"Hi Francesca," said someone as soon as I was in the door. They didn't
sound entirely friendly, but then they had a Scream mask on so it was
hard to tell. I managed a polite smile and a half wave in their
direction as they fake stabbed me anyway. Luckily, they then got
distracted by someone in a tin foil robot suit. Where the hell was Rob?
It had been easy to keep him in earshot along the road, the little bells
jingling on his skirt every time he swayed his hips (which was a lot),
but now we were inside I couldn't see him and could barely hear a thing
over the thumping bass and people shouting at each other. God, I was so
old.

I couldn't see Rob anywhere or, more importantly, Katie. She rarely
arrived early to these things though. I might have to stick this out for
a while. Gravitating to the kitchen, I found the one soft drink amongst
the cluster of wine bottles, poured myself a glass and peered around,
trying to look subtle. Lots of zombies (lazy), a dude dressed as Thor
(actually quite impressive) and a big guy in a tiger onesie who was,
dammit, walking straight towards me.

"It's Francesca, isn't it?" He was Australian and even bigger close-up.
I mean, I was shorter now, but even when I was my normal height he would
still have seemed big. Not as big as Rob, proper-Rob but still "big"
big. What was I going on about?

He grinned. "Look at us, we're onesie twins!"

"Yes," I managed. "Erm, hi." I put my hand out and he enveloped it in
his.

"Jake," he said helpfully. Bloody hell, his hands were huge.

"I thought it was you," he continued. "We had that class in Caribbean
literature together." Eugh, Sue Whitnall's class. Closest she'd been to
the Caribbean was a trip round Whitby on a pleasure boat, but somehow
she acted like the authority on all things Caribbean. Was it me or was
this kitchen way too warm?

"Sounds right," I said. "Not my favourite class, to be honest. Um,
sorry, I don't know your name?"

"Jake," he said and nodded at my glass. "You're not on the hard stuff
then?"

"Um," I said. "No. Designated driver." I saw he was holding a can of
Coke. "Same?"

He shook his head. "I'm an alcoholic," he said.

"Oh."

My first thought was "but you're too young to know if you're an
alcoholic," and my second was "wow, this might be the broadest man I've
ever met."

"I actually really liked Sue's class," he said. "Although I spent a bit
of time out there, so I'm probably biased."

I was intrigued. "In the Caribbean? What were you doing?"

He shrugged. It took a while. It was magnificent. "Instructor for
surfing, that sort of thing."

"Ah," I said. I mean, I could see it, Jake in his shorts, staring into
the breeze, saying instructorish things in that accent. And it really
was hot in that kitchen, I was starting to feel a bit weird, sort of
fluttery.

"Are you all right?" asked Jake, peering at me, big brown eyes wide.
"You look a little peaky?"

And then I realised that it wasn't that hot in the kitchen, Francesca
just had a massive crush on Jake and the accent was at least part of it.

"Actually," I said, and for some reason I made Francesca's voice go as
deep as it could. "I need to check up on a mate. You know."

And I pushed past him, or rather round him, because the man was like a
damn statue. I stared firmly ahead, clutching my glass rather too
tightly, but even without looking back I knew, I just knew he was
checking out my arse.

The spell faded the second I was round the corner. I leaned back against
the wall, heaved out a deep sigh. Okay, coming here was definitely a bad
idea. I needed to find Rob and get us the hell out.

Except... Katie. I looked down a short corridor, into a large living room,
all the furniture pushed to the edges so people could dance in the
middle. And they were dancing. No Harry Potters here, some girls in neon
wigs and weird anime-inspired dresses, a few members of the Avengers.
One girl dressed as Black Widow stalked past me, not even hiding her
glance up and down to see how my onesie compared to her skin-tight black
leather (probably latex, thinking about it) as she passed.

It didn't look like there were any tutors here, except everyone was in
fancy dress, so it was hard to tell. I couldn't really imagine Katie in
fancy dress. What would she go as? Some historical character probably.
Florence Nightingale? Mary Seacole? No, that would mean blacking up,
that wouldn't happen. I sighed heavily into my glass, then realised a
redhaired girl on the other side of the room was glaring at me.

I coughed, looked around then tried to glance back at her
surreptitiously. She was wearing a plaid shirt over short shorts, stuck
on freckles, hair done in extravagant pigtails and she was definitely
giving me a death stare. It was the girl from the hockey match, the one
Francesca had warned off going out with David. And now she was coming
towards me, bottle of beer in hand. Christ, was she going to glass me?

"Hello Francesca," she said in a voice so frosty I thought the ice cubes
were going to reform in my glass. "I'm so glad you came."

Hoo boy. "Um, hello," I managed, because of course I didn't know her
name. Luckily, the girl seemed to have anticipated this.

"It's Gemma," she snapped. "Not that I'd expect you to remember."

She was swaying very slightly. Looking at the low level of her bottle, I
had the feeling she'd found a bit of Dutch courage. Maybe there was
something I could do to head this off.

"Gemma," I said. "Of course I remember." I was getting used to the lies
you had to tell when you were pretending to be someone else. "Can I just
say something before you have a massive but probably justifiable go at
me?"

She continued to glare over her bottle, although my words did seem to
have stopped her in her tracks.

"I think I've probably behaved really badly," I went on. "In fact, I
know I have, and you're just one of the people I've really put out. So,
I want to say I'm genuinely really sorry about the David thing and it
won't happen again. At least," I added, because I wanted to be straight
with her, "not in the immediate future, although I can't promise I won't
suddenly revert to being a selfish and horrible person again, probably
denying this conversation ever happened."

The glare had been replaced with a look of utter confusion now, Gemma's
mouth slightly open. I was glad she appeared to have lost the upper hand
because she was an inch or so taller than me and definitely broader.

"Oh," she said finally, and then "you know, as apologies go, that's
quite a weird one."

"I'm a bit all over the place at the moment," I said humbly, which was
true. Technically, right now, I was both at a party in a cat onesie
and... back in my flat, doing whatever Francesca was doing in my body. I
didn't really want to think about it. "I'm just trying to get through
the next few days without upsetting too many people." Which was true as
well.

Gemma's mouth moved for a while, although nothing seemed to come out.
I'd forgotten what talking to slightly drunk people at parties was like.
Finally, she said "Ugh, whatever, I'm sorry I was such a bitch. Want to
dance?"

And to my surprise, I did.

Dancing in a cat onesie at a student party wasn't something I'd expected
to be doing this week, but to my amazement it was the most fun I could
remember having for years. For a moment, after Gemma had taken my hand
and led me into the middle of a floor full of swaying student bodies, I
found myself completely frozen. I didn't know how to dance! I mean, I
knew how to dance, but not as Francesca. And then I realised no-one was
paying me the slightest bit of attention anyway and the music changed to
a track I remembered from my own student days and suddenly I pulled down
the onesie hood so Francesca's hair could move of its own accord and
went for it, threw my hands in the air and just didn't care.

Honestly, it didn't feel all that different to dancing in my old body,
although I couldn't even remember the last time I'd danced as me. Okay,
it did feel quite different in some specific ways, but thankfully the
bra I was wearing was a good one so there wasn't too much... bouncing.
Those reminders aside, it was back like being a little kid again,
Francesca's body so limber I could just throw myself around, not feel
like I was about to put something out, just twist around. I felt
something whipping around behind me and for a moment got very confused
indeed then remembered the tail. I had a tail now!

The track ended and Gemma enveloped me in a brief but welcome hug. Also,
a confusing one, because being hugged by a girl as a girl was a whole
new thing.

"I'll see you later," she yelled in my ear and then I saw a familiar
blonde girl walking past the doorway and up the stairs. One of the
hockey girls who'd brought Rob home this afternoon. Jessica. The one
who'd said Katie was going to be at the party.

I caught up with her at the top of the stairs, only slightly panting for
breath after all that dancing. "Jessica?"

She turned, looked at me, puzzled, then her face cleared. She had a nice
face. She was wearing a fairy costume, wings and everything. Sweet.

"Bans" housemate!" she said and bopped me on the nose with a wand. I
couldn't help feeling she should be more careful. I couldn't
categorically say that magic was real, but I didn't know how else to
explain the predicament I was in.

"Have you seen Katie?" I asked, trying not to sound too invested.

"Sure," she said. "She's over there."

My heart leaped into my throat immediately and I span round, only to see
a dark-skinned girl with the biggest afro ever and some sort of disco
costume.

"Erm," I said. "Different Katie. Tutor. Teaches English?"

Jessica frowned, shook her head. "A tutor? Don't know her, sorry."

Wait, what? But Katie had moved up the stairs. A boy with a fake rock
wig squeezed past me after her and I barely noticed his hand had slid
across my cat butt as he did so. He glanced back and I glared at him. He
just gave me a wink in response. I vaguely recognised him from one of my
classes and decided he'd be getting a surprisingly poor mark next
module. That would teach him.

Maybe it was the other girl, Tan, who knew Katie. But already I was
realising that neither of them did. Because it was just something Rob
had said to get me out of the house, wasn't it?

I finally found Rob in one of the bedrooms, kissing a girl dressed in
some sort of anime sailor outfit. If it sounded like I'd burst in on a
private moment, there were four other people in the bedroom, smoking
joints or checking out each other's phones, none of them taking the
slightest bit of notice as Rob and Sailor Moon or whoever the hell she
was ran their hands all over each other. I couldn't see a gap between
Rob's pirate blouse and the girl's sailor top, so enthusiastically were
they smooshed together.

I was suddenly, chronically embarrassed. And then I realised I did
recognise the anime girl after all. I'd helped her out with some
financial issues on her first term. She was barely out of sixth form,
didn't have a clue what she was doing. Which meant Rob was running his
hands all over, and now squeezing the arse of, a girl a full fifteen
years younger than him. The fact that the girl was also squeezing Rob's
arse didn't factor into it.

I grabbed Rob's arm, pulled him away. "Nooooo," he whined, and I saw a
number of empty beer bottles on the bookshelf next to him. He was
hammered. Anime girl just swayed in the air for a moment then smirked,
lay down on the bed and instantly fell asleep.

I dragged Rob into the tiny bathroom next door. "What are you doing?" I
hissed.

He smirked at me, wiping lipstick off his mouth with the back of his
hand. It wasn't all his. "That was Anna. She's been into Bans for ages
but wasn't confident enough to say anything. But I could tell."

"Dude!" Francescas's voice was high and shrill now. I took a moment,
tried to get control. "Look, we're grown-ups, okay? And-" (I whispered)
"we're lecturers."

He peered at me blearily. "But we're not, are we? We're students. We're
all the same age, everyone in this house. So, we're going to have some
fun. And I'm going to make you have some fun. That's why I told you-" he
stopped suddenly and giggled. "Oops."

"That's why you told me Katie would be here. You lied to me."

"Oh fuck off," he spat suddenly. I stared at him, shocked. I hadn't seen
this side of Rob, not with me, anyway. He reached out with a quavering
finger and poked me in the chest. Hard. Ow.

"You were miserable with Katie and you're miserable without her. I just
wanted to get you out and have a good time. Feel young again. This won't
last for long, you know. You should think of it as an opportunity."

The thing is, I was thinking of it as an opportunity. To get Katie to
open to me, find out what had gone wrong between us. I suppose to be
fair I hadn't really looked beyond that.

Rob's face, or rather Banshari's face, suddenly crumpled. I make the
distinction because I'd never seen Rob's bottom lip wobble like that
before. Or his eyes fill with tears.

"Mate, I just wanted you to have a good time." And then he turned and
vomited copiously in the toilet which, thank God, had the lid up.

I sat with Rob for a while as he threw up everything he'd drunk in the
last eight hours, which turned out to have been quite a lot. Clearly,
Banshari could put it away, but even a dynamo hockey girl couldn't keep
up Rob's usual rate of drinking.

"It's all right," I said in as soothing a tone as I could manage,
holding Rob's hair back so he could get the last of it out. "You'll feel
better in the morning."

He straightened up, looking bleary but steadier. Picking up a damp
flannel I wiped the last traces of sick and smeared make-up off
Banshari's face. He looked up at me, bottom lip quivering all over again
and put his small hands on either side of my face.

"I love you, you know."

I managed a smile. "I love you too, mate. Shall we go home now?"

He thought about it for a moment then nodded demurely before looking
down. "Hang on, one of my boobs has come out."

A minute later, we emerged from the bathroom, clean faced and everything
where it should be. The guys who'd been smoking joints in the bedroom
were now doing coke off the backs of their phones. Now I did feel old
now. We left quietly, using the back door, so no-one would notice.

When we finally got home, I helped Rob into the bathroom, leaving a
trail of pirate clothes in the hallway, so he could get undressed and
brush his teeth. He emerged looking happier, and sleepy, wrapped in a
white towelling robe I was fairly sure had been stolen from an expensive
hotel somewhere.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

I stared at him. "Ermmm..."

He scoffed. "Not like that. I just feel a bit rubbish and I hate going
to sleep on my own." He swayed, but it looked like it was out of
tiredness rather than booze. "Don't worry, I won't ask when we both have
penises again."

"Fine," I said.

Rob slid under the duvet twenty minutes later, now smelling fresh and
clean as he snuggled up to me.

"Are you naked?" I asked in disbelief. I'd just stripped off the onesie
along with the everything bar the pants and pulled a Snoopy t-shirt over
the top.

"That's how I roll," he murmured.

"We're definitely not doing this when we're dudes again."

"You tell yourself that," he said and pulled my hand onto his chest.
"Although I suppose this won't be the same."

I gave up and cuddled up to him. It was nice being in bed with someone,
especially someone this soft and warm. I ran a finger down one breast,
enjoying the feel of his nipple hardening.

"What's going on here?" I teased. I admit, I was a little turned-on
myself, without the awkwardness of an unexpected erection. I felt Rob
moving next to me, sensed hands moving, the bed rocking slightly.

"Wait," I said, more sharply this time. "What is going on?"

"Just a quick one," mumbled Rob. "I'll never get to sleep otherwise.
Don't stop."

"Ugh," I said. "Fine." I buried my face in Banshari's hair, gently
circling Rob's nipple with my finger as I heard his breath quicken and
the soft wet sounds of his fingers working faster and faster. Then his
back stiffened as a shudder ran through him and he relaxed.

I tried to take my hand away, but he put Banshari's over it and held me
close to him. Minutes later his breathing softened and I knew he was
asleep.