“I didn’t think you were gonna accept! Mar-ha-ban, see-stah!”

 

She wasn’t fast—a crutch was her legs. All she had ever been were skin and bones; the trait itself wasn’t enough to secure her nowadays. But despite her stature, she hadn’t pounced at an opportunity like this one in ages. The nature of this particular opportunity was more unreasonable and dangerous, but she couldn’t let all her old habits die like that. The past had too much weight for it to slip from her waned fingers, especially when she could do something to reconnect with her losses.

 

Following the ways of the car driver dangled many benefits in front of her. Whether the current endeavor was a benefit was the question; it was as hazy as the pacifist conviction she made to Sinjin.

 

Crap.

 

Crap. I don’t need to remember him now. Not when I’m already in—

 

The car exploded into motion, forcing her to squeeze the life out of the grab handle and her cane. In due time, the same fate would await her for being rebellious.

 

“You want another speeding ticket?” one of the two men in the passenger seat exclaimed. Theta caressed the bulging glovebox, taming the beast within with zero fear or caution on his face. Cosima swore more crumpled sheets were bursting at the seams than from the first time she entered the car days ago.  

 

The car’s tires screeched with each turn, a cry for help that scorched itself into her mind as rubber burnt to a crisp. They hadn’t even reached the hellscape that was their destination, and her world was already burning around her. She wasn’t a veteran—with a small body, she still managed to be the elephant in the room. 

 

“I was supposed to send this for servicing… like, uh… yesterday? Or something.” Theta toyed with the wheel with one hand, servicing his phone instead with split attention. It was safe to say that it wasn’t a fifty-fifty split. “But I did not want to miss out on this. So thank you for freeing up your schedules!”

 

It was also safe to say that there was no safety.

 

So—really and truly—was she in her right mind? 

 

“Turn left,” the GPS warned.

 

Another sharp turn. The passengers lumped against one another from the force, Cosima not lumping in with the same calm, grinning expressions on their faces as if they were engaged in a 3D movie.

 

But she couldn’t see what they saw. Maybe she wasn’t wearing the same lens. Maybe she wasn’t in the same theatre. 

 

But they were all in the same car.

 

Who are these psychos?

 

She almost vocalized the thought, the dead words becoming mush as the horn sounded.

 

“Drive better, fatty!”

 

“Stop projecting, Theta!”

 

“Oh go kill yourself, Benny—”

 

“Your fat ah kept saying you would go gym with me and—”

 

“A potbelly is one of the most sacred treasures of a man—it’s a statement—”

 

“Ah, yes! It screams incoming heart failure—

 

“Fat is a lifesaver—”

 

“Then I’m fatphobic—”

“Cosima can vouch for me. Her boyfriend looked like he had big, meaty arms behind his sleeves—”

 

“Damn—”

 

“Ain’t that right, Miss? Fat is good.”

 

Her head spun as all eyes fell on her. She made sure her hood was further down her face, pushing herself back into the chair as if to sink into it—let the chair take her away from the scene.

 

Even when it was just three pairs of eyes, it felt like she stood in front of a crowd. It was different this time. They weren’t pleasured looks, they weren’t enamored looks—they were curious stares, ones that attempted to drill deeper than what was presented on the surface.

 

And she had nothing to hide. So why did their eyes bore so deep?

 

“Oh yeah.” Theta broke the silence, possibly due to the lack of a satisfying response. The other eyes flicked away from her as if she had ruined the flow of the conversation. “I think I gotta put names to faces here for you, Miss. You don’t interact much on the chat.”

 

Was she that much of an outcast?

 

“The German egghead that keeps shouting in my ear is Benedict. He has no life and is chronically depressed—”

 

“Nice to meet you!” Benedict’s firm hand outstretched across the other man. She caught a better glimpse of the man’s overly freckled, acne-ridden face and one swollen eye. However, he managed a loud smile and deafened her with it. “Your purple skin looks cool, by the way!”

 

Cosima froze despite the rampant thumping and bumping of the car, as if all logic and reason diminished within the vehicle.

 

What…

 

The hand formed into a fist; she flinched. 

 

“Benny, you’re ugly as hell. You’re scaring her—”

 

“True! Sorry, ma’am!” 

 

Benedict reeled his arm away, the other two men chuckling, deserting Cosima and leaving her grasping at straws at understanding the twisted conversation. She picked at the straws in her hair, attempting once again to disappear. 

 

What the hell is happening?

 

“Right—the Indian next to you is Harsh.”

 

The man in question smiled at her behind his mop of black hair, which hid noticeable humps jutting out of his forehead. He looked more composed than the other two, but that in itself was scary; he seemed too content with his situation.

 

“A pleasure, yeah.”

 

Cosima accepted the greeting with a quick nod.

 

“Both used to be my students when I taught Environmental Science at UCLA. I was damn good at it.” He dragged the last word, drowning out the sharp ‘no’s from his students. He cut to his next words. “I left, like, 8 years ago to do my own thing, but I made sure to keep in touch with as many graduates as I could. The different connections you make are the best part of teaching, after all, even if I left the job behind. So don’t think I’m some creep or something—it’s just a matter of life—”

 

“Creep—”

 

“Eff you, Benny.” Theta yawned a long one. “Man, I’m hungry—oh yeah, by the way, I’m curious, Miss—and I’ll be straight up.”

 

An ambulance sped by, its sirens rising and then falling.

 

"What made you want to join us? Not saying you aren’t forward, but this is a huge leap from harmonizing with an animal.”

 

She thought about it briefly, but he didn’t spare her any time.

 

“Did the Tawny incident spark something in you, perhaps? Made a few screws go loose from some trauma?”

 

He let out a belly laugh. But in the windshield, behind the drooping ears, his eyes remained daring. They trained on her, and unlike the other two men, these eyes tried to pry her open for answers. Or something beyond the answers to his questions. Something deeper. Too deep.

 

Is… Is he judging me? 

 

The other two were in their own worlds, muttering and showing each other things on their phones.

 

What do I do?

 

She still couldn’t disappear.

 

I have to answer… right?

 

She still couldn’t escape these looks.

 

“Um—”

 

“You don’t gotta rack your brain about it. Just playing with you because I know you’re a complete noob in this.” 

 

A siren blazed by.

 

“Obviously, brain rot is very common in this new age. It’s natural to make rash decisions, so just go along with it because I know for sure that you of all people need this.”

 

Another siren.

 

“You can’t live in a bubble ‘cuz look out the window.”

 

The passengers stared out into a flashing sea of red and blue. Traffic infested the streets, but even with that, everything moved without restraint. Nothing remained in place, and nothing hesitated—there was no quietness nor solitude. Everything and everyone was in this mishmash of pure unrest with no sign of sleep on the horizon. The only thing that slept and kept steady was the aurora, brightening and feigning blindness to the disorder it imposed on the world below.

 

And what a world it was: relentless and fast-paced. 

 

So why did her life feel so slow?

 

“Yo, bruh—they are swarming this area,” Benedict exclaimed.

 

“The cops have been on high alert fighting deranged mobs in the area for the past few days, and it gets increasingly worse at night.” Theta whistled along with the tune of another siren passing. “Of course, those are relatively low level in comparison to the big, bad killer, who we should definitely get to see.”

 

More sirens.

 

“This is the real world—this is what we live to see! Like, it’s cool as hell!”

 

Whirring. Whirling. Whirlwind.

 

“This is what I have to get you accustomed to, Miss! You’ve only dipped your dogs in the water so far; it’s about time to begin diving in.”

 

Swept off her feet into this drive, she wondered once again if she were in her right mind. She couldn’t decipher if her doubts arose from the blood reaching her head or the bile rising just as fast through her throat. But one thing was for certain in an atmosphere devoid of rigidity.

 

There was no escape.

 

She found she couldn’t disappear. The world wouldn’t allow her to leave, no matter how much laws and standards fell. 

 

But no one around her cared. The world moved on. The lights kept blinking. The car continued driving. Everything went forward—the direction she had always loved in a different context than it was now. And it wouldn’t stop—the brakes seemed miles away. Slowly, the force of the universe reeled her away from the dreary shelves and into disarray,

 

Instead of black, all she saw was red.

 

But what was the true nature behind this red?