This morning, I woke up in a different body.  

This might sound strange, and to a normal person it would be confusing, maybe even terrifying, but not me. There’s a reason why I’m sat here right now, in my new drawing room, calmly drinking a cup of tea. Because I am not a normal person. I am a full-time shojo web comic reader. And not just any shojos, I exclusively read historical drama isekai featuring either regression or, you guessed it, transmigration. That’s right. I’m no noob. I knew what had happened within minutes of waking up.  

Am I bothered? Not really. Like most heroines in a traditional isekai, my original life sucked. It sucked so bad that it wasn’t truck-sama that got me. I got myself. That’s why it took me nearly an hour to figure out what had happened. Honestly, I’m still a little disappointed it took me that long. The last thing I remember was standing on a roof in the rain (I know, dramatic). I don’t remember taking that last step, maybe it was the wind? But whatever happened, when I opened my eyes again there were no pearly gates, no fiery valley of hell. All I saw was the ceiling of a four-poster bed.  

It didn’t take me long to figure out what was going on. Thankfully, I kept all the memories of the body I’m in, so no need to pull the amnesia card. However, there is one issue.  

The web comic I transmigrated into is utter crap. I have read many, many of exactly this kind of isekai, and this one is by far the worst.  

‘Your Highness, I have the materials you asked for.’ 

‘Thank you, Forbes. Have the tea set taken away.’  

‘Yes, your highness.’ Forbes, Lyra's only personal attendant, directs the servants to clear the table as he sets up writing materials. I need to write down the plot, what I can remember anyway.  

Let's start with the most important bit; sub-genre. I have transmigrated in a web comic called ‘A Romance of Thorns’. A generic name for what I thought was a generic plot. It’s a reverse harem, historical romance set in the fantasy world of Lycium. The story follows the relationship that develops between Evangeline Whitecrest, a saintess born to a commoner mother, and Giddeon Rasiel, first son of the head of the western dukedom of Vedian. The overall plot is quite simple, with a devil king, the threat of invasion by demons, and a final battle in which the female lead does very little and is saved by the kingdom’s ‘shield’, the warrior duke Giddeon.  

There are three other male leads in this story. The first is Juke Aster, a somewhat mysterious figure who is head of the merchant guild which he uses to hide his real profession, the Master of Secrets. The second is Uri Winters, a talented knight and the youngest man to ever become a knight. The third is the second prince, Rakan Venvaris, second in line to the throne and the youngest person to ever graduate from this world’s academy.  

I’m not averse to reverse harem stories myself, but there are many faults with this selection of characters. For starters, Juke and Rakan are two of the most poorly designed characters I have ever had the displeasure to come across in a web comic. Juke is a ‘genki guy’, playful, flirtatious, always upbeat. This is fine if this is your thing, but this is definitely not my thing. Rakan is a megane, a term used in dating sims to refer to a handsome individual who wears glasses. Again, this is normally fine, as meganes typically fall into other subcategories and pull their personalities from there. However, Rakan is only a megane. His only personality point is that he wears glasses. Neither character has any additional backstory beyond their professions, and they only appear in the web comic briefly to fall in love with Evangeline, and towards the end when they both sacrifice their lives to save her.  

Next is Uri Winters. He is the typical dandere knight, somewhat distant and cold because he is shy and unsure of himself. I have no issue with this kind of character. Typically, I wouldn’t root for them, but they are a staple of the genre, and I respect a good slow burn. However, the author missed out a key part of his development, the slow burn. Uri shows up in the teen chapters, acts aloof and distant as one would expect, then vanished for over forty chapters before returning head over heels in love with the female protagonist and again, sacrificing his life for her.  

And then there is Giddeon. Honestly, I would rather not waste precious ink and paper describing this psychopath. He is the worst combination of archetypes, a yandere oresama. This man is arrogant, narcissistic and self-important and behaves throughout the story as if he genuinely believes he is God’s gift to mankind. Combine this with the yandere part of his character, the obsessiveness, the jealousy, the intense need to possess the mind, body and spirit of the female protagonist, and you have the most infuriating male lead I have ever read about. He kidnaps Evangeline, twice, confines her against her will for six months! And then at the end, he refuses to let her use her powers and allows all three of the other male leads to die so he can deliver the finishing blow against the demon king and become the hero.

I have never hated a character so much in my life.  

But who am I in this universe? That’s a good question, and the answer honestly sucks.  

I am the female villainess, Lyra Venvaris. Yep, I’m a transmigration cliché.  

Lyra Venvaris is the youngest royal child and the only princess of Lycium. She is also the only member of the royal family with a different mother. Her older two brothers, crown prince Hayden Venvaris and second prince (and harem member) Rakan Venvaris are both legitimate children of King Baldwin and Queen Gwendolyn. Lyra is a love child between the king and his concubine, Florence Whyntour. As is to be expected, the whole concubine thing didn’t go down very well with members of the royal court and Florence Whyntour died 'mysteriously' when Lyra was five. To complete the typical villainess backstory, Lyra is neglected and abused due to her illegitemacy. The servants ignore her, Rakan hates her, Hayden pretends she doesn’t exist and her father blames her for the death of the only woman he ever loved.  

In typical isekai fashion, Lyra grew up to become a twisted individual desperate for love and affection who would do anything to please her father. In the original story, Lyra is forced into an engagement with Giddeon Rasiel. The Rasiel family has the largest army in the kingdom and after Lady Whyntour, the king was on shaky ground. Lyra would do anything to make the king happy, but after meeting Giddeon she immediately falls in love with him. The rest is fairly cliché. Giddeon meets and falls in love with Evangeline, Lyra gets jealous and tries to poison her. When Giddeon finds out she is imprisoned in the western dungeons and dies a miserable, lonely death. For revenge, she uses her remaining life to summon the demon king and unleash him on the kingdom. The rest I’ve covered above.  

I put down the quill and look over what I’ve written.  

This story pisses me off for various reasons. Lyra is hated and blamed by her family for things she couldn't control. She loses her mother at a traumatisingly young age. But most infuriating, she falls in love with Giddeon immediately, for no reason. And Giddeon is horrendous. He is the worst character imaginable, and throughout the course of the story commits numerous irredeemable acts. There is no good reason for either Lyra, or the female protagonist, to fall for this guy. He is a grade 'A' dickwad with no redeeming qualities and is directly responsible for the deaths of all the other characters.  

What annoys me even more is Lyra’s character. From her backstory you would assume her to be a weak individual, a sort of pushover, but no. She’s a brat, and a rather violent one at that. Through trial and error, she figured out at a young age that the only way to guarantee any attention from her family, or from anyone, was to scream. And so, she learnt to scream. When that didn't work, she would throw things, curse, ruin furniture and generally harass the servants and her attendants. At nineteen years old, she has the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. I guess a villainess, no matter how deplorable her backstory, must be detestable, and detestable Lyra was. 

Well, not anymore. I am no longer nineteen-year-old, neglected Lyra Venvaris. I am Amy, a twenty-seven-year-old depressed office worker with quite literally nothing to lose. 

I pick up the quill again and write down four names; Juke Aster, Uri Winters, Rakan Venvaris and Evangeline Whitecrest. I know little to nothing about these characters because the web comic took no time to develop them. But I’m here now. If reading only shit isekai romances has taught me anything, it’s that being part of this story means I’m meant to be a spanner in the works. Things are gonna change, whether these characters like it or not.  

And one thing is for certain. I will not be falling for any dickwads, and I will not be summoning any demon kings. Ideally, I’d also like to not end up in prison. Easiest way to make that happen? Stay as far away from Giddeon Rasiel as possible. The original story begins with Gideon’s engagement to Lyra. I need to figure out exactly where in the novel I’ve been dropped, then cut all ties with the dickwad. 

Just perfect. Everything about this situation is so cliché. Why did I even bother writing down the plot? It’s the same as any other plot. I write an additional note at the bottom for future reference.  

TLDR: I’ve transmigrated into the body of the villainess in a reverse harem novel and I need to break off my engagement so the world doesn’t end.  

I put down my quill for good. 

‘Forbes, have someone clear the table. I’m going to see my father.’