“I want 3 kilos of this.”

I joined DaHong-san on a morning trip to the wet market.

DaHong-san, from what I knew, was an orphan. Everything from the restaurant, to his cooking skills were things he received from Rize-chan. So to an extent, he probably knew her better than I did.

His chocolate coloured hair was just a shade lighter than Rize-chan’s. He had light-brown skin, like a tan, and quite the squarish face. His build was also quite large, as in fat, not muscle.

“EiYun-chan, help me with this.”

“O-Oh.”

Startled from being lost in thought, I took the package of prawns from him. It was wrapped in calcium paper.

I placed it inside the large cold box attached to the industrial transport cart. We weren’t halfway through the busy market and the mobile fridge was already reaching its limit.

DaHong-san paid the fishmonger and proceeded to survey for other ingredients. I pushed the cart, following behind him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

It wasn’t because of a lack of consideration. It was because of his consideration that I was pushing the cart alone.

I don’t want to be a piece of standing baggage, distracting him from his usual routine.

I listened to his instructions carefully.

“The cart can’t climb the stairs. We’ll take the sloping bridge there instead.”

“Okay.”

The market was interesting as it was colourful. A whole premise within a large building, itself built with individual concrete cubicles where owners displayed their goods. Among ingredients, raw or live, there were also little articles like woven baskets, toys, and clothes.

There was nothing about the place that resembled a battlefield, but it reminded me of one. Because of the familiar scent of dead fish.

“Did you know that Rize-chan is attracted to girls?”

DaHong-san’s sudden question pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Uh?”

“She’s lesbian.”

She’s lesbian?

“That’s what I think at least.”

What do you mean she’s lesbian?

Is there a reason I need to know such an arbitrary… hold on.

“You get what I mean?”

He looked at me with one brow arched upwards.

“Y-Yeah…?”

“No idea what my boss is thinking, but just telling you something that you might have to consider the next time you interact with her.”

I think… I was getting his point.

If it was true that Rize-chan was into ‘that’, then the real reason behind why she saved me was… no. Impossible.

 

-☆▫.-▫.｡.:* ▫⌎.☆\*: .｡ ▫.-

 

⌏▫☆ Hwang Eunha◆▫. ¸

⁛ Origin Year 138, 19th of Yǔ.

I rose from the bed with this tight feeling sticking to my chest.

Without needing to rush towards the closet to put on my uniform. or perform roll call, this once useful urge during critical times had become something I hated in normal day to day life.

Dread. Anxiety.

I took in a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself… I was shivering, the breaths I let out were frosty.

I was wasting time.

People are dying out there, and I’m here enjoying this uncertain peace.

Ironic. I was supposed to die.

Quickly, I needed to recover and find my own method of helping humanity. I can’t just continue to dabble around like this.

I’m useless.

Attempts to calm the erratic thoughts made things worse. It was incorrigible.

I searched for Rize-chan in the darkness. She was still sleeping on the other futon, her back facing towards me. Seeing her sleeping so soundly, a different kind of thought sliced through the murky darkness.

Why is she always so calm? Does she even feel anxious on the battlefield?

“Mom…”

I shook her shoulders.

She groaned a few times before turning to me with half-open eyes.

“…What is it Eun-chan?”

“C-Can you use that magic to calm me down?”

“Again?”

Yes. Again.

I’m such a burden.

Yeah. I’m such a useless being.

I had cleared the first hurdle, which was to not die.

But that was just one hurdle.

The second hurdle was just as difficult, if not more.

Overcoming myself.

Simply being aware of the issue wasn’t enough to resolve the problem.

Because I was truly incapable of doing anything alone.

“Lie down.”

I did as she commanded. She grabbed my head and buried it into her shoulder.

“Good night.”

And fell back asleep.

I wasn’t sure if she had used her magic, but the thoughts that gnawed at me ceased almost immediately. Her smell and warmth—she was like a hot sweet potato that warmed my body.

I began to feel sleepy once more, clinging to her I shut my eyes and…

‘She’s lesbian.’

My body jolted and I fled from her arm.

Backed against the wall, I stared in horror at the girl whom I called mom. Sleeping without a care in the world, she didn’t even wake up when I pushed her.

Just, just… w-what the hell was happening to me? DaHong-san… had to be joking right? Did Rize-chan really swing that way? Then what does that make of me who just begged her for comfort?

I-I… seriously don’t harbour any of that sort of feeling towards her. I’m simply…

Simply using her for your own selfishness.

I bit my lips.

Right. In the end, I was only considering myself.

“Why…”

Why indeed.

Useless.

 

¸☆▫.-⌎.- ▫☆\*: .｡ _ ▫.｡.:*

 

The arrival of morning didn’t take too long as I toiled in my bed for an hour longer.

“Morning.”

“…Morning.”

I tried to greet her.

“How are you feeling?”

“Much better…”

“Just so you know, you can just hug me next time if you feel completely wrecked. I’m totally cool with it.”

Two girls hugging made sense. But to do so in the bedroom obviously implied something different… she was giving me permission to ‘cross the line’.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me.

“…Are you sure you’re alright?”

Eh, uh…!

“I’m fine! I’m fine! Just thinking about something…”

Tell me it’s a lie.

She can’t be looking at me that way right? Oh God, please tell me this whole thing is a lie!

“Mn. You can’t fool me. If you have anything you want to say, just tell me, I’m ready to listen.”

With nothing more to add, we got ready to start our day’s routine.

◜\⌝▫◆▫.

Wake up in the morning, change into casual clothes and make a few laps around the block with Rize-chan.

Occasionally we would spar with each other. Like right now.

She blocked my training sword with hers.

Sliding all the way to the base, she diverted the point of my blade and rushed in. Tilting my body backwards, I placed my sword in position to push away her piercing strike.

She lowered her stance and with one hand acting as the pivot on the ground, lifted her body up and sent a kick towards my flank. That which I barely blocked with my sword.

An upward slash came immediately after. I had no idea how she recovered from her position so quickly.

Her style of CQC was unorthodox. More artistic than it was technical.

It was very different from the ones taught in the military. A style of swordplay that took advantage of her small stature… as if she developed it herself.

I think it’s the opposite. She must have lived a pretty hard life.

As I recalled Ms. Chu’s words, the contents of Rize-chan’s journal popped into my mind.

The heavy emotions that were contained within, the thought of it suddenly weighed my heart. And that split thought broke my concentration.

The sword stopped just shy of my neck.

“I win!”

She cheered.

“Rize-chan.”

I called out her name with a shaky voice.

“Yeah?”

She retracted her sword.

“What was your previous life like?”

“Ah? Didn’t you read it from my journal?”

“Yeah but…”

“I know, I know. You’re going to say that reading it is different from hearing it right from my mouth.”

I didn’t deny nor agree.

“I was a lot of things in the past. A barista, a nurse, a sales agent, an entrepreneur…”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“…”

I could feel her gaze. I felt my whole body tremble.

“It’s not something I’m proud of, but I was once a devout cultist.”

“Someone who killed people, dismembered their body parts, made sacrifices out of them, performed rituals, prayed to a God which I later found out was human, those kinds of things.”

…I wasn’t referring to that either.

“I don’t regret it of course. It was a good learning experience.”

I actually wanted to… about…

Sacrificing herself to save an entire world.

Her sins. Her regrets.

What was going through her mind then? The Rize standing before me right now… isn’t the same as the one she wrote of.

To atone.

And…

For whom did she do this all for?

 

¸☆▫.-⌎.- ▫☆\*: .｡ _ ▫.｡.:*

 

After morning exercise, I would wash up and then proceed to help DaHong-san with early restaurant preparations.

“EiYun-chan, you really don’t need to go out of your way to help us, you know?”

Ms. YiChen said.

“I’m doing it for myself.”

It was the least I could do to not stay useless.

I refilled the utensil containers scattered around the restaurant which were running low.

Even on days when the shop was closed, there was still work to do. Said work being the cleaning of the whole kitchen area. It was something that couldn’t be neglected to maintain food cleanliness and ensure equipment durability.

As the head chef, DaHong-san had a lot of responsibilities. So going to the kitchen was an everyday thing for him.

Just a few days ago, he also took me to the market to buy ingredients for this week’s share. We left with an empty cart and came back with one packed to the absolute brim.

I never once paid any mind to how food was brought to the table before this. So seeing just how much work and effort goes into making good food made me realise that being a militant may not be the hardest occupation out there.

◜\⌝▫◆▫.

To an extent, I knew how to cook. But I was disallowed from helping in the kitchen. So normally, I’d volunteer as the waiter. Today, however, Akane-san needed me. I left the restaurant once it completely opened.

Akane-san was a biologist. Dark red hair, amethyst eyes. She wore glasses just like me, but hers was genuine unlike mine.

Despite her profession, she didn’t shy away from the work of maids like laundry, mopping, and tending to the garden. I found it rather odd. Perhaps because of my upbringing, these little daily life burdens eluded me.

“EiYun-san, do you mine?”

“What is it?”

“Put your hands here, under this machine.”

Akane-san called me to help with whatever experiment she was working on. It was a study on what demonica preferred when deciding on their target.

I was apparently mistaken as a God’s Emissary, so she thinks my special ability had something to do with prana and demonica. Rize-chan told me to just go along with the story.

The first few times, I was told to put my finger near the glass enclosure with the Crazy Koi inside. I found it odd how the demonica’s attention would shift from the koi to me whenever I was present.

It didn’t react to Akane-san, so maybe ‘I’ was something to be studied?

It seemed similar to what the scientists had me do to prove that my prana attracted demonica. They had me fly around to assess its effects.

But, I didn’t know if telling Akane-san about my ability was a good idea. My identity could be revealed if I expose too much.

Once I saw her use a device called the prana galvanometer. From it, she deduced that my body’s natural bioprana emission was 17.3 Joules per second. Compared to the normal koi which had an emission of 12.9 Joules, and a human’s which was near zero, it was a measurable difference.

However, my body’s emission, while denser, dispersed much quicker. 17.3 Joules quickly tapered off to 0 Joules just beyond 0.6 metres. Akane-san said the natural emission of a tuna with the same weight and emission output as I would’ve measured about 11.7 Joules at 1 metre, and only taper off to zero at 10 metres.

It was a dizzying explanation.

With this fact, she tried to take a 20 Joule per second source of prana wave emitter and compete it with my 17.3 Joules per second bioprana.

Under normal circumstances, demonica would choose a denser source of prana over a lighter one. It’s for this fact that demonica are attracted to crystal cores. This meant that the Crazy Koi should’ve gone for the prana emitter however…

The Crazy Koi still frenzied after my finger instead, despite its lower emission. It was only when Akane-san cranked up the prana wave emitter to 33 Joules per second did the Crazy Koi change its target.

It proved that the density of prana alone wasn’t the only factor affecting a demonica’s attention… I then realise that these series of experiments would eventually lead to the root of why I’m so attractive to demonica.

Today, instead of measuring my prana density, she was going to test for the effects of varying energy wave frequencies in relation to the demonica’s preference.

I placed my hands under the scanner.

On one of the monitors, a wave complex was being displayed. I had no idea how to interpret anything about what I was seeing.

“As I thought.”

Akane-san adjusted the knob and froze the frame. After which she began drawing the impression on a graph.

“This machine is actually used to measure the quality of prana crystal samples. It’s called a Variable EMP-wave Diminutive Wavestack Delineator. But in this case, I’m using it to measure your prana waves. This here is your unique bioprana fingerprint. Marine life also creates these kinds of emissions, but yours… I’ve not seen anything like this. It’s still unknown, but I’d like to think this is another reason why the Crazy Koi are much more attracted to you.”

She told me about the wave complex for a normal bioprana reading for marine life. The main difference between that and mine was the amplitude-frequency pattern.

“Hm… what if a demonised fish had a different bioprana reading? I don’t have any data on that.”

Akane-san muttered to herself.

Snap. Snap.

From out of nowhere, Cinnamon flew into the room.

“It’s you again.”

Snap. Snap.

Cinnamon visited the lab like this the previous few days too. We weren’t too surprised. I looked at Akane-san.

“How about we try putting Cinnamon under the EMP-something measuring device?”

“Variable EMP-wave Diminutive Wavestack Delineator.”

Right, whatever that’s called.

Cinnamon, completely aloof to our conversation, was restrained and put on the scale.

“Stay still!”

“Did we… really need to tape him down?”

Being the stubborn turtle it was, it ran away a few times. Akane-san got fed up and taped its shell onto the measuring plate.

Cinnamon’s bioprana wave matched the normal marine profile.

“In a panicked state, but a normal reading”

He was really trying everything in his power to run, his neck moving in and out of its shell. When I attempted to release him, Cinnamon bit my hand once before fleeing the room.

“Ouch…”

“Aye. What a stubborn turtle. Is your finger okay?”

“I’m fine.”

So it became clear to me that my bioprana fingerprint was special.

“I suppose that’s it for today. When I get back to the lab, I’ll measure and see how a demonica compares. Maybe there are clues there.”

Akane-san didn’t want to risk the escape of the Crazy Koi, so she would do the measurements at the lab she worked at where it was safe.

Watching as she fed both the normal and demonised koi, I pondered…

What if a demonica’s bioprana fingerprint turns out to be similar to my own? Does that mean I’m already a demon?

 

.- ▫☆\*: .｡ _ ▫.｡.:*☆▫.-⌎

 

A medical appointment today for late Ms. Chu’s two children. Today, we had to bring these two cuties to the nearest clinic for their routine checkup.

“Let’s go~ Let’s go~”

“Yay~!”

“Oof… don’t bang my eyes.”

“I owe you for this time, Rize-chan.”

Kim SuBin was in Rize-chan’s arms. Meanwhile, Kim ChaDong was in Kim Hyeon’s.

“SuBin, stop it.”

I said and restrained her small fist which tried to hit Rize-chan. She turned to me.

“Ooh.”

With eyes big and wide. Cute.

While the two were holding onto the children, I held onto their stuff packed in a baby bag. Things like their medical report, certificate identity, and bottles of milk should they need any.

The clinic was about an hour’s walk away. Carrying SuBin and ChaDong, without being able to use the bicycle or any motorised vehicle meant we had to go on foot. Thirty minutes in, I noticed Rize-chan’s legs all wobbly.

“Rize-chan, are you alright?”

“Me? I’m alright. What’s up?”

Rize-chan responded as if I was the one who was vying for her attention.

Ah… she’s playing the role of my mother, isn’t she?

“Um, are you not tired?”

“It’s not a big deal. SuBin isn’t fat, isn’t that right?”

Rize-chan said as she lightly pinched the little girl’s cheeks.

SuBin retaliated by pushing Rize-chan’s hand away, waving her tiny fist. I was reminded of getting hit by those.

“Rize-chan, why not let EiYun-san hold onto SuBin? You must be pretty tired, considering how you’re also a child.”

Kim Hyeon-ssi raised his concern.

“…You say I’m a child. How dare you…”

“…”

Though, Rize-chan seemed offended by the fact.

I get it. You’re a centurion in a child’s body. But is it really a sin to call you a child?

“SuBin, do you want EiYun-san to carry you?”

To her father’s question, SuBin looked between me and Rize-chan.

Then the girl proceeded to reach out towards me.

“Geh.”

Rize-chan looked absolutely shocked. SuBin didn’t even hesitate to give her benefactor up.

“No offence…?”

I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings here… and I’m sure SuBin understands that you’re suffering from having to carry her right? This isn’t a question of which girl she prefers alright? Right?

I carefully took SuBin into my arms and turned the baby bag over to Rize-chan.

The contact of her soft skin.

The warmth of her body in my cradle.

Her bright, wide ocean blue eyes met mine.

Looking just like her.

A fuzzy sensation warmed my heart.

…I’ve always wondered what it would be like to carry little children. To think it’d be so comforting.

Her small fingers traced my cheeks.

“You’re quite the cutie aren’t you SuBin?”

I said unconsciously.

She merely tilted her head. A little less talkative than the last time I carried her. I wonder why?

“So, how is it? It’s the first time holding a dear two-year-old baby, isn’t it Eun-chan?”

“So this is what being a parent feels like?”

It wasn’t my first time but… to think it would be so… fulfilling.

To think I robbed Ms. Chu of such a gratifying experience in life.

“Not exactly. But I suppose it would be one of the upsides. I’m sure Mr. Hyeon knows a whole lot of true parenthood.”

“Huh. You sound as if you’ve been through it yourself.”

Hyeon-ssi snorted.

“I’ve never once been married—”

Rize-chan stuck her tongue out. Why is it that, I wonder…