This wasn't going very well.

Sure, I'd somehow walked past all the automatas patrolling the border, the highway, the village, and even the castle without them attacking me. I was thankful; I didn't want to fight them. I didn't want to fight anyone!

Especially when I could be touring the Dark Enchanted Forest and appreciating the sights. Seriously, this place was great! On the first day I'd seen trees walking around, unicorn hordes blessing a lake, a dragon napping on a picnic blanket the size of an inn beside said lake, and direwolves.

I had decided to set up camp close to the dragon, and while the direwolves had woken me up in the middle of the night they steered clear of the fire breathing lizard beside me.

It seemed human flesh wasn't worth waking up a dragon.

Then in the morning, I'd met my first troll. Bridge trolls were a delight, and Gerda's riddles were hilarious.

What room had no windows or doors?

A mushroom! Brilliant!

The two of us had ended up having breakfast together and Gerda had even let me use her kitchen. I might have been in there for a few hours longer than I should've been… but I loved baking, and the bimbleberry scones came out particularly nice.

At least the lizardkin had agreed.

When they'd seen me walk into the castle without activating any of the defences, the two lizardkin guards had kicked up a small fuss. They didn't want to hurt an innocent traveller - it was bad for trade. I wasn't the only human in the dark woods, but I was probably the only one dressed in formal Drendil attire. And our kingdoms weren't exactly on friendly terms since my father kept sending over assassins...

I'd let them know that I was sent here to fight King Keith, but it turned out their General wasn't available and the guards needed further instruction.

So, now I was cooling my heels in the guard barracks. While I waited, I checked my character sheet to make sure I was ready to go.

I also peaked at my logs to see if my [Poison Resistance] was responding to the tea they'd served me.

No poison, just a cooldown from my run here. I was ready as I'd ever be…

It took two hours, the entire lunch break, to find someone in-charge. I felt terrible for wasting everyone's time, so I offered to share my baking. My basket was full with enough scones to go around.

We chatted while we ate and everyone was really nice.

"This is excellent, Princesss." Sithli, a lizardman with red tinted scales and a long black ponytail, happily munched away at his bimbleberry scone. "I'd like a recipe for my kin in Kith Bog. My wife is with child and often requestsss sconesss."

"Unfortunately, I've been sent to fight King Keith and probably won't make it back alive, but if I do survive I'd love to visit your home!" I said, pleased that my baking was going over so well. "I'm not usually allowed in the kitchen at home, so I've never written down any of my recipes. I couldn't have Mother find them or I'd get punished for baking in my spare time."

"That is unacceptable! Your mother punishesss you for baking in your ssspare time?" Chikli spoke over a mouthful of his own bimbleberry scone. He was larger than Sithli, with darker green scales and a short grey mohawk. His accent was less pronounced. "That is very disrespectful. It is your free time, you should be able to do with it what you will."

"That's right," Sithli put in. "You shouldn't follow ordersss from sssomeone who doesn't respect you and your time."

"But they are my parents." I tried to explain. "I'm supposed to listen to my parents. I know in some of the other kingdoms that children come of age at sixteen, but in Drendil it's nineteen. They're still my legal guardians!"

"That is barbaric." Sithli said. "You mean to say that sssomeone can drink, join the army, or apprentice at a job - but they ssstill need a guardian?"

I nodded, "Anything that needs a signature: Marriage, education and career are all still controlled by my parents until my birthday this year."

"And they say we are cruel for abandoning our young at twelve." Chikli clicked his tongue. "Better to learn how to be responsible for yourself, than to never make any important choicesss until you are old."

I didn't think either of these models were particularly great, but I also wasn't a lizardkin.

I was sad when news came that I could go in and challenge the Dark Overlord…

But I had to do this. My whole life was training to be a Warrior for my King's use… even if my King was also my dad who wanted me dead. Oh well, better to die a Hero and all that. Finally be of use.

I bet my death would be reason enough for a war, and my father loved war.

Still, I wasn't expecting a partially undressed Dark Lord squinting up at me over a cup of tea, instead of over my dead body.

Seriously, why was everyone in this kingdom so nice?