The sun is finally starting to set. This day is almost over. I have not given myself much time to speak to Rakan; I promised Lord Aster that I would do so before sunset. But this day has barely given me enough time to breathe. I am grateful that I met Alvira today. Without my headache, I can at the very least think clearly. It is the tiredness I am fighting against now and the weight of the conversation I’m about to have. There is one thing I am grateful for. I have options now. Lord Aster is no longer an annoyingly unsolvable puzzle and Elyon has shown themselves to be a more useful ally than I could have imagined. Options. Several of them. This will not be a hopeless conversation.

I stop outside Rakan’s door. Lizzie is with me instead of Sebastian. His face is in bad condition, and without the same attention from Alvira that I have received, it is likely he is in a lot of pain and so has been banished to rest. It was a difficult decision to have him accept, but I was able to get him to rest for at least the evening with the promise that I would go nowhere without Lizzie, and without first informing Elyon.

So here I am, Lizzie next to me, Elyon informed in case the king returns. I take a moment to let it sink in that I am using the duke’s name. It feels a little unnatural, even in my head.

I take a deep breath. Then I knock on Rakan’s door.

'Rakan, it's me.' There is the sound of movement behind the door, and after a few moments, the door opens.

'What brings you here...' He stops abruptly as soon as he sees my face. 'What happened?'

'Are you alone?' Rakan nods, looking behind him.

'It's just me and Ellis.' Rakan opens the door to reveal his personal attendant, Ellis, a tall woman with platinum hair.

'We should talk inside, alone.' I turn to Lizzie, dismissing her. Rakan does the same with Ellis, who moves to stand on the opposite side of the corridor, eyes on the door. When the room is empty except for the two of us, Rakan lets me in and closes the door behind me.

The room is rather small compared to Lyra's, even smaller when you compare it to most other rooms in the palace. The decor is the same, dark wood and marble, but the fabric is all various shades of dark blue. It seems Rakan has a favourite colour. There is a small alcove in one corner with a table and three chairs, all facing the window with a view of the rose garden. I take a seat and look at the view. Rakan joins me, a little unsure. He seems tired, his eyes red and his skin pale, and he is without his glasses.

'I'm sorry to barge in like this...'

'Sister, you know that is not necessary. Tell me what happened.' Rakan is right. We have not exchanged unnecessary pleasantries since the first time we met in the library. After the weeks we spent in each other's company, sitting at the same table every day, it was pointless to ask about the weather, to excuse an interruption, or ask forgiveness for a blunder. Besides, we are siblings. None of that is necessary. Yet here I am, wishing we were the kind of siblings to engage in pointless chatter, something that might soften the edges of the news I am about to give him. I don't know how to start, and I don't want to upset him.

'I have news.'

'And this news is more important than the state of your face?' Rakan frowns. 'I should call someone...' I grab his sleeve as he gets up to leave.

'There is no need, both Sebastian and Duke Virfain have already tended to my wound, separately and very thoroughly.' Rakan frowns again, this time with confusion.

'Duke Virfain...?'

'It was important to speak to the duke after what happened...' I trail off, unsure of how to start, and then I sigh. There is no way to tiptoe around this. It will just have to be revealed. 'The king has told me that if I do not accept Duke Rasiel's dowry, then he shall send you to the south.'

'Send me?' I still don't want to say it. To say it is to make it real. To say it is to force Rakan into a difficult position, to force him to make a decision. For some reason I cannot explain, I feel guilty. I know it's not my fault. I know it isn’t me who has forced this decision onto him. But I'm tired. My brain won't think straight, and so the guilt is strong.

'Marry you, rather. If I don't marry Duke Rasiel, you will be forced to marry Duke Petteras.'

We are both silent for a long time. If I didn’t know Rakan well, I would assume from the look on his face that he is unaffected by this. But I do know him. I have known him for two months, and I would argue that I know him well. So, I can see his fists clench, his jaw tighten. I know that when his eyes glaze over the way they are now, almost as if he is unable to see anything, that is because he is angry. With the tiredness playing havoc on my emotions, I immediately assume he is angry at me, and I look down at my hands.

‘You told the king no?’

‘Yes. I refused both marriages.’

‘And then he did this to you?’ Rakan looks at my cheek. I nod.

‘I am so sorry, Rakan. I had no idea he would arrange another marriage, but I should’ve known that my reckless behaviour would result in a reaction. I have spoken to Duke Virfain, and Lord Aster, and I have options…’

‘You have spoken to Aster about this?’ There is an edge to his words so sharp I flinch a little, involuntarily.

‘He didn’t exactly give me a choice.’

‘In what way?’ But I don’t answer Rakan’s question. Knowing what I now know about Lord Aster, I don’t trust myself to talk about him, especially not with Rakan. I promised Lord Aster that I would let him talk to my brother, and that is a promise that I intend to keep. So, I stay silent. ‘If you will not talk about Aster, then tell me about Duke Virfain.’

‘I needed options.’ Rakan looks at me closely. I have never heard him raise his voice, but I know that he is unsettled.

‘What kind of options?’ I say nothing for a few moments. ‘Sister, what kind of options?’

‘I plan to marry Duke Virfain.’ Another few moments of silence. An outsider would assume that I have just told Rakan that it is raining, or something else equally mundane. But again, I know him well. Rakan is often quiet, but I can tell that right now he is upset, very upset.

‘That is essentially the same as marrying Duke Rasiel.’

‘I am a princess, brother. My marriage with be a political one, no matter what. This way, I at least get to decide what politics I marry for.’ Rakan shakes his head.

‘My sister will not be sold off.’

‘I was always going to be sold off, Rakan. An alternative marriage was always an option. I simply didn’t want to be sold off to Duke Rasiel. If you remember, it was originally my plan to propose marriage to Duke Virfain.’

‘I assumed the issue of the royal dowry would buy you some time.’ I watch Rakan closely. He is not looking at me, instead choosing to look out the window and watch as the sun sets over the garden. The sky is currently flush with reds and pinks and oranges.

‘So did I. Perhaps if I used it differently, it may have bought me more time...’ I trail off, then sigh. ‘I have dragged you into this, and for that I am sorry. I spoke to Duke Virfain because I did not want to leave you stranded with this decision and have no way to fight it.’

‘The way you were left to fight against your unwanted marriage.’ Rakan says the words I will not and after a few moments, I nod.

‘Yes. I do not want you to have to send Hail Mary letters into the void when I can help you.’ I can see the muscles in Rakan’s jaw twitch. ‘I am assuming you do not want this marriage.’ Rakan immediately shakes his head. ‘Then I must marry someone powerful enough to prevent any further marriage politics.’

‘And you trust this Duke Virfain?’ I pause for a moment, giving this some serious thought. It’s not that I don’t trust Elyon. It is simply that I don’t know enough about them to know if they can be trusted. Today has shown me that there are many things I don’t know about the duke and many things I don’t know about the North. What I do know is that Elyon is influential and powerful enough to disregard the royal family, and generous enough to offer medicinal magic when I am hurt. I also know that Elyon will likely engage in treasonous actions, and they will likely do so using my name and status. Whatever protection they offer me, they are also offering me an equal amount of danger. If I asked Elyon not to usurp the king, I’m sure the contract would be off. I wish I had more time to thoroughly consider this offer. But I know what it means to be helped by Elyon, and I need that right now.

‘I cannot be entirely certain. But what the duke offers is better than what Duke Rasiel offers. They have helped me gain Amelinne her knighthood, and they have offered me a deal to protect myself and those I care about. I would take all this as a sign of good faith.’ Rakan still doesn’t look at me.

‘It’s not enough.’

‘If I am to protect you it will have to be.’

‘You should be more concerned with protecting yourself!’ Rakan raises his voice for the first time, whipping his head around and meeting my gaze. His eyes are red, the threat of tears making him red in the face. I respond immediately, the tears coming very suddenly. ‘Be honest with me. Do you want to marry Duke Virfain? Do you want to marry anyone?’

I am quiet for a few moments, trying to get ahold of myself. Tears mean headaches, and I don’t think I can take another one right now. When I don’t answer immediately, Rakan reaches out and takes my hand. It’s very uncharacteristic of him, and it makes it harder to control my tears.

‘No. If it was my choice, I would marry no one.’ I sigh. ‘But that is not how this world works.’

‘Then perhaps that is how it should be made to work.’ I laugh at this, a humourless laugh that is perhaps a little mean, but I can’t help it.

‘And who will do that? You are my brother, Rakan, and for that reason I cherish you. But you are not a king. And I am not a queen. You are the second born and I am the illegitimate child. Between the two of us, there is just about enough power to make a minor royal, and nothing more.’ Rakan shakes his head, turning to look out the window again.

‘You said you wanted to give me options. So far, you have given me only one, and I do not like it.’ I smile a little at this. It is easy to forget that Rakan is not Lyra’s younger brother, especially when he does everything except pout.

‘There are other options. This marriage would be a contract, but if the marriage doesn’t happen there is always the option of you going north. Lord Aster will speak to you this evening about other choices you can make.’ Rakan’s body jolts slightly when I mention Lord Aster.

‘Aster is involved in these options?’ I nod.

‘It is a little unexpected, but I will say no more.’ Rakan frowns. I don’t know how to tell Rakan that the man he is in love with is the infamous ‘Master of Secrets’. I also don’t know if Aster even wants him to know. To save myself the confusion, I will say nothing and let Lord Aster figure out what he wants to do. The man has a lot of things to clear up with Rakan. ‘We do not have long, perhaps a few days before I think the king will act again. You will have to decide fast. There are not many choices, but I at least wanted you to be able to make one. I did not want my actions to force anything on you.’

‘It is not you who has forced this on me, sister.’ Rakan squeezes my hand. His face is a little red, but I cannot tell if this is because he is angry or embarrassed, maybe a little of both. ‘All anyone need do is look at your face to realise that these actions were done against your will.’ Rakan looks at my face. ‘I should have fought this arranged marriage from the beginning.’

‘We were not always so close, Rakan.’ He looks away again, back out the window.

‘Perhaps. But you have always been my sister, and that should have been enough. To see you fight for me when I did not do the same for you...’ His words hit me in a way I don’t expect. I can feel that small part of Lyra that still lives in this body stir a little. In the original webcomic, all members of the Venvaris family hated each other. They are side characters except Rakan (although I would argue he was not a main character considering how little he appears in the story), but it is clearly shown the hatred that exists in this family. As someone with experience of a difficult family, a broken family, hatred for them often stems from resentment. Resentment caused by a lack of love, resentment caused by a need that hasn’t been filled. It is likely Lyra wanted her brothers, at least one of them, to be a real brother. Hearing Rakan say these words now is a little heartbreaking because Lyra isn’t here to hear them.

But I’m here. In the past two months, I’ve come to know Rakan well. If you didn’t know him well, you would think of him as a rather emotionless person, but that is so far from the truth. He may be quiet and reserved, maybe even a little shy, but he is the smartest person I know, and he has shown himself to be loyal. Loyal to me. I am Lyra, I am his sister. I am living in her body and using her face and her name. But Rakan has been loyal to me. He reminds me of a brother I had in my previous life, and I’ll be damned if I lose him again.

‘I think maybe you did not always consider me your sister.’ Rakan opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again. I smile. ‘Perhaps I also did not think of you as my brother. But today you were my brother, and it did not matter that I put myself in danger. It only mattered that I kept you safe.’ I squeeze Rakan’s hand, and a small laugh escapes my lips, the kind of laugh that comes before tears, a protective laugh to hide the overwhelming feelings brewing inside. ‘From today onwards, until the day you no longer want me, I am your sister, and I shall act accordingly.’

Rakan turns his face far away from me, but I can see the tips of his ears have gone bright red.

‘There will never be a day that I do not want my sister.’ His voice is quieter than usual. ‘I will not leave you here in the capital to face this alone.’ He nods as he says this, clearing his throat. I nod as well, a little awkward after the uncharacteristically emotional words we have just exchanged.

‘It will be dangerous in the capital.’ I think of Elyon and their plan to dethrone King Baldwin.

‘Yes, it will be. I wanted to tell you sooner, but today was an important day.’ I frown.

‘Tell me what?’

‘The queen returns in ten days.’

Holy shit. I completely forgot about the queen. She was a much more influential figure in the original story compared to King Baldwin, and she played an important part in Lyra’s downfall and in bringing Giddeon and Evangeline together. But I’ve been living in this world for two months and haven’t met her once. With everything happening, I completely forgot there even was a queen. Fuck. Double fuck. For very obvious reasons (Lyra’s illegitimacy and the whole affair thing), the queen detests Lyra. With her coming into the picture, my life is likely gonna be a whole lot harder in ten days.

‘How wonderful.’ My words are dripping in sarcasm. ‘Ah, my apologies.’ I immediately check myself, remembering that while the queen is my enemy, she is still Rakan’s mother. Rakan doesn't say anything.

‘I received a letter two days ago; she is returning from the west earlier than originally planned.’ Realisation dawns on me.

‘It must be because of my marriage.’ Rakan doesn’t say anything, but I can tell from the look on his face that he suspects the same thing. I don’t remember the queen having any particular connection to the west in the webcomic, but at this point, I no longer trust what I’ve read. ‘Thank you for letting me know, brother.’ Rakan gives me a small nod. I let out a heavy sigh.

We both sit there for a few minutes, watching the sunset. It is almost completely dark now. It won’t be long before Lord Aster comes looking for Rakan, and when that happens, I definitely don’t want to get in the way. But I also don’t want to leave Rakan. Sat here with him in his room, neither of us talking, neither of us having to say anything to fill the silence, I’m comfortable. I’ve just dropped a bombshell on him, there is a massive bruise on my cheek, a ring on my finger I’m not sure I want, and a thousand other things waiting for me outside this room. But at this moment in time, I can ignore it all, and I want that moment to last.

But Rakan has to make a decision, and so do I. Although, I already know what my choice will be. I will marry the duke. I will move into their residence, and I will take as many people as I can with me. If Rakan will let me, I’ll take him as well.

‘I need your help to draw up a contract for Duke Virfain.’ Rakan looks at me, eyeing me carefully.

‘You will be marrying the duke then, I presume.’ I nod.

‘Yes, I will be marrying the duke. But not without a signed document ensuring our protection and monetary support for my new knighthood.’ This time Rakan nods. He gets up from the table, heading towards his writing desk in the other corner of the room. ‘You are very diligent, brother, but I will ask you to postpone until tomorrow morning. I can barely string two words together after today.’

This time, I get up from my seat, cross the room and stop by the door.

‘Tomorrow?’ I nod.

‘Morning?’ Rakan nods.

‘Your face?’ I smile.

‘I’ve already been treated by Duke Virfain’s doctor.’ Rakan frowns. ‘I will see the palace doctor tomorrow morning.’ Rakan nods again. ‘I won’t keep you, brother. Besides, I think you’ll have another visitor this evening.’ A questioning look crosses Rakan’s face, and I can’t help but laugh a little. No doubt Lord Aster will be hot on my heels.

I open the door to leave, then stop for a moment.

‘Would it be strange to tell a brother they are loved? Hypothetically, of course.’ I glance over my shoulder at Rakan. He is standing in the middle of the room, looking a little lost.

‘Hypothetically?’ He clears his throat. ‘I suppose it would not be too strange.’

‘Hmmm. Well, goodnight brother.’ I smile. It’s easy to miss, but I can see a ghost of a smile on Rakan’s lips.

‘Goodnight, sister.’