Rust Bucket
Inside was what you would expect a Grandpa's RV to look like. The floor was those old '90s carpets with dust spilling out as soon as you step on them. Old cabinets that creak when you touch them, sofas that haven't had their springs changed in years and you could even see random old TVs in the back of the RV. It was a wonder to think that there was alien tech here.
Speaking of old sofas, there was something else occupying them, or rather someone. "Who are you staring at dweeb?" said the ginger-haired girl. Dweeb..., I couldn't even be bothered to quip back at her for saying such a lame thing.
Ignoring her, I took a seat next to the sofa opposite where she was sitting. "What? Can't think of a comeback with that small brain of yours?" she said as she smirked.
"I'm just trying not to get infected with the idiot virus. Some symptoms include having ginger hair, a blue shirt, and white pants." I spoke back. That was very immature but I didn't care. This little shit deserved it.
"Hey, settle down, settle down Ben. That was not a nice thing to say," said Grandpa Max as he started driving. "So it's fine for her to say something to me. Doesn't make any sense." I said to him. "You were staring at me like a weirdo, of course, I had to say something," Gwen said.
"BOTH of you need to settle down. For once in your life stop bickering and enjoy the fact that we can spend time together as a family." Grandpa Max said. " *Sigh* Something tells me, it's gonna be a long summer." He said.
(15 mins later)
Everyone was occupied by doing something. Grandpa Max was busy driving while Gwen was busy reading a book. What was I doing you ask? Nothing. Seriously, Ben before I replaced him forgot to charge the Gameboy and it was busy charging. There was nothing I could do with my phone and the CDs were nothing but rock music and the sumo slammer game track. Seriously. Ben had zero taste in music.
I wanted to talk with Gwen but it was clear she didn't want to talk to me. Maybe I could take a nap in the meanwhile but now thinking about it, I did come off very mean didn't I? Ben normally uses words like doofus, dweeb, or geek. Even if she started it, it was because Ben always started problems most of the time so it makes sense for her to be normally aggressive with me. Shit, now I'm starting to realize that maybe Ben was always the problem.
Finally deciding to say something, I looked at her before I called her name " Gwen." She looked up from her book reading. "What?" She said. I took a deep breath " Look, I wanted to say that I am sorry for what I said to you 15 minutes ago and I didn't mean what I said."
...
"What?" she responded. " Is this a joke?" she said again. " No, I meant what I said and I hope you can forgive me," I replied. She looked shocked as if she had seen a ghost. Was Ben that much of a dickhead when Ben was younger?
She scrutinized my face, looking to see if I was lying. After another prolonged silence, she responded. "I forgive you but I swear if this is a prank-" "It's not, I promise," I said before she could finish.
"Huh, ok. I never thought those words would ever come out of your mouth. Like ever." Gwen replied. "I guess I just had a change of heart, but don't act as if you aren't annoying to me," I said.
"Only if you annoy me, which you do a lot." She smirked. "Aren't you annoying me right now though?" I raised my eyebrow.
...
"Shut up." She said. "Looks like I'm right" I quipped back. "For once in your life." She replied. She was starting to warm up to me. "Heh, I guess you're right. But let's start over from the beginning like we never knew each other. I'm tired of us always arguing over and over again. Let's start with introductions. My name is Ben, I'm 10 and I like Comics and Sweets." I said to her.
"OK then. My name is Gwen, I'm also 10 and I like chess and reading," she said, still somewhat suspicious of me. "You like chess? Do you have a chess board because we can play a game?" I said. I didn't play chess too often but I was 500 elo so I was not too bad at it. "What? Did I just hear you say you want to play chess? Are you hearing this Grandpa?" She replied, probably confused as hell.
"I can't believe I'm hearing this too. It's a miracle that both of you know that game" Grandpa Max said laughing. "You say that like I won't beat you in a game Gwen." She narrowed her eyes at me. " Oh, it's on now." She said pulling a chessboard from her book bag.
Looks like I won't be so bored anymore.
Camp Bellwood
Gwen was scarily good at the game for a 10-year-old. At first, I was destroying her, by baiting her to attack one of my pieces and taking her important pieces as the price. After winning 8 times in a row, I wish my phone wasn't charging as the look of defeat on her face when I beat her every time was priceless. After a break, she started to learn, adapt, and get better. She started not falling for the bait and taking my pieces, to my surprise. I still won a couple of times more until I started to struggle against her, then she won once. I won again after that, but then she won the next round. We arrived at the camp but we still kept playing on the bench as we ate the marshmallows Grandpa Max gave us.
He wanted us to roast them on a campfire but Gwen was too stubborn to lose and said she wanted to keep playing. He didn't mind too much as he loved that we were having fun.
By the way, was she some kind of fucking genius? In only an hour and a half of playing, we were practically equals now even though I played longer than she was alive. It made sense since she learned how to use the Omnitrix's aliens in literal seconds. That was some total bullshit. Wait, I played chess for so long that I forgot about the Omnitrix.
Now I have to answer the question that was always in the back of my mind, Should I get the Omnitrix? If I get it, then I would have to be a hero, I would have to be Ben 10. I would have a target on my back as Vilgax would want the Omnitrix and my head. Could I even defend against him when need be? Was I brave enough to do it? I was interrupted by my deep thoughts when I felt someone tap my shoulder.
"Hey, Ben, What are you doing? Play your move." Gwen said. "Huh?" "Staring at the sky like that won't do anything to it. You look dumb." She said.
"I don't feel like playing anymore, you win this game." I suddenly said. "Huh??? You're just gonna quit like that? I was on the verge of beating you!" She shouted. "You're losing 26-15, you were nowhere near beating me," I said blankly, standing up in the process.
"Grandpa, I'll be taking a walk to the forest. Is that fine?" I said
"Sure, Just Don't walk too far and I trust you to be back in an hour right?" He said, eating some marshmallows of his own.
"Yep, I will," I replied
I started walking towards the forest hearing Gwen shout "Don't walk away from me!!" before I entered the forest.
Forest
Walking in a dark forest was a very scary experience I didn't get why Ben would even stroll around here. It felt like a serial killer would come out of nowhere to come to kill me but obviously, none came.
With me being by myself, I could now freely think. What happened to my previous world? What happened to my parents, friends, siblings? How did they react to me being dead? They were probably bawling their eyes out now. I clenched my fist in anger. Why? Why bring me? What did I ever do to deserve being taken away from MY world, MY parent, MY life? I never did ANYTHING BAD! I never smoked, drank, had sex, did drugs, or anything as bad. I was just a normal kid trying to make ends meet.
An asteroid could be seen coming into the atmosphere, flying down at an insane speed in the exact direction of Ben's way.
I felt like crying, like curling into a ball and crying all day. But I had to be strong, I had to be stronger. No one would pity me, No one would save me. I have to hold all of the burdens onto ME. I had to be BEN.
The asteroid started to come very close to him only away by a few thousand feet.
I ran back and dove into the ground as the asteroid hit where I originally was, creating a crater with the asteroid being a metal ball.
After it crashed, I came closer and closer to the ball until it opened up to reveal...
(Omnitrix in the capsule)
(Omnitrix out of the capsule)
The Omnitrix. It had a greenish glow to it with green buttons and a white tube protruding out of it. While looking like the OG Omnitrix from afar, if you are closer you can see that instead of a metal device, it looked like a parasite, always moving and swishing around like a liquid.
When I came closer to it, it jumped at me, attaching to my wrist, fusing my very DNA.
I now realize I have to hold all of Ben's, no MY burdens now since I took his body. I may not be such a good guy, I may not be that brave, and I may be an asshole at times, but...
I raised my fist in the air, showing off the Omnitrix on my wrist.
I felt so fucking cool.
Authors Note:
Shout out to thatboy_studio as his art is used for some of the pictures in this chapter. Check out his art as he has a lot of amazing Ben 10 art.
How was the chapter? Was it good or was it boring? Was it too short or long? Were there any mistakes? Don't be afraid to comment about it and I appreciate any criticism.
Also, shout out to ZinKo for the idea of the Bionic Omnitrix and I got this idea from him. Basically, Azmuth, the creator of the Omnitrix wanted it to be a tool of peace, uniting species together by getting to literally walk in their shoes. Not wanting it to be used for selfish reasons, He made it out of living tech so it could not be hacked as you can't hack something that is alive. It works the same exact way as the Omnitrix but it can't be "hacked" unless you "hack" the user via sickness, disease, colds, etc. These things affect the Omnitrix itself and its transformations.
Bionic Omnitrix was maybe immune to non-biological hacking and reprogramming but biotech, biokinesis, mind controls, and mind-control magic are still effect though Ben or directly Omnitrix. I think hacking the Omnitrix through Ben's body is impossible because Azmuth probably still adds modes like defense mechanisms such as failsafe, etc... If someone manages to hack Omnitrix through Ben's body, Omnitrix's defense mechanism kicks in and release energy blast or turn Ben into alien which immune the attack. Also, Omnitix is a living organism so it won't let it happen. Mind control teaches or magics are best option.
Wasn't the Omnitrix always partially bionic? Forgive my lack of knowledge.
And how would being fully bionic change the way Zs'Skayr (Ghost freak) interacts with the Onmitrix? This being could leave it even in the original timeline. And it should be able to take over biological beings.
@Goblowitz The original Omnitrix is a device that contains alien DNA data. But it not living organic.
Hey author i noticed the story the same as the previous one expect the prologue. So i wanted to ask if you just wanted to change the prologue? And can you do something about the update schedule 1 chapter a week is too less. see if you can you do something about it.
Great work keep it up
Thank you for these chapters, dear author.
Just discovered your fanfiction and am feeling delighted about the prospects of reading more!
A tiny suggestion from my side: When you write a pause in a dialogue, one line with "..." is enough to indicate that no one is speaking or that one party chooses not to speak. Three lines are a bit overkill.
A hopeful wish from my side (That you don't need to consider if it doesn't work out with your writing): Please give the circus freaks a bit more agency. They are some of my favorite villains and pretty iconic low-tier goons, yet they have barely any backstory and a so one-dimensional, it hurts...
I did not want to say that his murderer could not be a big factor in OC Ben's life. But he seems to have his priorities like this: ME>Family>Anything else. Which I addressed by saying OC Ben could become fearful of homeless people.
Frankly speaking, this seems ok to me. The author mentioned the OC to be selfish, which is reasonably shown here. His murderer wasn't that important to him because they didn't even interact with each other for long. His family seems to be his close second priority in his LIFE which also works out with the 'selfish' statement. We can wait and see if he has retained any lasting psychological damage, like being afraid of hobos instead of -Ben Tennyson's fear- clowns. Although, explain to me the difference, badumms. Ha, ha... I'm gonna go into my corner now
I do agree that the author tends to be a bit over the top when it comes to emotions. After reading the previous version I think that was toned down a notch which makes the story both more believable and a better read.
My suggestion, dear author, is that you can lean into this maturity. A lot of simple yet good fanfictions (based on my humble experience) focus on one new aspect they put into the story and build upon that. Here it seems to be: "What if an emotionally mature adult got into the same circumstances". This could then start a snowball effect with future events changing slowly and then at a more drastic pace. The show even attempted the same by giving Gwen the Omnitrix in a filler episode. By keeping it simple you can also better predict how the other characters would react to the new circumstances.
Finally and related to this topic, I would like to ask both the author and the comments: Gwen is a genius and Grandpa Max an experienced plumber. They both interacted with OG Ben in the past. Shouldn't they notice something is up with the current OC? In fact, they are THE characters who should be capable of peacing any odd behaviors from their new Ben together into a mostly correct picture.
How was the chapter? Was it good or was it boring? Was it too short or long? Were there any mistakes? Don't be afraid to comment about it and I appreciate any and all criticism.
Thanks for the chapter. The chapters should be like this chapter. Not too short and not too long. It would be great the story has OC stories, events, and aliens like Ben apologize to Gwen, becomes good cousin just like in the Alien Force and Ben become more tactical than the orginal Ben. I saw the comment that most of the readers didn't like giving Ben the ability to use mana. How about give Ben new alien with mana wielding abilities. Not the Anodite because Anodite doesn't have DNA that Omnitrix require for transformation. That why I suggest the OC alien that has both DNA and ability to use mana. Try alien I mentioned before. I know that alien is broken but as the cost, recharge longer after Ben use that alien. Probably, it unlock when Ben face the Charmcaster or her Uncle.
A new alien with mana abilities would be an elegant solution to the "magic question". Charmcaster and Hex should count as new aliens, therefore, allowing OC Ben to transform into basically himself with tattoos or something to showcase his magic abilities. Perhaps a grey shade of skin? Goth Mode Ben??? Unlike the other aliens, this could even be a "stealthy" transformation.
As a limitation, I would just say that it's very difficult to control mana, so the OC only manages very simple yet powerful things like shock waves from/magic pulls with his arms (Naruto Shippuden: Pain), with the ability to levitate something and put it somewhere else being the best he can manage (Vingardium Leviosaaaaa!). And that after some training. This would showcase how you need to be a genius like Gwen for intermediate spellcasting and more. It would give OC Ben one power from the rest of the cast without costing Gwen her uniqueness or her agency. She could however start nagging OC Ben to transform into "Dark Mage/Ultra Goth/Caster Blaster" to train her own spell casting.
Since this topic already came up: Kevin Levin is also a half-alien. OC Ben should be able to get his DNA. And potentially try that with the rest of the villain cast too. Like with the circus freaks (assuming they are aliens/mutants and not magic), the mushrooms, that one planet-eating tick from that one episode where Ben unlocked Cannonbolt, Vilgax, and literally anything Dr. Animo does. Assuming Animo's mutants count as new species.
@Goblowitz I like the idea of the limitation of the mana-user alien's ability and Gwen's role. But for me, Charmcaster and Hex are humans from an inter dimension like Ledger Domain. But I like the idea of Goth Ben.
My recommended OC alien is similar to the Fairy from Earth. I don't think about their original species name yet but I called it Fury. As I mentioned before, it has the appearance of a fairy such as a humanoid body, wings, small size, and the gender is female. Yep, Fury's original species is single-gender species. Which means, Ben has to turn into a girl temporary during the Fury's transformational like 'Gonna Be The Twin Tails'. That makes Fury the most broken and the alien Ben hates to turn into. Why broken, Fury is the smallest alien Ben even an inch shorter than Grey Matter but don't let its size fool you. Despite being small, Fury has the strength and durability that are equal to Four Arms, a flight speed faster than Stinkfly and a small hitbox thanks to its small and agile body, and last but not least mana wielding. The limitation and Gwen's role are just like you mentioned. Fury maybe uses mana but it only raw styles like mana explosive-ball, lesser barriers, mana tentacles, etc... That is why Gwen takes the role of Fury's coach. The reason why Ben hates The Fury is it is not only small but also a female and Gwen makes fun of her(him) like called her(him) little girl, and forces her(him) to wear doll clothes. Fury may be broken but as a cost, the recharge time is longer than usual after Fury transformation.
About the Fury's original species isn't originally small and their planet's gravity is 10 times stronger than Earth's. They are humanoid aliens that evolve with stronger bones and muscles to live in their environment and their original height is the same as humans but they develop the technology which allows them to shrink down their sizes to prevent their planet's environmental pollution. They succeed to save their planet's environment as they planned and their strengths and durabilities are not only the same but also they gain more speed and agility than before and the ability to use mana. The reason why they gain the ability to use mana is they already have it from the beginning of the whole time. But it does not unlock until they downsize. After shrinking their size, their nervous system has the more free capability and unlocks the mana sensitivity and manipulation. As a side effect, all the new generation children born after downsizing are all female and born with the ability to reproduce asexuality just like Big Chill.
Sorry for over explaining about my OC alien recommendation.
@ZinKo YES(!!!), that is an interesting concept for an OC alien race. It in particular works out since mythological races are mostly attributed to aliens in this franchise.
My addition to your recommendation (because I really like it):
Its good side would be the concept of a small but more agile build (wings for flying) as well as being a representative of aliens with natural mana control (I believe this didn't exist in Original Ben 10. Am I wrong???). The part with Gwen putting Ben into a doll dress I find hilarious!
But as you already pointed out, it's a broken alien species. Depending on whether this is going to be a more realistic and emotional or a more 'OP MC breaking all the rulez' story this character would need some nerfs. Not in the case of the latter. For the former, I would just leave the increased physical strength while downsizing out (so not a la Ant-Man). As a result, your OC would be vulnerable to physical attacks.
Here I want to point out that this is not supposed to be a negative critique of your originality. I sincerely apologize if it offends you or disrespects your willingness to share your own ideas with this comments section. But your Idea is very good and gets my creativity flowing so I want to throw in my two cents worth.
My point is about "Ben 10" as a story mostly benefiting from limitations and interesting ways of overcoming those. And since the story is supposed to have "Character Growth" in it starting small can be considered good (right???), for it gives the author an option to create a dangerous situation as a physical representation of a dilemma that the OC Ben can overcome. If your OC alien race starts small, OC Ben can go and use his brains to discover its strengths and weaknesses to make them/her and himself big (from a character/personality standpoint). He could for example learn to see the world from the point of Gwen by being around here in Fury form for a longer period of time. (That one episode where he switched bodies with her was kinda so-so in delivering this 'understanding' mindset.)
When I think about your OC Race as you described it above I'm seeing a cute little butterfly Frieza (DBZ) shouting "GOKU!!!" in front of me.
Of course, at the end of the day, JustARandomGuy1 is the one who chooses what get's into the story anyway. I hope I did not offend you since that sometimes happens when I'm getting into something.
If the growing to normal size aspect is not removed this could lead to a funny scene with Ben discovering he could have grown up all along.
@Goblowitz I think you right. Let the 'JustARandomGuy1' decide.
Ben would be panick when he first time trun into Fury just like orginal Ben panick when in his first transformation because not only smaller than Grey Matter but also his little friend is gone.
By the way, the things why Fury don't use her(his) agility and strength while Gwen force her(him) to wear doll dresses because it a nature from Fury's DNA kick in just like it happen to the Bullfrag.
@ZinKo Oh, that's why!
Gonna be honest: The gender-bender aspect here is a blast!
@Goblowitz Yep. But only in the Fury transformation because Fury is a female single species. All the newborn Fury children after downsize are all female because of the side effect of downside and they gain ability to reproduce asexual by adopting as single gender species. That why Ben hate Fury and rarely use it. When he is in the Fury form not only Gwen make fun of her(hime) but also Fury enjoy girly thigs because of Fury DNA just like happen in Bullfrag flirting Attea because his Incursean DNA.