“Your presence brings confidence and protection to others.”

“You’re the most amazing person in the world.”

“Everything you do works in your favour.”

“You feel light and happy every day.”

“You’re super lucky in whatever you do.”

“People feel safe in your presence.”

“You’re the most beautiful person in the world.”

“You’re…”

She could barely keep her eyes open as weird, hypnotic-like words of encouragement kept pouring from my mouth.

In a trance state, her eyelids drooped, and her body fell hunch. Give her a little push and she’d most probably fall.

“You will wake up feeling completely refreshed as if you’ve just had optimal sleep. In the count of five, you’ll snap back awake and…”

I snapped my fingers at the end of the countdown.

“Hm?”

Eun-chan, who had been out of it earlier, raised her head languidly to look at me. Her drowsy blue eyes were starting to regain their light.

Her lips parted.

“How long do we have to keep doing this?”

She asked, looking slightly fed up.

It was currently the evening. Every time before bed, Eun-chan and I would do something like a little ritual.

She and I would sit facing each other. I would tell her to look into my eyes to apply charm magic to force her into a trance. And while in that state, I try to speak into her subconscious mind a different view of herself and the world.

If my charm magic was stronger, I wouldn’t have needed to take this odd method of saying positive statements out loud. But you know, sometimes you’ve just got to substitute the lacking areas with actual hypnotherapy techniques.

“As long as we’re together I guess.”

I answered wonderingly.

I have no idea how long we have to do this. The treatment really depends on person to person. Plus, I’m no hypnotherapist. I’m merely mimicking what I know from the experts since it was effective in treating certain groups of people in my past life.

“Anyways. How do you feel right now?”

“A little stupid.”

“Eun-chan…”

“W-Weird. I feel weird—!”

She panicked when I threatened to tickle her.

“How so weird?”

“Like, how am I supposed to feel one way when I’m feeling another? Just like that time at your old apartment. I felt really happy… even though I shouldn’t have felt like that…”

“So you feel happy now, yes?”

“A little.”

Happy, yet she looked like she had just bitten into a lemon.

Some people simply believe they’re not worthy of joy and happiness, like EunHa. However, there are also those who believe the opposite, but struggle to change because of how deeply entrenched the negative thought patterns are inside their subconscious mind.

“We’ll do it again tomorrow until you stop thinking you shouldn’t feel how you should.”

“…Okay.”

This therapy is the current substitute for psychotic medication. Medicating someone isn’t always the answer.

“Now then. Something you’re grateful for today. Chop. Chop.”

“Do we really have to do this every night? It’s… not like it’s actually going to help, is it?”

“You didn’t get good at slinging guns right out of the gates I reckon?”

“…I’m grateful for your guidance.”

“Feel it. That gratefulness. Don’t just say it.”

“Ugh… fuck.”

Is it really that weird to say that you’re grateful for me?

She became all fidgety. Squinted her eyes once and twice, then shifted her position beside me.

Then a big hug came my way.

I almost fell down from the sheer weight.

“Wow!”

I yelped in surprise.

“Mom.”

She quipped.

“Thank you.”

I felt my heart skip a beat. A warm feeling spread from the centre of my chest outwards.

“You got me. You got me.”

I stroked her silky smooth hair that had the nicest smell of candy to it. It was such a mysterious feeling of pride and love.

“That concludes for today. Let’s go to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Eun-chan wasn’t completely healed. But I think she’s at least ready to meet Ms. Lili’s family.

“…Yes.”

Snap. Snap.

Cinnamon, who was observing us, said he wants to go to bed already so make it quick.

◃⊰⊱⊹. ⊹⌖Ω ⩏⊹ϑ ⊰⊱▹

“Where you headed off to?”

Akane-san asked.

“We’re going to visit Mr. Hyeon.”

“Eh, that’s so sudden.”

Akane-san’s gaze shifted to Eun-chan for that very slight moment. My motherly instincts warned me of something.

“Well then, we’ll get going. Let DaHong-san know we’re out if he asks. And remember to NOT use Cinnamon as your experimental guppy.”

“Okay. Oh right! Hold on, since you’re heading out, could you help pass something to Nana-san and TaeHyun-san?”

Akane-san rushed back into the house and then brought out two large bulky containers.

“What is this?”

“It’s the new PP-grenade prototype the lab made. They agreed to test it out on my behalf.”

“I didn’t know you had the licence to manufacture weapons.”

“It’s an institutional project.”

“Heeeh… okay then.”

“I’ll help carry it.”

“Eh. Seriously?”

Eun-chan swiped the two containers from the ground and hung them over her back. The container itself had a strap so it could be slugged behind the shoulder much like a bag.

“Then I’ll carry one.”

“It’s not that heavy.”

Eun-chan denied my help.

“Well, suit yourself. Thank you”

If she insists, by all means. Just don’t complain when you get tired.

“Thank you.”

What’s there to thank me for anyway?

◤◢

The public transport here wasn’t as developed as Fuji City, so much of the distance coverage had to be done on foot.

Of course, we could also rent bicycles, but in this situation where both Eun-chan and I were ex-soldiers, I didn’t think we needed something like that. It’s barely a hike.

The barracks where Nana-chan and TaeHyun-kun worked were a little further away from Ms. Lili’s home. As much as we would like to clear the baggage before the visit, I thought it would be better to do the home visit first before anything.

To arrive late was a no-go.

We stopped by the florist to get a hamper of flowers and fruits.

Ms. Lili’s home was a two-story residence resembling that of your typical Japanese bungalow. It wasn’t large, but it certainly felt more than comfortable for a family of four.

The housing district here had houses of pretty much the same design. I saw a few elderly gardening, and youngsters playing on the swing at the nearby playground.

I stepped up to the gate and rang the bell.

Eun-chan was nervous, but not to the point of fainting. She looked a lot more composed than I anticipated.

There was no response after a full minute of waiting

“Huh. I’m quite sure it’s supposed to be today, or did I forget something?”

I said. Eun-chan then looked around.

The streets were rather quaint beside the distant voices of kids cheering and wind chimes.

We could see from the gaps of the gate, the slightly overgrown front garden as well as flowers that hung from DIY inverse pots. Just as I was thinking of leaving after ringing the bell a couple more times, the door burst open.

“Hold on!”

It was Mr. Kim Hyeon… and little SuBin was crying in his arms.

…Something must’ve happened.

◃⊰⊱ϑ⊹ ⨞⋅⫝⫘⌖ ⊹⊹⊰⊱▹

“It’s been busy.”

Mr. Kim Hyeon said tiredly.

“Being a father isn’t easy.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

If Ms. Lili was the mature-looking mother, then Kim Hyeon would be the aloof father. And, just like Ms. Lili, he is a magnanimously kind and inviting person.

From what I know, he was once a military man himself. However, he was forced to retire when he lost his left wrist. All that was left was the stump. Since he still had his right hand, it wasn’t too big of a loss. Much better than death.

Currently, he’s a literary writer and house husband. Though, with Ms. Lili gone though, I was a tad concerned about his financial situation.

Then again, if Ms. Lili had said that she planned to retire, it probably meant they had more than enough funds to go a couple years without working.

“Does SuBin and ChaDong eat porridge?”

“SuBin likes it if it’s got shredded fish, ChaDong prefers milk.”

“Okay.”

It was a depressing sight seeing Kim Hyeon fall limp on the chair. Good thing I was here to help make breakfast in his place.

Stir, stir, stir~

“Speaking of which, that girl you brought.”

He recalled.

“Her name is EiYun. I call her Eun-chan because it’s cuter.”

“…She’s the one my wife saved, right?”

His voice contained a peculiar undercurrent of emotion.

“Yup.”

“Why did you bring her here?”

“Don’t you want to see the person your wife saved?”

“…”

“I thought maybe it would be good for you two to get to know each other. Ms. Lili actually had plans to adopt her.”

“Adopt her?”

“Metaphorically. Another reason is so that she can pay her respects to you.”

“Come again?”

Come on… aren’t you a writer? Was what I said that confusing?

“She feels really guilty for causing Ms. Lili’s death. Or at least, she thinks she’s the cause.”

“So you brought her here to pay respect to my wife’s spirit.”

“Yes. And also to talk to you.”

“…”

“I can’t rewind time. And even if I had that choice, I wouldn’t. The best is still to move on from where we stand. Quite insensitive coming from me but, I think Ms. Lili would’ve wanted you to meet EiYun someday too.”

“I can somewhat tell. Since you’re doing that now.”

He heaved a deep sigh.

“Is there anything you want me to say in particular to that girl?”

“Not really. I think it’s enough to tell her to cherish the life she has.”

“Cherish life…”

He looked towards the small potted bonsai placed at the window side… the one he planted with the remnant of his wife’s ashes, scattered.

◃⊰⊱⊹. ⊹⌖Ω ⩏⊹ϑ ⊰⊱▹

EunHa was being stared at by the twins.

Fraternal twins, to be exact.

SuBin and ChaDong.

It was easy to tell between them by the length of their hair. Otherwise, they both look pretty feminine. Their appearance took after their mother more than they did their father.

If Cinnamon were here, then keeping the kids entertained would’ve been much easier. She imagined him flying between their noses to tease them. Too bad Rize had refused, worried that the kids might shove the turtle into their mouths if not careful. Of course, that was just a joke excuse.

EunHa focused her attention back on the two kids.

SuBin and ChaDong.

What should I do?

Why was SuBin crying earlier? She looked alright now.

Rize said to take care of the kids while she made breakfast. She also said she had some private matters to relay to Kim Hyeon.

They both moved to the kitchen, leaving EunHa on the spot.

She didn’t know anything about how to play with kids, let alone being a mother. For a moment she thought maybe it was right of her to refuse the marriage.

“SuBin, ChaDong.”

She called out their names. They reacted by staring deeper at EunHa.

“Can you understand me?”

“Pretty.”

“Unnie.”

“…!”

EunHa didn’t know why, but their puerile words stabbed her heart like a Cupid’s arrow. Infatuated by their cuteness, she closed the distance slowly.

They too, out of curiosity, closed the distance. SuBin grabbed EunHa’s glasses with her tiny hands.

“Ah, no. Don’t grab that.”

SuBin’s grasp wasn’t flinching. She was curious, as it was the first time she had seen an accessory like this. Meanwhile, ChaDong took a seat between EunHa’s crossed legs and leaned back against her stomach.

SuBin let go of the glasses and looked at ChaDong who seemed to be showing a smug. SuBin’s cheeks puffed up.

Ah wait, could it be?

The girl tried to push the boy away from EunHa’s. ChaDong refused to relinquish his domain.

SuBin, who was further frustrated, stood up using EunHa’s body as support. She tried to hug EunHa from behind, her arms barely reaching around her neck.

EunHa found the whole situation puzzling. Wasn’t she a total stranger to them just a minute ago?

“I want to carry.”

SuBin said.

“You want to carry?”

EunHa parroted her words. She nodded with pleading eyes.

ChaDong’s expression turned slightly dark. EunHa’s focus had shifted from him to the attention-hoarding SuBin.

“Do you mean you want me to carry you?”

SuBin nodded again, this time more fervently.

“I want too!”

ChaDong stepped on EunHa and grabbed her by the chest.

There were no perverted intentions behind his actions. But, EunHa found being groped around by the kids simply uncomfortable. She endured.

“Um…”

“Me first.”

“No. I said I want first so me first.”

SuBin shot down ChaDong’s reasoning.

“I’m closer.”

ChaDong tried to pry SuBin’s hands away from EunHa.

It was a successful counter. SuBin almost fell.

“ChaDong hit me!”

“I don’t care. Carry.”

ChaDong wrapped his arms around EunHa.

EunHa only grew increasingly confused. ChaDong was clearly in the wrong, so why did it feel wrong to lecture him? By logic, SuBin should go foremost because she was the one who first asked for it. Yet she found it a dilemma to let go of ChaDong.

Basically, whichever she chose would earn the animosity of the other… SuBin’s eyes were starting to water…

Which was the right choice?

“Um, ChaDong. SuBin asked for it first so can I carry her first?”

ChaDong’s expression fell. He didn’t retaliate against EunHa and nodded sullenly.

“Good boy.”

EunHa patted his head and gently let him down from her lap. His mood seemed to lighten from that.

“Yay!”

SuBin cheered. She jumped twice on the spot before reaching her arms out.

EunHa lifted her carefully. She wasn’t sure exactly how to hold a child so it became something like a princess carry?

SuBin became confused. This was the first time she was being carried like this. She saw ChaDong stick his tongue out secretly behind EunHa’s back.

“Am I doing it right?”

EunHa asked.

“No?”

SuBin reached her hands out and grabbed EunHa’s neck.

“???”

Everyone was basically confused by this point. EunHa didn’t know about the typical koala hold most parents did with their children. Not to mention, SuBin was already a big baby by this point.

“Like this.”

ChaDong quickly ran towards her and tried to move EunHa’s hand underneath SuBin’s butt.

“NO!”

“Ah?!”

SuBin writhed, hitting EunHa.

“SuBin!”

EunHa staggered.

“Eh?”

Causing a domino effect and knocking ChaDong.

“AH!”

But just before ChaDong hit the ground, EunHa supported him from the back.

…This normally should’ve been an impossible plate-balancing position to keep stable.

SuBin’s eyes widened in realisation.

She wasn’t just being carried by EunHa anymore… she was being carried by EunHa who was flying!

“Sorry ChaDong.”

EunHa, who was almost completely horizontal, had to let go of SuBin and then help ChaDong up. He had a puffy-angry look.

EunHa turned to look at SuBin with a harsh gaze.

“Unnie, just now fly?”

“SuBin, you shouldn’t hit people.”

“Can I fly too?”

“…”

She was disregarding her complaints completely.

“Why can unnie fly?”

EunHa now felt worse about Ms. Lili’s death. To think her husband would have to deal with manipulative kids like these all by himself…

◤◢

“Breakfast is ready… wow.”

“Papa! Look, look! I’m flying!”

“Papa, she can fly! She can fly!”

“…What in the world?”

Rize and Hyeon came to the living room to call them over, expecting a quiet disaster from the kids.

Yet in front of them was SuBin cheering for ChaDong who was being carried by EunHa in the air.

“Uh…”

When EunHa saw them, she froze up a little. She descended and let ChaDong go. The two kids quickly ran towards their father and hugged him.

“I didn’t know she could use magic. Is that why you made her your daughter?”

“Part of the reason.”

Hyeon asked, Rize shrugged.

EunHa lowered her head. Out of embarrassment or guilt, she didn’t know.

◃⊰⊱ϑ⊹ ⨞⋅⫝⫘⌖ ⊹⊹⊰⊱▹

SuBin and ChaDong ate until they couldn’t anymore. It was the most they had eaten since Chu Lili’s passing.

“I’ll take care of the kids. You two take your sweet time okay?”

As Rize said so, she dragged the siblings out to the living room. Suddenly, EunHa and Hyeon were the only ones left at the table.

“She really is like a storm.”

Kim Hyeon shook his head and sighed. EunHa remained silent. He then turned to her and said.

“I don’t know what her real intentions are for us to meet. So, do you have anything you want to say to me?”

Did EunHa have anything to say?

Engrossed in the meal until Rize went away all of a sudden, EunHa was left completely blank. Did her mama just abandon her? Or was this a test?

“…I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t be, my wife wouldn’t want to hear that.”

“…”

EunHa shrank even further into her mind.

The darkness which had been suppressed by Rize surged into her. She was… completely vulnerable.

The one that brought Chu Lili’s death was her.

The one that caused the thousands of deaths.

The disaster soon to unfold.

Had she died, Chu Lili may have survived.

Had she never stepped foot on the human stronghold, so many people’s lives would’ve been spared.

This infinite cycle of disaster and calamity…

Her fault.

It was all her fault.

“Ms. EiYun.”

Hyeon calling her name pulled her out of the murky depth. She recalled something. That everything she thought as before was the ‘past’ of the girl named ‘EunHa’.

‘EunHa’ was dead, the remnants were ‘EiYun’.

‘EiYun’ didn’t do anything wrong, yet she was trying to atone for what ‘EunHa’ did.

“…I don’t know if I deserve to live.”

Hyeon was perplexed by the depressing response. Rize hadn’t mentioned anything particular about EunHa, but he could somewhat tell that her situation was special.

“And?”

So he continued with one word.

“…And?”

She couldn’t answer.

“What do you intend to do about it?”

“What I intend to do…”

“My wife died for you. What do you plan to do?”

“…”

“I don’t feel angry, just disappointed.”

EunHa wanted to respond, but… she opened her mouth just to close it right back.

If she apologised again, it only showed how much of a damned person she was. She could be cursed, but it wasn’t an excuse to be rude.

“My wife did something noble for you. Are you going to continue tarnishing that by continuing your condemning state?”

Her body felt lighter from his words.

They were harsh, yet liberating.

“…No.”

“Would she have wanted the person she gave up her life for to be in such a sorry state?”

“…No.”

“I don’t know how much of the battlefield you’ve been through, but if there’s one lesson that every soldier must remember in their hearts, it’s to always honour those that have died.”

Honour those who died for the ones alive.

She remembered it as a saying often mentioned during her first and only year of military school.

Back then she thought that it was a slogan made to boost morale or some cheap way to remind soldiers not to take for granted the deaths of those that came before them.

But hearing those words having gone through hell… the saying carried a different weight.

What was it exactly that changed?

Her experiences? The way Hyeon said it? Her mindset? Maturity?

A tear slipped from her eye.

She didn’t have the confidence to lift her head. Beaten so low that she could barely live a normal life without a guiding hand.

But…

“…”

Sorry. For disappointing you Ms. Chu.

Kim Hyeon got up from his seat and knelt down before the silent EunHa. Him on the ground, and she on the chair.

Their eyes were forced to meet from such an unnatural level of elevation.

“EiYun.”

“…Yes.”

“Cherish your life.”

He wrapped his arms around her. Openly, lovingly—just like Ms. Chu.

This second life which had been given to her by one more…

“…I will.”

Even if it hurt, she could always try again.

◃⊰⊱. ϕ⊹ ⋈⊶⌖⊹⊰⊱▹

“Thank you for your time Mr. Hyeon! I’ll drop by every now and then, but if you miss either one of us then you should drop by the restaurant!”

“I will keep that in mind Rize-chan.”

“Oh, and let the kids know. I’m a bit afraid that they might ask where I’d gone.”

“I will also keep that in mind.”

I was waving off Mr. Hyeon when Eun-chan bowed and said her farewell.

“…Thank you, and see you next time.”

“Yes. We’ll talk again.”

EunHa carried the big containers while I carried a small bag. Leaving Mr. Hyeon’s residence, next stop, the barracks.

I turned to Eun-chan.

“So, what did he say?”

And asked with a grin.

Something about her had changed. Definitely.

I guess I wasn’t wrong about letting them meet. Mr. Hyeon had always been a genial guy. I knew him even before Ms. Lili got married, since… I was the one who worked as his wingman.

Alas, Ms. Lili couldn’t make it to enjoy her life as a mother.

Her kids were so cute too.

Well, it would be bad to leave them alone, so I suppose I’ll try to support them while I can. So that Ms. Lili can rest in peace, assured that her family will be fine by my watching eye.

“I should honour those who died.”

“Ah… huh?”

Ah? Okay? So that’s what he said? That’s a pretty cliche thing to say for a novelist like himself.

“Is that it?”

I asked her, awaiting a deeper explanation.

She tilted her head and looked at me puzzled. I tilted my head in response to her doing the same.

“What?”

“Your eyes aren’t sparkling.”

Wasn’t I the one who first asked a question?

“Whatever. As long as you got something from that, then all’s good.”

There’s no way she could just end her life now that she was tethered to the expectations of both the dead and the living.

“Rize-chan. I have a question?”

“What is it?”

“How exactly should I live?”

Is that supposed to be a question?

“How you should live is… that’s for you to figure out, isn’t it?”

“Mn…”

I suppose that’s the difference between a normal person and someone struggling with mental health conditions.

“We have time. Don’t worry about it.”

“Rize-chan.”

“Again…?”

“How about you? How do you live?”

How do I live?

Frankly, I don’t know. But if I told her that then wouldn’t it only confuse her?

“My life is simple.”

Well, let’s just tell her about what I’ve decided was my most important value in life.

It’s the thing I’d gladly sacrifice everything for. Which at the same time proves to be a paradox.

“To bring happiness to those around me.”

Because to do that, I have to sacrifice misery and despair, prioritising my own happiness first.