Bang!

I wake up with a start. Somebody’s knocking at my door!

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Okay, trying to kick it in would probably better describe what the person outside my room is doing.

“Timmy!”

I dart into an upright position, already feeling myself up halfway through the motion. Thank God, I’ve already changed back. There’s my flat chest, there’s just a hint of stubble on my chin.

“What?” I call back. She won’t come in, not until she knows I’m dressed. Pearl is smart that way.

“Can you make me pancakes?” Her voice is so sweet and pleading. A smile creeps onto my lips. She just won’t give up.

“Don’t you have anything else to eat?” I call back half-heartedly as I put back the thin blanket.

“Nope!” It’s audible she’s proud of having looked first. “No bread and we’re fresh out of cereals!”

How awfully convenient for her. “And Mum hasn’t gone shopping yet?” I open the door to my room and step out into the hallway.

Pearl is still in her pyjamas too, looking up at me with a tooth-gapped grin.

“She has to work. She told me to ask you to get everything.”

Well, I do have holidays after all. Only reasonable for my parents to ask me to participate in keeping the house upright.

I sigh. “Sure. But pancakes first, right?” I know my little sister. She’s not the patient kind.

“Yesss!”

Once again I find myself amazed at how good she is at reading the mood. Had she come at me like this just a few days ago, I certainly wouldn’t have reacted the way I do now.

On bare feet, I head down the stairs, past Mum’s bureau and into the kitchen. I used to make pancakes regularly, I’ve gotten quite proficient at it. Well, I didn’t do it in over a month, but I’m sure I can’t have forgotten everything so quickly.

Pearl pads in behind me, sits down at the kitchen table, knees pulled to her chest and turns on the small radio.

‘The comet continues to cause excitement. Already, there are full collages of comet pictures. The hashtag #cometandi has overtaken social media by storm. All over the world, teenagers and young adults party outside and in nature. Many report a constant feeling of elation. Psychologists say that might be due to the knowledge that, if the comet were to strike earth, humanity as such would seize to exist. Spiritualists on the other hand accredit this effect to the comet’s supposed magical properties.

“It’s affecting you as well,” Pearl giggles as I pour the first portion of dough into the pan.

Stiffly, I get out a spatula and fiddle with the heat regulator. “You think so?” I ask. I’ll have to do some more research these days, once reports of possible supernatural events have been tested and verified. I can’t be the only one, can I?

“Yeah, totally. Did the comet tell you to be happy?”

I freeze. There’s no way she knows, is there? Yet still… Forcedly, I shimmy the spatula underneath the small pancake, lift it up and turn it.

“Or did something else happen?” I breathe a low sigh of relief as she giggles giddily. “Do you have a girlfriend now?”

“What? No!” I act all offended, which makes her laugh even more. But in my mind I’m relieved.
She doesn’t get everything right.

Still, it’s creepy. I’ll have to pay special attention that she never meets me as Selena. Something makes me very certain that she would know immediately.

Later, as the two of us are eating, I check my phone. Three unread messages on Discord.

GragasisBae: Yo! You’re not up yet?

GragasisBae: What happened?

GragasisBae: K, I’ll eat breakfast then. Tell me when ur up

There’s a pang of guilt in my chest. The way I understood it, he doesn’t even really care about playing. Chewing, I put the fork aside and begin typing.

Timothy: Hey, thought we could do something outside today.

Timothy: Visit the old spots maybe?

Alex barely takes ten seconds before replying. He must’ve been waiting for my message.

GragasisBae: Sure. When and where?

He knows not to make me uncomfortable by teasing me about the change in my behaviour.

Timothy: Gotta go shopping first. Meet by the water at 2?

GragasisBae: It’s a date ;)

Over the years, Alex and I have spent a lot of time exploring the largely-untouched nature east of the village. There are loads of hills, overgrown with forest, small caves and hidden crevices. The Water, as we call it, is a beautiful waterfall, a bit further away. It’s rather hard to reach, so nobody besides us ever really went there. It’s not really big either, maybe three metres over two stages. The pit at the bottom isn’t even deep enough to jump into. It doesn’t usually carry a lot of water. But it doesn’t have to be impressive. It’s pretty and secluded, that’s all I need.

We spent so much time there and in the forest around it, playing secret agents, eating sandwiches and drinking home-made lemonade, talking about girls and life.

Remarkably, the forest hasn’t changed much since then. Sure, plants have died and were replaced by new ones, but the trees are still the same.

After only a few metres, I leave the narrow hiking track that leads up one of the taller hills. I have to carefully find my way past an abundance of nettles and brambles at the edge of the path, but after that it’s a relaxed walk more than anything.

The trees provide a pleasant shield against the hot summer sun, birds chirp contently, the air – not as heavy as in the village’s streets – smells of bark, leaves and fern.

I take my time. Alex was never one to be very punctual and even if he were, I’ve got enough time.
It feels strange to be here. It’s been years since I last ventured these hills. Everything feels slightly surreal, like a childhood memory coming alive.

As I walk, my thoughts keep circling back to what Pearl said, what I’d suspected the night before, when I’d been me and yet a different person entirely.

What happened? Why am I doing this right now? It’s almost like a part of that confident person I was at night, stuck with me even in the light of day. Well, 'confident' being used in a generous manner. I didn’t feel very confident while I was hiding my face from Alex’s eyes. But it was still better than the way I used to act during day. The Timothy I’d been three days ago would have just swam away.

I don’t like the thought that the comet, or whatever it is that turns me into Selena as soon as I swim at the lake, might be altering my personality. But at the same time, isn’t this exactly what I need? Don’t I want to be more outgoing? Don’t I want to be more content with the person I am? Somehow, the comet, the voice and Selena, are providing exactly that.

Alex is already there when I arrive. He’s sitting on a rock right next to the waterfall, his feet dangling. He’s got his rucksack with him.

I wave as I emerge from the trees and onto the rocks surrounding the water. He looks up and waves back.

“Yooo!” he calls.

“Yo!” I reply. A grin spreads my lips and I hurry up the rocks to sit down beside him.

“Great idea, this. Haven’t been here in ages.” He says it like he’d never asked me to join him on a trip. He’d done so countless times and I’d refused or just not answered just as many times. But he doesn’t mention it.

“Me neither.” Dreamily, I let my gaze wander over the trees before us. If we were just a few metres higher, we could look over them. I’m sure the sight would be magnificent.

“Hey, you know what I brought along?”

I turn my head to look at him. His huge grin is a dead giveaway.

“You didn’t!” A pleasant warmth spreads around my chest and seeps out into my extremities and lower torso.

He nods. “Oh yes, I did. Mum gave me the recipe.” Teasingly slowly he opens the zip to his bag, then pulls out a large glass bottle, filled with pale yellow liquid.

It’s the lemonade we used to drink up here. His mother used to make it sometimes to encourage staying hydrated throughout the day.

“Wow. Did you already try it?” I’m so curious to see whether it tastes as good as I remember it.

He acts offended. “I would never betray you like that!” Then he breaks into a grin and hands me the first bottle, producing a second one right after. “Here, you have this one.”

I take it, hold it in my lap as I watch him get out a pack of rosemary and salt crackers. They’re the same brand we always used to take along on our trips.

“All set.” With another grin in my direction, he presses against a small leaver and the cork, before fastened in place by a pair of wires, falls away. I follow the example.

“Here’s to summer.”

We look each other in the eyes as we clink the bottles together. It’s more of a mock gesture than anything, but it’s part of the tradition.

“Here’s to summer,” I repeat, more to myself, lift the bottle and take the first swig.

Cool liquid flows past my lips and into my mouth. A hint of sourness pricks my tongue, then sweetness. The taste of ginger and lemon twirl and dance around my mouth causing a tiny turbulence.

It’s just like I remember it.

Impressions of past times flash past me. There’s the sound of wind in the trees, feet hitting against the forest floor in an effort to take flight with speed, almost not futile. There’s the warm feeling of sunshine, the coolness of water, all mixed and elevated by childish contentedness.

“I assume it was worth the effort?”

It’s Alex’s voice that pulls me back into the real world.

I nod. “Yeah, absolutely. It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad…”

A pleasant pause ensues, in which we occasionally sip our drinks and enjoy the atmosphere.
“Do you think,” Alex starts then, “you’d like to repeat this sometime?”

He’s not giving me a specific day, instead cautiously checking the waters.

He knows I won’t say no directly, but the old me would have found an excuse.

But why? I wonder. It’s so illogical, somehow. And yet, back then, it made so much sense.

But I’m feeling good right now and I want this. So I nod.

“Yeah, sure. I totally missed this without realising.”

He nods once more. “Agreed. I’ll totally miss this when I move out.”

Huh? He’d never told me about that before. “So you plan to leave once you’re done with school?”

“You don’t?” He seems honestly surprised.

I shrug. “Never really thought about it. We’ve still got another year to go, don’t we?” And anyway, I have bigger problems. Even though I seem to be slowly solving the biggest one.

“Fair enough…”

“Do you want to go far away?” The further, the lower the chance of us meeting much after school, right? I don’t like the thought of my only proper friend leaving me behind. He won’t have trouble making new ones.

He shrugs. “It’s not a condition for me. I like it here, you know? It’s just… you can’t go to university here, can you?”

“Still want to study oceanography?” It’s been his goal since he was like twelve. Water is his obsession and since there’s no greater mass of water than in the oceans, studying oceanography is kind of a no-brainer. He used to collect underwater photographs and hang them around his room. Whenever I came to visit him, he’d show me all the new pictures he’d accumulated and go on and on about how beautiful they were. I used to really like listening to that. It’s great to hear somebody talk with such passion, my best friend even more so.

At some point he just stopped talking about it. In hindsight it was probably around the time I retreated more and more from his life. Was he afraid he was annoying me with his excitement?

He nods, smacks his lips. “Yup.”

I smile. So at least that hasn’t changed.

He hands me one of the crackers and I take it, chewing thoughtfully as I stare at the rushing water. What if I just went with him to Uni? I could wait until he decides, then tag along and study whatever suits my interests. I don’t have to be passionate about it, do I?

“You… think you might want to go to the same University?” he asks tentatively, as though reading my mind. “I mean, if they offer the courses you want to do,” he adds quickly before I can reply.

I grin. “Don’t know why not.” Taking another sip from the bottle, I get up.

All of a sudden, I feel very energetic. I feel like doing something I haven’t done in a long time.

“Where are you going?” Alex asks as he takes the bottle from my hand and puts it back into his rucksack.

“Not me. Us,” I say and hold out my hand to help him up. “When did we last climb the Old Tree?”

Memory lights up his eyes. Of course, he knows what I’m talking about. How could he not? The large oak is a sight to behold. Its large branches pretty much an invitation to spend the day away from the ground. Funnily enough, though, we only figured out how to get up there when we were already twelve. Because the oak’s lowest branches are still three metres off the ground. So yeah, we had to get inventive.

Once we were tall and strong enough to climb the surrounding trees, reaching the oak became suddenly very possible. We just had to climb a neighbouring beech, walk along a branch five metres off the ground, manage the last metre without anything to hold on to and then cling on to a particularly steep and thick branch to get onto the oak. Easy, right?

It’s not far away from the waterfall. The sound of the water is still audible sitting on the tree. It makes for a great atmosphere. Besides the waterfall, it was always our favourite spot to hang out.

“Wow. It’s been some time, huh?”

The trees seem to have shrunken a little. One of the branches a bit further up on the oak has broken off. I still remember how I’d climbed along it, pretending to be on the lookout for enemies that would sneak up on us any moment.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, so,” Alex says, adjusting his belt, “which one was it again? This one, right?” With his hand, he taps against a low-hanging branch on the beech we’re standing next to.

It’s a rhetorical question, of course. He knows just fine.

He reaches up, grasps the branch with both hands. Two practised moves later, he’s standing up there, grinning down at me.

“Still got it.” Swiftly, he moves away to the upper branches to make space for me.

It’s strange, not having to jump to reach the branch. By now I barely have to stretch to get a proper grip. I’ve really grown these last few years.

Half a minute later, both of us are perched opposite Bridge, as we used to call it.

“You wanna go first?” Alex asks. He was the first one on that tree ever, naturally so, considering that he’s always been the more daring one. So now he’s letting me go first.

I nod. “A true honour.” Slowly, I stand and take the first step along the wood. The branch that we used to hold on to is roughly at the height of my shoulders now. The reason why we had to balance the last bit, was because our short arms couldn’t reach it anymore, as it had grown at an angle. I don’t have that problem anymore. My arms reach easily now and I make my way across without incident. The oak’s bark is rough against my hands, my feet find grip with ease.

Alex makes it even faster and soon, we’re leaning against particularly thick, angled branches, feet stemmed against the trunk to support our weight. Our favourite spots are just the way I remember them.

“I know I’ve already said this, but it was an amazing idea to come out here today,” Alex says with a lazy grin.

That’s the moment I remember I wanted to ask him something. He accepted my idea this morning without a hitch.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you actually like playing League?”

He gives me a look of surprise. “’Course I do. Think I’d play otherwise?”

Averting my gaze, I shrug. “I mean, I was the one to start on that whole playing-the-whole-day thing. I just wasn’t really sure-”

“I like doing stuff with you, y’know? And if that means playing League, I’m totally down.” The grin is audible when he continues. “Of course, I won’t complain if I get to see you face-to-face a little more often this summer.”

I just nod silently. I appreciate his honesty, just as much as I appreciate his efforts not to let me know how worried he was just the night before.

Yes, he still hasn’t told me about the girl he meets at the lake, late into the night, but isn’t it better that way? His motives for keeping that secret aside, if he told me, I’d either have to lie or tell him the truth. Neither of the options are particularly appealing to me.

We spend the rest of the day in the tree. Alex has brought his bag and hung it on a stubble, where we could occasionally reach for another sip of lemonade or a cracker. Of course, just like in past times, our rations don’t last the entire day. By the time we jump down from the tree, the sun is closing in on the horizon and our stomachs are growling for food.

The mood is great still. Alex races me a part of the way home and though he wins with ease, I still enjoy it greatly. The day was an absolute success and when we part at the forest border, we promise each other to do another trip soon.