With the house full of the smell of fresh baked bread, Sana had fallen asleep on the couch in the late afternoon. I'd checked his blood sugar, and he was okay. He was just exhausted from the effort of making the bread. I sat in my papa's chair, watching the weather outside of the window for a time. 

I'd received a phone call from Keitaro, and asked if it was snowing in Tokyo. He said it wasn't. He said he wished it would, because his son would like that. His son was doing better, no longer feeling symptoms of his cold. I was happy about that. Keitaro liked the picture of the bread I had posted to my blog. He said he and his wife didn't do things like that, such as cooking together. He said I was really very lucky to do such nice things with Sana. We'd said good-bye, and I sat in the silence of the living room, relaxing. 

At some point, I had fallen asleep in my papa's chair. Maybe too relaxed, maybe my stomach was too full of good bread. 

I was woken up to my mom poking my shoulder gently. She was smiling at me, a touch of concern on her face. "Help me de-pod these snap peas," she'd said. So, we went to the kotatsu together, with her bag of snap peas and two bowls. She'd be making them tonight, and she didn't like the seeds to be in them when she prepared them, a personal preference. It's how I'd eaten them my whole life.

I began to prise the peas apart, gently as not to rip them. She did the same. I dropped my seeds into one of the bowls, and she copied me. We'd done this together since I was a child. It was routine. Suddenly, I wished I could do this with Sana. I felt a resolve in my soul. We'd do this together soon. 

"Hmm, so," my mom said, still looking at the pea in her hands, "how are you doing? It's not often I find you napping in the afternoon."

My eyes went to her and then back to the pea in my hands. "I'm just tired. Sana and I made bread, and I think ate about half of the loaf. I was too excited."

"Oh, yeah? That's a wonderful thing. You should get fat."

I found myself giggling, but I caught myself. I didn't want to be too loud and wake up Sana. "Maybe. I love his food so much. I'm glad he cooked again."

"'Maybe'? I don't think I've ever heard you say something like that. It makes me glad."

"Hmm, well..." I thought for a moment. "I don't think I care so much anymore, about having a 'perfect body'."

"No? Why not?"

I broke into a grin. I couldn't help it. "Because, I know Sana will love me no matter what I look like."

My mom stopped her work and looked at me. "Oh, that's wonderful. Ah, that..." She sighed. A small smile was on her face. "You know, you have really changed over these past few months. Maybe you didn't notice, but you are completely different. Your sisters and I talk about it all the time. It's night and day. Compared to who you were before."

"Oh?" I was taken aback.

"Yes. You're happier. Ah..." She made an exasperated noise from her throat. "I know, before, you seemed happy. Before you met him. But it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. Going out all the time like that. Drinking so much. I know you were having fun with your friends. But that is a young person's lifestyle."

"I'm still young." I said this in an offended way, but I wasn't really offended. 

"Not as young as you think. Forty is right around the corner."

"Don't remind me."

"Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You can deny it. But, I think that one of the reasons why you are so receptive to Sana is because you long for a more domestic lifestyle. Being with one person's company instead of one hundred. It comes with getting older, wanting to settle down. It's natural."

"Maybe." I slowly worked on a new snap pea in my hands, thinking. "But is it natural? Wanting to be with one person? You don't think that's just something we're told?"

"No, it's a feeling, right? You feel comfortable with him. I think, even if he didn't have an illness, you would want to spend the most time with him, and that his illness is just an excuse to do so. You want to be with him all hours of the day, because he is sick. But I think you'd want to be with him all hours of the day no matter what. I know, because that's how I feel about your papa."

I was quieted by this. What she was saying was going through my barriers. 

She took my silence as a signal to keep going. "He's your best friend. As well as your romantic partner. You just want to be with him all the time. I think that's the most natural thing in the world. I see you two on the couch all the time. Laughing together, watching videos on your phone. He lays on you, and you watch him like he could disappear. You watch him, and I'm watching you. It's more special than you realize."

"Ah," I interjected, "Keitaro said the same thing today. He said we have something special."

"Yes, he would know. He's been married about ten years by now. And speaking about marriage."

My eyebrow raised, as I looked at her through the sides of my eyes. I knew where this was going.

She continued. "I think you should marry Sana. He is female on his birth certificate. You two can get married. I don't think it's hasty. The way you look at each other. It's love." 

I shifted on the floor, and my shoulders bunched up a little. 

She continued, ignoring my uncomfortableness with the conversation. "I know you've told me in the past that you think marriage is for straight couples. But that word, 'straight'. I don't know what it means. I think marriage is for love. You know, back in the day, we didn't marry for love. Even my generation, many of my friends were arranged to be married by their parents. I married for love. It's not so different. I understand two men or two women wanting to marry for love. Being told you can't do it. I just hope that your opinion will change. You love Sana. Marriage is also about protection. Protecting the one you love. You say all the time that you want to protect Sana. Marriage is a way to protect him, because you will be the one by law who gets to take care of him the most and the best. Think about it. I've been thinking about it."

I was quieted. An unsure feeling in my body. An almost confused feeling, by her words. Her words about protection had caused this feeling. An unsettled feeling. 

She grabbed a small pile of peas from the clear bag between us, and began un-podding them in swift, experienced motions. She cleared her throat, got into a more comfortable position by shifting her body. I breathed an invisible sigh of relief when she changed the subject. 

"I wonder what kind of sauce I should make for these. Sana seemed to like the aemono, don't you think? Maybe something similar. I want to make things he can eat."

"Maybe. I don't know what kind of sauce, though. I've kind of gotten used to him deciding what we're going to eat. It's a surprise every time. I like the surprises, so I don't really think about choosing foods much anymore. I like it to be a surprise every meal. I'd rather Sana choose when he wakes up."

She looked at me, a sneaky look, like a cat about to pounce. I found myself smiling at this, a strange response. I hadn't expected myself to smile at what I was sure she was about to say. And I was right, when she said it.

"See! You've changed so much! You're so used to him. You think in a couple way, always about the other person. That is the way married people think. It's as if you're already married."

"Mo-om," I laughed lightly, "really? Are you going to keep bringing this up?"

"Always. Because I just know. You are ready, you just don't know it yet."

I was quieted again, that unsettled feeling increasing. She got out a new small pile, and began swiftly taking the seeds out. She'd made much more progress than I had. I noticed I was still working on my original pile of snap peas. I realized, I'd been going slow, because she was making me think. I stared forward, my eyes going a little wider. Her words were really disturbing me, but not in a bad way. It was a speechless feeling, in my heart and really, my whole body.

"You really think I'm ready?" I didn't know what to make of this disturbed feeling. It was growing like a cloud, reaching in all directions.

"Of course." Said in a way that suggested I might be a little stupid, but that she still loved me, an exasperated word. This made me laugh, another unexpected response from inside of me. She laughed with me, and her expression changed to one of slight, joking scolding. "Ah-ah, you're so different! What's wrong with you?!" She punched me on the shoulder softly, and I mocked like it hurt a lot, which made her laugh harder. 

I heard a small sound behind us. I looked behind me, and Sana's eyes were open. He made a small, silent yawn, and my heart became butterflies at the cuteness of it. How sleepy his eyes looked. 

"Good morning, my darling," I said in a smile. He yawned again and I couldn't help but laugh at how cute he was. He looked especially adorable today, wearing a long blonde wig and a thick red patent leather headband and a white maxi dress. His eyes closed again, and I remembered something important. "Oh! Oh, darling, we're de-podding snap peas. What sauce would you put on snap peas?" Said quickly, before he drifted off to sleep again.

"Mm," he said, so tired, "bulgogi sauce. Rice wine vinegar, fresh ground garlic, ground ginger, sesame oil, low sodium soy sauce, honey, gochujung, a touch of Worcestershire sauce, chili flakes, black pepper." He yawned again, a small yawn. I wanted to touch his cheek. He covered his mouth every time he yawned. 

My mom lit up. "Ooh, delicious! I'll have to go the store to get some of the ingredients, but I have time. I have some chicken breast. We can cook them all together." My mom was just as excited as I was. "Sana, you have the best ideas when it comes to cooking. So creative."

Sana's eyes opened again, and I saw a small pink blush appear on his cheeks. "No, I'm sure I don't," he admitted modestly to my mom. He didn't want to insult her own cooking, being respectful.

"Can you write down your recipe for me? I'll get paper and a pen," my mom said, getting up from the kotatsu. She wiped her hands on her apron. 

"Ah, mom, just write it on your cellphone. On the app I showed you. It's more convenient. You don't have to get out a piece of paper at the store." 

"I'll never understand you children and your modern technology. What's wrong with paper?" She chuckled to herself a little bit, walking out of the room. 

"Hmm," Sana said, his eyebrows creased a little, "I'll have to tell her to make rice with it. It's quite nice over rice. The sauce soaks the rice beautifully. Tastes delicious."

"Oh, does it?" I crawled over to him, sat on my legs, face to face. His expression softened, that small smile I knew and loved appearing on his face, perfectly accented by his cherry red lipstick. 

"Of course it does." His smile increased.

Of course. Looking at his face, my heart was full of butterflies. I thought of my mom's words, her of course. Her, of course you're ready. The feeling of butterflies released from my heart, and filled my whole body. 

He got a curious expression. "What?" He asked, his face going cute. "You're staring at me so seriously." He brought his hand to my face, and poked my cheek. Exactly what I'd wanted to do to him earlier. I broke into a grin at this cute gesture. He knew exactly how to make me smile, all the time. It was something special he knew how to do. 

It's more special than you realize. My mom's words again. I stared at his sparkling eyes, starting to get wet in his joy at me, just by looking at my grin. How he loved me.

I brought my face closer to his. His face wiggled on the couch cushion, trying to stretch toward me, to close the gap, so eager. His eyes closed, and he looked so beautiful, his thick eyeliner lines accentuating the curves of his closed eyes. I closed the gap, and felt the warmness of his lips. This comforting warmth. I sighed in the kiss, and he seemed to sigh at my sigh. I lingered, making the kiss longer than it had to be. Just enjoying the softness of his lips.