We had been window shopping for a while and had even gone to see a forgettable blockbuster movie in between it all. After observing the group during that time, it felt safe to say that at least from the outside, Gwen and Ben’s relationship was just as it had been in the old times B.Z(Before Zoey). There was no doubt in my mind that she had smiled more today than I’d seen her smile all year up until that point. It was relieving that she had gotten at least a day that resembled a happy ending after everything that had happened in the past two weeks.

Besides that, Penny seemed to be upset with Warren for some reason. They’re probably the two I know the least about, so I couldn’t exactly guess what was going on there. Were they dating? Was there friction between them? I might have asked Gwen if it were just the two of us, but there was no chance I’d stick my neck out in this crowd. Unfortunately for Penny herself, there didn’t seem to be anyone else that she could spend much time talking to since Gwen was so busy with Ben the entire time.

As for Lawrence, he appeared to be desperately trying to make a move on Naomi all day. Okay, desperate might be a strong word. He might have been handling it well, all things considered. But Naomi was doing a good job of deflecting his advances every time. Or maybe she was just that clueless?

Either way, she may have decided at some point that it would be a good idea to stick to me all day long and, as a result of that decision, she refused to be plied away by Lawrence no matter how thick he laid it on her. It was something I was extremely grateful for as the odd duck of the group. If it weren’t for her, this whole outing would have been a miserable experience on par with getting a teeth pulled at the dentist. Especially when you considered just one more dynamic that had surfaced in our little group get together.

“This dress looks good, huh?” Naomi asked, picking out a red sundress she’d found on one of the racks.

“Looks good,” Lawrence said.

“Sure does. Hey Tristan, why don’t you try it on?” Ben asked. “Probably the only way you’ll ever get under a woman’s skirt.”

“Oh Ben.” Gwen laughed.

Small quips like those from Ben weren’t exactly uncommon throughout the day. It had gotten to the point where I felt like slinking away without anyone noticing. It wasn’t like he was outwardly telling me that I didn’t belong or anything. They were just microaggressions that could have just as easily passed as banter between two buddies, so I doubt that his friends would’ve bothered sticking their neck out to defend me. But still, I had to admit to myself that it had, for all intents and purposes, ruined my time at the mall.

“Are you okay, Trist?” Naomi asked once he was out of earshot.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

Naomi was the only one who bothered checking in with me. Of course, she wasn’t the most confrontational person in the world. She had accepted an inexplicable break up from Lance and had kept chugging along as if nothing happened, after all. In fact, I’m surprised that they even fought at all last week. So to expect her to go toe to toe with an angry Ben who was hiding said anger behind his playful demeanor might be a little entitled of me.

“Just ignore him. He’s obviously still bitter about the whole Zoey thing.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s fine.”

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder why Gwen had even bothered inviting me at all. She hadn’t so much as attempted to make conversation with me the entire time. Was it because she was just so happy to be spending time with Ben again? Or was she worried about upsetting him? If it was the latter, then perhaps it would have been better if I hadn’t come at all.

About half an hour later, the group of us ended up at the food court again with ice cream in hand. It had been a couple of hours, so everyone had already run out of steam at that point. The energy levels had come down and it was probably about time for someone to initiate the splitting of the group.

“Hey Tristan, what flavor did you get?” Ben asked.

“Vanilla.”

“And what else?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh really? Couldn’t you have gotten a good flavor then? Since you only chose one?”

Gwen gave a slight smile, snuggling herself up to Ben as he held his arm around her.

I offered up a defeated smile and went back to picking at my cup of ice cream with a spoon. Just what’s wrong with vanilla anyway? It’s sweet and tasty, which is anything you could ever want in ice cream. Does he think that having fat, disgusting nuts in his ice cream makes him special or something?

“Benny Ben, if you’re going to be rude to other people all day then you should at least try to be likable first.”

   I hadn’t realized it, but his snide remarks had finally broken even the passive Naomi.

“Woah.” Ben reeled back sarcastically. “Chill out Nao. Don’t get mad when your boyfriend isn’t taking it personally.”

She clicked her tongue then looked away. “You’re really annoying today, you know.”

“I’m annoying?”

“Yeah, you’re the sole reason this whole thing’s been such a drag.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Is this all because of that loser Tristan? I’m just joking, you know.”

“Just Trist? What, are you blind? You’re ignoring everyone to be with Gwen.”

“No, I’m not,” he said,

“Yes? It’s gotten to the point where Penny, who wants to hang out with Gwen, and Warren, who wants to hang out with you, have both kind of been doing nothing this entire time. I don’t know if they’re fighting or something, but you haven’t even bothered to think about them at all.”

“We’re not fighting… right?” Warren asked Penny, who looked away with an annoyed expression.

“And Lawrence doesn’t want to get in the way of you two,” Naomi continued. “So he’s only bothering to talk to me and Tristan.”

Well, he was only talking to Naomi because he was hitting on her, but I decided not to correct her.

“Why are you pretending to know anything about us? Why did you invite her anyway, Gwen?”

Gwen didn’t respond. She had apparently decided to look down at her phone as if she weren’t a part of the conversation unfolding before her, still leaning her head into his chest.

“God, nevermind,” Naomi said, standing up. “I’m leaving.”

“Hey, wait,” Lawrence said. “Come on Ben. You have to admit, you’ve been going a little too hard on Tristan today.”

“What? Seriously? Come on. He’s a grown man, he can take a joke.”

“You say that, but you know if he did it back you wouldn’t be happy about it.”

The remark seemed to produce a grin on Ben’s face. “Yeah? Why don’t we test that theory then?”

He leaned his neck forward to face me, who had been absentmindedly watching the conversation as if it hadn’t anything to do with mE.

“I don’t really…” I paused. “I mean, nothing you said bothered me all that much, so…”

“Nah, Law opened his big mouth so now we need to prove something. Go on man, riff with me. Show me how I can’t handle it.”

“Trist, you don’t have to play along. He’s just being an idiot,” Naomi said. “Come on, let’s just leave.”

“I’m an idiot? You’re joking, right?”

“See?” Lawrence shrugged. “You can’t even handle being called an idiot.”

“Shut the fuck up, Larry.”

“Don’t call me Larry.”

“And you, why haven’t you said anything to me yet Tristan? Go on, do it. Make it real nasty too.”

To be honest, I would have preferred it if this all ended without incident. I didn’t care all that much that Ben was dying to make his purpose this trip about berating me in front of his friends. Besides, I’m not Zoey. I can’t just whip out a witty line that’ll prove Lawrence’s point.

“Trist,” Naomi said. “We’re leaving.”

“Come on Nao, just one itty bitty line of banter. I’ll leave him alone, okay? Promise.”

But why not? I’ve been Zoey Brahm before, haven’t I? Can’t I just channel her calmness within myself again?

“Man, what is wrong with you today, Ben? Can’t you just drop it?” Lawrence asked.

“Yea, just drop it,” I said. “Don’t take it out on me just because you got exposed by someone half your size last week.”

Naomi snorted, then immediately covered her mouth to hide her smile. Lawrence looked over at me in shock then covered his face. Penny’s eyes widened. Warren was as absent-minded as ever. Gwen was still going through her phone as if she hadn’t heard me. And Ben…

“Wait, I’m sorry. Was that supposed to be funny? Have you ever even stepped on a court before? What gives you the right to talk about what happened in that game?”

A shot of adrenaline ran through my body, but for some reason it dissipated just as quickly as it had come. Was it the medication’s effects calming me down, or was I just that good at emulating Zoey? Everyone’s attention was centered on me now, and I felt Benjamin’s rage. But simply by taking a deep breath, expelling all of the stress and tension from my body was simple.

“I don’t need to be LeBron James to know that you were mad enough to throw your basketball career away,” I said. “I wonder how that poor ref feels anyway? Have you even apologized to him yet?”

“I didn’t throw it away, you fucking moron. It’s just a setback. I’ll get my position back. I’ll get scouted for college. And then I’ll make the NBA. It was a small mistake. You can’t buy talent like me with a million dollars, and Principal Harry’s gonna realize that eventually. But what about you? You wish you were even a tenth as valuable to society as I am. An ant like you isn’t even worth my little finger.”

“What is wrong with you?!” Naomi yelled.

“What? He started it.”

“You’re the one who asked me to,” I said.

“Yeah, that one wasn’t funny. Try again.”

I felt like he was baiting me. No matter what I said, it was obvious that my only options were either saying something pathetic or cutting him deep. But to be honest, as scary as this whole situation was, it was fun to see him get riled up. Is that how Zoey felt when she got a reaction out of people?

“Go on, hurry up fuckhead,” he said.

“Or what, you’ll hit me like you hit Gwen?”

This time, everyone’s faces went pale. It seemed like I had hit a sore spot, but the tension in the atmosphere helped me to realize that there was something deeply wrong here. Did they just never talk about it with him, or did their conversation about his violence go that poorly? Why was no one speaking up?

Gwen herself, for some reason, almost didn’t seem to hear me. She was still dialed into using her phone with a blank expression as if the world around her were the background noise of a television she’d left on earlier in the day.

Ben’s face, on the other hand, was as red as the sky was when Gwen had driven me home the day before.

“Ben,” Lawrence said. “You don’t have to say anything, man. You made your point. Let’s just change the topic.”

“The fuck did you say to me? This fucker’s just saying shit to say it and I’m supposed to change the topic? Are you serious?”

Lawrence took a deep breath. “Yes. It’s not worth it. He doesn’t know anything about you. Just move on. He moved on when you said your piece, remember? You can’t just act like you didn’t deserve it when you forced him to say his.”

“You’re comparing making fun of his shitty ice cream to this? Seriously?”

“It’s more than the ice cream,” Naomi muttered.

“Ben,” Warren spoke up. “Let it go.”

“You too?”

It seemed as if everyone had had enough of Ben today. It was now Warren, Lawrence, Naomi, and me, against Ben. Perhaps it was too much to gang up on him like that. But that just spoke to how overbearing his presence had been throughout his years at Deer Valley. Only under the strength of a united front did anyone have the courage to stand up to him. The only people who hadn’t spoken up were Penny, who was probably too terrified of Ben to say anything, and Gwen, who had been pretending this entire time that nothing was going on. Surely, she must have had some thoughts on the rubble crashing around her, right? So why was she wearing that poker face while staring at her phone?

“Haaa, whatever. Maybe I did go too far.”

He fell back into his chair with a sigh. Surprisingly, he had calmed down rather easily after everything. All it took was his friends putting their feet down for him to take a look inside of himself. Why hadn’t they done this sooner? Maybe he would have stepped off Zoey earlier had they had an intervention.

“Hey babe, are you good?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am.” She lifted the bottle of perfume Ben had bought her from the shopping bag. “By the way, I meant to ask you about this.”

“Don’t worry about the price, it’s my gift to you.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just… this is what Zoey wears, isn’t it?”

“Huh? Is it?”

She’d brought it up so casually that I couldn’t help but open my mouth in shock. Lawrence seemed to be surprised too.

“Yeah. I thought the scent reminded me of someone, so I just texted her to ask. Apparently, it’s the exact same one. She named the brand perfectly without me even saying anything. What’s up with that?”

Lawrence and Penny both tensed up. All the efforts they had put into making today a success had been for nothing, and the worry over what would happen next was clearly visible in their faces.

“Oh, really? My bad,” he said, wearing his usual expression. “Does that bother you?”

“Not really. I’ll wear whatever if it makes you happy.”

“Oh really? Damn babe, I love you so much.”

She smiled. “Not as much as I love you, Ben.”

The two of them exchanged a brief kiss and Gwen rested her head onto his shoulder.

The sight of a happy couple.

Gwen, who would do anything to make her boyfriend happy, had accepted the perfume despite the obviously malicious ulterior motive he’d held in his heart.

Of course she did.

This was a girl who would go as far as drugging him or murdering her love rival just to make things normal again.

It’s only natural that being more like Zoey was something she’d consider if it meant winning his love.

After all, his love is all that really matters, isn’t it?

I should be happy that she’s gotten to the ending she’d been after for so long.

I examined her friends.

I looked at Penny, who smiled nervously.

At Warren, who stared absentmindedly at the scene.

At Lawrence, who was just relieved that things had been resolved peacefully.

At Naomi, whose inspective gaze hovered over everyone else.

I should be happy.

I should have been happy.

And so, I decided, despite the sick, twisted emotions forming on the inside of my stomach, that I would indeed be happy for them.

 

---

 

The next thing I knew, my nostrils were assailed by the overwhelming scent of cinnamon that had suddenly engulfed us at the table. The bottle lay shattered in hundreds of pieces on the floor of the food court. The fatigue from the medication must have gotten to me, because I didn’t remember swiping the bottle from Gwen. I didn’t remember plunging its weight against the hard tiled floors. I didn’t remember the sound, the sight of the explosion, or anything else.

And yet, it was me. The only possible culprit. Standing there. The red muscle of anger pounding against my chest was pumping warm blood through my arteries at a rate beyond anything I’d experienced in my days of cycling in the morning. My arm screaming in pain from the excessive force I’d mustered up. My shoes soaked in the orange splatter of the expensive concoction. I stared down at my jittery hands, the hands that had destroyed the peace everyone else was trying so desperately to protect today.

What peace, though?

None of it was real.

Gwen was clearly in pain.

How could I be happy for her when she was trying so hard to stifle her tears over that stupid perfume?

I turned to face Gwen, who finally wiped the boredom from her face. It must have been the first time I’d seen her express anything since we sat down at that table. Did I break the spell? Would she hate me forever? I wanted to know. In this scene of the film, Gwen Diaz was the only person that mattered. I wanted to free her. I had no idea why, but I desperately wished to free her from the one-sided love that she’d found herself trapped in.

I’m not Zoey. No matter how much I try to emulate her, I just can’t keep cool the way she does. I can’t come up with some contrived plan to neatly tie up all of the loose ends the way I did when I was under her influence. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to act when something upsets me. Whether that’s a good thing or not remained to be seen, however. Because when I turned to face Benjamin, I had come to the realization that I may have just doomed myself to something I had yet to mentally prepare myself for. There was something bubbling beneath the surface of his furrowed brows, and I was about to find out why everyone steered clear of the raging bull that was Benjamin Otto.

“You’re dead, Tristan.”