DECEMBER 14, 2024: 

 

“You’re sure that you’re, like, okay with me, like, doing this, right?” I asked, adjusting my beanie and gloves nervously. With the sun having set already I was beginning to feel the evening chill of a Washington winter and felt like there was rarely ever enough clothes in the world to keep the shivvers at bay. 

 

Rachel, for her part, was once again decked out in her trademark pink beanie, jacket and gloves, “Yeah, no, like, duh?! Just, like, have a great time! I’ll be nearby in case he’s, like, an ax murder-er-er-er or whatevs!” She has broken character to wear jeans, for practicality’s sake.

 

“Well, if he’s an ax murder-er-er-er I sure as shit hope—fuck, it’s cold tonight—that you’re, like, a stitcher-er-er-er back-er-er-er or whatevs!”

 

“It’s Washington, it’s, like, always cold—chirp!”

 

“I love you, too, honey—wait, fuck, are you really sure? Like, I think—I think I’m okay with, like, y’know, just identifying—okay. You’re not going to feel weird or jealous, right?”

 

Rachel just giggled at my nervousness as we stood across the street from the concert venue. It wasn’t exactly a stadium or anything, but it was a large enough venue to look like it cost whoever owned it a shiny enough penny to purchase, since the outside of the building still looked like it hadn’t been touched up since it was built in the 1970s. 

 

Taking me by my collar, Rach pulled me in for a passionate kiss. Her warmth poured through her lips and down my body, like taking a shower in the sun. Breaking from the kiss, she smiled, “I’ve had the boyfriend experience before, it’s okay if you want to try it, too. I’m not afraid that you are going to leave me, Jenni.”

 

Still buzzing from the kiss, I blustered my way through a reply: “I…mean…yes? No? Er, like, no, never leaving you, but, like, omigawd, he is cute-‘n-stuff ‘n, like, er—holy shit, that felt good—but, uh…he’s amazingly sweet?”

 

“I’m, like, sure he is,” Rach giggled, cupping my hand, “Now hurry up and get over there before he thinks you’ve, like, been abducted by aliens or something.”

 

It was hard to let go of my wife, but I reluctantly backed away from her, holding on to her as long as I could. Then, a sudden thought struck: “W-wait, oh shit, this isn’t, like, lying to him, is it? About me, like, not telling him that I’m married?”

 

Rachel blinked at me several times quickly, her mascara really accentuating the jade color of her eyes tonight: “Do you wanna explain to him how you’re wanted for murdering your mommy-mom-mom and wifey-wife-wife’s mommies-mom-moms?”

 

“Good point—wait, do I have to tell him I have a cock?”

 

“What, are you going to fuck him?”

 

“Er…probably not? I don’t know, you…wait, what are you even encouraging me to fuck Danny?”

 

“Pfft, I already fucked your ass and mouth, honey. If you wanna try a man in the bedroom I’m, like, totes cool with that.” Rach let go of my grasp, letting me back step safely onto the street from the sidewalk.

 

“Jesus Christ, Rachel?! Also, like, I don’t know if that means that you’ve ever—actually, fuck, I—okay, Rach?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I…don’t think you’ve ever—”

 

“—Just go out—er, like, in—there and have a great night, Jenni-Jen-Jen!”

 

“Omigawd, gurl!”

 

With multiple glances back at my wife, I sped walked into the club, stifling nervous and excited giggles along the way.

 

***

 

DECEMBER 14, 2024: 

 

“I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting a pop-metal hybrid cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but it was a hell of a cover,” I laughed. 

 

Danny and I hit up a café that remained open late somewhere on 10th Avenue to grab a bite to eat after the concert. The fries were too salty, but I was happy to find that they were at least able to maintain a constitution despite the amount of grease and oil they were likely cooked in. Rachel would often say that there was a precise science to making a good fry: “You gotta, like, make sure that it’s, like, not too soggy-sog-sog, y’know? That’s the difference between, like, regular fries and curly fries, y’know? And then, like, the outside has to be crunchy-crunch-crunch, y’know? Otherwise, like, what’s the point of the french fries? Ooh, but it’s also kind of fun to be able to suck the guts out of them, too, sometimes…”

 

“Yeah, I think they’re trying to appeal to a wider audience by combining more up-beat styles with pop culture songs, which I suppose makes sense if you’re looking to make your band a full-time gig. The costumes were a bit much, though. Nirvana’s too heavy for that, right?” Danny chuckled.

 

“I’unno, I thought that they were, like, pretty cute,” I countered, thinking back to how well the bright and colorful leather shined beneath the lights. 

 

With a laugh, Danny conceded, “Y’know, I’m probably too young to be acting like I hate change.”

 

With a soft smile and stirring the water in my glass with my straw, I mused, “I don’t think there’s an age limit on learning something new, especially about yourself.”

 

“Y’know what? You’re right about that, Jen.”

 

“Jenni—actually, it’s actually kind of funny to think about it in hindsight.”

 

Danny raised an eyebrow, mouth preoccupied with sucking up his Sprite. 

 

“I mean, like, I was so…afraid of choosing someone to be for my own sake that I think I ignored trying to be who I wanted to be for the ones I loved, because I love them.”

 

Swallowing, Danny asked, “So, whatcha think that means for ya?” He sat his glass on the table, but hesitated to reach for his food.

 

“Danny, I…” I was probably shooting myself in the foot by doing this, but I didn’t care. “Danny…I’m in love with Rachel.”

 

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” The theater major looked like he was trying to maintain a calm, collected facial expression, but a deep sadness rang through his eyes.

 

“Wait, what?” A trepidation filled my heart, beating it irregularly. If the beat that Rachel made in my heart was one of warmth and strength, this one was—

 

“I’ve seen the way you look at her, Jenni,” he smiled, suddenly more relaxed. “And I know the way you look at me. They’re not the same—I’d be a lucky bastard if they were, really.”

 

I was almost speechless, but I struggled to force out at least a “Danny, I—”

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“W-wait, what?”

 

“I think you’ll understand if I do, I mean.”

 

I hesitated for a moment, but I also knew what Rach would be okay with, so I nodded. Danny slid across the half-circle booth’s couch to get up and close to me. There was hardly anyone else in the restaurant, so it wasn’t like there was going to be a big crowd perceiving me kissing someone other than my wife.

 

Danny made contact first, cupping my right cheek with his left hand. It was a passionate kiss…that reminded me of the way that Rachel would kiss me.

 

Oh, that’s what he meant.

 

It was a great kiss—extremely hot in the heat of the moment, but as our lips parted I’d realized why he said what he said. 

 

Kissing Rachel fed my soul. Kissing Rachel made me feel unstoppable.

 

Kissing Danny was like only eating candy for every meal. Kissing Danny was like checking off a list that I don’t think I’d realized how much undue importance I had been giving it.

 

Maybe?

 

No, no. I was attracted to Danny, but that’s all it was. I wasn’t capable of loving him, while also loving someone else.

 

I had so many different conflicting emotions now, but as I watched Danny lean back from our kiss, just the faintest hint of disappointment in his eyes, I realized what I’d done.

 

“D-Danny, I’m so sorry, I—I used you!”

 

“No more than I did you, Jenni. I was infatuated and I wanted to see if maybe I could steal your attention away and keep it all for myself. I knew what I was getting into, Jenni.”

 

I wished that I could make all the hurt that I heard in his voice just drown out with the sound of happiness. I wish that I could make all of the hurt that I saw on his face wash away. 

 

But, no matter how hard I tried, I knew that I could not.

 

I wasn’t very hungry after that.

 

***

 

DECEMBER 14, 2024: 

 

It was nearing midnight as Danny and I walked back to my apartment from where our rideshare had dropped us off at. The night was cold, but the skies were oddly clear for this time of year. Looking up at the stars shining brilliantly above I wondered just what the hell I was going to do now. Was I going to have to switch coffee places? There was a Starbucks not too far from the Gayly Bug, but Rach and I preferred some place that was actually, y’know, queer-friendly. 

 

As awkward as it might be to continue going there…I really would miss seeing Danny. He was a great guy, and my selfish little experiment to express my sexuality—my bisexuality—had no doubt hurt him, even if he’d sensed what I’d been doing the entire time.

 

I was just…such a fucking fool.

 

An insult to all those capable of ethical non-monogamy. 

 

“I guess we’re here?”  

 

Somehow, without even noticing, my body had led us to my apartment that I shared with my wife despite my mind being lost in thought. Turning to look down at Danny in his eyes I smiled weakly, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I actually had a really good time, Jenni.”

 

“Me, too,” I returned, hoping to focus on the positives of the night. 

 

Like the way Danny had looked so excited while explaining the band’s history to me, or looked like a goof while air-guitaring on our way to the café. Or how he looked now, through the weather and the pain of realizing that I was not going to be his girlfriend. That I couldn’t.

 

Danny was going to make someone extremely happy someday, but that someone wasn’t going to be me. 

 

I already had someone for that. 

 

Resolving to leave no regrets—for both of our sakes—I learned down and gave Danny one last, final kiss. All the cards on the table. 

 

It was a proper supper kiss.

 

***

 

DECEMBER 15, 2024: 

 

After bidding Danny a fond farewell I slipped into the apartment, hoping not to make any noise should Rach be asleep. 

 

Instead, appropriately enough for my wife, I found Rachel sitting in her camping chair, completely nude and jerking herself off while scrolling through something on her phone.

 

“Oh! Hiya, Jenni!” Rachel gushed, zero self-awareness about her. “I found this really hot orc NTR doujinshi! How did your date go?”

 

“Lemme help you with that first, sweetie.”

 

Doffing my jacket, top and shoes at the door, I carefully walked over to my wife, kneeled before her, and kissed my second favorite part of her body to kiss.

 

As the hot ropes of her cummy-cum-cums splashed onto my face it dawned on me that I had forgotten to take off my glasses.

 

***

 

DECEMBER 25, 2023: 

 

Our first Christmas as a married couple: how romantic!

 

Too bad we were having it on the cold streets of Seattle.

 

While wanted for triple homicide. 

 

I don’t suppose they would consider charging us each for one-and-a-half-homicide? 

 

Probably not.

 

“JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG, SOMETHING-SOMETHING AND THE JOKER GOT AWAAA~Y!!”

 

“I’m not sure that’s how the song goes, Rach,” I offered, adjusting my bra beneath one of Rachel’s old hoodies. The fit wasn’t quite right, since I’d had to hastily steal the damned thing, and my breasts were still developing. It was an uncomfortable situation, especially because I wasn’t sure I was even ready to start socializing as ‘Jen’. Like, is that what I’d tell any random stranger my name was, if I needed to tell them one at all? I still…looked like a man, after all. 

 

I guess ‘Jen’ sounded close to the Korean or even Japanese ‘Jin’, so I could pass it off as a mispronunciation of those…but that just seemed…I don’t know. 

 

“O’ HOLY NIGHT, THE STARS ARE SHINING BRIGHTLY, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,” Rach continued. 

 

“Wonderful singing voice, babe,” I cracked, not sure if I meant that sincerely or sarcastically. 

 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” She shouted, pulling a fresh brush and hair ties out of her hoodie pocket. “Chirp!”

 

My hair was beginning to get kind of long now.

 

“When did you steal these?” I asked, accepting my gifts. “Jeez Rach, I…I didn’t really get you anything.”

 

“Chirp!”

 

“Uh…you mean, like, ‘don’t worry about it’?”

 

“Chirp!” she nodded before letting her face dive into my chest.

 

“Ouch! Fuck, Rach, it’s sore there!”

 

“Chirpf,” came my wife’s muffled voice. 

 

“God, you silly thing,” I laughed, trying to drown out the soreness. As I petted the back of Rachel’s head I wondered if my hair would grow to be as long as hers someday. That would be a lot to manage, even if we weren’t stuck on the streets. Still, I admired how hard Rach tried to take care of her hair, despite the extra difficulties. She’d grown to be a pro at shoplifting the beauty products sections of any store we hit up. I guess it only made sense that she could shoplift a simple brush without me noticing.

 

Rachel and I continued to sit on the park bench, admiring the International Fountain as it sprayed water. There wasn’t much else to do on Christmas when you were houseless and broke as hell. Everything we owned, now in four bags, two of which were stolen. Too early in the day to go off and find some place warm to make camp, too.

 

So sat there, staring, trying to look as inconspicuous—as if we weren’t desperate for a warm place to sleep and warm food in our stomachs. 

 

It was dehumanizing, but I’d suffer anything for Rachel.

 

It was better than seeing all of the horrible shit that would be done to her in prison. 

 

***

 

DECEMBER 15, 2024:

 

“Are ya, like, sure about this?”

 

“Honey, I’m sure, it won’t hurty-hurt-hurt a bit!” 

 

“Fuck, Rach, it better n-OUGHT SHIT! OH SHIT, NOT THE OTHER ONE?!”

 

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” chuckled the artist as they cleaned their piercing tools. They had their dark hair up in a bunch reminiscent of the 1950s, but their plethora of tattoos and piercings gave them a distinctively Goth look. Personally, I thought that they rocked the fusion of styles very well. I was especially fond of their nose piercing.

 

“Fuck, that hurt,” I groaned, resisting the urge to touch my ears. 

 

“Hey, you wanted to, like, get your ears pierced. Actually, like, why did you wanna do that, anyway?” Rach mused, offering me a hand up from the chair.

 

“I just wanted to, uh…okay, promise you won’t, like, laugh?”

 

“Chirp!”

 

“I…wanted to try those earrings you bought at Pride last summer. Basically.”

 

“Ah! The Bi Pride colored ones? They’re so cute!”

 

“Exactly. Yeah. Besides, you never wear them!”

 

“True, yeah, I think I don’t really care for the dangling ones, chirp~”

 

“Then you won’t mind if I take them off your hands?” I asked, adding a degree of humor to try and command the flow of the conversation. 

 

Rachel, of course, missed this and didn’t quite reply, “Ooh, if you’re, like, off-iss-e-ally coming out~” Rach began fiddling with something on her purse. Finally, Rachel unbuttoned one of her five Bi Pride buttons and handed it to me.

 

“‘The number four one’?” I asked, confused. 

 

“If I gave you the first one, then, like, I’d be giving you THE FIRST ONE, so then the rest wouldn’t have, like, a leader! Every leader needs a number two, so I can’t give you the Commander Riker—”

 

“—Wouldn’t Commander Riker be the first one, then?”

 

“—then if I give you, like, the third one it would be, like, too easy for you to forget! Nobody wants to be in third place! So, like, it had to be the number four one, ‘cause, like, nobody even knows that you ranked!”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh at her logic. It was so hard not to just love this poor woman in her tight little sweater dress in the middle of winter. “Will you marry me?”

 

“But, like, Jenni, we’re already married!” Rachel replied, slipping into a sob like she was being proposed to for the first time.

 

“Jesus Christ, you two need to get a room,” the tattoo artist droned as they loaded up the Square app on their phone.