The first thing Marcy noticed was the shaking of the pictures on the wall. Even with only the dim moonlight from the window to light the room, the shaking was obvious. The apartment building Jak and she lived in was infamous for its thin walls and even thinner floors. The clunking of Jak’s heavy boots on the metal steps hit her ears a few moments later, meaning that he was almost at the door. 

Proving just how well she knew that ratty old building, the door creaked open just a minute later. Hearing the clink of his carabiner in the key bowl, she knew it was Jak. He moved towards the bedroom as quiet as he could, failing spectacularly, but Marcy appreciated the effort nonetheless. The door squeaked as he pushed it open and squeaked again as he pushed it closed behind him. His steps, as light as he tried to make them, still shook the entire room and he sighed as went to sit all but knowing that he had woken up Marcy.

The bedsprings groaned as he sat, old and worn out from years upon years of continuous use. He scooted to the edge of his side, garnering another groan and a pop from the unhappy mattress, and bent down to begin the process of removing his boots. He had already pulled up his left pant leg and undone the knot before Marcy finally spoke.

“How was work?”

He continued working on taking off his boots as they talked, the occasional sounds of hands rubbing over leather and denim filling the space around their voices. “Oh you know, pretty typical day. Walked into eighty thousand and I think we ended up shipping like fifty or so. Should make the boys on first shift pretty happy.”

“Well that's good. Maybe if y’all keep that up, you’ll get a bonus.”

Jak gave a short chuckle at the idea. “Yeah sure and satan ‘ll put on a sweater.”

Marcy rolled over towards Jak and watched him as he finished taking off his other boot as she responded. “I know, I know. Gotta have dreams though, right?”

“Yeah, you have to dream. That’s the only thing that keeps you sane.” Jak replied as he set the steel toes of his boots under the edge of the bedframe and stood up to take off his jeans. He undid his belt and let the pants drop, stepping out of them before lifting up the comforter and crawling into bed next to Marcy. “Hon, your hands are shivering!”

Marcy stared at Jak dumbfounded for a moment before her brain could form a response. “Well yeah, it’s cold!”

“I know it’s cold! I just walked home from work through that shit. I was just worried that it was your sugar actin up again. I know how much you have to watch that.”

She squeezed his hands in response, both to convey her love for him and to steal as much warmth as she could. “I love you.”

He squeezed back and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back for a few moments to try to warm her up faster. “I love you too.” After her shaking had subsided, he planted a kiss on the top of her head and pulled himself just far enough back from her to be able to talk to her. “How was your day, honey?”

She gently shook her head from side to side a few times as she contemplated her answer. “Oh you know, not too bad. Managed to get most of the shopping done, they didn’t have everything in stock though.”

Jak nodded his head, as if saying ‘of course’. “That’s okay, they never do anymore. Were they still out of eggs?”

“Yeah, they were. I’m sorry.” Marcy rubbed Jak’s back to comfort him as he tried to keep the obvious disappointment off of his face.

“Ah, that's alright. Couldn’t afford them anyway. Anything else they didn’t have?”

Her forehead scrunched in concentration for a moment. “Umm, no 2%. I had to get whole instead.”

“That’s alright, you could use a little more cream in your diet anyway. Last thing I wanna see is  you turning into a twig on me.” Marcy turned her head into her pillow to hide her smile at that comment, feeling her cheeks warming at Jak’s comment. He cleared his throat before he continued. “How, uh, how long did it take you at Kroger’s honey?”

Marcy lifted her head and sighed before she answered, having been dreading this question since Jak had gotten home. She had known it was coming. “About three hours, maybe three and a half.”

Jak’s voice was painfully neutral as he asked his next question, the one Marcy was scared to answer. “Did you use the scooter?”

Marcy’s voice was as quiet as a mouse. “No.”

Jak let out a long sigh at her answer and moved his hands to her shoulders. “Marce, why the hell didn’t you? We both know that walking around for more than half an hour wears you out.” Another sigh escaped his lips as he let go of her and rolled onto his back before he continued. “I just don’t understand why you won’t use a scooter that the store is literally providing for you to use.”

Marcy rolled onto her back as she tried to complete an impossible task, to find the words to make Jak understand. “I just… I mean, I had my cane on me and I thought it’d be a quick trip.”

A tired sigh escaped jak’s lips, tired of having this discussion and tired of seeing the love of his life hurt herself over and over again because of her own pride and stubbornness. “I really don’t care if you’re just going in to take a damn piss, you should use the scooter! There’s absolutely no reason for you not to! Kroger’s provides those things for people who need them to use and guess what? You need one! Use it! It’s free!”

Marcy let out a tired sigh of her own, having had this conversation with Jak an uncountable number of times. “Look, you know what I’m about to say.”

Jak whipped his head around to look at her, practically burning a hole into the side of her head. “I swear to God, if you say that you’re not disabled enough to use the scooter.”

Marcy turned her head to look at Jak. “But what if someone who needs it more comes in after me needs it more? I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

“That’s it, I’m not having this fucking argument again.” Jak sat up and swung his legs out of bed before he continued. “Look Marcy, I don’t know how to get it into your head that you have just as much of a right to those God damn things as anyone else but I’m not having this fight at two in the fucking morning.” He got out of bed and started walking towards the door.

Marcy sat up to watch him leave and hollered after him as he walked out the bedroom door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go cut my hair, it’s getting too damn long.” The lightswitch in the bathroom clicked and light began to spill into the dark apartment. Jak walked through and shut the door behind him, the door slamming far harder than he had intended making him cringe. ‘Great, she probably thinks I hate her now’. Sighing, he reached down to get his hair clips from under the sink and was greeted with an unfamiliar pink box sitting in front of him. Moving in what felt like slow motion, he picked up the strange box as the thump, thump, thump of Marcy’s cane grew closer, the urgency of her movements telling him that she was clearly coming to tear him a, frankly well-deserved, new one.

She slammed the door open, fully pissed off and ready to rumble, angry words she knew she’d regret in a few hours standing ready on the tip of her tongue. All of that anger left her body as she saw Jak, eyes as wide as a baby doe’s, staring at what had been a secret purchase from the day before. She felt her own eyes widen at the scene, adrenaline beginning to flood her body. Jak whipped his head to stare at her as soon as she opened the door, the two of them just staring at each other for what felt like an eternity but was in fact only about a minute. In the end, Jak spoke first.

“Marcelline, will you please tell me why there’s a half empty box of pregnancy tests sitting in front of my hair clippers?” He was using that same neutral voice he had when asking Marcy if she had used the scooter, keeping any hint of his feelings far away from his voice. Even his best effort at control couldn’t keep every part of his body in check though and Marcy could see from the box in his hand that he was shaking worse than she had been earlier. Her butch was terrified.

“Because…” She tried to do the same with her voice as he had, but she couldn't keep it from cracking as she finished. “I’m pregnant.” She watched as every emotion seemed to rush across Jak’s face, fear, happiness, uncertainty, then coming back to and finishing with another dose of fear. He took a few tentative steps backward and sat down on the lip of the bathtub, his mouth continually trying and failing to form words.

After a few moments of watching his mouth flop open and closed, Marcy realized that he was crying. She hadn’t seen Jak cry in months, not since they’d gotten hassled walking out of Rosie’s and he’d had to fight off a drunk asshole. She wanted to comfort him, but didn’t want to touch him without asking him and she knew he was in no condition to answer. Instead, she walked in and sat down on the toilet just existing next to him. She perched her cane on the hook he had installed for her and just waited for him to find his words. She just hoped he hadn’t gone nonverbal, as her ASL was not up to the monumental challenge of the conversation she knew that they had to have. Finally, he spoke.

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

Marcy laid her hand on the bathtub close to but not touching his, an invitation that he took quickly. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it between her first two knuckles before setting it in his lap. After taking a moment to choose her words, she replied “Just say what you’re thinking.”

He stared at her, cheeks wet with tears and eyes rapidly turning red. “I’m gonna fuck this up so badly. I,” he shakily exhaled before continuing. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do.”

She squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes as she answered him. “We’re gonna figure it out together. We always do.” She could see the fear in his eyes.

He raised his other hand and started to shake it in place, excess energy finding its way out. “But we can’t even get married! You’ll lose your disability! And I-I,” his voice was quiet and laced with so much raw emotion Marcy’s heart hurt as he finished with “I always dreamt of being married when I had a kid.”

Marcy had started crying herself, only having realized when she had felt the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. Squeezing Jaks hand even tighter, she put her other hand on the side of his face feeling the stubble beneath her fingers and the wetness as it fell on the top of her index finger. “Look, I know that we can’t get married in the eyes of the government but who gives a shit about them? You’re,” she started laughing as she continued, “you’re an anarchist for God’s sake!” They both started laughing, tears finally beginning to slow. “So, you’ll find us a nice shul and a good Rabbi and we’ll be married where it counts, in front of God. Okay?”

He nodded into her hand. “Okay.” He sniffled and stilled his other hand before speaking again. “We have to move. I don’t wanna - this isn’t - our child is gonna catch their death in this rickety piece of shit building. I won’t have it.”

Now it was Marcy’s turn to nod, laughing as she did so, and to say “Okay.” Already Marcy could see just how strong Jak’s maternal instincts were and she couldn’t have been happier to be having a child with him out of everyone else in the world. “I don’t know how you’ll get us out of here, but I know you will. You always manage to find a way.”

He smiled at her confidence in him and continued, his tears having long since stopped and beginning to feel more like himself. “I do my best. Also, you have to start using those scooters.” She went to interrupt, but he continued before she could. “I know you don’t wanna talk about it right now, but we have to. Honey, if you won’t do it for yourself then do it for our baby. If I didn’t have to work, I’d be waiting on you hand and foot but I do so I need you to do this for all three of us. Your body is going to be under a lot of new stress and neither of you need to deal with even more that you can avoid. Do you get what I’m saying?”

She had started crying again and Jak reached up to wipe away her tears as she nodded yes, over and over and over again before as her crying got even worse and she buried her head into Jaks shoulder. He rubbed her back and let out gentle shushes as her body shook and she sobbed. When she finally pulled away, having run out of tears, the shoulder of Jak’s gray t-shirt had been soaked through. He took off his shirt and threw it on the bathroom floor, and sat in front of her in just his boxers, socks, and A-shirt. After giving her hands a quick squeeze to reassure her, he broke the silence. “You want me to make you a couple of grilled cheeses or something? You need to eat and keep your strength up you know, especially now! You’re eating for two.”

She laughed at her butch, always thinking of food. “I swear, you just like me fat.”

“Hey,” his voice was serious again as he continued, “you are not fat and I’m not going to stand for you calling yourself that. You see this?” He asked as he patted his own stomach, which had been in the habit of sticking out over the edge of his jeans for as long as she had known him and which could easily be seen even in his well worn A-shirt. “This means nothing. I know that a lot of people think this means a lot of things out there in the world, but in here, when you’re with me and I’m with you the only thing it means is that I know what a meal should look like and how it should make you feel. You’re not fat hon. I promise. Besides, you could do to put on some weight!” She scoffed at him, unable to believe her ears. “What, I’m serious! You were looking a bit twig-like likely! I like my gal sturdy, not able to be blown over by a slightly stiff breeze!”

As they looked into each other's eyes, all the other could see was love. And it was that love Marcy saw that made her give in with a sigh, telling Jak “Alright go ahead, I’ll take a grilled cheese.”

He shot her a look before asking “And tomato soup?”

She sighed lovingly before answering “And tomato soup.” He gave her a peck on the cheek before darting out of the bathroom, sliding just a bit on the linoleum, and got to work in the kitchen. Marcy didn’t know what she had done to get Jak, but she was happy that he was who she was going to be able to have a family with.

Visual_Skirt

Sorry for the long silence, but as you may be able to tell some stuff has popped up in my personal life. I'm still working on the sequel to "Is This Okay?" but in the meantime expect some more short stories about other butches. Thank you for reading.