“She is not waking up.” I am standing over Riko’s bed, I tried to wake her up. But no matter what I did, she is not waking up.

I took a hold of the blanket under her and pulled on it with all my strength. Riko flew up into the air and her body did three-sixty sideways. Her eyes shot wide open, and she smoothly landed on all four.

She looked around confused before asking. “What happened?”

“I wanted to fix your blanket, but you suddenly jumped.” I answered truthfully.

“I see, l am still a bit tense.” She answered with an embarrassed expression as she stood up.

It’s been a few days since I rescued her. In that time tried to look for a job but so far, she was unsuccessful. Apparently, she lacks many of the required skills for most jobs. It might take a while for her to find something.

“You know what, there’s something I need your help with. Of course, I will compensate you for your time.”

“Alright.”

“But first, put this on.” I took out two black capes from my inventory and gave her one.

Riko observed the cape with curiosity. “So, what exactly are we going to do?”

“Don’t worry, you won’t need to do much, just follow behind me at an angle and act mysterious.”

---

 

I went through the door, my heavy boots create loud bangs every step. My face is hidden behind a dark cape. We walk in through in between densely packed tables, earning some odd looks from some of the people sitting there.

Behind the counter stands a large muscular man, he is wiping the beer glass with a large white cloth. His gaze slowly lifted towards me, and his eyes started observing me as I am approaching closer and closer.

I lifted myself onto my tiptoes and leaned onto the counter. I looked up towards him and spoke with a cool sounding voice. “Give me your best booze.”

He scrutinized me for a few seconds before responding. “We don’t serve booze to minors.”

“Then what else do you have?” I slowly folded my arms and gave him a stern look.

“Raspberry juice.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“I’ll take it. Give me the biggest glass you got.”

 

We went to one of the tables in the darkest corner, I sat down on a chair and Riko stands right behind me. I lean on my chair, with my legs on the table, sipping from a giant beer glass full of raspberry juice. My cape lightly flutters behind me, candles flicker under my gaze.

‘Sip’ I took a sip from the glass. Hmm, it’s actually not bad. Although, my bear glass looks more like a bucket than anything else. Bucket with a handle. Will I be able to drink all of this?

“What are we doing here, exactly?”

“Making progress.”

‘Sip’

“…”

‘Sip’

“…”

“Can I have some too?”

“No, don’t ruin my moment.”

‘Sip’

Still, how big is this glass? This will take forever to finish, but already committed to drinking it slowly. Well, it’s not like I lack time.

‘Sip’

“…”

“Can I sit down?”

“No, stay still and don’t move. That would ruin the atmosphere.”

‘Sip’

As I worked on my glass, I overheard a conversation that caught my ear. “Have you heard, on one of the eastern roads, one of the boys got robed by bandits.”

“Really? I haven’t heard about that.”

Bandits? Did someone say bandits? I started to pay attention to their conversation.

“They were at one of the less used ones, so they didn’t expect to get robbed there. They got really unlucky.”

I really want to go there and find them before they get caught but… I looked at my glass/bucket. There’s still so much, this will take forever to finish… Maybe asking for the biggest glass wasn’t the brightest idea.

I looked at the bartender guy with the eyes of regret, but he looked back at me with a smug face.

I known that look! No way! I am not giving up! I will finish it, no matter what it takes! You just wait!

‘Sip’

---

 

My feet are getting sore, I haven’t moved a single step for hours and her glass is still half full!

I just want to walk around a bit and flex my legs. But every time I move even ever so slightly, she instantly glares at me. Is it really that important for me not to move? If yes, then I fear that I won’t make it, at this rate my odds aren’t looking good.

Time moves slowly, and I am at my wits end. I am tired, bored, and mostly confused. Please let this end.

But my prayers were left unanswered. Hours passed, my mind started going blank and my legs were ready to give up.

Nevertheless, I made it, is it over. Taking a final sip, all the raspberry juice was gone. After finishing the glass, she stood up. Finally, it’s over. Relieved, I followed her as she approached the counter.

I can’t wait to throw myself to the bed. But as I fantasized about the comfy bed in my room at the inn, I noticed something incomprehensible.

What is she doing? Wait a minute, why is she getting a refill right now?

---

 

The moment we arrived at the inn, even before we got into a room. Riko collapsed at the first carpet we came across.

Confused, the innkeeper girl turned towards Riko and asked. “Why is she lying on the floor?”

“She likes it, she is like a cat, the real one.”

“Nya…!”

 

37. Visit a tavern and act all cool and mysterious for no apparent reason. SUCCESS (Note to self, stock up on raspberry juice.)

38. Rob literally everything possible from the thieving guild.

37. Ride a dragon, but backwards.

 

I am going down a dirt road, on both sides are covered with forest. Currently, I am trying to find those bandits I heard about. I also asked Riko if she wanted to come with me, but she was very enthusiastic about trying to find a permanent job today, so I let her be. Well, no matter, let’s find those bandits!

“Wait, there’s someone in there… In the bushes. That must be them.”

I finally found them and just as they said those bandits are rear this road. Last time those bandits were very disappointing, but this time I finally got an opportunity to experience a real bandit attack.

“Today I will be victimized!”

---

 

“There’s a little kid walking down the road, and she looks to be alone.”

“That’s suspicious.”

“Very suspicious.”

“She doesn’t have anything on her except her clothes. The closest village is quite a far away, how did she get here like that?”

“That’s suspicious.”

“Very suspicious.”

“Do we do something?”

“I mean, she doesn’t have anything… what would be the point.”

“We should just ignore her, let’s wait for some carriage to pass through.”

“Well, she already walked past us anyway. I will soon lose the sight of her.”

“We need to be patient. There’s no reason to expose ourselves now. Especially if there's nothing to gain. Let’s wait for some rich merchants to pass instead.”

“She is going back!”

“Wait what?”

“She is returning.”

“Why did she forget something?”

“But why is she walking backwards, can’t she just turn around?”

“What is she trying to do?”

“I don’t get it.”

“She is past us.”

“…”

“No, wait, she’s going forward again.”

“But why?”

“She’s going forward?”

“No, no, going back again.”

“Again?”

“But this time she’s not walking backwards.”

“Let me see.”

“…”

“You are right, she is here.”

“Any ideas on what’s going on?”

“Why did she stop?”

“Is she looking for something?”

“It looks like she is just waiting…”

“Waiting? Waiting for what?”

“She is throwing coins on the ground.”

“What? Why is she doing that?”

“Really?”

“I can’t see.”

“…”

“Now she is picking them up, no wait, she is throwing them back on the ground.”

“Is she playing?”

“Maybe she’s bored, she’s a child, after all.”

“Are you sure? Perhaps she just lost them and had to return…”

“I know what I saw. She is just randomly throwing money around!”

“What? Move out of the way, let me look.”

“She is really doing it.”

“Boss, what if… what if she knows about us?”

“Impossible, a simple child would never be able to see through our disguise. Besides, this is the last thing anyone would do in such a situation.”

“Wait, she has even more of it, and she is just throwing it on the ground.”

“More? Where did she get that? You said that she didn’t have anything on her.”

“That’s quite a lot of money.”

“I am confused… Where did that pile of money come from?”

“I don’t get it. Where did that pile of runes come from.”

“Am I dreaming? I have never seen so much money.”

“Wait, what are those?”

“They look like a…”

“Are those gold bars? Where did that come from?”

“Gold bars? I never saw so much gold.”

“So many, where is it coming from?”

“Are those really gold bars?”

“What else would it be?”

“But that makes no sense! Where did she get that?”

“This is freaking me out man!”

“Are those really gold bars, maybe they… they… they are something else?”

“They are appearing out of thin air! What is going on?”

“Can’t comprehend. My head hurts.”

“Did any of you slip drugs into our drinking water?”

“It wasn’t me! Why is everyone looking at me?”

---

 

Why? A question I had to ask myself countless times over the course of the last few minutes. Just why?

I walked past them several times, I tried to bait them out in several ways and yet, they haven’t tried to rob me nor kidnap me. Not even once! … … … I am at my wits end, am I doing something wrong? How do other people do it? Is this not good enough? I just can’t figure it out.

I added a few more gold bars on to the pile and then looked in their direction.

“…”

“…”

“No good.” I started putting some of my magic items on to the treasure pile.

“…”

“…”

“They are not coming…” I mean, what did I do wrong? Is this not enough, maybe they are rich bandits? Is that it? Like, is there something that I missed?

No, what am I thinking about, there’s no way that this is my fault. Any normal bandit would have already jumped into action. There's no reason not to. I am not doing anything wrong, there’s something wrong with them. They are just very picky for no apparent reason. Or… maybe… they just don’t know how…

That’s it! That has to be it! If bandits in this world don’t know how to rob. I am gonna teach them myself!

---

 

“Am I not good enough for you? Is that your excuse?”

“We didn’t mean it like that!”

“Oh yeah? Maybe I should increase your weight a little bit more.”

I added a bit of extra gravity and the next second I could hear loud thuds hitting the ground. Collapsed bandits littered the ground, exhausted, panting, trying to catch their breath.

I planned to teach them how to rob people properly. But then I realized that I don’t know how I would go about it. So, just like any other sensible person would, I just made them do push-ups until they collapsed from exhaustion and called it a day.

But don’t think that I did that just because I was lazy! Actually, Riko mentioned that she had to do a lot of pushups while she was in the Secret Order. They specialize in training elites, so they must know what they are doing. So, this is a very valid training technique, that’s right! I know exactly what I am doing.

“…”

Alright, I am getting bored. By this point, it’s been a few hours and I kinda lost all of my motivation to do this anyway. I will just give them some motivational speech, pretend that I did what I wanted and go home.

I raised my hand. “Listen, everyone. Before I leave, I will give you a few parting words. Our time together may have been short, but very productive. You have a long road ahead of yourselves and as a proper bandit, there are many things that you need to keep in mind. So, for your own future, what you need to realize is that in this world, there’s nothing more vile… than the humanity itself. Well, except for expired preserved pickles, you would never want those, that jar is still giving me nightmares.”

“…”

“You can clap now.” All of them started to cheer with excitement. “Thank you. Thank you. I will be on my way, I still have stuff to do…”

I halted my worlds as I looked at their faces. They smiled with genuine happiness, they celebrated and cheered for me. And I wanted to give up on them... Now I feel kinda bad, they are cheering for me so much.

“…”

Right, what am I doing? They are so excited, I can’t disappoint them. Alright, it’s decided, I will turn those guys into proper bandits even if it’s the last thing I do!

Full of determination, I spoke up once more. “But don’t worry everyone, I will return tomorrow, and I will train you up. I won’t give up until you become fine tier one bandits. I know that you have it in you.”

---

 

“She left.”

“Finally! She’s gone… she’s…”

“Why are you crying?”

“Those are tears of happiness.”

All of us are lying lifelessly in a small forest clearing. Exhausted, nobody moved even the slightest. It took some time before someone finally spoke up, breaking the silence. “I think that we should give up on this and go back to our village.”

Everyone looked at me, waiting for my opinion. I am their leader, and I don’t want to let my comrades down. I looked towards the stars and contemplated. But before I could respond, they started to argue impatiently.

“But we turned to banditry because our lives were miserable in the first place.” “But how will everyone see us when we come back? We didn’t leave on the best of terms.” “But if we do that, we will live impoverished for the rest of our lives.”

I decided to end my silence and speak up. “But she said that she will come back.” Everyone instantly quieted down. “It’s all true. If we return, we will live in poverty, we will work ourselves to the bones for a few scraps. We will live as outcasts, hatted by the community. They will speak about us behind their backs, never accepting us. But all I have to say to that is.” I took a short pause before continuing. “Well, it can’t be worse than this.”

Everyone looked at each other before nodding in agreement.

---

 

The next day, I returned to continue our training session, but they were nowhere to be seen.

“They are gone, where did they go? All of their stuff is gone, where did it go?” I looked all over, trying to figure out what happened. “Wait, there's something.”

Looks like they left behind a pouch full of money and there's some sort of note. I looked at it, and it reads, please don’t chase us, we are retiring, we won’t steal anything ever again.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” I shouted confused.