenly.
What was he doing inviting Lan Wangji for a meal when they could barely provide for themselves? Wei Wuxian pondered over this and bit his lips. Maybe he could tell Lan Zhan that he doesn’t have any money? But then Lan Zhan might pity him and pay for the meal and Wei Wuxian would feel so bad.
Or would Lan Wangji think it to be a joke? Or would he not understand?
As much as Wei Wuxian didn’t want to think about it, Lan Zhan was a privileged person.
Lan Qiren huffed angrily, making an indignant noise. Yabling Daoren rolled his eyes and Suibian stepped up, looking down on Lan Qiren with a raised eyebrow. "What, was he wrong? Was Lan Wangji not provided for by you and your sect? Did he not get to spend time with his mother? And his father? I know the situation back then between the two and your sect was… unique and a private matter, but nonetheless, Lan Wangji still had you and Lan Xichen, he still had support. Were you perfect in your 'parenting'? Certainly not but Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen still turned out as fine men, better than most here." Suibian all but growled.
"Wei Wuxian never remembered his parents. He survived years on the streets alone, fighting dogs over food, until he was finally taken in by the Jiang's. Even then… there was discord. Madam Yu wanted to believe in rumors more than her husband and hardly tried to discuss things like a calm, rational, and mature adult," Suibian kept speaking, fueled by his once again growing anger. "She wielded her bitterness as a weapon and started immediately trying to drive a wedge between two young boys to make them hate each other and make it out to be a constant competition and making her own child feel insecure and inferior because of her misplaced anger on a child, who was looking up to these two adults to trust and wanting a place over his head and have food to eat and didn't want to be kicked out and not have anywhere to go. A child who just wanted a home with a roof over his head and food to eat and companionship. It's such a simple thing to want, basic needs anyone should have but not everyone is as fortunate to have." Suibian kept his sharp glare until Lan Qiren and the Lans looked away.
From birth till now, Lan Wangji was guaranteed a roof over his head, a warm meal and clean clothes. Wei Wuxian, on the other hand, had an unstable rogue life with his parents and, while fun, was not a life meant for a young child, especially since they left him so early. His time on the streets, the bitterness he faced from Madam Yu, the passiveness from Uncle Jiang, the slow breakdown of his relationship with Jiang Cheng and even Shijie (who he knew had loved him and cared about him and tried soothe him when he needed it) had never really done anything to truly assuage his fears of never finding a home and reassured him, and with Madam Yu, he couldn't blame her nor did he blame Madam Yu. It was just the way things were and he had to accept it long ago.
Aiya, why is he even thinking of this? It’s all in the past. There’s nothing Wei Wuxian could do to change it.
‘For now, let me enjoy one meal with Lan Zhan. For just one day, let me have a break.’
While Wei Wuxian was distracted, Lan Wagji had apparently bought the toys that A’ Yuan was eyeing. Wei Wuxian was both happy and sad. Happy, because A’ Yuan deserved to be pampered and spoiled, and sad that Wei Wuxian himself could not provide this comfort to A’ Yuan.
They sat down at an inn and ordered some food. Wei Wuxian made sure that A’ Yuan had some food while he ordered himself only a jar of cheap wine. He couldn’t afford much more than that but then Lan Wangji ordered some spicy dishes.
For a moment, Wei Wuxian was utterly bewildered. From what he knew, Lan Zhan only ate his clan’s bland, tasteless food. Why would he suddenly take an interest in food so spicy that only Wei Wuxian would dare to eat?
‘Is Lan Zhan…..trying something new??’
Lan Xichen's eyes widened at seeing all the spice littered food placed before them. He realized why his little brother would have bought the spicy food dishes. Lan Wangji showed his love for someone mostly through actions and gestures, and sometimes it was so subtle. He knew Wangji did not eat spicy dishes, and his brother's food palette could not handle spices.
And Wei Wuxian had no idea, even then. Lan Xichen sighed heavily and glanced sadly at his younger brother.
'Oh, Wangji…' Lan Xichen turned his gaze back to the viewing, his heart having grown even heavier.
Lan Qiren just shook his head and said nothing.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! You like spicy food too?" He bent forward, "Spicy food is the best, isn't it?" Wei Wuxian gave a bright grin.
"No. For Wei Ying." Lan Zhan spoke softly. We Wuxian blinked. "EH? For me? All this spicy food...is it for me? Lan Zhan! You're such a kind, generous person! So noble, Hanguang-Jun! So befitting of your status and name!" Wei Wuxian chuckled.
Lan Wangji blinked but simply nodded. "Mn."
Wei Wuxian turned to A-Yuan, who they had ordered dumpling soup for and made sure he was eating well next to him. A-Yuan had full cheeks, looking adorable and Wei Wuxian wanted to pinch his cheek.
Lan Xichen's sigh had became more pronounced. "WangJi...Didi…"
Lan Wangji was looking down at the ground. If only.he had tried to speak more openly and confessed sooner… maybe he could have helped Wei Ying more…
Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang and a few other cultivators looked at Lan Wangji with pity, now recognizing his feelings for Wei Wuxian. There were more heavy, disheartened sighs echoing around the room.
Matters of the heart… were never simple.
They all helped drive the wedge between them and they were the reason why Wei Wuxian had died… because they believed him to be some terrible evil villain. It's become more clear with each memory...how they were truly the ones at fault.
They were more arrogant and ready to believe rumors, and clung to their hatred of the Wens after the war had ended.
They remembered how much Wei Wuxian had contributed to the war against the Wens...if it wasn't for him...many of them would be dead right now.
They remembered seeing how he gave up his golden core willingly for Sect Leader Jiang Cheng… and the cost that came with it. They antagonized him and insulted him for his cultivation (and he never had a choice) and drove a wedge between Wei Wuxian and Sect Leader Jiang, who still went along with it. Wei Wuxian tried to keep his distance and they were the instigators and they allowed themselves to be led by Sect Leader Jin Guangshan, of all people… they knew his personality, his character and they allowed themselves to be fooled and used by him against Wei Wuxian.
And at the siege… they slaughtered innocent people. The Wen Remnants were truly just normal civilians, with no cultivation and no weapons. At the time, they didn't care, and only saw what they wanted to see.
That Wei Wuxian had been building 'an army', but there was no army - just the weak and the elderly… and a hidden child no less...like they would dare to kill a child. But back then… many hearts were in turmoil just thinking about it.
They had fallen so low…
There were still a few cultivators who clung to their belief Wei Wuxian was just evil and that they were not in the wrong.
Because they could not handle the truth.
They sat for a few moments, Wei Wuxian talking and teasing Lan Wangji lightly, making sure he steered from the topic of his cultivation.
Wei Wuxian froze, alarmed when the talisman in his robes went up in flames. That was not a good sign.
He grabbed A-Yuan and apologized to Lan Wangji as he left in a hurry back to Burial Mounds, though he hadn't gotten very far as Lan Wangji stopped him and questioned him where his sword was. Wei Wuxian laughed lightly and brushed it off with the wave of his hands as he gave some excuse, trying to hurry.
"I will take you." Lan Wangji spoke. Wei Wuxian stared at him before giving a small sigh and going along with Lan Wangji, he gripped tight on A-Yuan as they flew back to Burial Mounds.
☆◇☆◇☆
Wei Wuxian coughed, spitting blood after Wen Qing smacked his back, Lan Wangji holding him up, having prevented him from collapsing. "Ah, Wen Qing, you're so cruel.." He whined. Wen Qing rolled her eyes.
Wen Ning approached, everything about the newly conscious fierce corpses of his friend apologetic, eyes that could no longer shed tears were full of guilt. Wei Wuxian laughed, teasing him, "it's okay, Wen Ning. Nothing I couldn't handle. All that matters is your back now."
"Thank you, Young Master Wei."
Wei Wuxian smiled, "No need. Don't thank me, it was the least I could do."
'After all, it's my fault you ended up like this, in a moment of rage. Because I was the one who failed.'
'Because I was too late and those Jin bastards did whatever the hell they wanted and still didn't think they had done anything wrong.'
'I failed you. I failed Wen Qing after promising to save you.'
'So...this was the least I could do, restoring your consciousness after promising that I would.'
'Deep down, I wasn't a hundred percent sure it would work...but I couldn't let Wen Qing down, couldn't let them all down. I didn't give up and attempted the impossible again and against the odds, I succeeded.'
It worked. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes momentarily at the fleeting feeling of relief that he instantly shoved away and opened his eyes again, turning his attention to Lan Wangji.
A part of him had the sudden inexplicable urge to ask him to stay, which was absurd. Ludicrous. There was no way he couldn't ask him to stay and the other couldn't anyway. He had a sect to return to after all.
He couldn't drag Lan Wangji down with him.
He wouldn't taint Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji was pure and upright, he was everything good. It was better this way.
"Come," Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji, "I'll see you off."
Wei Wuxian walked Lan Wangji down the dark path of the Burial Mounds, stopping at a certain point, where the light of dawn could finally be seen, brightening the treacherous bleak skies of the Burial Mounds. The bright dawn broke through the scent of death and darkness, and the sharp pristine scent of sunlight and clean air permeated around the three of them - warring with the foreboding aura of Burial Mounds behind Wei Wuxian and Wen Yuan who clung to his legs.
"Rich brother, you won't be eating here?" Wen Yuan peeked out from beside Wei Wuxian, staring with his big shiny eyes and pout on his lips.
Lan Wangji reached out with his hand and gently caressed the boy's head before pulling back again.
A-Yuan came forward, excitement coating his voice. "A-Yuan heard a secret! There will be lots of good food today!"
"He has food waiting for him at home, A-Yuan, so he can't stay." Wei Wuxian chided gently.
"Oh.." A-Yuan’s excitement faded and his small shoulders drooped, disappointment all over his face. He said nothing else after that.
They stood in silence for a few moments. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stared at one another in the quiet.
Wei Wuxian's voice broke the silence.
"Lan Zhan, you asked me earlier if I intend to stay like this from now on. I would like to ask you something as well. What can I do? What can I do aside from this?”
Wei Wuxian continued, “What if I give up the demonic path? Then what will become of the people on this mountain?
“Give up these people? I won’t do it. I can't. And I believe that if you were me… if you were in my place, you also would not be able to do it either.”
Wei Wuxian, looking out to the lit horizon overhead of the darkness, spoke once again, “Nobody can give me a nice, broad road to walk on. A road where I could protect those I want to protect without having to cultivate the ghostly path.”
'That path is no longer available to me. This is how things must be. Someone must stand for the Wen Remnants. They are innocent, and wanted to live peaceful lives. Someone has to protect them, protect A-Yuan.'
Lan WangJi's golden eyes stared at him. He had no reply.
. . . For they both already knew the answer inside their hearts.
There was no such road.
No solution existed.
The light that hovered just above the dark skies of Burial Mounds seemed to outline Wei Wuxian with a soft warm glow as a sweet, yet bittersweet smile twisted his lips when he spoke to Lan Wangji. Almost despondent, but still determined.
Wei Wuxian spoke slowly - softly, “Thank you for accompanying me today. And thank you for giving me the news about my shijie’s marriage too. However, let the self judge the right and the wrong, let others decide to praise or to blame, let gains and losses remain uncommented on. I, too, know what I should and shouldn’t do. I believe that I’ll be able to control it as well.”
'People will say what they want, believe what they want, hear what they want and condemn me either way. It doesn't matter to them if they don't have the truth or the whole story, some will speak rumors and others will believe them.
I know my reasons, I stand for what I believe in, my values and morals. I only wish to protect those dear to me, even with my dreadful, dark cultivation. It's all I have, the only power I have to defend myself and fight, fight to protect those I care for. Without it. . . I'm vulnerable.'
'Let them believe I am simply arrogant, power hungry, and that I chose to walk this path. I didn't choose this path. They know nothing, and it will stay that way as long as I have anything to say about it. I hope no one ever knows. . . If Jiang Cheng knew about my golden core. . . He would not take it well. He can never know.'
As if Lan Wangji had anticipated such an attitude since a while ago, Lan WangJi nodded slightly and closed his eyes.
This marked their farewell.
. . . . .
On the way back up the mountain, Wen Yuan held one of his hands and his wooden sword in the other, with his glass butterfly perched on his head.
"Xian-gege, would Rich-gege come back here again?'
"Whose 'Rich-gege', A-Yuan?" Wei Wuxian burst, arching his brow in question.
Wen Yuan spoke very seriously. "Rich-gege is rich."
"What about me?"
Expectedly, Wen Yuan replied, "You're Xian-gege, poor-gege."
Wei Wuxian gave the boy a look and picked the butterfly on Wen Yuan’s head, "What, you like Lan Zhan just because he has money?"
Wne Yuan grasped, reaching for the butterfly on his tippy toes trying to grab it. "Give it back… he bought it for me!"
Wei Wuxian teases Wen Yuan, placing the butterfly upon his own head. "I won't. You even called him dad. You've only called me brother!"
"I didn't call him dad!"
"I heard it," Wei Wuxian sniffed, "I don't care. I want to be someone above brothers and dads," he looked at A-Yuan, "What should you call me?"
Wen Yuan closed his little arms, pouting. "A-Yuan doesn't want to call you mom… It's weird."
Wei Wuxian snickered inwardly, wanting to laugh but he swallowed it down as he continued to tease Wen Yuan as they made their way back until he tossed the butterfly back onto Wen Yuan’s head. He hurried to place it back inside his pocket.
"Will Rich-gege come back or not?" Wen Yuan gazed up at Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian was still smiling.
He replied a little later. "He probably won't come back."
Wen Yuan was disappointed. "Why not?"
"Why? There is no why. In this world, each person has their own things to do, their own paths they walk. He is busy enough with his own sect. How could he have the time to follow and stick around others?"
Wen Yuan responded with an 'oh' and seemed to be discouraged, looking at the ground, and still pouting. Wei Wuxian smiled and ruffled his hair.
He and Lan Wangji were not on the same path at all.
Wei Wuxian grabbed Wen Yuan and tucked him under his arm, humming, "Who cares for the wide, straight and narrow broad road, crowded so, I will walk in the night on this plank bridge - the dark where there's no light - through all the night. . ."
Night…
Huh?
It didn't seem like nighttime at all, for there was light after all.
Wei Wuxian stopped abruptly, staring at the sight before him, eyes widening.
All around the little shacks were swept clean and weeds removed. A few red lanterns were all hung up in the forest on the sides, and these lanterns were all made by hand. Though the shapes were simple, each lantern on the branches gave off a warm light that lit up the pitch darkness of the forest.
And unlike usual, everyone was waiting for him. Wei Wuxian walked over with Wen Yuan under his arm. "Why are you all here today and not sleeping? These lanterns. . . It's so bright."
Wen Qing walked out from the kitchen at the side, a plate in her hand. "They were hung for you. Tomorrow, we will make more to hang along the mountain path. Hurrying around in the dark all the time, you're bound to trip and break your bones sometime."
"But I have you, even if that does happen."
Wen Qing arched a brow, "that would make far too much work and it's not like I'm getting paid. If you do end up breaking them, don't you dare complain when I hamper your bones when putting them back in place."
Wei Wuxian backed away with a shiver.
He noticed everyone had made a place for him, and hadn't even started to eat yet.
They waited for him.
As he took a seat made for him at the head of one of the tables, he took everything in. A-Yuan was with Granny now and speaking animated lyrics with her and everyone's eyes were on Wei Wuxian.
In the past… it was not that he couldn't tell that they had been afraid of him. They had all heard about the things he did during the Sunshot Campaign and knew of his ruthless reputation during that time, of the almost cruel ways he vented his anger and they had witnessed with their own eyes how he had also used corpses to kill others.
In the beginning, the first couple of days, Granny Wen's legs shook every time she saw him and she would hold onto Wen Yuan tightly as if to protect the child from him. And Wen Yuan would hide behind her legs whenever he saw Wei Wuxian.
He would never dare harm a child. He'd die first. And he had only gone after Wens who deserved his wrath.
They only started to approach him after some time had passed, it was slow and gradual as they came to know him and learned to trust him.
And at the very moment, they were all staring at him.
Although some of the gazes still held a slight bit of fear in them that would probably never go away. For alongside some caution and a bit of ingratiation, that fear had stemmed from veneration as well. Even more so, those eyes all held the same gratitude and kindness that were also present within the eyes of the Wen siblings.
"You have worked very hard these past few days," Wen Qing said in a low voice.
"Ah, with you suddenly speaking so nicely to me all of the sudden… I'm a little frightened? "Wei Wuxian blinked slowly.
He hastily shut up, having seemed to have heard her knuckles crack. Inside himself, he had a small smile.
She continued softly, admitting that they had all wanted to eat dinner with him but he's always so restless and busy or holed up in his cave and they didn't want to disturb or annoy him and thought he didn't like interacting with others or that he didn't want to talk to them, and they were too embarrassed to talk to him.
And then Wen Qing mentioned wine. They wanted to drink wine and eat with him.
The thought of wine had him even more thrilled inside.
When he praised them for the wine, they all smiled brightly at him as if they had received the greatest of compliments from him and began to eat.
It was the very first time Wei Wuxian could not tell what the wine tasted like.
'It's not so dark after all.'
Wei Wuxian brought the wine to lips again and took a sip to savor it this time instead of gulping it down and he was smiling.
His heart felt content in this moment, realizing that with some light guiding him, his path wasn't so dark and with these people he swore to himself to protect, these people who had become like a second family to him, all the more precious.
He basked in the warmth and peace of the moment, even with the lingering feeling of shadows at the back of his mind for whatever the next day may bring, whatever the future held -
This moment… looking at all of them, at A-Yuan, who beamed at him and tried to share some of his food and called him Xian-gege.
His smile grew to a full grin. He pushed away his worries and lived in this moment.
Jiang Cheng flinched, hand gripping tightly above his heart.
Wei Wuxian… brother… I'm so sorry.
Lan Wangji's eyes shimmered with unshed tears, his heart feeling pricked by thousands of needles at seeing his beloved’s bright, content grin and how he seemed to glow with happiness in that moment, despite the darkness, despite everything he suffered up to that current moment and he knew how Wei Ying felt moved and touched by the Wens lighting his way on Burial Mounds.
Many cultivators once again felt shame and guilt, knowing they also helped kill the Wen Remnants or they stood by and did nothing as innocent people were unjustly slaughtered, they just didn't realize how wrong they were back then.
They had really made terrible mistakes and they couldn't be undone.
Lan Qiren sighed heavily, heart feeling weighed down by his own guilt and shame. How he wished. . . Lan Qiren shook his head to himself.
Lan Xichen tried to comfort Lan Wangji as best as he could and felt he had let his little brother down.
Nie Mingjue was patting his younger brothers back in an attempt to comfort him, as the other held his fan closely, tears falling from his eyes.
Xiao Xingchen's felt sorrow for his young shidi who seemed to have suffered so much and there was still more to come. He glanced at Song Lan, who nodded to him and stood close, saying. I'm here.
Yanling Daoren and Suibian huddled close together, fingers intertwined, focused on Wei Wuxian's memories as they unfolded bit by bit.
Yanling Daoren's gaze turned toward Lan Wangji and he smiled.
It seemed like someone decided to show himself.
