It seemed almost like a routine now. I'd fall asleep after dinner, on top of Tetsu. He'd lay there with me. He told me he enjoyed this, too, so I didn't need to feel guilty. He liked being close to me like this, so intimate. He wasn't the least bit embarrassed. Just loving me, protecting me, all evening. His parents would be in the living room with us, doing normal things. His papa liked to read the newspaper, his mom would be reading a magazine or doing something for the household, and they'd all be watching TV. 

I'd been awake for a few of these evenings. We'd watched a game show on TV once together, and it was adorable, the way Tetsu's parents shouted out the answers, competing with each other. Whenever Tetsu's mom won, his papa would call out jokingly, "how did you know that? Where did you find out? I can't believe it." His mom would laugh, so clever. She'd say, "you didn't know? How smart I am." And whenever he won, he'd mutter, "I knew it, I knew it." So proud. And his mom would say, "wow, papa, you're so smart."

Tetsu's parents had such a happy, healthy relationship. I secretly admired them. It was easy to tell that they not only loved each other, they were best friends.

I was thinking about them now as I laid on top of Tetsu. I'd woken up, and it seemed they'd gone to bed long ago. It seemed to be quite late at night. And I saw that Tetsu was asleep underneath me. This happened sometimes. He looked so beautiful there. His eyes were closed, so they formed long lines. His eyelashes were naturally long, and it wasn't only that his eyes were large on his face. All of his features were larger. I'd noticed this. He had a nose that I could only describe as having "character". One that he always tried to eliminate with makeup, highlighting it in a way that made it seemed diminished on Aurelia, but I secretly loved his nose. Aurelia had so many different looks, but I could always recognize him by his nose. He could plump up his lips by drawing outside of their natural lines, or minimize them for a different look by drawing inside the lines and nuding out the rest. He could make his eyes appear much larger by drawing white on the waterline and making them pop out with large lashes. He could create fake eyelid folds with a special glue or tape, or with clever makeup. He could concave his cheeks with shadowing, or make them appear plumper with blush and highlighter. But his nose never really changed. I was admiring it now.

And his lips. They were plump, almost a bee stung look. They always made his smile just that much more enchanting. His chin was a prominent, masculine one. This he tried to hide also on Aurelia, posing in such a way that it was diminished. He had learned the ways to move to achieve this when performing live. His ears were also larger, and he'd make them appear smaller with large earrings as Aurelia. These earrings were almost a signature. 

The only true hint that he was anything other than Tetsu when he appeared normal like this moment were his eyebrows. They were plucked to within an inch of their lives, so to be able to be shaped and created with makeup as Aurelia. His shiny, black bangs were brushed against them now. His hair was short, a masculine cut. Longer bangs in the front, but it went into a fade to his neck. This had surprised me the most when he'd called me over the computer, the first time I'd seen him. I couldn't believe how masculine he'd looked, compared to Aurelia. It had been a shock to my system. I'd also learned that his hair was naturally wavy, which was not typical for a Japanese person. His hair was wavy like his dad's, and his sisters had wavy hair also. I'd noticed that he seemed to have inherited his dad's nose, but his mother's large features. This was hypnotizing.

My eyes closed hard. I was still so sleepy. But I knew that he liked to switch to the bed some time during the night. He always woke me up for this. But, I didn't want to wake him. He seemed so peaceful, comfortable. I was enjoying feeling every breath on my body. His breath would find my face, too, such was the angle of his head on his pillow. 

I found myself cupping his cheek with my hand. I could not resist. It was warm and soft, and slightly pink. He didn't respond to this at all, just dreaming. I wondered what he was dreaming about. 

My eyes closed again, and I opened them. I stared at his closed eyes. Somewhere along the way, a feeling of warm honey started to fill me. A pure love, a yearning. A whirlwind euphoria of love, watching his face. A comforting, sure feeling. One that knew I was completely protected, he wasn't going anywhere. Contented, sentimental. It's all I could think of, staring at his sleeping face. 

It told me that I loved Tetsu. Separate from Aurelia. I loved Tetsu, as a person. His genius, his kindness, his gentle and natural joyful nature. His cleverness and understanding. How devoted he was to his friends and family. I admired and loved it all. Everything I'd learned about him, really learned about him, in these past four months. There's only so much you can learn about someone who you don't know in person, as I had with Aurelia. But, getting to know Tetsu these past four months. Ah. It was so different. Some things I had already known, some I could guess at, but seeing him now... 

And when he'd shown Aurelia to me in person. In private. She was different, too. 

In November, he'd dressed as her at home. It was still difficult to comprehend them as the same person. But his personality shined through. It was different than when he was on stage. He was this cute, adorable person when he dressed as her at home. He had more confidence, smiled a lot more. An easy smile. He seemed to relax, and all it took was a dress. 

He took on a more innocent nature. I enjoyed surprising him when he dressed as Aurelia. The look on his face! All I could do was laugh at how adorable he was. I'd surprise him with things such as wanting to paint his nails, baking cookies for him, bringing him little gifts such as a new hair clip I'd found that I thought he'd like, or one time, I bought him flowers and we cut and arranged these together. He was only always dressed as Aurelia for a short time, maybe four hours at a time. He almost seemed to be overwhelmed. It was easy to tell how excited he was to be dressed in women's clothes, in this casual way, for himself and not anybody else. I secretly hoped that he'd be more comfortable as time went on. Every time, he'd let out a small gasp of a scream, and announce he was changing back to masculine clothes, his cheeks all red in passion. I'd beg him not to, but he'd go, "ah, ah, ah, I have to. I have to." And he'd disappear for about an hour, and he'd come back dressed in his masculine way. 

Twice, he'd fallen asleep as Aurelia. He looked like Sleeping Beauty, a Princess. I dared not wake him, for fear he'd make her disappear like Cinderella at midnight. I was so proud of him when he dressed in women's clothes for himself. I'd quietly snuck around his apartment, doing normal things. I tried to be quiet, so I didn't accidentally wake him. I felt like, the longer he could wear clothes that made him feel good, the more support I was showing. I knew masculine clothes made him feel good, too, but there was something about his happiness when he wore women's clothes. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was different. A different kind of happiness. A pure joy.

But, since I'd returned from my long stay at the hospital at the end of December, he hadn't dressed in women's clothes. I'd definitely noticed. In fact, he didn't have any at his parents' house, except for one wig, which may have been packed in error for me. I'd certainly worn it a few times. But, I longed for him to be able to dress in women's clothes. It hadn't occurred to me before I started to notice this lack, but I'd remembered something important.

His family didn't know that he liked to wear women's clothes casually. They knew he did it as a drag queen, and they were fiercely supportive of that. It was who he was as an artist. But, for him to want to dress like this casually was entirely another matter. He'd told me he wasn't sure if they'd support him if he liked to dress in women's clothes casually. That this, he felt, might be going too far, and though they'd shown him nothing but support so far in his life, he was deathly fearful that this would be stepping over the line. 

"I couldn't imagine them no longer loving me for this. But to know that they didn't approve, and for it to cause a rift between all of us. I couldn't bear that," he'd told me in early November, soon after he'd told me about himself. 

I'd told him that I understood that, and that's when I'd told him about my own family's lack of support of me. That when I'd graduated high school and told my family my intentions to transition to male, that they'd dropped me like a hot potato, and never cared to see me again. So, I definitely understood that feeling, and I'd told him without a doubt, that I'd never want that to happen to him. That despairing lonely feeling, of feeling like no one in the world loves you just because of who you are. 

He'd gasped at this. Dissolved into tears. He'd been dressed as Aurelia then, and we'd been in our customary position on the couch in his apartment. His hand had gone over his lovely mouth, which had been painted a dark pink red. Such a lovely color. He'd hugged me so tight that I felt as if my lungs would collapse. He'd told me that he was my family now, not to worry. That his family could be my family. 

I'd already met them in late October. We'd gone to his parents' house together. I'd met his mom. His papa was on a business trip for a week, and we were only there for a weekend. Tetsu had a rare weekend off, and told me he couldn't think of any better way to spend it than to show me off to his family. I'd been so embarrassed. 

I'd met Natsuko that time. She came over that Saturday, to goggle at the man Tetsu was bringing home. She'd wanted to know if I was his boyfriend, with sneaky eyes. Tetsu had denied it, and this we'd already agreed upon before coming. He didn't want them to know quite yet. This was fine with me. It was early in our relationship, but I also knew that this trip meant that we were more than friends, so I was still content. More than content. I was meeting his family, and that was a huge step. It meant a certain level of trust.

During that trip, he'd confessed to me that Sunday that he definitely wanted them to eventually know I was his boyfriend. But that if he told them now, they'd freak out. "The biggest freak out," he'd explained, trying not to laugh. "They'd throw a party for us, like we're getting engaged. If I told them yesterday, we'd honestly be at a party right now. It's been so long since I've had a boyfriend. They're obsessed. My mom always says, 'I know this nice boy. My new friend's son is gay. I can give you his phone number.' They're going to be so excited, just you wait."

We'd laughed at this together. I couldn't imagine a family being that happy for their son to have a boyfriend. I couldn't comprehend it, because of my experience with my own family. But, I was quickly learning how things could be so different. That, being LGBTQ didn't always have to be a shameful thing. That there were people, whole families, who were downright excited for their LGBTQ members. It still shocked me, but I was slowly getting used to it. Getting comfortable. But, this feeling was groundbreaking for me. It shocked my whole universe.

But to think that his joyful family might not accept that he likes to wear women's clothes? I couldn't imagine them getting mad at him for that. I could imagine Natsuko and Naoko taking him shopping. I could imagine his mom mending a dress for him. I could imagine him walking around, looking absolutely gorgeous, in this house. But, he knew his family much better than I did. Maybe there was a side I couldn't see. The idea of that made me feel so sad, like a feeling dropping to my toes. I didn't want to think about it.

As I watched, his eyes opened slowly. Then, they were alert as they locked on me. His long lashes. Ah. My hand was still cupping his warm cheek. 

"Oh, I fell asleep," he breathed. A smile began on his face, and I felt it stretch into my hand. My whole body sighed silently, and I tilted my head, joining his smile with a smile of my own. "What are you doing awake?" He wanted to know. I enjoyed hearing his voice, still drenched in sleep. 

"Looking at your face," I said, a playfulness to my voice.

"Yeah?" He beamed at me. "Why?" His voice was so adorable. So happy, curious. His warm arms wrapped around me, and my eyes almost rolled up into my head at the pleasure of this, their familiar weight and squeezing.

"Because you're beautiful." 

I felt him take in a long, slow breath, and he let it out, that smile I adored growing even larger, becoming a grin. The edges of his eyes crinkled, something that showed his emerging age. I loved these so much. 

I reached my face to his, and kissed his nose, a tiny peck. He gasped and let out an adorable laugh. 

"What are you so cute for?" I mock scolded. 

"I don't know, I'm just cute," he said, his eyebrows lifting and making his eyes go bigger in a confident expression. 

"Hmm," I said, looking at him seriously. He laughed again, and suddenly he was kissing me. I relaxed completely in the kiss. Those lips I'd been staring at for so long. So warm. I pressed into this, intensifying it. His lips parted, and his tongue boldly slipped into my mouth. I let it play with me, and I sighed into his mouth, just completely taken with him. His arms tightened around me more, and he began to rub my back with his strong hands, long strokes, from my hips to my neck, reaching every muscle. I was jello. They traveled up to my hair, pressed my head towards his, as he kissed me harder now, and I found myself wanting more. Much more. I could tell from his body that he wanted more, too. He started to make small sounds in his throat, such in a passion, forgetting everything, where we were. We were in the living room. We couldn't do this here. 

He parted from me, and I felt almost drunk, staring at his face. His eyes were blissful. 

"Bedroom?" He asked, almost in a whisper, a simple rush of air on my face. 

I nodded, eager. That smile returned. That grin I loved. 

"Okay," he said in the same way, and his arms tightened around me. He brought his face close to mine, and still smiling, he nuzzled that nose I love to my nose, a cute gesture of love.