SATURDAY MORNING

I was woken early by a banging on the door. Rob made a grunting noise
and rolled over, so it looked like it was up to me. Pulling a dressing
gown on, I hurtled downstairs, then stopped suddenly. What if it was
Katie, riled up and out for vengeance? She almost certainly had
Francesca's address, being her mentor and all. Or someone with a grudge
against Banshari, for reasons I had no way of knowing? Or a passing
psychopath? Two vulnerable young women, I shouldn't just open the door
to anyone.

More banging. Ugh, fine. Cautiously, I put the chain on and let the door
open an inch. Standing on the steps was a tired-looking dark-haired
woman in her fifties, wearing an apron and holding a bucket full of
cleaning equipment.

"Hello, Miss Francesca," she said without rancour or any particular
enjoyment. "I come to do your cleaning."

"Oh," I said trying not to sound completely flummoxed, although I was.
Why couldn't one of the girls have warned us? "I suppose you'd better...
come in?"

I took the chain off the door. The woman gave my dressing gown a funny
look as she squeezed past. "You going to be here while I clean?"

"Um," I said. "Am I normally not?"

She didn't even bother to reply. Clearly now she thought I was utterly
insane.

"Can you just give us twenty minutes?" I said. "Then we can both be out
of your way." And then, just as she'd started to bristle, I added
"Charge us double. You know what? Charge us triple." It was only my bank
account for another four days anyway.

She seemed mollified by this and trundled into the kitchen to make
herself a cup of tea. By the time I got back to the bedroom, Rob was up
and had put on the nearest thing, which happened to be the Nick Cave t-
shirt.

"Don't wear that!" I hissed. "You'll... you'll stretch it!" Also, it was
the only thing connecting me to Katie and I wasn't ready to let it go
just yet.

Rob yawned and scratched his bottom. Now I could see he wasn't wearing
anything underneath the t-shirt, which made it worse.

"They've got a cleaning woman," I said. He just blinked at me. "So, you
go and shower- I wanted that t-shirt off him as soon as possible- "then
me, then we'll go into town for a coffee or something."

Rob grumbled but it was too early in the morning for him to really put
up a fight on anything. Half an hour later (maybe I should leave the
woman a cash tip as well), we were as ready as we'd ever be to get out
of the house.

"Ooh, you look nice!" said Rob. I frowned at him, trying to work out if
he was being sarcastic, but it seemed he genuinely meant it. I was
wearing the demin skirt of doom (I'd put it on a radiator to dry
overnight, so it was a bit crumpled but basically okay), a stripey t-
shirt and a bright green jumper that were the first things to hand, hair
tied back in a ponytail. Rob wore dungaree shorts over a low-cut top and
didn't seem to have done anything to Banshari's hair at all and it
looked amazing.

"Right," I said. "Well. Yes."

He looked at me for a long time then coughed meaningfully.

"Sorry," I said. "You look nice too."

He punched me happily on the shoulder. "Just want to represent Bans, you
know."

"Has it occurred to you," I said as we went downstairs, "that you might
have a bit of a crush on, essentially, yourself?"

"Huh," said Rob, handing me Francesca's bag as he slung Banshari's
(fluffy, yellow) over his shoulder. "That would explain all the
wanking."

The cleaning lady didn't even roll her eyes.

The walk into town felt a lot longer than usual, and it wasn't just
because, despite sensible footwear, we were having to take shorter
strides. My self-consciousness was off the charts. Almost every guy we
passed let their eyes flicker over both of us and somehow every time I
passed a shop window, I was still thrown by seeing Francesca's
reflection instead of my own. Perhaps it was a good thing. Might not be
healthy to get too used to this.

"What are we doing wrong?" asked Rob suddenly, out of nowhere.

I glanced around, alarmed. "Are we walking funny?" I'd got pretty much
into Francesca's stride now I'd finally accepted I had zero strength in
my shoulders anymore. Rob was in no sense walking like a dude. Casting a
subtle look at his bare legs, I saw that he too had quietly got hold of
a razor. I wanted to compare notes with him on doing the bit at the back
of the knees, but now wasn't the time.

"I mean, why don't we have a cleaner? I feel like they're better at
being grown-ups than us already. It's depressing."

"I think it's because they have money and probably parents who had
cleaners themselves."

Rob shrugged. He took his phone out, glanced at it and put it away.

I raised an eyebrow. "More dick pics?"

"Mark's gone a bit quiet. I might have come off a bit strong, scared him
off."

He seemed subdued. Rob had these moods though, a few days on a high then
a couple of brooding days to balance out. God, it was no wonder
Francesca and Banshari thought we were a couple. Maybe we weren't
helping each other out by living together, living too much in each
other's pockets. Mind you, the sharing a bed thing had been a recent
development and I thought understandable under the circumstances, if
unlikely to continue once we were back in our own bodies.

"Come on, let's get a coffee," I suggested in my most soothing voice.

"It seems to me, this relationship you have with Banshari, deeply weird
thought it is - and I'm not judging - is the most thoughtful
relationship you've been in since I've known you."

Rob snorted, sending latte foam down his cleavage. I decided not to say
anything. "It's not a relationship! I've only seen her once since this
started. And you were the one being funny about the age gap."

"It's not the age gap, it's the fact that you're a lecturer and she's a
student. Well, currently, she's a lecturer and you're the student, but I
know what I mean. I'm not saying you have to be doing it for it be a
relationship."

Rob sighed and took a swig of his drink. And now, of course, he had a
blob of foam on the end of his nose. It was like Banshari's body was
genetically engineered to be adorable whoever was in it. I reached over
and wiped it off for him.

"Thanks, mate. I dunno, it's just nice to have something else to think
about, who I know is thinking about me too. Feels more like teammates
than being in a couple or anything. I look after her end because I know
she's looking after my... end. Sort of thing."

I opened my mouth to say something about his choice of words, probably,
then saw a large man heading towards us. He looked familiar.

"Cat onesie!"

"Hi Jake!" I managed to squeak. And then oh, okay, he was squeezing in
next to us.

"Bans! I heard you were at that party, sorry I missed you."

He put an arm round Rob's shoulder and gave him an affectionate kiss on
the cheek. I winced, fully expecting Rob to deck him, but instead he
just looked utterly thrown.

"So," continued Jake, "what are you guys up to?"

The next ten minutes should have been excruciating but somehow weren't.
It was impossible to be annoyed with Jake, he was like a big friendly
dog, a golden retriever who came bounding up to you on a park bench and
put his head in your lap, begging for crumbs. I got the feeling Rob
might just have let Jake put his head in his lap too, the wide-eyed
looks he was giving him. When, in time, Jake galumphed back over to the
counter to order the coffee he'd forgotten he came in for, I looked over
at Rob, amused.

"You look smitten."

He exhaled heavily. If it wasn't Banshari's complexion, I'd guess he was
blushing.

"Bloody hell, he's quite a lot, isn't he?"

"Is that you talking or Banshari?"

He actually considered it. "I dunno, I mean I've got used to practically
everyone being bigger than me, but... am I that overwhelming?"

"You can be. You realise you're at least two inches taller than him,
normally?"

Rob stared. He didn't say another thing until Jake returned from the
counter. "I'm heading to Flaherty's in a bit," he said, chugging the
coffee in one go. "Australian Rules. Anyone up for it?"

"Um," said Rob, quietly. "I just have to go to the loo a moment?
Francesca?"

I was still recovering from hearing Rob use the word "loo." "No, I'm
fine, thanks."

"Francesca," hissed Rob, glaring pointedly at me and then towards the
ladies" toilets. Oh. I'd forgotten this was a thing. How on earth was
Rob so much better at this than me?

"Back in a sec," I said, squeezing past Jake. I had to put my hand on
his thigh to get up. It was like the arm of a sofa. I don't think he
even noticed, too busy trying to open a tiny pack of biscuits. I felt it
might take him a while.

"Actually, I do need the loo," I said once we were inside. Eurgh, were
we both saying "loo" now? It was all right for me, but I felt Rob's
rugby mates would flush him for less. When we were back in our bodies it
might be worth spending a few days inside watching war movies or
something.

We disappeared into separate cubicles. Along with other noises, I could
hear Rob tapping on his phone and the chimes of the almost-instant
responses from Banshari.

"Right," announced Rob, emerging from the cubicle and washing his hands.
I don't think I'd ever seen him wash his hands before, but something
about being in the ladies made us both self-conscious about following
the rules. "Bans says he's a lovely dude, no idea how hot he is,
absolute gentleman, etc, she'd hang out with him in a sports bar for an
afternoon, wouldn't think twice about it."

"Okay," I said warily. "Do you mind if I don't come?"

Rob snorted. "I assumed you wouldn't. We're going to get pretty stat
heavy, I've been following Australian Rules since about two thousand and
nine."

"Out of interest," I asked, as non-committally as I could. "Are you
thinking Jake's sort of... hot?"

"He's hot as balls," said Rob, touching up his eyeliner. I hadn't even
realised he was wearing any. "Or at least Bans thinks so."

"She said?" I asked surprised.

Rob shook his head and patted between his legs almost delicately.
"Didn't have to, mate. But don't worry, I have zero plans of banging
him. I just realised how much I needed to talk to another dude about
sports for a bit. Just could really do with some male company for a
change."

"Oh," I said, suddenly stung. "Yeah, no. Of course."

"What are you going to do?"

"No idea," I said as we went back out into the coffee shop. "But listen,
that Jake gives you any shit, you call me, okay?"

"I might," said Rob, eyeing up Jake, currently brushing biscuit crumbs
off his chest. "Or I might acquiesce."

I made my excuses and left, because I didn't know what the hell was
going on anymore.